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11 of the FBI’s Most Amusing Bank Robber Nicknames

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iStock/Bedov

Although names like these 11 criminals were given sound like they were created by Stan Lee, bank robbers' nicknames are actually coined by a real-world authority: the FBI. The nicknames are supposed to be a tool for helping catch crooks, but it seems as if they’re really cooked up to keep special agents amused.

1. Snowbird Bandit

If this were a comic book villain, the Snowbird Bandit would likely be able to turn into a dark-eyed junco—or perhaps have the power of ice-making, which is so useful at parties. In reality, this vault violator was simply an older male who was presumably retired from everything but bank robbery. Bizarrely, he was a former detective.

2. Paint By Numbers Bandit

In 2007, several suburban Chicago banks were held up by the Paint By Numbers Bandit, who had a boring, unimaginative approach to crime. It’s like his heart wasn’t even in it. Talk about mailing it in. Nah, just kidding. This guy earned his name because his black coat had some white paint on it, proving that one of the greatest risks of the klepto career track is receiving a hurtful nickname.

3. Sabbatical Bandit

It would be amusing if this reprehensible robber were a tenured professor who turned from scholarly research to armed robbery while on sabbatical. But he’s just a common plunderer who took four years off between robberies. What was he doing between knocking over banks? Building homes for the poor? Ministering to the sick? Giving money to banks in the Bizarro World? The world may never know.

4. Weathergirl Bandit

In DC Comics, the Weather Wizard has fearsome meteorological powers. But in the real world, the Weathergirl Bandit just liked to chit-chat about this and that, such as the weather, while committing robbery. Hey, who could blame her? Armed robbery is awkward.

5. Irreconcilable Differences Bandit

As described in a Los Angeles Daily News article, this pernicious pilferer “got his nickname from his first bank robbery on Dec. 22 in Beverly Hills, when he told a teller he was going through a divorce and needed help wiring money, requesting that the transfer be done in such a way that his estranged wife's attorney would not learn of it.” Dude, focus on stealing money. Being a terrible husband can wait.

6. Bucket List Bandit

This Missouri marauder earned his name after passing a teller a note with something other than a demand for cash: it said the guy only had months to live. That’s actually a pretty good angle. When making deposits, I’m going to start telling my bank I have various diseases and see if they slip me an extra twenty or upgrade my check designs. 

7. Attila the Bun Bandit

No, this isn’t an alternative moniker for the Hamburglar. It’s just a poor, innocent—er, guilty—bank robber who happened to wear her hair in a bun when going on a thievery spree in 2006.

8. Good Grammar Bandit

This persnickety prowler sounds like one of those wackos who goes around correcting apostrophe use on signs. Alas, it’s just another heist hound. He didn’t correct the grammar of others, but when writing his trademark threatening notes, he was careful, clean, and grammatically correct. So even though this notorious nabber disappointed his family and friends, he made his English teachers proud.

9. Bubble Wrap Bandit

I want this creep to be more interesting than he is. Imagine a supervillain with the power to weaponize bubble wrap. That would be awesome.  But this boring brigand received his nickname because he was carrying a bubble-wrapped envelope during one of his sinister stick-ups. Still, I think Bubble Wrap Boy would make a great member of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.

10. Four Buddies Bandit

Shouldn’t that be Four Buddies Gang? Not really. It’s unknown whether this reprobate actually has any buddies or pals, much less criminal cohorts. But he definitely liked to claim, when committing convenience-story robberies, that he had “four buddies” outside. Special Agent Steve May gave him the nickname based on this claim, and it led to the allegedly quadruple-friended felon’s arrest, because he kept making the same claim over and over. (You can see why none of these lawbreakers have been named the Criminal Genius Bandit.)

11. Clark Kent Bandit

Like Clark Kent, this Baltimore baddie wore a suit and glasses. Unlike Clark Kent, he stole from local banks rather than leaping from tall buildings. This nickname is one of the more creative examples of an FBI tendency that’s perfectly logical: nicknaming a bandit based on appearance. Other clothes-based nicknames include the Sock Hat Bandit, the Forever Plaid Bandit, the Dust Mask Bandit, and the Muscle Shirt Bandit. 

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Public Domain, Wikimedia Commons // Nigel Parry, USA Network
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Meghan Markle Is Related to H.H. Holmes, America’s First Serial Killer, According to New Documentary
Public Domain, Wikimedia Commons // Nigel Parry, USA Network
Public Domain, Wikimedia Commons // Nigel Parry, USA Network

Between staging paparazzi photos and writing open letters to Prince Harry advising him to call off his wedding, Meghan Markle’s family has been keeping the media pretty busy lately. But it turns out that her bloodline's talent for grabbing headlines dates back much further than the announcement that Markle and Prince Harry were getting hitched—and for much more sinister reasons. According to Meet the Markles, a new television documentary produced for England’s Channel Four, the former Suits star has a distant relation to H.H. Holmes, America’s first serial killer.

The claim comes from Holmes’s great-great-grandson, American lawyer Jeff Mudgett, who recently discovered that he and Markle are eighth cousins. If that connection is correct, then it would mean that Markle, too, is related to Holmes.

While finding out that you’re related—however distantly—to a man believed to have murdered 27 people isn’t something you’d probably want to share with Queen Elizabeth II when asking her to pass the Yorkshire pudding at Christmas dinner, what makes the story even more interesting is that Mudgett believes that his great-great-grandpa was also Jack the Ripper!

Mudgett came to this conclusion based on Holmes’s personal diaries, which he inherited. In 2017, American Ripper—an eight-part History Channel series—investigated Mudgett’s belief that Holmes and Jack were indeed one and the same.

When asked about his connection to Markle, and their shared connection to Holmes—and, possibly, Jack the Ripper—Mudgett replied:

“We did a study with the FBI and CIA and Scotland Yard regarding handwriting analysis. It turns out [H. H. Holmes] was Jack the Ripper. This means Meghan is related to Jack the Ripper. I don’t think the Queen knows. I am not proud he is my ancestor. Meghan won’t be either.”

Shortly thereafter he clarified his comments via his personal Facebook page:

In the 130 years since Jack the Ripper terrorized London’s Whitechapel neighborhood, hundreds of names have been put forth as possible suspects, but authorities have never been able to definitively conclude who committed the infamous murders. So if Alice's Adventures in Wonderland author Lewis Carroll could have done it, why not the distant relative of the royal family's newest member?

[h/t: ID CrimeFeed]

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A New D.B. Cooper Suspect Has Emerged
FBI
FBI

The identity of skyjacker D.B. Cooper—a well-mannered passenger on Northwest Orient Airlines Flight 305 who parachuted out of the skyjacked plane heading to Seattle in November 1971 with $200,000 in cash—has long intrigued both law enforcement and amateur sleuths. One theory posited that Cooper may have even been a woman in disguise.

In July 2017, the FBI officially closed the case. This week, they might take another look at their archival material. An 84-year-old pet sitter from DeLand, Florida named Carl Laurin has made a public proclamation that a deceased friend of his, Walter R. Reca, once admitted he was the country’s most notorious airborne thief.

The announcement is tied to the publication of Laurin’s book, D.B. Cooper & Me: A Criminal, a Spy, and a Best Friend. And while some may discount the admission as an attempt to sell books, the book's publisher—Principia Media—claims it vetted Laurin’s claims via a third-party investigator.

According to Laurin, he and Reca met while both were skydivers in the 1950s and kept in touch over the years. Reca was a military paratrooper and received an Honorable Discharge from the Air Force in 1965. Laurin suspected his friend immediately following the skyjacking since he had previously broken the law, including an attempted robbery at a Bob’s Big Boy restaurant as well as several banks. But Reca didn’t admit guilt until shortly before his death in 2014, when he handed over audiotapes of his confession and made Laurin promise not to reveal them until after he had passed away.

Principia Media publisher/CEO Vern Jones says he expects skeptics to challenge the book’s claims, but says that the evidence provided by Laurin was “overwhelming.” The FBI has yet to comment on any of the specifics of Laurin’s story, but an agency spokesperson told The Washington Post that “plausible theories” have yet to convey “necessary proof of culpability.” Nonetheless, someone at the Bureau probably has a weekend of reading ahead of them.

[h/t MSN]

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