50 Amazing Puns From Past Pun Competitions

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There are only a few pun competitions in the world, but they draw some serious talent. Here is a sampling of great puns thrown around at some past events. 

ON COUNTRIES // 1995 Pun-Off World Championship 

1. I feel myself fading away I feel like I’m going into a France. 

2. And where all the fish go on vacation: Finland.

3. I’m getting a little Chile up here.

4. Going back and forth like this, we’re always Russian. 

5. There was this woman named Tina who was killed in this horrible accident when one of the golden arches at a McDonald’s fell on her and it was an arch-on-Tina (Argentina).

ON STATES // Jerzy Gwiazdowski, 2012 Pun-Off

6. Baby, you’ve got me in a state, and I fear that it’s contiguous. 

7. I’m a changed man. I’m a new Jerzy (New Jersey) with a new outlook and Iowa lot to you. Oh, I owe (Ohio).

8. Let’s get on a boat and row away from our problems. That’s right, for you, I will pick up an oar again (Oregon).

9. When we’re rowing south, the air is in our faces, but when we’re rowing north, the Arizona backs. 

10. Everything is so beautiful, I can stand on my boat and think this is just what Noah stood on the Arkansas.  

ON SEASONINGS // Ben Ziek, 2013 Pun-Off 

11. All right so this is not how I Oregano-ly planned it, but after Tara, my first missus dashed out on me, I came home to find tarragon. 

12. I’ll never have a garlic that again. 

13. Now she was not what I savory pretty but she has a personality that chives with mine. 

14. She said “well, are you cumin?” And I said, “yeah, yeah. Just give me a mint.” She said “all right then curry up.” 

15. But then Megan wanted to get everything down on pepper. I just could not bayleaf it. So I left. Anise is when I found out what a nutmeg was. She salted me in the parking lot. 

ON HIGH SCHOOL // 2014 Great Durham Pun Championship 

16. Are you getting fresh-man?

17. Why don’t you just go homeroom? 

18. Biology-whiz that was a good one. 

19. I chem do this all day. 

20. Do you prom-ise? 

ON FARMING AND RANCHING  // 2012 Pun-Off World Championship

21. When you start running out of puns, you’re pretty much on the thresher-hold of losing.

22. The yolks on you.

23. That’s a load of crop. 

24. I have to be honest, I’m not this funny. I have a lot of plants in the audience. 

25. I’m sorry, I don’t like the new stuff like the McShakes. I like the Old McDonald’s.

ON ANIMAL PARTS  // 2008 Pun-Off World Championship

26. I’m fin with that.

27. I hope I keep getting feather in the competition. 

28. I think you’re just winging it at this point.

29. Fangs a lot. 

30. I asked a horse if he had a dollar. He said “no, but I have fore quarters.”

ON FAST FOOD // 2015 Pun-Off Punslingers Round 1 

31. Got to keep your eyes on the fries. 

32. My wife’s here, she’s a real sweet tea. 

ON COUNTRY MUSIC // 2015 Pun-Off Punslingers Round 4 

33. That was funny, I just watched the wind and it bluegrass.

34. I have a buddy who works at a Las Vegas wedding chapel. That’s right, I got friends in elope places. 

35. The pilot’s not responding. Kenny Roger? 

ON MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE // 2012 Durham Pun Championship

36. I don’t even really think I can commit to this category. 

37. I just not even engaged to this.

38. I’m running for my wife. 

39. Well you do appear very well groomed. 

40. Let’s act like adulterers here.

ON UNPRESIDENTED MISBEHAVIOR // Joe Sabia, 2007 Pun-Off World Championships

41. George was Washingtons of clothes with saliva, he was spitting. 

42. Warren was having a Harding time 'cause James was Polking him crazy. 

43. Richard was Nixon my rules even more, apparently him and Gerald decided they could afFord a trip with William to Mount McKinley for no legitimate reason and spent the rest of the night partying with Grover out in Cleveland. 

44. Zachary didn’t bring my suit to the Taylor like I asked him to. 

45. George and George were outside in the shrubs; that’s when I knew I would have to push because a George in my white house are better than two in a Bush.

ON GRAMMAR // Bertand Piboin, 2012 Pun-Off 

46. I do object to being subject to odd language rules. 

ON THE BIBLE // Alex Petri, 2013 Pun-Off

47. Look, if you don’t like it, the exodus over there. 

48. No more nouns, I’m proverbs. 

49. I’m gonna make like John the Baptist and skip ahead, because I think I’m doing a good job. That psalms it up. 

50. Joel not find a most distinguished lady like me just over here or Obadiah. 

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For more puns, check out this punny episode of The Misadventures of Flapjack:

Cook a Game of Thrones-Inspired Feast With This Video Tutorial

Kristofer Hivju, Kit Harington, and Emilia Clarke celebrate in Game of Thrones
Kristofer Hivju, Kit Harington, and Emilia Clarke celebrate in Game of Thrones
Helen Sloan, HBO

Tonight marks the series finale of Game of Thrones. Hosting a watch party? Consider skipping the chips and dip, and try whipping up a dish inspired by the show. In the video below, first spotted by Laughing Squid, Binging With Babish host Andrew Rea provides recipes for three foods featured in the fantasy series: Purple Wedding pigeon pie, Dothraki blood pie, and Sansa Stark’s lemon cake.

For the uninitiated, Binging With Babish is a YouTube tutorial channel that features Rea cooking—and in some cases, improving on—foods from popular movies and television shows. Game of Thrones's characters are likely better on the battlefield than they are in the kitchen, so Rea takes a few culinary liberties while recreating Medieval and Dothraki fare: His “pigeon pie” is made with squab, and the blood pie, in Rea’s own words, is “essentially a black pudding in pie form” that’s garnished with figs, goat cheese, and black sea salt.

Updated for 2019.

Now You Can Wear Your Favorite Dunkin' Coffee Flavor as Nail Polish

Dunkin'
Dunkin'

Dunkin'—the coffee chain formerly known as Dunkin' Donuts—is getting into the beauty business. For a limited time, nail polish inspired by Dunkin's flavored coffees will be available at select nail salons across the country.

The nail polish line includes eight freshly brewed shades. Three pay homage to Dunkin's new signature lattes—cocoa mocha, caramel craze, and blueberry crisp—and three are inspired by the seasonal Baskin-Robbins ice cream-flavored coffees: butter pecan, pistachio almond fudge, and banana split. Nail polishes in Dunkin's iconic pink and orange color palette are also available.

The collection is a collaboration between Dunkin' and the vegan-friendly nail polish company Lauren B. Beauty. While supplies last, the products will be available at certain nail salons in 10 cities where Dunkin' operates, including Los Angeles, Chicago, Atlanta, and Boston. Each purchase of the branded nail polish comes with a $3 Dunkin' gift card. To see if a salon in your area is participating, check out the map below.

Dunkin' isn't the first fast food chain to release its own nail polish line. In 2016, KFC released edible "finger-licking" nail polish that, yes, tasted like chicken.

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