26 Punny Halloween Costume Ideas From a Pun Champion

Sarah Turbin
Sarah Turbin

Feeling creatively bankrupt this Halloween? Can’t stand the idea of donning another generic witch cap, ghost sheet, or sexy pizza rat costume? You’ve come to the right place.

If you, like me, have been accused of suffering from witzelsucht, or any other such judgment leveled against your innocent penchant for puns, then let it be known: Halloween is the costumed arena where we shall have our revenge. What follows below is a list of pun-based costumes for Halloween, each of which assuredly consists of a very long walk to a very short punchline. Let the groans begin.

A woman dressed in green wearing leaves and a shirt with prime numbers on it.
Sarah Turbin

1. Dress as a Jungle goddess and cover yourself in numbers that can’t be divided. You’re Amazon Prime.

2. Dress as a many-pronged garden tool and rap all night. You’re d’rake.

3. Dress as a zombie boxer and say you’re there to kill a doppelganger. You’re a dead ringer.

4. If you’re just single and looking for love, put on a coal worker’s hat and a headlight. You can flirt by saying you’re an unaccompanied miner.

5. Dress as a bloodsucking bug and act jittery all night. You’re just a nervous tick.

A woman wearing an outlet costume with doodles on it.
Sarah Turbin

6. Create an electrical socket out of cardboard and then doodle, collage and scrapbook all over it. You’re a creative outlet.

7. Dress as a jar of Jif peanut butter and cover yourself in gold flowers. When people ask, say you’re Jif Gold-bloom.

8. Attach half of a window to your butt. Say you’re a pane in the ass.

9. Dress as a sea cow in every color of the rainbow. Introduce yourself as all of hue-manatee.

10. Put a muzzle on your face and create a podium out of cardboard. You’re a Hannibal lectern.

A woman wrapped in plastic wrap holding cards.
Sarah Turbin

11. Cover yourself in parchment or wrapping paper and draw dice and question marks all over it. Voilà! Chance the Wrapper.

12. Cover yourself in gold body paint and carry around a saxophone. You’re Goldman Sax. (Bonus points if you can actually play "Careless Whisper.")

13. Wear a sign that says Route 666. When people point out the extra 6 as a mistake, correct them by saying “No, I’m the Route of All Evil.”

14. Get together a group of 12 of your single friends and just say you’re the “bae-cursed dozen.”

15. Get a bunch of girlfriends together to dress in formalwear and fine jewelry, then add bucket hats and fishing poles. Fight all night. When people ask, say you’re the Reel Housewives (of whatever city).

A woman in pink overalls, carrying a whip, wearing a hat and a nametag that says "Anna Jones."
Sarah Turbin

16. Dress like a hipster, introduce yourself as Anna Jones and carry a whip. You’re Indie Anna Jones.

17. Don a nun costume and a silver medal. You’re Second to Nun.

18. Wear all orange, get a spray-tan, and put on a sailor’s hat. You’re a sun-kissed naval orange.

19. Dress as Elmer Fudd and get very very slightly angry at everything. You’re minimum wage.

20. Cover yourself with legal jargon and speak Italian. Tell people you’ve got laws-on-ya.

A man in a suit and top hat holding a steak.
Sarah Turbin

21. Wear a business suit and carry around a hunk of meat. You’re an important steak-holder.

22. For a group of tech junkies: Dress as wild cats and act crazy all night. You can’t help it; you’re just hyper-lynx.

23. Dress as a tube of Colgate Total and photo-bomb people’s pictures all night by standing directly in front of them. You’re the Total Eclipse.

24. Wear a Red Cross on your chest, a leather jacket and sunglasses. You’re the cool aid man.

25. Dress as a kid and cover yourself in flour. Sing peace songs all night—you’re a flour child.

A man wearing bear ears.
Sarah Turbin

26. Lazy? Just put on bear ears. Say you’re doing the bear minimum.

Sam Corbin is a writer and performer based in Brooklyn. Her puns have been featured in The New Yorker, InStyle Magazine, Bust Magazine, Gothamist, and Huffington Post. Sam is also a multi-time champion of the Punderdome, a monthly pun tournament in Brooklyn, New York. She currently works at BuzzFeed. Twitter: @ahoysamantha.

This piece originally ran in 2017.

A Handy Map of All the Royal Residences in the UK

Frogmore House, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's primary estate on the grounds of Windsor Castle.
Frogmore House, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's primary estate on the grounds of Windsor Castle.

Somewhere along the way, you probably learned that Buckingham Palace is home to the ruler of the United Kingdom and many unflinching, fancily clad guards. And, if you watch The Crown or keep a close eye on royal family news, you might recognize the names of other estates like Windsor Castle and Kensington Palace.

But what about Gatcombe Park, Llwynywermod, or any of the other royal residences? To fill in the gaps of your knowledge, UK-based money-lending site QuickQuid created a map and corresponding illustrations of all 20 properties, and compiled the need-to-know details about each place.

quickquid map of royal family residences
QuickQuid

Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip kept eight estates for themselves, and divvied up the rest among their children and grandchildren, some of whom have purchased their own properties, too. Though Buckingham Palace is still considered the official residence of the Queen, she now splits most of her time between Windsor Castle and other holiday homes like Balmoral Castle in Scotland and Sandringham House, which Prince Philip is responsible for maintaining.

quickquid illustration of royal family residences
QuickQuid

Windsor shares its grounds with two other properties: Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s home, Frogmore House, and the Royal Lodge, where Prince Andrew (the Queen’s second youngest child) lives.

illustration of frogmore house
QuickQuid

Southwest of Windsor is Highgrove House, Prince Charles’s official family home with wife Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall. They also own Birkhall in Scotland, Clarence House in London, Tamarisk House on the Isles of Scilly, and the aforementioned Llwynywermod in Wales. Much like the Queen herself does, Charles and Camilla basically have a different house for each region they visit.

illustration of highgrove house
QuickQuid

In 2011, the Queen gave Anmer Hall—which is on the grounds of Sandringham House—to Prince William and Kate Middleton as a wedding gift, but they’ve recently relocated to Kensington Palace so Prince George could attend school in London.

Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip’s only daughter, Anne, resides in Gatcombe Park with her daughter, Zara Tindall. Anne also owns St. James’s Palace in London, where her niece (Princess Beatrice of York) and her mother’s cousin (Princess Alexandra) sometimes live.

Lastly there's Edward, Elizabeth and Philip's youngest son, who lives with his wife in Bagshot Park, which architectural historian Nikolaus Pevsner called “bad, purposeless, [and] ugly.”

illustration of bagshot park
QuickQuid

If you’re feeling particularly cramped in your tiny one-bedroom apartment (or even regular-sized house) after reading about the royal family’s overabundance of real estate, take solace in the knowledge that at least you’ll never have to follow their strict fashion rules.

A Book Fair for Grown-Ups Is Coming to New York

seb_ra/iStock via Getty Images
seb_ra/iStock via Getty Images

Amid all the prepubescent drama and uncertainty of elementary school was one glimmering spot of hope and happiness: the Scholastic Book Fair. Getting to take just a few minutes out of your regular school day to wander the temporary bookshelves seemed about as enchanting as walking through the wardrobe into Narnia.

For folks who’ve been chasing that particular brand of ecstasy well into their adult lives, we have some big news. Next month, Penguin Random House is hosting a book fair for grown-ups. The Pop Insider reports that the event will take place at Lightbox in New York on Saturday, November 23, and you must be at least 21 years old to attend.

It’s not intended to be an exact replica of the book fair from your own school days, but rather a full-fledged recreation of your entire grade-school experience. The electronic invitation promises pop culture trivia, Mad Libs, an “awkward school photo booth,” spin art, snap bracelets, Mr. Sketch markers, cubbies, and “severe middle school flashbacks.”

There will also, of course, be books for sale, though it’s not clear if the inventory will include throwback series like Junie B. Jones and The Magic Treehouse, or just books for adults.

In addition to tsunami-sized waves of nostalgia, the event will feature appearances from some of Penguin Random House’s beloved authors. The list hasn’t been revealed in full, but Viking Books, an imprint of Penguin Random House, tweeted that its author John Hodgman will be there to promote his new book, Medallion Status.

Tickets are $25 for a one-hour time slot, or you can pay $50 to stay for the whole five hours. And your afternoon of embracing your inner kid will benefit actual kids—Penguin Random House will donate a portion of ticket sales to Read Ahead, a non-profit that uses reading to help students learn life-long social and emotional skills.

While the Scholastic Book Fair is still going strong in schools today, the same can’t be said for card catalogs, dodgeball, or these other things.

[h/t The Pop Insider]

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