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50 Amazing Puns From Past Pun Competitions

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There are only a few pun competitions in the world, but they draw some serious talent. Here is a sampling of great puns thrown around at some past events. 

ON COUNTRIES // 1995 Pun-Off World Championship 

1. I feel myself fading away I feel like I’m going into a France. 

2. And where all the fish go on vacation: Finland.

3. I’m getting a little Chile up here.

4. Going back and forth like this, we’re always Russian. 

5. There was this woman named Tina who was killed in this horrible accident when one of the golden arches at a McDonald’s fell on her and it was an arch-on-Tina (Argentina).

ON STATES // Jerzy Gwiazdowski, 2012 Pun-Off

6. Baby, you’ve got me in a state, and I fear that it’s contiguous. 

7. I’m a changed man. I’m a new Jerzy (New Jersey) with a new outlook and Iowa lot to you. Oh, I owe (Ohio).

8. Let’s get on a boat and row away from our problems. That’s right, for you, I will pick up an oar again (Oregon).

9. When we’re rowing south, the air is in our faces, but when we’re rowing north, the Arizona backs. 

10. Everything is so beautiful, I can stand on my boat and think this is just what Noah stood on the Arkansas.  

ON SEASONINGS // Ben Ziek, 2013 Pun-Off 

11. All right so this is not how I Oregano-ly planned it, but after Tara, my first missus dashed out on me, I came home to find tarragon. 

12. I’ll never have a garlic that again. 

13. Now she was not what I savory pretty but she has a personality that chives with mine. 

14. She said “well, are you cumin?” And I said, “yeah, yeah. Just give me a mint.” She said “all right then curry up.” 

15. But then Megan wanted to get everything down on pepper. I just could not bayleaf it. So I left. Anise is when I found out what a nutmeg was. She salted me in the parking lot. 

ON HIGH SCHOOL // 2014 Great Durham Pun Championship 

16. Are you getting fresh-man?

17. Why don’t you just go homeroom? 

18. Biology-whiz that was a good one. 

19. I chem do this all day. 

20. Do you prom-ise? 

ON FARMING AND RANCHING  // 2012 Pun-Off World Championship

21. When you start running out of puns, you’re pretty much on the thresher-hold of losing.

22. The yolks on you.

23. That’s a load of crop. 

24. I have to be honest, I’m not this funny. I have a lot of plants in the audience. 

25. I’m sorry, I don’t like the new stuff like the McShakes. I like the Old McDonald’s.

ON ANIMAL PARTS  // 2008 Pun-Off World Championship

26. I’m fin with that.

27. I hope I keep getting feather in the competition. 

28. I think you’re just winging it at this point.

29. Fangs a lot. 

30. I asked a horse if he had a dollar. He said “no, but I have fore quarters.”

ON FAST FOOD // 2015 Pun-Off Punslingers Round 1 

31. Got to keep your eyes on the fries. 

32. My wife’s here, she’s a real sweet tea. 

ON COUNTRY MUSIC // 2015 Pun-Off Punslingers Round 4 

33. That was funny, I just watched the wind and it bluegrass.

34. I have a buddy who works at a Las Vegas wedding chapel. That’s right, I got friends in elope places. 

35. The pilot’s not responding. Kenny Roger? 

ON MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE // 2012 Durham Pun Championship

36. I don’t even really think I can commit to this category. 

37. I just not even engaged to this.

38. I’m running for my wife. 

39. Well you do appear very well groomed. 

40. Let’s act like adulterers here.

ON UNPRESIDENTED MISBEHAVIOR // Joe Sabia, 2007 Pun-Off World Championships

41. George was Washingtons of clothes with saliva, he was spitting. 

42. Warren was having a Harding time 'cause James was Polking him crazy. 

43. Richard was Nixon my rules even more, apparently him and Gerald decided they could afFord a trip with William to Mount McKinley for no legitimate reason and spent the rest of the night partying with Grover out in Cleveland. 

44. Zachary didn’t bring my suit to the Taylor like I asked him to. 

45. George and George were outside in the shrubs; that’s when I knew I would have to push because a George in my white house are better than two in a Bush.

ON GRAMMAR // Bertand Piboin, 2012 Pun-Off 

46. I do object to being subject to odd language rules. 

ON THE BIBLE // Alex Petri, 2013 Pun-Off

47. Look, if you don’t like it, the exodus over there. 

48. No more nouns, I’m proverbs. 

49. I’m gonna make like John the Baptist and skip ahead, because I think I’m doing a good job. That psalms it up. 

50. Joel not find a most distinguished lady like me just over here or Obadiah. 

--

For more puns, check out this punny episode of The Misadventures of Flapjack:

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Courtesy of Royal Treasure Chest
If You Love Antique Stores, This Subscription Box Is For You
Courtesy of Royal Treasure Chest
Courtesy of Royal Treasure Chest

Do you love wandering the aisles of antique malls, shopping at vintage clothing stores, and filling your home with knick-knacks and ephemera from the past? Then this subscription box is for you.

Royal Treasure Chest is a curated monthly subscription that sends a package full of vintage goodies to your door, thoughtfully hand-picked based on your personal taste. The subscription box offering is an extension of Royal Treasure, an online vintage shop with a presence on Etsy and eBay and run by wife-and-husband team Denise and Royal.

Prices start at $15 for a monthly single-item box. Also available is a $40 plan (three items) and a $60 plan (five items). Your box is highly customizable. First, you select your category (or categories) from the following options: Beautiful old hardcover books, curios and knick-knacks, jewelry, tie bars and cufflinks, paper ephemera (like postcards or photographs), and ladies' or gentlemen's accessories. Then you can go into detail about your style, favorite eras, and likes and dislikes. That means it's great for indecisive people who want to treat themselves to a box of nice things every month.

To find the vintage collectibles, Royal Treasure's Pittsburgh-based team travels to estate sales in Western Pennsylvania and Ohio. Every box comes with a note printed on parchment paper recounting where your new treasures were found and gives details about the families that once owned them. (The grandfather was a World War I fighter pilot! This family of dance instructors counted a young Gene Kelly among their pupils!) It reads like a letter from a friend and gives a homespun feel to the whole operation.

I subscribed to the $40 plan and loved the items I got. Every box also included a bonus postcard with a message written by someone from another era. I definitely took Royal Treasure up on the opportunity to go into detail about my taste. One of the things I wrote was that I like dogs, and I got a lot of dog-themed stuff that made me smile. In one month's box, I got a porcelain dog figurine as well as a trinket box and a decorative plate with country scenes on them. I liked the puppy statuette and thought the box and plate were nice enough, but then I looked closer and realized they each had a tiny dog cavorting around the landscape and I appreciated them even more. Now that's attention to detail.

vintage clothes
Courtesy of Royal Treasure Chest
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Mathew Tucciarone
Candytopia, the Interactive Art Installation Made of Sweet Treats, Is Coming to New York City
Mathew Tucciarone
Mathew Tucciarone

A colorful exhibition is sharing some eye candy—and actual candy—with visitors. The sweet art pop-up, called Candytopia, is heading to New York City this summer following successful stints in Los Angeles and Santa Monica, Gothamist reports.

Candytopia feels a little like Willy Wonka’s chocolate room. More than a dozen rooms with psychedelic backdrops will be on view, as well as candy-inspired interpretations of famous artworks such as Mona Lisa and The Thinker. The installation is the brainchild of Jackie Sorkin, the star of TLC’s Candy Queen.

Many of the art installations are made from actual candy, but unlike Wonka’s lickable wallpaper, visitors will have to keep their hands and tongues to themselves. Instead, guests will be given samples of various sweet treats like gummies, chocolates, and “nostalgic favorites.”

Forbes named Candytopia one of the best pop-up museums to visit in 2018. New York City seems the perfect place for the exhibit, having formerly hosted other food-inspired pop-ups like the Museum of Pizza and the Museum of Ice Cream.

Candytopia will debut in New York City on August 15 at Penn Plaza at 145 West 32nd Street. Tickets must be purchased in advance, and they can be ordered on Candytopia’s website. Private events and birthday parties can also be arranged.

Keep scrolling to see some more installations from Candytopia.

A wing of the Candytopia exhibit
Mathew Tucciarone

An Egyptian-inspired statue made of candy
Mathew Tucciarone

A candy version of the Mona Lisa
Mathew Tucciarone

A shark statue
Mathew Tucciarone

[h/t Gothamist]

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