Why Do We Say “Uncle” When Admitting Defeat?

Perhaps you’ve been forced to say it while getting noogies from a bully on the playground. Or maybe you’ve heard it used in a movie where one character roughing up another insists that they “say ‘uncle’,” or admit defeat, before they’re set free.

But why uncle—why not aunt or mom or some other authority figure? Where did this bizarre saying come from?

Uncle Meaning and Origin Theories
Joking Around

Uncle Meaning and Origin Theories

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, say uncle is a uniquely North American phrase that first popped up in the written record in 1891 in an article from the Iowa Daily Citizen, and it had taken on the meaning “admit defeat” by 1912, when the Modesto News declared “This Time it is ‘Martie’ Graves and Don Johns who made them say ‘Uncle’.”

There are a number of theories about where the phrase came from; one mentioned in the OED posits that we might get this sense of uncle from the Irish word anacol, which means “protection” or “quarter.” But, as David Wilton at Word Origins notes, “This idea was first put forward in the journal American Speech in 1976, but it is speculation with essentially no evidence to support it … there [are no] recorded instances of say anacol or anything similar that would lend credence to the idea of a folk etymology.”

Yet another theory says that we get it from the days of the Roman Empire. Supposedly, young children of that era who were attacked by bullies wouldn’t be set free until they said “Patrue, mi Patruissimo,” or “Uncle, my best Uncle,” because at that time, the brother of one’s father was accorded almost the same level of status and power as one’s dad—therefore, declaring the bully to be your “Best Uncle” was tantamount to granting him a title of respect.

Joking Around

It seems more likely that we have a joke to thank for why we say “uncle” to give up. The joke from the OED’s first citation reads in full:

“A gentleman was boasting that his parrot would repeat anything he told him. For example, he told him several times, before some friends, to say ‘Uncle,’ but the parrot would not repeat it. In anger he seized the bird, and half-twisting his neck, said: ‘Say “uncle,” you beggar!’ and threw him into the fowl pen, in which he had ten prize fowls. Shortly afterward, thinking he had killed the parrot, he went to the pen. To his surprise he found nine of the fowls dead on the floor with their necks wrung, and the parrot standing on the tenth twisting his neck and screaming: ‘Say “uncle,” you beggar! say “uncle.” ’ ”

As Michael Quinion at World Wide Words writes, later versions of the joke have the man’s niece persuading him to buy her a parrot—and that’s why the bird is saying “uncle.”

But in a way, we do have Ireland to thank, because according to Wilton, the joke seems to have first appeared in a Dublin newspaper in June 1891. From there, it made its way into a London newspaper and then to the Iowa Daily Citizen, at which point say uncle spread across the country and became part of North American vernacular: “The original joke may have gotten its start in Ireland,” Wilton says, “but it had nothing to do with anacol and did not develop into a stock phrase until it had crossed the ocean.”

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A version of this story ran in 2014; it has been updated for 2025.