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Retablos.ru / Gonzalo Hernández

11 Gossipy Confessions I Learned from Mexican Folk Art

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Retablos.ru / Gonzalo Hernández

Retablos are a special kind of painting—they combine imagery with a sentence or two, thanking a saint or other religious figure for intervening in someone's life. Although the practice is ancient, it's now a form of Mexican folk art. Many retablos are funny and relatable across cultures.

Below, I've collected 11 tremendous examples of modern retablos, along with English translations. Prepare for a wild devotional ride!

1. UFO Cow Abduction vs. Jesus

Who's Being Thanked: Jesus (specifically, Santo Niño de Atocha).

Thanked For: Alien cow abduction and debt forgiveness.

Full Translation: Juaquin Ramirez took his animals to drink water from the Jaguez and all of a sudden, a UFO showed up and took a cow that belonged to his friend. He gives infinite thanks to the boy of Atocha that they didn’t take him and that his buddy believed him and didn’t bill him for the cow. Texmelucan, 1969.

2. The Diarrhea that Saved a Life

(Image: Retablos.)

Who's Being Thanked: The Lord of Chalma.

Thanked For: 9/11 diarrhea.

Full Translation: Alfredo Gutierrez gives thanks to Lord Chalma because he gave him a strong diarrhea and he became late for work as a waiter for one of the restaurants of the Twin Towers in New York and he got saved from dying. 11 Sep 2001.

Translation Note: The Spanish translates literally as "Mister Chalma," which leads us to some complex history surrounding The Lord of Chalma.

3. She Stopped Alphabetizing the Animals

(Image: Retablos.)

Who's Being Thanked: Saint Francis of Assisi.

Thanked For: Saving the pets from boredom...and providing a new teaching job.

Full Translation: When they closed the school where my wife was a teacher for many years, she became very sad and acquired the habit of giving classes to the animals of the house. I, very worried, prayed to Saint Francisco and he made the miracle that finally they give her a place as a teacher at another school and now she doesn’t have the bad habit of alphabetizing the poor animals that were very bored.

4. A Candle for the Virgin

Who's Being Thanked: The Virgin Mary (specifically, Our Lady of Guadalupe).

Thanked For: A good man.

Full Translation: Virgin of Guadalupe, I offer you this candle for allowing me to find a good man that loves me and asks me to marry him without caring about my life as a whore. I thank you, bringing you this to your altar. Carmen Hernandez. La Merced, Mexico 2004.

5. No More Eating in Bed

(Image: Retablos.)

Who's Being Thanked: Our Lady of San Juan de los Lagos (a revered statue).

Thanked For: Ant infestation.

Full Translation: My wife started eating in bed and it was filling everything with crumbs. They were very annoying. Besides, she was making so much noise chewing that I couldn’t sleep or watch TV in peace. The worst is that I’m on a diet. Thanks to my praise of [the Lady of] San Juan, an army of ants got in the bed, attracted to the food, and they stung her so much that she’s got no more will to eat in bedroom.

6. Holy Mother, Look at That Grim Reaper Tattoo

Who's Being Thanked: The Virgin Mary.

Thanked For: Awesome tattoos.

Full Translation: Jeno Martines tattoo. Thanks Little Virgin for my tattoos. Tepita Mex. 21 Nov '07

Translation Note: Tatu is slang for "tattoo" (tatuaje), so it's possible that "Tatu" is a nickname for Mr. Martines.

7. Giving Thanks for Extreme Sports Injuries Averted

(Image: Retablos.)

Who's Being Thanked: Saint Charbel Makhluf.

Thanked For: Preventing death from extreme sports.

Full Translation: I thank Saint Chanbel [sic] for saving me from the fall from the parachute because I broke a cord when I was practicing extreme sports with my friend La Chequio in Valle de Bravo. Toluca, Edo. Mex. 1994. [Barbara] Pietrasantra.

8. A Perfect Lion Act

(Image: Retablos.)

Who's Being Thanked: The Virgin Mary (specifically, Our Lady of Guadalupe).

Thanked For: Preventing death at the circus.

Full Translation: April 30, 1980. A runaway lion jumped on me. Seeing the danger, I invoked the Little Virgin of Guadalupe, managing to subdue him without causing me any damage. My act went perfectly. -Seferino. It happened in the Atayde circus on the season in Mexico.

9. The Fire-Eater Made Whole

(Image: Retablos.)

Who's Being Thanked: The Virgin Mary

Thanked For: Relief from mouth-burn.

Full Translation: When I was working as a fire-eater on the streets of the city of Mexico, I burned my mouth by accident. Asking you relief, Little Virgin, and you concede me that and I can go back to earn my living. Thank you for your favor. Toribio April 30, 1998

Translation Note: This one has various misspellings and grammatical errors, but we've tried to translate it as closely as possible to the original.

10. Extramarital Pharmacy Flirting

(Image: Retablos.)

Who's Being Thanked: The Virgin Mary, specifically The Virgin of Zapopan, also known as Our Lady of Expectation.

Thanked For: Getting away with flirting.

Full Translation: They told my wife that I was flirting with a pharmacy employee and she received me furious and jealous and wanted to kick me out of the house, and only by the intervention of Our Lady of Zapopan, I could make her understand and convince her that they were all gossip from some nosy old lady.

Translation Note: Again this one has grammatical issues, and it's a massive run-on sentence. But hey, I'm just gossiping.

11. Near-Death By Trumpet

(Image: Retablos.)

Who's Being Thanked: Saint Pancras of Rome.

Thanked For: Averting death due by trumpet.

Full Translation: The girl Rosita Fernandez thought it was very funny to blow her trumpet when her dad was sleeping but, in doing so, she caused him a heart attack that sent him to the hospital. She thanks Saint Pancracio that her dad didn’t die and promises not to do any more pranks.

More Like This!

Check out Retablos.ru, the I Thank the Virgin Tumblr, and Retablos & ex-votos on Facebook. If your favorite site for retablos isn't here, please leave it in the comments!

Special thanks to Holly Covella for research help on this post!

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Art
15 Things You Should Know About Georgia O’Keeffe

Georgia O’Keeffe’s enchanting floral still lifes are now a deeply ingrained part of American culture—so much so that they often eclipse her other colorful accomplishments. For a more complete portrait of the artist, who was born 130 years ago today, brush up on these 15 little-known facts about her.

1. FLOWER PAINTINGS MAKE UP A SMALL PERCENTAGE OF O'KEEFFE'S BODY OF WORK.

Though O'Keeffe is most famous for her lovingly rendered close-ups of flowers—like Black Iris and Oriental Poppies—these make up just about 200 of her 2000-plus paintings. The rest primarily depict landscapes, leaves, rocks, shells, and bones.

2. SHE REJECTED SEXUAL INTERPRETATIONS OF HER PAINTINGS.

For decades, critics assumed that O'Keeffe's flowers were intended as homages—or at the very least, allusions—to the female form. But in 1943, she insisted that they had it all wrong, saying, “Well—I made you take time to look at what I saw and when you took time to really notice my flowers you hung all your own associations with flowers on my flower and you write about my flower as if I think and see what you think and see of the flower—and I don’t.” So there.

3. SHE WAS NOT A NATIVE OF THE AMERICAN SOUTHWEST.


Joe Raedle/Getty Images

O'Keeffe was actually born on a Wisconsin dairy farm. She'd go on to live in Chicago; New York City; New York’s Lake George; Charlottesville, Virginia; and Amarillo, Texas. She first visited New Mexico in 1917, and as she grew older, her trips there became more and more frequent. Following the death of her husband in 1946, she moved to New Mexico permanently.

4. HER FAVORITE STUDIO WAS THE BACKSEAT OF A MODEL-A FORD.

In an interview with C-SPAN, Carolyn Kastner, curator of the Georgia O'Keeffe Museum, explained how the artist customized her car for this use: "She would remove the driver's seat. Then she would unbolt the passenger car, turn it around to face the back seat. Then she would lay the canvas on the back seat as an easel and paint inside her Model-A Ford."

Painting inside the car allowed O'Keeffe to stay out of the unrelenting desert sun, where she painted many of her later works. The Model-A also provided a barrier from the bees that would gather as the day wore on.

5. O'KEEFFE ALSO PAINTED SKYSCRAPERS.

While nature was her main source of inspiration, the time she spent in 1920s Manhattan spurred the creation of surreal efforts like New York With Moon, City Night and The Shelton with Sunspots.

6. O'KEEFFE IMMERSED HERSELF IN NATURE ...

While in New Mexico O’Keeffe spent summers and falls at her Ghost Ranch, putting up with the region's hottest, most stifling days in order to capture its most vivid colors. (The rest of the year she stayed at her second home, located in the small town of Abiquiu.) When she wasn't painting in her Model-A, O'Keeffe often camped out in the harsh surrounding terrain, to keep close to the landscapes that inspired her.

7. …WHATEVER THE WEATHER.

The artist would rig up tents from tarps, contend with unrelenting downpours, and paint with gloves on when it got too cold. She went camping well into her 70s and enjoyed a well-documented rafting trip with photographer Todd Webb at age 74. Her camping equipment is occasionally exhibited at the Georgia O'Keeffe Museum in Santa Fe.

8. SHE MARRIED THE MAN BEHIND HER FIRST GALLERY SHOW.

"At last, a woman on paper!" That’s what modernist photographer and gallery owner Alfred Stieglitz cried when he first saw O'Keeffe's abstract charcoal drawings. He was so enthusiastic about this series of sketches that he put them on display—before consulting their creator.

When O'Keeffe arrived at his gallery, she wasn't pleased, and brusquely introduced herself: "I am Georgia O'Keeffe and you will have to take these pictures down." Despite their rocky beginnings, Stieglitz and O'Keeffe quickly made amends, and went on to become partners in art and in life.

9. O'KEEFFE AND STIEGLITZ WROTE 25,000 PAGES OF LOVE LETTERS TO EACH OTHER.

When the pair met in 1916, he was famous and married; she was unknown and 23 years his junior. All the same, they began writing to each other often (sometimes two or three times a day) and at length (as many as 40 pages at a time). These preserved writings chart the progression of their romance—from flirtation to affair to their marriage in 1924—and even document their marital struggles.

10. SHE SERVED AS A MUSE TO OTHER ARTISTS.

Thanks in part to Stieglitz, O'Keeffe was one of the most photographed women of the 20th century. Stieglitz made O'Keeffe the subject of a long-term series of portraits meant to capture individuals as they aged, and she made for a striking model. Though he died in 1946, the project lived on as other photographers sought out O'Keeffe in order to capture the beloved artist against the harsh New Mexican landscapes she loved so dearly.

O'Keeffe later wrote:

When I look over the photographs Stieglitz took of me—some of them more than sixty years ago—I wonder who that person is. It is as if in my one life I have lived many lives. If the person in the photographs were living in this world today, she would be quite a different person—but it doesn't matter—Stieglitz photographed her then.

11. SHE QUIT PAINTING THREE TIMES.

The first break spanned several years (the exact number is a matter of debate), when O'Keeffe took on more stable jobs to help her family through financial troubles. In the early 1930s, a nervous breakdown led to her hospitalization, and caused her to set aside her brushes for more than a year.

In the years leading up to her death in 1986, failing eyesight forced O'Keeffe to give up painting entirely. Until then, she fought hard to keep working, enlisting assistants to prepare her canvas and mix her oil paints for pieces like 1977's Sky Above Clouds/Yellow Horizon and Clouds. She managed to use watercolors until she was 95.

12. AFTER GOING BLIND, SHE TURNED TO SCULPTING.


By Alfred Stieglitz - Phillips, Public Domain, Wikimedia Commons

Although her vision eventually made painting impossible, O'Keeffe's desire to create was not squelched. She memorably declared, "I can see what I want to paint. The thing that makes you want to create is still there.” O'Keeffe began experimenting with clay sculpting in her late 80s, and continued with it into her 96th year.

13. SHE'S THE MOTHER OF AMERICAN MODERNISM.

Searching for what she called “the Great American Thing,” O'Keeffe was part of the Stieglitz Circle, which included such lauded early modernists as Charles Demuth, Arthur Dove, Marsden Hartley, John Marin, Paul Strand, and Edward Steichen. By the mid-1920s, she had become the first female painter to gain acclaim alongside her male contemporaries in New York's cutthroat art world. Her distinctive way of rendering nature in shapes and forms that made them seem simultaneously familiar and new earned her a reputation as a pioneer of the form.

14. SHE BLAZED NEW TRAILS FOR FEMALE ARTISTS.

In 1946, O’Keeffe became the first woman to earn a retrospective at the Museum of Modern Art. Twenty-four years later, a Whitney Museum of American Art retrospective exhibit introduced her work to a new generation. Fifteen years after that, O'Keeffe was included in the inaugural slate of artists chosen to receive the newly founded National Medal of Arts for her contribution to American culture.

15. SHE WASN'T FEARLESS, BUT SHE REJECTED FEAR.

O'Keeffe was purported to have said, "I've been absolutely terrified every moment of my life and I've never let it keep me from doing a single thing I wanted to do."

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11 Fascinating Facts About Claude Monet
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Oscar-Claude Monet is beloved for his series of oil paintings depicting water lilies, serene gardens, and Japanese footbridges. The French painter manipulated light and shadow to portray landscapes in a groundbreaking way, upending the traditional art scene in the late 19th century. In honor of his birthday, here are 11 things you might not know about the father of French Impressionism.

1. HIS ARTISTIC TALENT WAS EVIDENT AT AN EARLY AGE.

Born in Paris in 1840, Monet began drawing as a young boy, sketching his teachers and neighbors. He attended a school of the arts and, as a young teenager, sold his charcoal caricatures of local figures. He also learned about oil painting and en plein air (outdoors) painting, which later became a hallmark of his style. Monet’s mother encouraged his artistic talent, but his father, who owned a grocery store, wanted him to focus on the grocery business. After his mother died in 1857, Monet left home to live with his aunt and, against his father’s wishes, study art.

2. HE SERVED AS A SOLDIER IN ALGERIA.

In 1861, Monet was drafted into the army. Forced to join the First Regiment of African Light Cavalry, he left Paris for Algeria, a territory that was then controlled by France. Monet's father offered to pay for his son’s discharge if he would promise to give up painting, but Monet refused to abandon art. After serving one year of his seven-year military commitment, Monet got sick with typhoid fever. His aunt paid to get him released from the army, and she enrolled him in art school in Paris.

3. HE WAS SO FRUSTRATED WITH LIFE THAT HE JUMPED INTO THE SEINE.

In his late 20s, Monet was frustrated with the Académie, France’s art establishment. He hated creating formulaic artwork, copying the art that hung in the Louvre, and painting scenes from ancient Greek and Roman myths. Although he tried to get his paintings into the Académie’s art exhibits, his art was almost always rejected. Depressed and struggling to support himself and his family financially, Monet jumped off a bridge in 1868. He survived his fall into the Seine and began spending time with other artists who also felt frustrated by the Académie’s restrictions.

4. RENOIR CREATED A META PAINTING OF HIM.


Renoir's "Monet Painting in His Garden at Argenteuil." Public Domain // Wikimedia Commons

In 1873, Monet was spending his summer in a rented home in Argenteuil, a suburb of Paris. His friend Pierre-Auguste Renoir visited Monet to spend time together and paint outdoors. The two men connected over their mutual dislike of the traditional style of the Académie. During his visit, Renoir painted Monet painting in his garden, creating a painting within a painting. The painting, straightforwardly called Monet Painting in His Garden at Argenteuil, depicts Monet standing outside as he paints flowers.

5. HE INDIRECTLY HELPED COIN THE TERM "IMPRESSIONISM."

Monet created a community with other frustrated artists, a group that included Renoir, Camille Pissarro, Edgar Degas, and Paul Cézanne. The group, which called itself The Anonymous Society of Painters, Sculptors, Printmakers, etc., organized an exhibition in 1874. The exhibition included groundbreaking artwork featuring bright, vivid colors and loose, seemingly spontaneous brushwork. After a critic compared one of Monet’s paintings—"Impression, Sunrise"—to an unfinished sketch (or "impression"), the term "Impressionists" caught on to describe the artists who displayed these radically different, new paintings.

6. HIS SECOND WIFE WAS IRRATIONALLY JEALOUS OF HIS FIRST WIFE.

Monet frequently painted his first wife, Camille Doncieux, who worked as a model and had been in a relationship with the artist since the mid 1860s (they married in 1870). The couple had two sons, but Camille died, perhaps of uterine cancer, in 1879. Alice Hoschedé, the wife of a businessman and art collector, had been living with the Monets after her husband went bankrupt, and Monet may have started an affair with her while Camille was still alive. After Camille's death, Hoschedé jealously destroyed all of her letters and photographs. Despite this, Hoschedé (along with her six children) lived with Monet and his two kids, and the couple married in 1892 after Hoschedé’s husband died. (Fun fact: One of Hoschedé’s daughters later married one of Monet’s sons, so the step-siblings became husband and wife.)

7. HE IMPORTED HIS WATER LILIES FROM AROUND THE WORLD.

From 1883 until his death in 1926, Monet lived in Giverny, a village in northern France. Over the years, he hired gardeners to plant everything from poppies to apple trees in his garden, turning it into a beautiful, tranquil place for him to paint. Finally wealthy from sales of his paintings, Monet invested serious money into his garden. He put a Japanese footbridge across his pond, which he famously painted, and he imported water lilies from Egypt and South America. Although the local city council told him to remove the foreign plants so they wouldn’t poison the water, Monet didn’t listen. For the last 25 years of his life, he painted the water lilies in a series of paintings that showcased the plants in varying light and textures.

8. HE PAID A GARDENER TO DUST HIS WATER LILIES.

As Monet’s garden expanded, he hired six full-time employees to tend to it. One gardener’s job was to paddle a boat onto the pond each morning, washing and dusting each lily pad. Once the lilies were clean, Monet began painting them, trying to capture what he saw as the light reflected off the water.

9. HIS CRITICS MOCKED HIS VISION PROBLEMS.


Getty Images

Around 1908 when he was in his late 60s, Monet began having trouble with his vision. Diagnosed with cataracts in 1912, he later described his inability to see the full color spectrum: "Reds appeared muddy to me, pinks insipid, and the intermediate or lower tones escaped me." When he became legally blind in 1922, he continued painting by memorizing the locations of different colors of paint on his palette. Monet delayed getting risky cataract surgery until 1923, and critics mocked him for his blurry paintings, suggesting that his Impressionist style was due to his failing vision rather than his artistic brilliance. After two cataract surgeries, Monet wore tinted glasses to correct his distorted color perception and may have been able to see ultraviolet light.

10. IN 2015, THE WORLD DISCOVERED A NEW MONET PASTEL.

In 2015, an art dealer in London discovered an unknown Monet pastel that had been hidden behind another Monet drawing that he had bought at a 2014 auction in Paris. The pastel depicts the lighthouse and jetty in Le Havre, the port in France where Monet lived as a child. Art scholars authenticated the pastel as an authentic Monet artwork and dated it to 1868, around the time he jumped into the Seine.

11. TOURISTS CAN VISIT HIS HOME AND GARDENS.


MIGUEL MEDINA // AFP // Getty Images

In 1926, Monet died of lung cancer. Starting in 1980, his former home in Giverny has been open to tourists to see his gardens, woodcut prints, and mementos. Each year, hundreds of thousands of people visit Giverny to walk through the artist’s famous garden and refurbished home. Besides looking at a variety of flowers and trees, visitors can also see Monet’s bedroom, studio, and blue sitting-room.

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