From Underoos to Ecto Coolers, tie-in consumer products have always been perennial hits with kids. While you may have fond memories of them, not all have aged well, as Twitter user Dinosaur Dracula recently found out. This is because Dinosaur Dracula decided to open a 25-year-old can of Spider-Man pasta.
Describing the Chef Boyardee product as “wildly corroded,” Dinosaur Dracula promised to reveal the contents if his initial tweet got 1995 likes (a number chosen in honor of the year the product was released). His goal was met, and so the can was unsealed.
Opening a wildly corroded can of Spider-Man Pasta from 1995: a thread. (1/5) pic.twitter.com/DW7w7ALMO4
— Dinosaur Dracula ??♂️ (@DinosaurDracula) April 16, 2020
I put the can opener to work, unsettled by the rust, but emboldened by the lack of noxious fumes. I turn the knob and wince, unable to rule out the possibility that the contents have mutated into something alive & malevolent. (2/5) pic.twitter.com/IBmJXBWZI2
— Dinosaur Dracula ??♂️ (@DinosaurDracula) April 16, 2020
They say tragedy plus time equals comedy, but there's nothing funny about 15 ounces of Spider-Man Pasta reduced to a rotted 3-ounce chunk. Recalling the fate of Jordy Verrill in Creepshow, I'm thankful for my rubber gloves. (3/5) pic.twitter.com/W5WqQ7wEHs
— Dinosaur Dracula ??♂️ (@DinosaurDracula) April 16, 2020
I carefully remove the mass, which looks like a cross between Big Thunder Mountain and one of those Geonosian hives from Attack of the Clones. (4/5) pic.twitter.com/PIchW9mdMy
— Dinosaur Dracula ??♂️ (@DinosaurDracula) April 16, 2020
I think I notice something, but consult the label on the can to be sure. Indeed, there's poor Spider-Man, trapped in this godforsaken toxic monstrosity. I'm sorry, Peter. With old pasta comes great instability.
— Dinosaur Dracula ??♂️ (@DinosaurDracula) April 16, 2020
Thank you all for taking this journey with me. (5/5) pic.twitter.com/6UcfRcN9tz
As you can see, the result looks like it was idling near Mount Vesuvius. The pasta, mini-meatballs, and sauce have petrified, with only one small area even vaguely identifiable as a Spidey shape.
Canned goods can technically last for years, but that depends on several factors. Cans that rust or corrode can compromise the airtight seal, leading to spoiling. Store cans in a cool, dry place and perhaps they can avoid the fate of Spider-Man pasta.
If you’d prefer to remember the product in better days, here’s a vintage commercial that advertises the pasta’s “secret sauce,” which was presumably botulism.
[h/t Gizmodo]