11 Harsh Truths About Hangovers

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iStock

You know the symptoms: splitting headache, shaking, nausea, and general despair. Although conveniently shoved to the far recesses of your mind while you’re enjoying your night out, your hangover becomes impossible to ignore the next morning when your alarm clock is blaring in your ear. In addition to their undisputed existence, here are 11 more unfortunate truths about hangovers.

1. WE'RE NOT ENTIRELY SURE WHY WE GET THEM.

Despite what your college friends may have told you, hangovers are not the result of dehydration or low blood sugar. The real cause is still shrouded in mystery. One hypothesis suggests that drinking leads to a build up of acetaldehyde, a toxic compound that is created when enzymes in your liver break down alcohol. When your body can’t process the acetaldehyde quickly enough, it hangs around, making you feel horrible.

Another hypothesis points to cytokines, proteins that will signal for an inflammatory response to fight infection. Drinking can activate this signal, leading to flu-like symptoms such as nausea, fatigue, and headaches. This is why anti-inflammatory drugs like ibuprofen can help ease hangover symptoms.

2. THEY GET WORSE WITH AGE.

Another fun aspect of adulthood: Hangovers get worse as you get older. Scientists think this has to do with the depletion of enzymes that are needed to break down alcohol. Enzymes called aldehyde dehydrogenase, or ALDH, and alcohol dehydrogenase, or ADH, work together to break down the booze first into acetaldehyde (mentioned earlier), and then into a non-toxic substance called acetic acid. Without these enzymes working in full force, hangovers last longer. 

However, at least one recent Danish study has shown that hangovers actually get easier as you age. If true, the reason may have more to do with human behavior than with the alcohol itself: It might simply be because as we get older, the people who get severe hangovers stop drinking, while the people who aren’t prone to hangovers see no reason to stop. 

3. YOU CAN'T "SOAK UP THE ALCOHOL" BY EATING STARCHY FOODS.

Despite one popular myth about a bacon sandwich being the ultimate hangover cure, there is no evidence to support the popular theory that carbs and greasy foods will cure your hangover. However, more forward thinkers can prevent the whole mess from happening by drinking Asian pear juice before hitting the bottle. The fruit acts on the enzymes that break down alcohol, so a glass before going out could be your saving grace. Another study looked into prickly pear skin extract and found that it reduced the chances of a severe hangover by half. But again, it had to be consumed several hours before drinking began.

4. THERE'S NO MAGICAL HANGOVER FAIRY. 

But if you’re really hurting (and willing to pay a pretty penny), you can always turn to the Internet for help. Services now exist that send helpful messengers, armed with non-alcohol drinks and breakfast, to your home for some tidying up so you can get some R&R.

5. IT'S UNLIKELY WE WILL EVER SEE A HANGOVER-FREE BEER.

A few years ago, a story about Australian scientists who were concocting a beer that wouldn’t give you a hangover made the rounds. It was believed that by adding electrolytes to the drink you could counteract alcohol’s dehydrating effects, and you’d therefore feel fine in the morning. Unfortunately, dehydration is not the cause of a hangover, so the effects would be minor at best. 

6. SMOKING MAKES THEM WORSE.

Studies have shown that drinkers are much more likely to smoke tobacco. And to add insult to injury, doing so only adds to the problem. The exact reason is not clear, but it could be because tobacco has acetaldehyde, a possible culprit for why we get hangovers from alcohol. In hangover terms, lighting up a cigarette could be the equivalent of knocking back another drink, and should therefore be avoided if possible.

7. THERE'S A PATRON SAINT OF HANGOVERS—BUT EVEN SHE CAN'T MAKE THE ROOM STOP SPINNING.

St. Bibiana, Roman virgin and martyr, is the patron saint of hangovers. She’s also the patron saint of headaches, epilepsy, and insanity (go figure). 

8. JUICE AND COFFEE CAN'T SAVE YOU.

You might be tempted to roll out of bed and reach for the OJ or coffee, but these beverages aren’t going to do you any favors. There is no evidence that either will lessen the effects of your hangover. Plus, sugar and caffeine crashes are very real things—and are not fun when mixed with your already-throbbing headache.

9. WOMEN ARE MORE LIKELY TO GET HANGOVERS. 

Unfortunately for female drinkers, the negative effects of alcohol are much more prevalent for them than for their male counterparts. Studies have shown that women are much more likely to feel the effects of their drinking in the morning, especially if they didn’t eat before imbibing the night before. One survey found that 12.6 percent of women said they always or almost always get a hangover after five drinks. In comparison, only 6.1 percent of men said the same.

10. YOUR HANGOVER IS BAD FOR THE ECONOMY.

You may think the only one who suffers when you come to work with a pounding headache is you, but you’d be wrong. The economy experiences $1.37 in lost productivity for every beer thrown back the night before. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, hangovers cost the American economy over $160 billion in 2006.  So the next time you show up disheveled and sluggish, remember that your lack of productivity comes with a heavy price tag.

11. THE SILVER LINING: WE CAN THANK OUR HANGOVERS FOR BRUNCH.

It probably comes as no surprise that the Bloody Mary cocktail was invented as a hangover cure, but you might not have known that some food historians believe Eggs Benedict and the world’s most popular cola drink were both created for the same reason. In fact, the entire tradition of brunch was started to let Saturday night partiers catch up on their sleep and eat a later first meal. 

Nothing ruins a fun night of drinking like the specter of a hangover—and no one ruins all the things you think you know like College Humor comedian Adam Conover. Tune in to Adam Ruins Everything on truTV Tuesdays at 10/9C

5 Fast Facts About Muhammad Ali

Kent Gavin/Getty Images
Kent Gavin/Getty Images

Muhammad Ali is one of the most important athletes and cultural figures in American history. Though he passed away in 2016, the heavyweight boxing champ was larger than life in and outside of the ring. The man who coined the phrase "float like a butterfly, sting like a bee” won 37 knockout victories. Here are five more fast facts about Muhammad Ali, a.k.a. The Greatest.

1. Cassius Clay was named for a white abolitionist.

Muhammad Ali was born Cassius Marcellus Clay, Jr. and named after his father, who had in turn been named for a white abolitionist. The original Cassius Clay was a wealthy 19th-century planter and politician who not only published an anti-slavery newspaper, but also emancipated every slave he inherited from his father. Cassius Clay also served as a minister to Russia under President Abraham Lincoln.

2. Muhammad Ali's draft evasion case went to the Supreme Court.

In the early 1960s, Clay converted to Islam, joined the Nation of Islam, and took the name Muhammad Ali. According to his religious beliefs, Ali refused to serve in the Vietnam War when he was drafted in April 1967. He was arrested and stripped of his boxing license and heavyweight title. On June 20, 1967, he was convicted of draft evasion and banned from fighting while he remained free on appeal. His case went all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court, which unanimously overturned his conviction in 1971.

3. He received a replacement gold medal.

At the 1960 Summer Olympics in Rome, Ali won the gold medal for boxing in the light heavyweight division. But, as he wrote in his 1975 autobiography, The Greatest: My Own Story (edited by Toni Morrison!), he supposedly threw his medal into the Ohio River in frustration over the racism he still experienced in his hometown of Louisville, Kentucky. Some historians dispute this story and suggest that Ali just lost the medal. Either way, he was given a replacement when he lit the Olympic cauldron at the opening ceremonies of the 1996 Olympic Games in Atlanta.

4. Muhammad Ali was an actual superhero.

In 1978, DC Comics published Superman vs. Muhammad Ali—an oversize comic in which Muhammad Ali defeats Superman and saves the world. In real life, Ali did save a man from suicide. In 1981, a man threatened to jump from the ninth story of a building in L.A.’s Miracle Mile neighborhood. Ali’s friend Howard Bingham witnessed the unfolding drama and called the boxer, who lived nearby. Ali rushed into the building and successfully talked the man down from the ledge.

5. Muhammad Ali starred in a Broadway show.

In Oscar Brown, Jr.'s 1969 musical adaptation of Joseph Dolan Tuotti's play Big Time Buck White, Ali played a militant black intellectual who speaks at a political meeting. The play ran for only five nights at the George Abbot Theatre in New York. His Playbill bio reported that Ali "is now appealing his five-year prison conviction and $10,000 fine for refusing to enter the armed services on religious grounds. The Big Time Buck White role that he has accepted is much like the life he lives off stage in reality.”

15 Tasty Bits of Pizza Slang

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iStock.com/Radionphoto

Unless you’ve worked in a pizzeria, your pizza vocabulary is probably limited. But the crust-loving pros who are cooking up your favorite slices seem to have insider slang for everything, including whimsical terms for toppings and one-of-a-kind ways of describing regional pie styles. So if you’re looking up your pizza-talk game with words that go beyond ‘za, here’s a quick list of 15 terms you should know.

1. Tip sag

The dreaded tip sag is what you get when the pointy end of your pizza starts to droop. This most often occurs with top-heavy (and topping-heavy) pies, like Neapolitan-style pizzas with generous helpings of fresh mozzarella piled on top.

2. Avalanche

An avalanche is what occurs when all the toppings slide off your pizza as soon as you pick it up. This tends to happen when a pizza is still piping hot from the oven, so be smart and give it a minute to cool down.

3. Apizza

If you ever travel to New Haven, Connecticut, you might hear the locals order apizza (pronounced uh-BEETS). This refers to the local style of thin-crust pizza, which originated at the famous Frank Pepe Pizzeria Napoletana and has since become the area's pizza standard.

4. Grandma pie

This style of pizza is thick like a Sicilian pie, but with a thinner, denser crust. Although it likely originated in Long Island, you can now find it in pizzerias throughout New York City (and beyond).

5. Party-cut

Man delivers several pizzas to a customer
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Also known as a tavern-cut, a party-cut describes any circular pizza that’s cut into a grid. The portions are smaller and typically square, which helps ensure that everyone at your Super Bowl party will get a piece of the pie.

6. All-dressed pizza

Order an all-dressed pizza in Montreal and you’ll get a deluxe pie with mushrooms, green peppers, and pepperoni on it. In Québec, it's known as a pizza tout garnie.

7. Flyers

Slices of pepperoni pizza are called flyers, reportedly because of the way they’re often tossed around like Frisbees.

8. Guppies

Depending on your perspective, guppies is either a really cute or really gross way to describe anchovies. Other slang words for the fishy topping include chovies, carp, penguin food, and smellies.

9. Alpo

It’s not very appetizing, but crumbled sausage does kind of resemble dog food—hence the Alpo moniker. Other nicknames for the topping include Kibbles ‘n Bits and Puppy Chow, neither of which make the topping sound any more appetizing.

10. Screamers

Woman preparing a mushroom pizza at home
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Mushrooms are sometimes called screamers because of the high-pitched squeal the canned variety lets out when they’re tossed onto a hot surface.

11. Edgar Allan

What does a pizza with pepperoni and onions spell out? A PO pie—which is close enough in spelling to Edgar Allan Poe's last name that it gets tossed around in pizza kitchens on occasion. Sure, P-O or Po would be easier (and quicker) to say, but it’s not nearly as fun.

12. Blood pie

Also known as a hemorrhage, this gruesome term refers to a pizza with extra tomato sauce on it. Now please forget that we ever told you that.

13. Coastline

The coastline is that little bit of exposed sauce you can see between the sauce and the crust.

14. Mutz

A margherita pizza fresh from the oven
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Mutz is simply a quicker way of saying mozzarella. Likewise, wet mutz is fresh mozzarella.

15. Roadie

When you get a slice of pizza to-go, that’s a roadie. Enjoy it while it's still hot (but not so hot as to cause an avalanche)! 

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