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Torment Your Friends With These 11 April Fools' Day Items

ThinkGeek
ThinkGeek

April Fools' Day is every gullible person's least favorite holiday. Turn your friends into enemies with these devious items.

1. PHANTOM KEYSTROKER; $10

As if work days aren't hard enough, now your co-workers are going to have to deal with a faulty keyboard—or are they? This USB drive has an unassuming exterior, but it secretly messes with whatever computer it's plugged into. The dials and switches let you decide what new problems will appear: caps lock turning on and off, random mouse movements, strange words and phrases getting typed out, and more. Some things it won't do: Click the mouse button or hit delete.

Find it: ThinkGeek

2. SUBVERSIVE PEN SET; $7

These pens all come from fake, humorous locations like "Howie's House of Hair" and "Shecky the Clown." The businesses might not be real, but your victim's confusion will be.

Find it: Amazon

3. JOKE GOLF BALLS; $10

Lighten up a tense game of golf with a ball that explodes on impact. This four-pack includes the exploding ball, one that ejects a long ribbon, another that jumps when you try to putt it, and one that turns into a watery mist. (On second thought, this might make your fellow players even more frustrated.)

Find it: Spencer's

4. YETI MEAT; $10

Skip that can of Spam and grab a Himalayan delicacy—Yeti meat! Modeled like many other meat cans, this square tin is filled with the foot of the mythical beast that has been evading cryptozoologists for years. Full disclosure—the foot inside is plush, so make sure no one tries to actually eat it.

Find it: ThinkGeek

5. BEAN BOOZLED JELLY BEANS; $7

You know the frustration of trying to figure out if a jelly bean is cherry or cinnamon? That struggle is about to get way worse when you're trying to determine if a green bean is flavored like lime or lawn clippings. These Bean Boozled beans come with 10 "good" flavors and 10 "bad" flavors that match in color. It's up to chance whether the eater will get coconut or baby wipes.

Find it: Amazon

6. JALAPENO COTTON CANDY; $6

In the same vein as terrible tasting jelly beans, you can also surprise your friends with some unexpectedly spicy cotton candy. No one expects the fluffy sugar to have a bite, but this special batch is flavored with jalapeños. The 1-ounce tub offers plenty of hot cotton candy to enjoy once you get used to the unusual sweet and spicy taste.

Find it: Perpetual Kid

7. BABY BEER; $10-$12

This isn't really beer: The bottle is just for show and can hold any baby-friendly beverage you would like. The BPA free, 10 ounce bottle comes in two styles: Lil' Lager and Baby Cerveza. Just don't let them drink and drive their Cozy Coupe.

Find it: Amazon

8. UNENDING THANK YOU CARD; $10

The best way to say "I Love You" is with a card that never shuts up. This infuriating card plays annoying music non-stop, forcing the recipient to tear up the card. It's water-resistant and pushing the button only makes the music grow louder, so good luck.

Find it: ThinkGeek

9. MINOR MIRACLE MUG; $12

After enjoying a nice cup of coffee, drinkers will be surprised to find an image of the Virgin Mary at the bottom of their mug. Before he or she starts a bidding war on eBay, kindly let your victim know the porcelain mug is just a ruse.

Find it: Amazon

10. FROZEN SMILES; $7

This ice tray recreates frozen dentures that can bob in your water glass. The food-safe synthetic rubber tray makes two pairs of false teeth for double the trouble.

Find it: Amazon

11. FEISTY PETS; $20

You might want to think twice before giving one of these stuffed animals to a kid. The doe-eyed creatures look nice—until a squeeze of the noggin reveals them as blood-thirsty animals with sharp teeth. The scary animal line-up includes a cat, monkey, bear, dog, unicorn, guinea pig, polar bear, or lion.

Find it: Amazon

For more pranks, check out last year's list.

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10 Things You Might Not Know About Chinese New Year
iStock
iStock

Some celebrants call it the Spring Festival, a stretch of time that signals the progression of the lunisolar Chinese calendar; others know it as the Chinese New Year. For a 15-day period beginning February 16, China will welcome the Year of the Dog, one of 12 animals in the Chinese zodiac table.

Sound unfamiliar? No need to worry: Check out 10 facts about how one-sixth of the world's total population rings in the new year.

1. THE HOLIDAY WAS ORIGINALLY MEANT TO SCARE OFF A MONSTER.

Nian at Chinese New Year
iStock

As legend would have it, many of the trademarks of the Chinese New Year are rooted in an ancient fear of Nian, a ferocious monster who would wait until the first day of the year to terrorize villagers. Acting on the advice of a wise old sage, the townspeople used loud noises from drums, fireworks, and the color red to scare him off—all remain components of the celebration today.

2. A LOT OF FAMILIES USE IT AS MOTIVATION TO CLEAN THE HOUSE.

woman ready to clean a home
iStock

While the methods of honoring the Chinese New Year have varied over the years, it originally began as an opportunity for households to cleanse their quarters of "huiqi," or the breaths of those that lingered in the area. Families performed meticulous cleaning rituals to honor deities that they believed would pay them visits. The holiday is still used as a time to get cleaning supplies out, although the work is supposed to be done before it officially begins.

3. IT WILL PROMPT BILLIONS OF TRIPS.

Man waiting for a train.
iStock

Because the Chinese New Year places emphasis on family ties, hundreds of millions of people will use the Lunar period to make the trip home. Accounting for cars, trains, planes, and other methods of transport, the holiday is estimated to prompt nearly three billion trips over the 15-day timeframe.

4. IT INVOLVES A LOT OF SUPERSTITIONS.

Colorful pills and medications
iStock

While not all revelers subscribe to embedded beliefs about what not to do during the Chinese New Year, others try their best to observe some very particular prohibitions. Visiting a hospital or taking medicine is believed to invite ill health; lending or borrowing money will promote debt; crying children can bring about bad luck.

5. SOME PEOPLE RENT BOYFRIENDS OR GIRLFRIENDS TO SOOTHE PARENTS.

Young Asian couple smiling
iStock

In China, it's sometimes frowned upon to remain single as you enter your thirties. When singles return home to visit their parents, some will opt to hire a person to pose as their significant other in order to make it appear like they're in a relationship and avoid parental scolding. Rent-a-boyfriends or girlfriends can get an average of $145 a day.

6. RED ENVELOPES ARE EVERYWHERE.

a person accepting a red envelope
iStock

An often-observed tradition during Spring Festival is to give gifts of red envelopes containing money. (The color red symbolizes energy and fortune.) New bills are expected; old, wrinkled cash is a sign of laziness. People sometimes walk around with cash-stuffed envelopes in case they run into someone they need to give a gift to. If someone offers you an envelope, it's best to accept it with both hands and open it in private.

7. IT CAN CREATE RECORD LEVELS OF SMOG.

fireworks over Beijing's Forbidden City
iStock

Fireworks are a staple of Spring Festival in China, but there's more danger associated with the tradition than explosive mishaps. Cities like Beijing can experience a 15-fold increase in particulate pollution. In 2016, Shanghai banned the lighting of fireworks within the metropolitan area.

8. BLACK CLOTHES ARE A BAD OMEN.

toddler dressed up for Chinese New Year
iStock

So are white clothes. In China, both black and white apparel is traditionally associated with mourning and are to be avoided during the Lunar month. The red, colorful clothes favored for the holiday symbolize good fortune.

9. IT LEADS TO PLANES BEING STUFFED FULL OF CHERRIES.

Bowl of cherries
iStock

Cherries are such a popular food during the Festival that suppliers need to go to extremes in order to meet demand—last year Singapore Airlines flew four chartered jets to Southeast and North Asian areas. More than 300 tons were being delivered in time for the festivities.

10. PANDA EXPRESS IS HOPING IT'LL CATCH ON IN THE STATES.

Box of takeout Chinese food from Panda Express
domandtrey, Flickr // CC BY-NC 2.0

Although their Chinese food menu runs more along the lines of Americanized fare, the franchise Panda Express is still hoping the U.S. will get more involved in the festival. The chain is promoting the holiday in its locations by running ad spots and giving away a red envelope containing a gift: a coupon for free food. Aside from a boost in business, Panda Express hopes to raise awareness about the popular holiday in North America.

A version of this story originally ran in 2017.

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Chris Ware, Keystone Features/Getty Images
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31 Valentine's Day Cards Through the Years
Chris Ware, Keystone Features/Getty Images
Chris Ware, Keystone Features/Getty Images

Giving romantic Valentine's Day cards slowly came into fashion during the 18th century, but they were mostly DIY affairs at the time. By the end of that century, pre-printed cards began to appear, and once the printing and manufacturing technologies of Victorian Britain picked up, the Valentine card industry boomed. Not all sentiments were romantic—some were downright rude—but the tradition of giving friends and loved ones cards has only continued to grow (it's estimated that Americans will spend $1 billion on cards this year alone). Below are 31 cards from years past.

1. 

Vintage Valentine circa 1860
A vintage Valentine circa 1860.
Hulton Archive, Getty Images

For the couple who fancies themselves a Victorian-era Romeo and Juliet.

2. 

vintage Valentine circa 1902.
A vintage Valentine circa 1902.
New York Public Library // Public Domain

Here's hoping his best girl can teach this little Edwardian Alfalfa a thing or two about grammar.

3. 

vintage Valentine circa 1902
A vintage Valentine circa 1902.
New York Public Library // Public Domain

He looks so shy about it though!

4. 

vintage Valentine circa 1903
A vintage Valentine circa 1903.
New York Public Library // Public Domain

Puppy love.

5. 

vintage valentine circa 1903
A vintage Valentine circa 1903.
pageofbats, Flickr // Used with permission

Sounds like a recipe for love.

6. 

vintage Valentine circa 1904
A vintage Valentine circa 1904.
New York Public Library // Public Domain

Please, Mr. Postman!

7. 

Vintage Valentine
New York Public Library // Public Domain

For the Irish love in your life.

8.

vintage Valentine circa 1905
A vintage Valentine circa 1905.
New York Public Library // Public Domain

Elaborate flower arrangements have always been quite popular.

9.

Vintage Valentine
A vintage Valentine
New York Public Library // Public Domain

Ahh, the art of love.

10.

vintage Valentine circa 1907
A vintage Valentine circa 1907.
New York Public Library // Public Domain

For when "roses are red, violets are blue" is just a little too … elementary.

11.

vintage Valentine circa 1908
A vintage Valentine circa 1908.
New York Public Library // Public Domain

An enterprising cherub preps for the big holiday by making love locks.

12.

vintage Valentine circa 1909
A vintage Valentine circa 1909.
NEW YORK PUBLIC LIBRARY // PUBLIC DOMAIN

They both seem shocked to be in this position.

13.

vintage valentine with krampus
pageofbats, Flickr // Used with permission

For when your sweetheart loves Santa's demonic counterpart, Krampus, so much that you need to put him on every holiday card.

14.

vintage Valentine circa 1910
A vintage Valentine circa 1910.
New York Public Library // Public Domain

When you want to get a little moralistic with your notes of affection.

15.

vintage Valentine circa 1910
A vintage Valentine circa 1910.
New York Public Library // Public Domain

What a gallant little messenger.

16.

Vintage Valentine circa 1912.
A vintage Valentine circa 1912.
New York Public Library // Public Domain

We vote you don't give the gentleman who sent this the time of day.

17.

vintage Valentine
in pastel, Flickr // CC BY 2.0

Like an I-O-U for a walk in the gardens come springtime.

18.

vintage Valentine circa 1920
A vintage Valentine circa 1920.
New York Public Library // Public Domain

Self-deprecating sentiments from the Roaring Twenties.

19.

vintage Valentine circa 1921
A vintage Valentine circa 1921.
New York Public Library // Public Domain

She's got her mind on her honey and her honey on her mind.

20.

vintage Valentine
New York Public Library // Public Domain

Musicians always seem to get the girl.

21.

vintage Valentine circa 1922
A vintage Valentine circa 1922.
New York Public Library // Public Domain

When "the language of the heart" gets lost in translation.

22.

vintage Valentine
pageofbats, Flickr // Used with permission

Dead. I'm dead.

23.

vintage valentine with a clown
pageofbats, Flickr // Used with permission

Creepy clowns are unlikely to win many hearts, "Daddy."

24.

vintage valentine
RoniJJ, Flickr // CC BY 2.0

Just make sure your crush doesn't have a seafood allergy.

25.

vintage valentine
pageofbats, Flickr // Used with permission

The hot dog pun almost makes up for putting faces on them.

26.

vintage valentine
pageofbats, Flickr // Used with permission

Tell this stalker to buzz off.

27.

vintage valentine
pageofbats, Flickr // Used with permission

Please avoid this gun show.

28.

vintage valentine

This is frightfully adorable.

29.

valentine
pageofbats, Flickr // Used with permission

Not exactly the most romantic Tennessee Williams line to send …

30.

vintage valentine
pageofbats, Flickr // Used with permission

Racy!

31.

valentine with pizza
pageofbats, Flickr // Used with permission

Now this is a sentiment we can get behind.

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