50 Amazing Puns From Past Pun Competitions

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There are only a few pun competitions in the world, but they draw some serious talent. Here is a sampling of great puns thrown around at some past events. 

ON COUNTRIES // 1995 Pun-Off World Championship 

1. I feel myself fading away I feel like I’m going into a France. 

2. And where all the fish go on vacation: Finland.

3. I’m getting a little Chile up here.

4. Going back and forth like this, we’re always Russian. 

5. There was this woman named Tina who was killed in this horrible accident when one of the golden arches at a McDonald’s fell on her and it was an arch-on-Tina (Argentina).

ON STATES // Jerzy Gwiazdowski, 2012 Pun-Off

6. Baby, you’ve got me in a state, and I fear that it’s contiguous. 

7. I’m a changed man. I’m a new Jerzy (New Jersey) with a new outlook and Iowa lot to you. Oh, I owe (Ohio).

8. Let’s get on a boat and row away from our problems. That’s right, for you, I will pick up an oar again (Oregon).

9. When we’re rowing south, the air is in our faces, but when we’re rowing north, the Arizona backs. 

10. Everything is so beautiful, I can stand on my boat and think this is just what Noah stood on the Arkansas.  

ON SEASONINGS // Ben Ziek, 2013 Pun-Off 

11. All right so this is not how I Oregano-ly planned it, but after Tara, my first missus dashed out on me, I came home to find tarragon. 

12. I’ll never have a garlic that again. 

13. Now she was not what I savory pretty but she has a personality that chives with mine. 

14. She said “well, are you cumin?” And I said, “yeah, yeah. Just give me a mint.” She said “all right then curry up.” 

15. But then Megan wanted to get everything down on pepper. I just could not bayleaf it. So I left. Anise is when I found out what a nutmeg was. She salted me in the parking lot. 

ON HIGH SCHOOL // 2014 Great Durham Pun Championship 

16. Are you getting fresh-man?

17. Why don’t you just go homeroom? 

18. Biology-whiz that was a good one. 

19. I chem do this all day. 

20. Do you prom-ise? 

ON FARMING AND RANCHING  // 2012 Pun-Off World Championship

21. When you start running out of puns, you’re pretty much on the thresher-hold of losing.

22. The yolks on you.

23. That’s a load of crop. 

24. I have to be honest, I’m not this funny. I have a lot of plants in the audience. 

25. I’m sorry, I don’t like the new stuff like the McShakes. I like the Old McDonald’s.

ON ANIMAL PARTS  // 2008 Pun-Off World Championship

26. I’m fin with that.

27. I hope I keep getting feather in the competition. 

28. I think you’re just winging it at this point.

29. Fangs a lot. 

30. I asked a horse if he had a dollar. He said “no, but I have fore quarters.”

ON FAST FOOD // 2015 Pun-Off Punslingers Round 1 

31. Got to keep your eyes on the fries. 

32. My wife’s here, she’s a real sweet tea. 

ON COUNTRY MUSIC // 2015 Pun-Off Punslingers Round 4 

33. That was funny, I just watched the wind and it bluegrass.

34. I have a buddy who works at a Las Vegas wedding chapel. That’s right, I got friends in elope places. 

35. The pilot’s not responding. Kenny Roger? 

ON MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE // 2012 Durham Pun Championship

36. I don’t even really think I can commit to this category. 

37. I just not even engaged to this.

38. I’m running for my wife. 

39. Well you do appear very well groomed. 

40. Let’s act like adulterers here.

ON UNPRESIDENTED MISBEHAVIOR // Joe Sabia, 2007 Pun-Off World Championships

41. George was Washingtons of clothes with saliva, he was spitting. 

42. Warren was having a Harding time 'cause James was Polking him crazy. 

43. Richard was Nixon my rules even more, apparently him and Gerald decided they could afFord a trip with William to Mount McKinley for no legitimate reason and spent the rest of the night partying with Grover out in Cleveland. 

44. Zachary didn’t bring my suit to the Taylor like I asked him to. 

45. George and George were outside in the shrubs; that’s when I knew I would have to push because a George in my white house are better than two in a Bush.

ON GRAMMAR // Bertand Piboin, 2012 Pun-Off 

46. I do object to being subject to odd language rules. 

ON THE BIBLE // Alex Petri, 2013 Pun-Off

47. Look, if you don’t like it, the exodus over there. 

48. No more nouns, I’m proverbs. 

49. I’m gonna make like John the Baptist and skip ahead, because I think I’m doing a good job. That psalms it up. 

50. Joel not find a most distinguished lady like me just over here or Obadiah. 

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For more puns, check out this punny episode of The Misadventures of Flapjack:

Can You Find the Lost Items in This Santa's Workshop Puzzle?

iStock.com/LiliGraphie
iStock.com/LiliGraphie

If the holiday season has you feeling stressed, here's an opportunity to take a break from making travel plans and brainstorming gift lists. This picture puzzle from Attic Self Storage features six hidden items, and it takes most people a few minutes to find them all.

The scene below depicts the chaos of Santa's workshop leading up to Christmas Eve. Hidden among the elves and toys are some lost items: a stocking, a nutcracker, Santa's hat, a mince pie, a Christmas cracker, and a robin. If you aren't sure what you're looking for, a visual key of the items is included at the bottom of the image.

Santa's workshop brain teaser puzzle.
Attic Self Storage

It took Attic Self Storage staff members 3 minutes and 26 seconds on average to solve the brain teaser, so that's the time to beat. After completing the challenge, see if you can spot the sheep hidden among the Santas in this holiday-themed puzzle.

You Can Gift Your Favorite Nerd a Subscription to Famous Letters From History

Letterjoy
Letterjoy

Letter writing may be a lost art at this point, but you can still give someone the gift of getting a great letter in the mail, without ever picking up a pen yourself. Letterjoy, a subscription service for historical letters, sends out a different archival letter each week, giving subscribers the opportunity to dig through their mail and find a work of great writing rather than a pile of junk advertisements.

As part of the service, Letterjoy sends out one authenticated historical letter or telegraph each week, according to monthly themes. The letters are largely drawn from the last 400-plus years of American history, sourced by Letterjoy founder Michael Sitver from historical archives and private collections. Previous monthly themes have included "presidents and the press," "the right to vote," "Civil War spies," and "the birth of aviation." The letters often come from famous figures like Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein, Winston Churchill, Clara Barton, and the Wright brothers.

Recipients don't just get a photocopy of an archival letter. Each letter is custom-designed by Letterjoy, either typed up on a Smith-Corona typewriter (for more modern missives) or handwritten by designers and enhanced with software. The goal is to make each letter look and feel as authentic as possible while maintaining readability—since the whole point is to read the letters, not just look at them.

Every letter comes with a context section that explains what the letter is and why it matters, including who the letter-writer and recipient were and the historical events surrounding its writing.

You can buy someone (or yourself) a yearly plan for $160 ($13.33 a month), a six-month plan for $100 ($16.66 a month), or a three-month plan for $50 (also $16.66 a month). Discounts are available for educators who want to use the letters in their classrooms.

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