Engelmann via Wikimedia Commons // CC BY-SA 3.0

The Right Stuff(ing): 11 Variations on the Turducken

Engelmann via Wikimedia Commons // CC BY-SA 3.0

Many people already know we have former NFL player and commentator John Madden to thank for Turducken’s sudden rise to fame. Madden was known for waxing poetic about the roast beast—a turkey stuffed with a duck stuffed with a chicken—live on the air. Sometimes he even brought one of the concoctions into the broadcasting booth.

As far as extreme holiday entrees go, Turducken is no longer the only option out there. If you’re looking for something new for your feast this year, gorge yourself on these 11 alternatives.

1. GOODUCKEN

Turkey may be a holiday go-to in the U.S., but in the UK, it’s more common to see a goose on the dinner table. That’s where the gooducken comes in—a goose stuffed with a chicken stuffed with a duck.

2. THE TURBACON

What do you get when you cross a 20-pound pig with an 8-pound turkey, a 6-pound duck, a 4-pound chicken, a Cornish game hen, a quail, lots of bacon, 6 pounds of butter and a splash of Dr Pepper? You get the TurBacon, created by the crew at Epic Meal Time. They’re also responsible for the Turbaconepicentipede, which is an unholy Human Centipede-like configuration of many TurBacons.

3. THE COCKENTRICE

If a turkey and a pig could have a baby, it would be the cockentrice. But they can’t, obviously, so folks back in Henry VIII’s day did the next best thing: They went mad scientist and sewed the upper half of a piglet to the lower half of a turkey or a large chicken. Then they stuffed it, roasted it, and served it for the amusement of royal guests.

4. THE ROAST WITHOUT EQUAL

Also dating back hundreds of years is the Rôti Sans Pareil, the Roast Without Equal. This massive dish involved the engastration of not three, not four, not five, but seventeen birds. It was one of each of the following, in order from smallest to largest: warbler, bunting, lark, thrush, quail, lapwing, plover, partridge, woodcock, teal, guinea fowl, duck, chicken, pheasant, goose, turkey, giant bustard. We don’t know if people actually made the monstrous meal, but the recipe was included in an 1809 food journal called Almanach des Gourmands.

5. TURDUCKENEN-DUCKENEN

“Recreational mathemusician” Vi Hart takes the bird in a bird in a bird concept to a mathematical level. She stuffs her turkey with two ducks, then stuffs each duck with two hens, and finishes off with two quail eggs per hen.

6. CTHURKEY

In 2011, Rusty Eulberg and his wife wanted to do something “unique” for a Christmas dinner with their friends. Inspired by H.P. Lovecraft’s Cthulhu, the couple combined a turkey, crab legs, octopus, and bacon, resulting in a main course that horrified their dinner guests. But unlike the other Turducken variants, the cthuken isn’t assembled and cooked—it’s cooked and then assembled. Once their surprised friends were able to get over the appearance of the Frankensteined creature on the table, everyone was able to disassemble the thing and enjoy their favorite meat(s).

7. TURDUCKEN RIDICULOUS

In a stunt aimed at mocking how far we've taken the engastration trend, an Australian radio show combined 20 different meats, outdoing even the Roast Without Equal. The meats, in order from smallest to largest: Pigeon, partridge, quail, guinea fowl, rabbit, chicken, duck, pheasant, turkey, goose, mutton, beef, emu, goat, water buffalo, oxen, kangaroo, camel, venison, whole baby pig.

Seriously. Here they are assembling it:

8. TRUE LOVE ROAST

Loosely based on the 12 days of Christmas, a farmer in England cobbled together this beast made from turkey, goose, chicken, pheasant, partridge, pigeon squab, Aylesbury duck, Barbary duck, poussin, Guinea fowl, Mallard, and quail with herb and fruit stuffings. And while you might not be pleased if your true love gave you a Christmas present consisting of a bunch of random game stuffed into a carcass, you might at least be comforted by the fact that it was an expensive gift: It costs £665 (about $1011).

9. HOTCHKEN

If you can’t afford 12 different birds to construct the True Love Roast, or even three birds for the legendary Turducken, there’s always the option of one bird and some meat-like filler. Introducing the Hotchken, a chicken stuffed with hot dogs. Yes, it’s a real (but borderline NSFW) thing.

10. TURDUNKIN'

If you’re both a lover of wordplay and a glutton for punishment, give the TurDunkin’ a try. Unwholesome Foods created it, and while it’s certainly unwholesome, it's only technically a food. First, a turkey is brined in Dunkin’ Donuts coolattas, both orange and strawberry. The “stuffing” is made of 50 munchkins of assorted flavors, plus onion, sage, and vegetable broth. (Mmm.) After cooking, the turkey is glazed and coated in sprinkles. The finishing touch is a drizzle of coffee-flavored gravy.

11. VEGGIEDUCKEN

If the idea of meat stuffed in meat stuffed in meat stuffed in meat makes you want to look into vegetarianism, don’t worry—there’s still a “bird” for you. Created by blogger Dan Pashman, the Veggieducken is yams stuffed into leeks stuffed into a banana squash, with layers of vegetarian stuffing in between.

BONUS: CHERPUMPLE



To complete your meal, you might as well stick with the theme of food stuffed into other food with the Cherpumple. That’s a cherry pie baked into a chocolate cake, a pumpkin pie baked into a spice cake, and an apple pie baked into a yellow cake. The cake/pie layers are then stacked and frosted to create a layer cake of epic proportions. Hope you brought your Thanksgiving Pants.

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Apeel
New Plant-Based Coating Can Keep Your Avocados Fresh for Twice as Long
Apeel
Apeel

Thanks to a food technology startup called Apeel Sciences, eating fresh avocados will soon be a lot easier. The Bill Gates–backed company has developed a coating designed to keep avocados fresh for up to twice as long as traditional fruit, Bloomberg reports, and these long-lasting avocados will soon be available at 100 grocery stores across the Midwestern U.S. Thirty or so of the grocery stores involved in the limited rollout of the Apeel avocado will be Costcos, so feel free to buy in bulk.

Getting an avocado to a U.S. grocery store is more complicated than it sounds; the majority of avocados sold in the U.S. come from California or Mexico, making it tricky to get fruit to the Midwest or New England at just the right moment in an avocado’s life cycle.

Apeel’s coating is made of plant material—lipids and glycerolipids derived from peels, seeds, and pulp—that acts as an extra layer of protective peel on the fruit, keeping water in and oxygen out, and thus reducing spoilage. (Oxidation is the reason that your sliced avocados and apples brown after they’ve been exposed to the air for a while.) The tasteless coating comes in a powder that fruit producers mix with water and then dip their fruit into.

A side-by-side comparison of a coated and uncoated avocado after 30 days, with the uncoated avocado looking spoiled and the coated one looking fresh
Apeel

According to Apeel, coating a piece of produce in this way can keep it fresh for two to three times longer than normal without any sort of refrigeration of preservatives. This not only allows consumers a few more days to make use of their produce before it goes bad, reducing food waste, but can allow producers to ship their goods to farther-away markets without refrigeration.

Avocados are the first of Apeel's fruits to make it to market, but there are plans to debut other Apeel-coated produce varieties in the future. The company has tested its technology on apples, artichokes, mangos, and several other fruits and vegetables.

[h/t Bloomberg]

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iStock
The Curious Origins of 16 Common Phrases
iStock
iStock

Our favorite basketball writer is ESPN's Zach Lowe. On his podcast, the conversation often takes detours into the origins of certain phrases. We compiled a list from Zach and added a few of our own, then sent them to language expert Arika Okrent. Where do these expressions come from anyway?

1. BY THE SAME TOKEN

Bus token? Game token? What kind of token is involved here? Token is a very old word, referring to something that’s a symbol or sign of something else. It could be a pat on the back as a token, or sign, of friendship, or a marked piece of lead that could be exchanged for money. It came to mean a fact or piece of evidence that could be used as proof. “By the same token” first meant, basically “those things you used to prove that can also be used to prove this.” It was later weakened into the expression that just says “these two things are somehow associated.”

2. GET ON A SOAPBOX

1944: A woman standing on a soapbox speaking into a mic
Express/Express/Getty Images

The soapbox that people mount when they “get on a soapbox” is actually a soap box, or rather, one of the big crates that used to hold shipments of soap in the late 1800s. Would-be motivators of crowds would use them to stand on as makeshift podiums to make proclamations, speeches, or sales pitches. The soap box then became a metaphor for spontaneous speech making or getting on a roll about a favorite topic.

3. TOMFOOLERY

The notion of Tom fool goes a long way. It was the term for a foolish person as long ago as the Middle Ages (Thomas fatuus in Latin). Much in the way the names in the expression Tom, Dick, and Harry are used to mean “some generic guys,” Tom fool was the generic fool, with the added implication that he was a particularly absurd one. So the word tomfoolery suggested an incidence of foolishness that went a bit beyond mere foolery.

4. GO BANANAS

chimp eating banana
iStock

The expression “go bananas” is slang, and the origin is a bit harder to pin down. It became popular in the 1950s, around the same time as “go ape,” so there may have been some association between apes, bananas, and crazy behavior. Also, banana is just a funny-sounding word. In the 1920s people said “banana oil!” to mean “nonsense!”

5. RUN OF THE MILL

If something is run of the mill, it’s average, ordinary, nothing special. But what does it have to do with milling? It most likely originally referred to a run from a textile mill. It’s the stuff that’s just been manufactured, before it’s been decorated or embellished. There were related phrases like “run of the mine,” for chunks of coal that hadn’t been sorted by size yet, and “run of the kiln,” for bricks as they came out without being sorted for quality yet.

6. READ THE RIOT ACT

The Law's Delay: Reading The Riot Act 1820
Hulton Archive/Getty Images

When you read someone the riot act you give a stern warning, but what is it that you would you have been reading? The Riot Act was a British law passed in 1714 to prevent riots. It went into effect only when read aloud by an official. If too many people were gathering and looking ready for trouble, an officer would let them know that if they didn’t disperse, they would face punishment.

7. HANDS DOWN

Hands down comes from horse racing, where, if you’re way ahead of everyone else, you can relax your grip on the reins and let your hands down. When you win hands down, you win easily.

8. SILVER LINING

The silver lining is the optimistic part of what might otherwise be gloomy. The expression can be traced back directly to a line from Milton about a dark cloud revealing a silver lining, or halo of bright sun behind the gloom. The idea became part of literature and part of the culture, giving us the proverb “every cloud has a silver lining” in the mid-1800s.

9. HAVE YOUR WORK CUT OUT

The expression “you’ve got your work cut out for you” comes from tailoring. To do a big sewing job, all the pieces of fabric are cut out before they get sewn together. It seems like if your work has been cut for you, it should make job easier, but we don’t use the expression that way. The image is more that your task is well defined and ready to be tackled, but all the difficult parts are yours to get to. That big pile of cut-outs isn’t going to sew itself together!

10. THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE

A grapevine is a system of twisty tendrils going from cluster to cluster. The communication grapevine was first mentioned in 1850s, the telegraph era. Where the telegraph was a straight line of communication from one person to another, the “grapevine telegraph” was a message passed from person to person, with some likely twists along the way.

11. THE WHOLE SHEBANG

The earliest uses of shebang were during the Civil War era, referring to a hut, shed, or cluster of bushes where you’re staying. Some officers wrote home about “running the shebang,” meaning the encampment. The origin of the word is obscure, but because it also applied to a tavern or drinking place, it may go back to the Irish word shebeen for a ramshackle drinking establishment.

12. PUSH THE ENVELOPE

Pushing the envelope belongs to the modern era of the airplane. The “flight envelope” is a term from aeronautics meaning the boundary or limit of performance of a flight object. The envelope can be described in terms of mathematical curves based on things like speed, thrust, and atmosphere. You push it as far as you can in order to discover what the limits are. Tom Wolfe’s The Right Stuff brought the expression into wider use.

13. CAN’T HOLD A CANDLE

We say someone can’t hold a candle to someone else when their skills don’t even come close to being as good. In other words, that person isn’t even good enough to hold up a candle so that a talented person can see what they’re doing in order to work. Holding the candle to light a workspace would have been the job of an assistant, so it’s a way of saying not even fit to be the assistant, much less the artist.

14. THE ACID TEST

Most acids dissolve other metals much more quickly than gold, so using acid on a metallic substance became a way for gold prospectors to see if it contained gold. If you pass the acid test, you didn’t dissolve—you’re the real thing.

15. GO HAYWIRE

What kind of wire is haywire? Just what it says—a wire for baling hay. In addition to tying up bundles, haywire was used to fix and hold things together in a makeshift way, so a dumpy, patched-up place came to be referred to as “a hay-wire outfit.” It then became a term for any kind of malfunctioning thing. The fact that the wire itself got easily tangled when unspooled contributed to the “messed up” sense of the word.

16. CALLED ON THE CARPET

Carpet used to mean a thick cloth that could be placed in a range of places: on the floor, on the bed, on a table. The floor carpet is the one we use most now, so the image most people associate with this phrase is one where a servant or employee is called from plainer, carpetless room to the fancier, carpeted part of the house. But it actually goes back to the tablecloth meaning. When there was an issue up for discussion by some kind of official council it was “on the carpet.”

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