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5 Times Scientists Played Animal Matchmakers

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Most animal relationships look pretty effortless, but sometimes even Mother Nature needs a little push. We found five romantic (and not-so-romantic) stories of scientists stepping in where Cupid failed. 

1. JEREMY, THE BACKWARD SNAIL

Appearance isn’t everything when you’re a snail, but it does help to at least have your genitals on the right side of your body. Researchers in the UK found a garden snail whose body plan—from the whorl of "his" shell to the location of his reproductive organs—was a mirror image of other snails’. They named their new backward friend Jeremy and asked the public for help finding another lefty snail to be his sweetie. Amazingly, they succeeded, although Jeremy is reportedly taking his time warming up to his date. (Snails are hermaphroditic, but the researchers decided to use male pronouns for Jeremy.)

2. ORANGUTAN TINDER 

An orangutan at the National Zoo plays with an iPad. Image Credit: Jen Zoon, Smithsonian's National Zoo via Flickr // CC BY-ND 2.0

Researchers at one Dutch zoo are giving a female orangutan the chance to swipe and select her next mate. The four-year experiment was designed to improve 11-year-old Samboja’s odds of getting pregnant, as previous studies have found that mating success rates increase when animals get to choose their own partners.  

3. SWINGER

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As populations of endangered animals dwindle in the wild, so, too, do their gene pools. To help prevent inbreeding among captive-bred animals, researchers at Flinders University created SWINGER. This saucily named program uses a matchmaking algorithm to help conservationists identify suitable mates for the animals in their care. 

4. KISSES FOR KOALAS

Diliff via Wikimedia Commons // CC BY-SA 3.0

The staff at the Dreamworld Wildlife Foundation in Australia rely on similar genetic matchmaking programs to pair off local koalas and bilbies. They’re looking to build healthier, more resilient animals that will succeed and thrive in the wild. “We want little guys,” foundation director Al Mucci told Australia’s 9 News, “and lots of them returned back to the wild in those fragmented communities.”

5. A 16-ARMED EMBRACE

Nothing says “romance” like being set up, formally introduced, then monitored as you get your groove on. The Seattle Aquarium’s annual Octopus Blind Date event pairs two of-age Pacific octopuses, each weighing more than 40 pounds, for what aquarium staff hope will be a whirlwind affair. Each date is not without its risks; octopuses are naturally solitary creatures, and sometimes they’d rather eat each other than get it on.

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Scatterbrained
Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Dogs
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Dogs: They’re cute, they’re cuddly … and they can smell fear!

Today on Scatterbrained, John Green and friends go beyond the floof to reveal some fascinating facts about our canine pals—including the story of one Bloodhound who helped track down 600 criminals during his lifetime. (Move over, McGruff.) They’re also looking at the name origins of some of your favorite dog breeds, going behind the scenes of the Puppy Bowl, and dishing the details on how a breed gets to compete at the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show.

You can watch the full episode below.

For more episodes like this one, be sure to subscribe here!

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Sploot 101: 12 Animal Slang Words Every Pet Parent Should Know
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For centuries, dogs were dogs and cats were cats. They did things like bark and drink water and lay down—actions that pet parents didn’t need a translator to understand.

Then the internet arrived. Scroll through the countless Facebook groups and Twitter accounts dedicated to sharing cute animal pictures and you’ll quickly see that dogs don’t have snouts, they have snoots, and cats come in a colorful assortment of shapes and sizes ranging from smol to floof.

Pet meme language has been around long enough to start leaking into everyday conversation. If you're a pet owner (or lover) who doesn’t want to be out of the loop, here are the terms you need to know.

1. SPLOOT

You know your pet is fully relaxed when they’re doing a sploot. Like a split but for the whole body, a sploot occurs when a dog or cat stretches so their bellies are flat on the ground and their back legs are pointing behind them. The amusing pose may be a way for them to take advantage of the cool ground on a hot day, or just to feel a satisfying stretch in their hip flexors. Corgis are famous for the sploot, but any quadruped can do it if they’re flexible enough.

2. DERP

Person holding Marnie the dog.
Emma McIntyre, Getty Images for ASPCA

Unlike most items on this list, the word derp isn’t limited to cats and dogs. It can also be a stand-in for such expressions of stupidity as “duh” or “dur.” In recent years the term has become associated with clumsy, clueless, or silly-looking cats and dogs. A pet with a tongue perpetually hanging out of its mouth, like Marnie or Lil Bub, is textbook derpy.

3. BLEP

Cat laying on desk chair.
PoppetCloset, Flickr // CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

If you’ve ever caught a cat or dog poking the tip of its tongue past its front teeth, you’ve seen a blep in action. Unlike a derpy tongue, a blep is subtle and often gone as quickly as it appears. Animal experts aren’t entirely sure why pets blep, but in cats it may have something to do with the Flehmen response, in which they use their tongues to “smell” the air.

4. MLEM

Mlems and bleps, though very closely related, aren’t exactly the same. While blep is a passive state of being, mlem is active. It’s what happens when a pet flicks its tongue in and out of its mouth, whether to slurp up water, taste food, or just lick the air in a derpy fashion. Dogs and cats do it, of course, but reptiles have also been known to mlem.

5. FLOOF

Very fluffy cat.
J. Sibiga Photography, Flickr // CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

Some pets barely have any fur, and others have coats so voluminous that hair appears to make up most of their bodyweight. Dogs and cats in the latter group are known as floofs. Floofy animals will famously leave a wake of fur wherever they sit and can squeeze through tight spaces despite their enormous mass. Samoyeds, Pomeranians, and Persian cats are all prime examples of floofs.

6. BORK

Dog outside barking.
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According to some corners of the internet, dogs don’t bark, they bork. Listen carefully next time you’re around a vocal doggo and you won’t be able to unhear it.

7. DOGGO

Shiba inu smiling up at the camera.
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Speaking of doggos: This word isn’t hard to decode. Every dog—regardless of size, floofiness, or derpiness—can be a doggo. If you’re willing to get creative, the word can even be applied to non-dog animals like fennec foxes (special doggos) or seals (water doggos). The usage of doggo saw a spike in 2016 thanks to the internet and by the end of 2017 it was listed as one of Merriam-Webster’s “Words We’re Watching.”

8. SMOL

Tiny kitten in grass.
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Some pets are so adorably, unbearably tiny that using proper English to describe them just doesn’t cut it. Not every small pet is smol: To earn the label, a cat or dog (or kitten or puppy) must excel in both the tiny and cute departments. A pet that’s truly smol is likely to induce excited squees from everyone around it.

9. PUPPER

Hands holding a puppy.
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Like doggo, pupper is self-explanatory: It can be used in place of the word puppy, but if you want to use it to describe a fully-grown doggo who’s particularly smol and cute, you can probably get away with it.

10. BOOF

We’ve already established that doggos go bork, but that’s not the only sound they make. A low, deep bark—perhaps from a dog that can’t decide if it wants to expend its energy on a full bark—is best described as a boof. Consider a boof a warning bark before the real thing.

11. SNOOT

Dog noses poking out beneath blanket.
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Snoot was already a dictionary-official synonym for nose by the time dog meme culture took the internet by storm. But while snoot is rarely used to describe human faces today, it’s quickly becoming the preferred term for pet snouts. There’s even a wholesome viral challenge dedicated to dogs poking their snoots through their owners' hands.

12. BOOP

Have you ever seen a dog snoot so cute you just had to reach out and tap it? And when you did, was your action accompanied by an involuntary “boop” sound? This urge is so universal that boop is now its own verb. Humans aren’t the only ones who can boop: Search the word on YouTube and treat yourself to hours of dogs, cats, and other animals exchanging the love tap.

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