World War II Advice: Defeat The Enemy By Being A Terrible Employee

iStock
iStock

At the height of World War II, with the Allied powers battling the encroaching Axis powers on multiple fronts, any little bit of assistance helped. Though citizens in the United States, Britain, France, and other similarly minded nations could freely dedicate their efforts to defeating Germany, Italy, and Japan, residents of those rival countries sympathetic to the Allied cause had little recourse to openly offer any help. To tap into those suppressed networks of support, the Office of Strategies Services (precursor to the modern CIA) published a “Simple Sabotage Field Manual,” distributed by pamphlet and targeted international broadcast.

The instructions direct ordinary citizens to obstruct the functioning of their local governments and economies with a series of outwardly normal, but secretly disruptive actions. According to the manual’s introduction [PDF], “sabotage varies from highly technical coup de main acts that require detailed planning and the use of specially trained operatives, to innumerable simple acts which the ordinary individual citizen-saboteur can perform.” Luckily for that ordinary citizen, “simple sabotage does not require specially prepared tools or equipment […] and it is carried out in such a way as to involve a minimum danger of injury, detection, and reprisal.” 

The suggested acts range from openly seditious (start fires, slash military vehicle tires) to brilliantly subtle, the latter variety of which read hilariously like a guide for how to be terrible at your job:

For train conductors: “Make mistakes in issuing train tickets, leaving portions of the journey uncovered by the ticket book; issue two tickets for the same seat in the train, so that an interesting argument will result.” “Make life as uncomfortable as possible for passengers. See that the food is especially bad, take up tickets after midnight, call station stops very loudly during the night, handle baggage as loudly as possible.” “Switch address labels on enemy baggage.”

FOR FARMERS

“Feed crops to livestock.” “Spoil fruits and vegetables by leaving them in the sun.”

FOR MAINTENANCE WORKERS

“Be inefficient in cleaning.” “Jam paper, bits of wood, hairpins, and anything else that will fit, into the locks of all unguarded entrances to public buildings.” “Forget to provide paper in toilets.”

FOR RIVERBOAT CAPTAINS

“Spread false rumors about the navigability and conditions of the waterways they travel. Tell other barge and boat captains to follow channels that will take extra time, or cause them to make canal detours.”

FOR MOVIE THEATER PROJECTIONISTS

“Ruin newsreels and other enemy propaganda films by bad focusing, speeding up or slowing down the film and by causing frequent breakage in the film.”

FOR RADIO ENGINEERS

“Overmodulate transmissions of talks by persons giving enemy propaganda or instructions, so that they will sound as if they were talking 'through a heavy cotton blanket with a mouth full of marbles.”

FOR TELEPHONE SWITCHBOARD OPERATORS

”Delay putting enemy calls through, give them wrong numbers, cut them off ‘accidentally,’ or forget to disconnect them so that the line cannot be used again.” “Tell important callers the boss is busy.”

FOR BUS DRIVERS

“Go past the stop where the enemy wants to get off.”

FOR TAXI DRIVERS

“Waste the enemy’s time and make extra money by driving the longest possible route to his destination.”

FOR COAL MINERS

“A slight blow against your Davy oil lamp will extinguish it, and to light it again you will have to find a place where there is no fire damp. Take a long time looking for the place.” “Send up quantities of rock and other useless material with the coal.”

FOR OFFICE WORKERS

“Misfile essential documents.” “Multiply paper work in plausible ways. Start duplicate files.” “Make mistakes in quantities of material when you are copying orders. Confuse similar names. Use wrong addresses.” “Even it you understand the language, pretend not to understand instructions in a foreign tongue.” “Spread disturbing rumors that sound like inside dope.”

FOR ADMINISTRATORS

“Insist on doing everything through ‘channels.’ Never permit short-cuts to be taken in order to expedite decisions.” “Make ‘speeches.’ Talk as frequently as possible and at great length. Illustrate your points by long anecdotes and accounts of personal experiences. Never hesitate to make a few appropriate ‘patriotic’ comments.” “When possible, refer all matters to committees, for ‘further study and consideration.’ Attempt to make the committees as large as possible - never less than five.” “Bring up irrelevant issues as frequently as possible.” “Hold conferences when there is more critical work to be done.”

And for ordinary folks with no opportunity to engage in any of these other acts of simple sabotage, the OSS has a number of suggestions for actions anyone can take, from prank calls to general rudeness: “Hamper official and especially military business by making at least one telephone call a day to an enemy headquarters; when you get them, tell them you have the wrong number. Call military or police offices and make anonymous false reports of fires, air raids, bombs.” “Audiences can ruin enemy propaganda films by applauding to drown the words of the speaker, by coughing loudly, and by talking.” “Report imaginary spies or danger to the Gestapo or police.” “When the enemy asks for directions, give him wrong information.” “Act stupid.”

Under “Possible Effects,” the manual declares that “occurring on a wide scale, simple sabotage will be a constant and tangible drag on the war effort of the enemy.” While there’s no measurable data on how many people were inspired by the distributed pamphlets to subvert the Axis powers from within, that might even be considered a sign of their success; after all, no one was ever outed as an enemy sympathizer simply for being very bad at their job. However, decades later, the war long over, some of these actions still seem suspiciously prevalent in particularly inefficient workplaces everywhere. If anything here seems too familiar, keep an eye out for possible subversives among you—or maybe just nudge your coworkers to pick up the slack.

[h/t Business Insider]

The Office Star Ellie Kemper Wants to Do a Reunion Episode

NBC - NBCUniversal Media
NBC - NBCUniversal Media

While rumors of The Office getting a reboot have been swirling around for years, the outlook on that happening any time soon doesn't look good. But a reunion episode might just be possible.

Ellie Kemper, who played Erin Hannon in the beloved series, recently stopped by Watch What Happens Live With Andy Cohen to dish about the sitcom and her thoughts on whether it might be making a return to the small screen: "I would love there to be a reboot, but I don't think there will be. So, that's a sad answer," Kemper admitted. "But maybe like a reunion episode? That would be fun."

E! News reports that Kemper isn’t the only cast member that wants to get the band back together. Jenna Fischer, who played Pam Beesly, also thinks a reunion episode would be a hit. “I think it's a great idea," Fischer said in 2018. "I would be honored to come back in any way that I'm able to.”

A key player in the series' success, however, is not so enthusiastic about the idea. Steve Carell, who played the infamous Michael Scott, doesn’t think a revival would be well-received. "The climate's different," Carell told Esquire back in 2018. "I mean, the whole idea of that character, Michael Scott, so much of it was predicated on inappropriate behavior. I mean, he's certainly not a model boss. A lot of what is depicted on that show is completely wrong-minded. That's the point, you know? But I just don't know how that would fly now.”

A Star Wars Connection Might Predict Jim Hopper's Future in Stranger Things

Netflix
Netflix

*Warning: This story includes spoilers for Stranger Things.*

Netflix’s Stranger Things is set in the 1980s and regularly includes references to huge cultural phenomena from that time. The series' third season made nods to Back to the Future, The NeverEnding Story, and (unsurprisingly) Star Wars. What might come as a surprise is that George Lucas's legendary space opera could hold a clue to what fate awaits one of Stranger Things's most beloved characters.

One of the major lingering questions from Stranger Things's third season is whether we will see David Harbour's character, Jim Hopper, ever again. Our favorite grumpy sheriff selflessly sacrificed himself in order to defeat the Russians and close the gate to the Upside Down. Fans were almost certain of his death (though it’s not shown on screen) until the post-credits scene rolled, in which the Russians speak of “the American” being held in their cells. Which is where things get interesting …

A new theory from Politico’s Bill Kuchman, which we spotted via Men’s Health, draws parallels between Hopper and Star Wars's Han Solo. In doing so, he might have predicted Hopper’s fate.

Kuchman explains that both Hopper and Solo use the phrase “See you in hell” before meeting their demise, with the Stranger Things character saying it in the final episode of season 3, and Solo saying it in The Empire Strikes Back.

On top of that, both characters seemingly die via a machine: Hopper is part of the key’s explosion, and Solo is frozen in carbonite. Also, at the end of the Stranger Things season 3 finale, Steve Harrington (played by Joe Keery) makes a reference to Return of the Jedi during his video store interview, the film in which Solo is revived.

Kuchman drives this point home by recalling that Luke Skywalker and Lando Calrissian save Solo in Return of the Jedi when Jabba the Hutt is feeding prisoners into the Sarlacc Pit. This is similar to how Stranger Things season 3 ends, with the Russians feeding prisoners to the Demogorgon.

Will Eleven, Mike, and the gang find the Force and save Hopper from the Russians? We’ll hopefully find out, if and when a fourth season of Stranger Things ever materializes.

[h/t Men's Health]

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