Did your Valentine maybe suggest to "just do cards" this year? Give them something to make them regret that decision—and secure your chances of getting a real gift next year. This downright evil card by Joker Greeting is made with the intent to drive the recipient crazy. Once they open the seemingly innocuous note, it begins to play a high-pitched tune. The twist is that the jingle doesn't end when the card is closed: It will keep playing for a solid three hours and the only way to end the madness is to tear up the malicious stationery. Once your loved one destroys it, they're in for another horrible surprise: inside is a cache of heart-shaped glitter.

If you're confident that this prank won't completely tank your relationship, you can pre-order one on Firebox. Although they're out of stock right now, the website assures customers that they can still get a card in time for the holiday of love.