8 Excessively Cautious Consumer Safety Warnings

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iStock

Earlier this year, consumers were reminded of the necessity of issuing stern and obvious warnings about misapplication of common household items. That’s when children around the country were getting sick in increasing numbers after biting into Tide Pods, the globs of laundry detergent that became a test of an adolescent’s gastronomic courage. Both Procter & Gamble, makers of the pods, and consumer agencies warned against the practice, adding to a long list of cautions issued by manufacturers and state or federal agencies over the years.

Ironically, plastering warnings over everything may actually make us less safe, as consumers tend to overlook the risk of handling truly dangerous items while under the deluge of cautions. Have a look at some of the more perplexing products that have had to explain to consumers what not to do with them.

1. DON’T BURN CHARCOAL INDOORS.

Stacks of Kingsford charcoal sit on a shelf
Daniel Oines, Flickr // CC BY 2.0

If a manufacturer doesn’t feel the need to caution consumers about misuse of their product, various consumer advocates can step in. The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) can mandate warning labels where necessary. In the 1990s, their concern was aimed at bags of charcoal, which were required to warn users not to burn the item indoors. The resulting smoke and lack of ventilation can, of course, cause death. In 2006, former CPSC executive director Pamela Gilbert told The Seattle Times that the warning—which came in the form of an illustrated man burning charcoal indoors with a line over it to indicate it was a bad idea—was the result of people not realizing it was an unsafe practice. “A lot of people were bringing [charcoal grills] indoors to keep their families warm,” Gilbert said. Today, charcoal distributors like Kingsford warn consumers to “never barbeque indoors.”

2. DON’T REUSE CONDOMS.

A person holds a condom over their fingers
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Even the most sexually inexperienced among us can likely manage to open and don a prophylactic to reduce the chances of disease transmission. However, not all of us appear to be capable of throwing it out after it has served its single-use purpose. Earlier this month, the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) issued an alert reminding people that condoms cannot be washed and saved for future application. In addition to being absolutely disgusting, recycling condoms can increase the likelihood of breakage—soap weakens latex—and risks re-exposure to infectious materials present on the surface. “We say it because people do it,” the CDC tweeted. Who admitted to this and how remains a mystery.

3. DON’T CONSUME THE IPOD SHUFFLE.

The iPod Shuffle rests near a pair of headphones
iStock

Do you like to eat your expensive electronics devices? You might have pica, or the urge to devour the inedible. That may have been on Apple’s mind when their legal department decided to urge buyers of their iPod Shuffle not to swallow the unit. Measuring just 1.8 inches by 0.7 inches and weighing .38 ounces, the music player was apparently small enough to be considered a choking hazard. Intrigued by the prospect, Gizmodo asked sword swallower Heather Holliday to attempt to swallow the device in 2009. It proved virtually impossible, as the iPod was too light to force down with her esophageal muscles and too unwieldy to gulp by accident.

4. THE HAIR DRYER SCOURGE.

A hair dryer warning label appears on the dryer cord
Dan Ox, Flickr // CC BY-SA 2.0

Hair dryers have long been the most maligned of small appliances, with cord labels admonishing users not to use while bathing or sleeping. Underwriters Laboratories, a nonprofit that tests products and recommends safety standards for manufacturers, told The New York Times in 1988 that such tags were needed because most polled adults believed that hair dryers were safe to leave near water, even if they were plugged in, as long as they were turned off. (This is not the case.) Roughly 110 deaths and 50 injuries were reported between 1977 and 1982 as a result of consumers knocking the dryers into standing water. Thanks to the warnings and improved safety measures—like a switch cutting power once the appliance is immersed—the mortality rate of blow-dried victims fell to just one in 2000.

5. A FEDERAL WARNING TO STOP READING KIDS’ BOOKS.

A litle girl reads while sitting on a park bench
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The boogey-mineral of our times, lead has long occupied the attention of consumer advocate agencies. (Ingestion during childhood has been associated with neurological issues.) That concern stretched to the banning of lead in printing ink in 1986 and later extended to a nationwide word of caution from the CPSC in 2009 that librarians and parents should try to keep books printed prior to the ban out of the hands of children. Tots gumming the affected books could, conceivably, ingest the lead in the ink. The CPSC later walked back their comments, while the Centers for Disease Control estimated that a kid ingesting part of The Cat in the Hat was “like a 0.5 level of concern” on a scale of one to 10.

6. A TOY CAPE DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.

A child poses while wearing a superhero cape
iStock

Children can often have a gross misunderstanding of consequences. But has a child ever been so lost in the grip of fantasy that they’ve scaled a building and jumped off on the assumption that a superhero costume would give them the ability to fly? Apparently, toy industry lawyers believed so. In 1997, The New York Times observed that a Batman play costume came with the following warning: “FOR PLAY ONLY: Mask and chest plate are not protective; cape does not enable user to fly.”

7. THE SUPER SLED THAT MAIMS.

A child goes for a ride on a plastic sled
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Personal injury cases can frighten corporate attorneys to the point where they will leave nothing open to chance. While marketing their Snow Works Super Boggan sled in 1997, Empire Industries opted to put so many warning labels on the sled that they practically obscured the item itself. Among the cautions: always wear a helmet; don’t allow more than three riders; don’t ride on your stomach; avoid obstacles; don’t use near streets. Most importantly, be aware that “this product does not have brakes.” Empire Industries senior vice president Howard Younger told The New York Times that the warnings were generated after studying sled-related accident statistics.

8. THE SERIOUS RISK OF KEYBOARDS.

A person types on a computer keyboard
iStock

During the personal computing explosion of the early 1990s, consumers were apparently caught unaware of the significant health hazards posed by keyboards. Too much typing led to repetitive strain injuries and soft-tissue swelling, prompting some people to file lawsuits against manufacturers like Compaq. To stave off litigation, Compaq and Microsoft added warnings to their keyboards in 1994, directing users to review their safety and comfort instructional manual. Later, concern turned to keyboard cleaners—those cans of compressed air marketed as a way to blow out crumbs and other debris. Teenagers huffed the inhalant in a practice called “dusting,” forcing Dust-Off to increase the size of its product label warning.

In some cases, lying works just as well. When attorney Victor Schwartz was asked to try and remedy household cleaner inhalant injury claims in the 1980s, he decided not to enlarge the warning, which might make kids believe there was more propellant in the can. Instead, he directed manufacturers to say that misuse could cause facial disfigurement. Kids stopped huffing the products.

6 Explosive Fart Controversies

iStock/MaryValery
iStock/MaryValery

Last week, the world of professional darts became embroiled in controversy after a player competing in the quarter finals of a major tournament partly blamed his loss on his opponent’s noxious flatulence. The loser, Wesley Harms, told the Dutch television station RTL7, "It’ll take me two nights to lose this smell from my nose." (Harms’s rival Gary Anderson denied being the fart’s founder, saying, "It was bad. It was a stink. It thought it was him, and he started playing better, I went, 'He must needed to get some wind out.'") Now that the niche world of competitive darts is clouded in Fartgate, it seems like an appropriate time to step outside and dutifully reminisce on a few other gassy controversies.

1. German police fine man over $1000 for letting it rip

In 2016, police in Berlin detained a man at a party and asked for his ID. Instead of offering his name, the man gave the police a whiff of his unique perfume, sending two rocketing farts in the direction of the officers. The police summarily fined the offender €900 (just over $1000) for disrespecting law enforcement. The ensuing "Crazy Toot Trial" would involve 23 officials and prompt a public outcry over wasteful public spending.

2. Fart sparks regime-change in Ancient Egypt

Around 570 BCE, the Egyptian Pharaoh King Apries had a problem: Invaders had slaughtered some of his soldiers and people's morale was low. So Apries sent his best general, Amasis, to quell the troops' discontent. Instead, the troops rallied around Amasis and declared him their personal king. When King Apries sent a messenger to accost Amasis, Amasis let out a fart and effectively said, "You can send that message back to the king!" Hearing this, King Apries unwisely decided to punish his messenger. That decision made King Apries even more unpopular and gave the gassy Amasis a chance to stage a revolt and successfully oust his old boss.

3. Cargo plane makes emergency stop because of reported goat gas

In 2015, a Singapore Airlines cargo flight was forced to make an emergency stop in Bali after more than 2000 goats reportedly filled the cargo hold with too many toots, setting off the fire alarm. "The smoke indication was identified to be the result of exhaust gases and manure produced by the sheep," The Aviation Herald reported. Despite this initial report, Singapore Airlines refused to acknowledge that the cause of the stopover was fart-related.

4. Fart fuels mid-flight fight

On a 2018 flight from Dubai to Amsterdam, a Transavia Airlines plane had to make an unscheduled stop in Vienna after an elderly man refused to stop cutting the cheese—even after receiving instructions from the pilot to cease firing. The man's stinkers fueled so much consternation among the surrounding passengers that a fight broke out, prompting police to remove four people from the flight.

5. Canada's Parliament debates the appropriateness of saying "fart"

In November 2016, Canada’s parliament began to spontaneously debate whether it was appropriate for members to use the word fart on the chamber floor. The discussion rose after Conservative MP Michelle Rempel asked, “Why does the government treat Alberta like a fart in the room that nobody wants to talk about or acknowledge?” Eventually, the rules regarding “unparliamentary language” had to be read aloud and the offense was taken under advisement. (You can read a transcript of the exchange here.)

6. Secret Service takes the blame for Presidential retarade

The Secret Service will not only take a bullet for the president, they’ll also take the blame for the Commander-in-Chief’s errant cheek squeaks: Gerald Ford, the 38th President of the United States, would often fart and blame it on his Secret Service agents, loudly saying, "Jesus, was that you? Show some class." (This must have come as a shock to Lyndon B. Johnson, who once said, “Jerry Ford is so dumb he can’t fart and chew gum at the same time.")

Every New Movie, Series, Documentary, and Special That's Coming to Netflix in December

Alfonso Cuarón directs Roma (2018)
Alfonso Cuarón directs Roma (2018)
Carlos Somonte, Netflix

Netflix has made no secret of its desire to bring top-tier entertainment to streaming devices around the world. After successfully testing the waters with a range of critically acclaimed series, from Stranger Things to The Crown, the streaming giant is now making a major push into the feature film market—which we’ll see play out in December with the release of Alfonso Cuarón’s Roma and Susanne Bier’s Bird Box.

Much has already been made about how these films, along with the Coen Brothers’ recently-recently The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, are disrupting the line between streaming and cinemas. How will it all play out come Oscar time? We’ll just have to wait to see.

In the meantime, here’s every new movie, television series, documentary, and comedy special making its way to Netflix in December.

DECEMBER 1

8 Mile
Astro Boy
Battle
Bride of Chucky
Christine
Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs
Crossroads: One Two Jaga
Friday
Friday After Next
Hellboy
Man vs Wild with Sunny Leone: Season 1
Meet Joe Black
Memories of the Alhambra
My Bloody Valentine
Next Friday
Reindeer Games
Seven Pounds
Shaun of the Dead
Terminator Salvation
The Big Lebowski
The Last Dragon
The Man Who Knew Too Little

DECEMBER 2

The Lobster

DECEMBER 3

Blue Planet II: Season 1
Hero Mask
The Sound of Your Heart: Reboot Season 2

DECEMBER 4

District 9

DECEMBER 6

Happy!: Season 1

DECEMBER 7

5 Star Christmas
Bad Blood
Dogs of Berlin
Dumplin'
Free Rein: The Twelve Neighs of Christmas
Mowgli: Legend of the Jungle
Nailed It! Holiday!
Pine Gap
ReMastered: Who Killed Jam Master Jay?
Super Monsters and the Wish Star
The American Meme
The Hook Up Plan (Plan Coeur)
The Ranch: Part 6

DECEMBER 9

Sin senos sí hay paraíso: Season 3

DECEMBER 10

Michael Jackson's This Is It

DECEMBER 11

Vir Das: Losing It

DECEMBER 12

Back Street Girls: Gokudols
Out of Many, One

DECEMBER 13

Wanted: Season 3

DECEMBER 14

Chilling Adventures of Sabrina: "A Midwinter's Tale"
Cuckoo: Season 4
Dance & Sing with True: Songs
Fuller House: Season 4
Inside the Real Narcos: Series 1
Inside the World’s Toughest Prisons: Season 3
Prince of Peoria: A Christmas Moose Miracle
Roma
Sunderland Til I Die
The Fix
The Innocent Man
The Protector
Tidelands
Travelers: Season 3
Voltron: Legendary Defender: Season 8

DECEMBER 16

Baby Mama
Kill the Messenger
One Day
Springsteen on Broadway
The Theory of Everything

DECEMBER 18

Baki
Ellen DeGeneres: Relatable
Terrace House: Opening New Doors: Part 5

DECEMBER 21

3Below: Tales of Arcadia
7 Days Out
Back With the Ex
Bad Seeds
Bird Box
Wolf (Boru)
Derry Girls
Diablero
Greenleaf: Season 3
Last Hope: Part 2
Perfume
Sirius the Jaeger
Struggle: The Life and Lost Art of Szukalski
Tales by Light: Season 3
The Casketeers

DECEMBER 24

Hi Score Girl
The Magicians: Season 3

DECEMBER 25

Watership Down: Limited Series
Anthony Bourdain: Parts Unknown: Season 11
Marvel Studios' Avengers: Infinity War

DECEMBER 26

Alexa & Katie: Season 2
You

DECEMBER 28

Instant Hotel
La noche de 12 anos
Selection Day
When Angels Sleep
Yummy Mummies

DECEMBER 30

The Autopsy of Jane Doe

DECEMBER 31

The Bill Murray Stories: Life Lessons Learned From a Mythical Man

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