15 Secrets of Real Estate Agents

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Real estate agents play a huge role in one of the most important financial decisions of our lives. When it comes to buying, selling, leasing, or renting, they’re the ones who shepherd us through a process that can only be described as overwhelming. We talked to a handful of agents across the country to learn more about the tricks of their trade—and in the process, picked up a few tips for you.

1. CRIMINALS ARE BAD. KIDS ARE WORSE.

It isn’t just an urban legend that criminals will visit open houses to case them for a burglary. Colorado realtor Crip Erickson said these incidents happen in waves, and sometimes the crime has a super-specific target, such as prescription drugs in a medicine cabinet. Still, he said criminals aren’t the only ones to worry about during an open house. “By far the biggest problem are couples with young kids who don’t watch them,” Erickson says. “There’s been major damage done.”

2. WHEN IT COMES TO STAGING, THEY HAVE PLENTY OF TRICKS.

Chocolate chip cookie spray may be the cliché, but the realtors we spoke with emphasized music and interior design when getting a property ready to show. In addition to a little freshly popped popcorn, Erickson says he plays low-key tunes that visitors won’t know (to avoid any bad associations with a certain song). Monica Webster, who works in New York City and Greenwich, Connecticut, says her musical accompaniment depends on the property: “If I have a 6-million dollar beautiful brand-new build that's very cosmopolitan and metropolitan, I’m going to play different music than if I have an 1875 Old Greenwich house. It all depends.”

Webster says she also advises fellow agents to get dogs out of the house, turn the lights on ahead of time, make sure people walk through the front door instead of the garage, and depersonalize when necessary so prospective buyers can envision themselves in the space.

3. THEY CAN’T TELL YOU IF A PROPERTY IS HAUNTED.

An agent or broker isn't allowed to “stigmatize” a property, which can include suggesting a house is haunted. Sellers and their agents must disclose material defects, but spooky happenings can be kept quiet. If you’re truly curious, neighbors are often a great resource. Erickson says he tells prospective buyers to Google a property and check the county sheriff's website for any news stories, criminal activity, or building permits associated with the address.

4. THEY’RE ON-CALL 24/7.

In the wee hours, agents’ jobs are equal parts salesperson and therapist. “I’ve had lots of midnight phone calls with someone sobbing on the other end of the line,” Erickson says. Webster agrees: "I call myself a psychologist,” she says. “We’re in people's bedrooms!” Every agent talked about the difficulty of making people happy in the high-stress environment of finding a home. The word “compromise” came up a lot, and it applies to both the agent-buyer/seller relationship and among the buyers/sellers themselves. Erickson says that when dealing with a couple, he has them separately write down what they’re looking for in a home. “Sometimes they’re on the same page, and sometimes they’re not,” he says.

5. LITTLE SLIPS CAN COST THEM THEIR GIGS.

Webster says the hardest part of the job is finding out what buyers and sellers really want and managing their expectations. Keeping a seller happy can be just as important as perfecting a listing. Once, after a showing of a $10 million listing, Webster was fired for not calling the owner with an immediate report. “Our job is very intense,” she says. “We’re always on the front lines. Always.”

6. THEY SEE THE EXTREMES OF HUMAN EMOTION.

A stressed-out looking couple reviewing files near a laptop
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Paul MacMahon, a realtor in Dallas, says: “We work with people in all stages of life, good and bad … Selling and buying homes is almost always an emotional roller coaster and we are there with our clients every step of the way. We talk to people when they're ecstatic, infuriated, excited, and defeated.”

7. THEY SPEAK THEIR OWN LANGUAGE.

There’s a skill to crafting the perfect, limited-character sell. Erickson says a few things to look out for are “charming” (a.k.a. “small”), “cozy” (“a shack that’s about to fall down”) or “mature landscaping,” which often means there are dead trees that will need to be dealt with. Virginia agent Sarah Marchese adds that “potential” means it’s old and falling apart, “won’t last long” means it’s already been on the market too long, and “motivated seller” means it’s overpriced and any offer is good.

8. THEY NEED SALES.

Most agents are independent contractors working under brokers and are paid solely on commissions, which means they only make money when a transaction closes. Agents generally make between 5 and 7 percent, and depending on the state, that amount goes to the listing agent’s broker or can be split between the buyer and seller’s agent brokers. Lease commissions vary, but they're usually between 40 and 100 percent of one month's rent.

9. THEY REALLY DO HAVE TO ALWAYS BE CLOSING.

A hand passing over keys to another hand, with a printed agreement underneath them
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Given this financial structure, it’s no wonder agents will go to great lengths to secure a sale. Agents have seen it all, and done it all. MacMahon has one story of going the distance: “I once hiked down a mountain in Canada while trying to keep a deal from falling apart on the phone. It was getting dark so I had to use the phone's flashlight while I was talking. While I was talking to the other agent I heard my sister-in-law tell my wife not to worry, but there were bears on the mountain. I've had more relaxing vacation days.”

10. THEY WANT YOU TO BE PREPARED.

It helps if clients have done their homework. At the very start of the process, Webster gives clients a form outlining every step of the process to prepare them for what’s to come. Letting them know that it's important to get finances in order, determine a budget, and get pre-approved for a mortgage helps to set realistic expectations. (Most sellers won’t consider an offer without a pre-approval letter anyway.)

They also want you to know your limits. Both Marchese and Erickson say that one of the biggest real estate mistakes people make is trying to handle buying or selling on their own. Sellers often don’t know how to properly price their home and don’t anticipate the work involved in dealing with lenders, appraisers, attorneys, inspectors, and buyers.

11. ASKING PRICES AREN’T ARBITRARY.

A realtor and family looking at a new home to purchase
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Agents price a home based on comparable properties around the neighborhood and predictions about where the market is headed both on a grand scale and with the seasons. An agent will run a “comparative market analysis,” which collects active listings as well as those pending or under contract and then evaluates things such as the age of the structure, renovations, lot size, views, and neighborhood.

Seasonal trends also affect sellers’ prospects. For example, Erickson told us things slow down after the Fourth of July when people begin to think about school starting up again and aren’t necessarily looking to move.

According to MacMahon, it’s about finding a sweet spot that maximizes the seller's profit but isn't too high . A property has to pass an appraisal report to get a mortgage approved. Banks won’t extend mortgages for sale prices that wildly deviate from appraisals, a policy that dooms many sales. Appraisals also help protect buyers from paying too much for a home only to discover they're deep underwater on their mortgage.

12. IF YOU’VE FOUND A PROPERTY YOU LOVE, HANDWRITTEN LETTERS HELP.

If a seller is fielding competing offers, letters, photos, or videos can sway their decision. These tokens of your affection for the property can distinguish your offer from the pack or simply allay sellers’ fears about what’s going to happen to the property once they’ve moved on. “The smartest thing I could do would be to tell a buyer: ‘Write a letter and say you’re not going to tear this house down,’’’ Webster says. Marchese wrote that she’s known sellers who have taken an offer based on a heartfelt note, even if it wasn't the best move financially. “Never underestimate the power of emotional attachment,” she wrote. “It raises its head in so many ways.”

13. BUT DIVINE INTERVENTION CAN HELP, TOO.

Those aren’t the only tactics buyers can use to secure a property. Erickson says buyers sometimes contact the sellers directly—he doesn’t advise that path, but admits it can work out. Webster tells us there’s also a relatively recent superstition that sees buyers and sellers burying a statue of St. Joseph to help the process along.

Marchese wrote that she’s seen buyers “stalk” certain areas for listings, contact homeowners out of the blue to ask if they’d be interested in selling, and even submit backup offers in case a deal with another buyer falls through.

14. THEY’RE NOT JUST SELLING HOUSES.

Real estate agent showing new home to clients
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Agents also have to sell themselves, because large portions of their business come from referrals and repeat clients. Many come to be known as neighborhood experts by moving a large quantity of homes in a given area, and that perception alone can be enough to get hired. Agents can also "farm" areas, meaning they choose a specific geographical area and target their marketing efforts there.

Aside from investing in professional architectural photographers, sending out postcards, and networking, MacMahon says he’s also strategic about his online presence, because he knows potential clients will do their research: “We're all small business owners and we have to be aware that we're our own PR firms.”

15. THEY DON’T WANT YOU TO BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU READ ON THE INTERNET.

When Erickson meets prospective clients, he says his goal “is to try to establish a rapport so you don't come off as a salesman.” He believes that big real estate sites like Zillow and Trulia make people wary of agents because listings aren’t always accurate, and a simple inquiry can result in multiple realtors—often not local—contacting someone. “That process doesn’t work,” Erickson says. Marchese addresses the way the internet has changed real estate with a slightly different perspective: “I think there is a big concern among agents today that, with the internet, our profession will become obsolete. But I think it’s only helping to strengthen the industry. The more informed people are the better we have to be at our job!”

Note: This article originally misstated that people bury statues of St. Anthony for good luck.

A version of this article originally ran in 2015.

14 Secrets of McDonald's Employees

Justin Sullivan, Getty Images
Justin Sullivan, Getty Images

While there’s virtually no end to the number of fast food options for people seeking a quick meal, none have entered the public consciousness quite like McDonald’s. Originally a barbecue shop with a limited menu when it was founded by brothers Richard and Maurice McDonald in the 1940s, the Golden Arches have grown into a franchised behemoth with more than 36,000 locations worldwide.

Staffing those busy kitchens and registers are nearly 2 million McDonald's employees. To get a better idea of what many consider to be the most popular entry-level job in the nation—staff members on the floor make an average of $9 an hour—we asked several workers to share details of their experiences with errant ice cream machines, drive-through protocols, and special requests. Here’s what they had to say about life behind the counter.

1. McDonald's employees can't always deliver fast food all that fast.

While McDonald’s and other fast-service restaurants pride themselves on getting customers on their way, some menu items just don’t lend themselves to record service times. According to Bob, an assistant store manager at a McDonald’s in the Midwest, pies take an average of 10 to 12 minutes to prepare; grilled chicken, 10 minutes; and biscuits for Egg McMuffins, eight to 10 minutes. In the mood for something light, like a grilled chicken and salad? That will take a few minutes, too. Bob says salads are pre-made with lettuce but still need to have chicken and other ingredients added.

The labor-intensive nature of assembling ingredients is part of why the chain has more recently shied away from menu items with too many ingredients. “We are trained to go as fast down the line as we can, and if we have to stop to make something that has 10 ingredients, it tends to slow things down,” Bob tells Mental Floss. “Corporate has realized this and has taken many of these items off in recent years, [like] McWraps, Clubhouse, more recently the Smokehouse and mushroom and Swiss and moved to items that can go a lot quicker.”

2. McDonald's workers wish you’d stop asking for fries without salt.

A serving of McDonald's French fries is pictured
Joerg Koch, AFP/Getty Images

A common “trick” for customers seeking fresh fries is to ask for them without salt. The idea is that fries that have been under a heating lamp will already be salted and that the employee in the kitchen will need to put down a new batch in the fryer. This does work, but customers can also just ask for fresh fries. It’s less of a hassle and may even save employees some discomfort.

“People can ask for fresh fries and it's actually way easier to do fresh fries rather than no-salt fries,” Andy, an employee who’s worked at three different McDonald’s locations in the Midwest, tells Mental Floss. “For those, we have to pour the fries onto a tray from the fryer so they don't come in contact with salt. It can get awkward sometimes getting everything into position, especially if you have a lot of people working in close proximity and it's busy, so I've had some scalded hands a couple of times trying to get fries out in a timely way.”

3. McDonald's workers have to pay careful attention to the order of ingredients.

McDonald’s is pretty specific about how their burgers and other items are supposed to be assembled, with layers—meat, cheese, sauce—arranged in a specific order. If they mess it up, customers can notice. “In some cases it has a big impact,” Sam, a department manager and nine-year veteran of the restaurant in Canada, tells Mental Floss. “Like placing the cheese between the patties with a McDouble. If they don’t put the cheese between the patties, the cheese won’t melt.”

4. There’s a reason McDonald’s employees ask you to park at the drive-through.

A McDonald's customer pulls up to the drive-thru window
Tim Boyle, Getty Images

After ordering at the drive-through window, you may be slightly puzzled when a cashier asks you to pull into one of the designated parking spots. That’s because employees are measured on how quickly they process cars at the drive-through. If your order is taking a long time to prepare, they’ll take you out of the queue to keep the line moving. “My store has sensors in the drive-through that actually tell us exactly how long you are at each spot in the drive-through,” Bob says. “We get measured based on something we call OEPE. Order end, present end. [That measures] from the second that your tires move from the speaker until your back tires pass over the sensor on the present window. My store is expected to be under two minutes.” If an order will take longer than that, you'll be asked to park.

5. The McDonald's drive-through employees can hear everything going on in your car.

While the quality of the speakers at a drive-through window can vary, it’s best to assume employees inside the restaurant can hear everything happening in your car even before you place an order. “The speaker is activated by the metal in the car, so as soon as you drive up, the speaker turns on in our headset,” Andy says. “We can hear everything, and I do mean everything. Loud music, yelling at your kids to shut up, etc.”

6. The employees at McDonald’s like their regulars.

Customers eat inside of a McDonald's with an order of French fries in the foreground
Chris Hondros, Getty Images

With hot coffee, plenty of tables, Wi-Fi, and newspapers, McDonald’s can wind up being a popular hang-out for repeat customers. “[We have] a ton of regulars who come into my store,” Bob says. “I'd say at least 75 percent of my daily customers know us all by name and we know them all, too. It makes it nice and makes the service feel a lot more personal when a customer can walk into my location, and we can look them in the eye and say, ‘Hey Mark! Getting the usual today?’ and we've already started making his coffee exactly how he takes it.”

7. McDonald’s staff get prank calls.

Unless they’re trying to cater an event, customers usually don’t have any reason to phone a McDonald’s. When the phone rings, employees brace themselves. In addition to sometimes being asked a legitimate question like when the store closes, Sam says his store gets a lot of prank calls. “Sometimes it’s people asking about directions to Wendy’s,” he says. “A lot of inappropriate ones. Most are pretty lame.”

8. For a McDonald’s worker, the ice cream machine is like automated stress.

A McDonald's customer is handed an ice cream cone at the drive-thru window
iStock/jax10289

The internet is full of stories of frustrated McDonald’s customers who believe the chain’s ice cream machines are always inoperable. That’s not entirely true, but the machine does experience a lot of downtime. According to Bob, that’s because it’s always in need of maintenance. “The thing is, it is a very sensitive machine,” he says. “It's not made to be making 50 cones in a row, or 10 shakes at a time. It takes time for the mix to freeze to a proper consistency. It also requires a daily heat mode, [where] the whole machine heats up to about 130 degrees or so. The heat mode typically takes about four hours to complete, so you try to schedule it during the slowest time.” Stores also need to take the machine entirely apart every one to two weeks to clean it thoroughly.

Bob adds that the machine’s O-rings can crack or tear, rendering the unit inoperable. Seasoned workers can tell if a unit is faulty by the consistency of the shakes or ice cream coming out, and sometimes by the noises it makes.

9. McDonald's employees don't mind if you order a grilled cheese.

Contrary to rumor, there’s no “secret menu” at McDonald’s. But that doesn’t mean you can’t sometimes snag something not listed on the board. Andy says a lot of people order a grilled cheese sandwich. “I've made many a grilled cheese before,” he says. But it’s not without consequences. “Sometimes it can get a bit risky doing it because the bun toaster wasn't designed to make grilled cheeses so sometimes you get some burnt buns or cheese or the cheese sticks inside and it slows down the other buns from getting out on time so that causes more burnt buns.”

Another common request is for customers to ask for a McDouble dressed as a Big Mac, with added Big Mac sauce and shredded lettuce. “I think [it’s] a way more practical way to eat a Big Mac since there's less bun in the way, and it's also way cheaper even if you do get charged for Mac sauce.”

10. McDonald’s workers recommend always checking your order.

A McDonald's employee serves an order
Justin Sullivan, Getty Images

Nothing stings worse than the revelation that an employee has forgotten part of your food order. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not because the employees are being lazy or inattentive. According to Bob, it’s simply due to the volume of customers a typical location has to process in a given day. “We are human,” he says. “Mistakes do happen. We always feel terrible when they do but when we serve 1000-plus people a day, it's bound to happen.”

Bob recommends checking your bag before leaving the restaurant and not taking it personally if there’s an issue. “Be nice to us if you have a problem,” he says. “It's a huge difference between coming to us and saying, ‘Hey, I seem to be missing a fry from my bag,’ and ‘You bastards didn't give me my fries!’” If you want to check your bag at the drive-through, though, he recommends trying to pull ahead so cars behind you can move forward.

11. McDonald's employees don't recommend the grilled chicken.

If a menu item isn’t all that popular, it can wind up experiencing a low rate of turnover. Of all the food at McDonald’s, the most neglected might be the grilled chicken. Because it doesn't move quickly, workers find that it can turn unappetizing in a hurry. “That stuff has a supposed shelf life of 60 minutes in the heated cabinet, but it dries out so quickly that even if it's within an acceptable time frame, it looks like burnt rubber, and probably tastes like it, too,” Andy says.

12. Golden Arches employees aren’t crazy about Happy Meal collectors.

A McDonald's Happy Meal is pictured
David Morris, Getty Images

Happy Meals are boxed combos that come with a toy inside. Usually, it’s tied into some kind of movie promotion. That means both Happy Meal collectors and fans of a given entertainment property can swarm stores looking for the product. “The biggest pain involving the Happy Meals is the people who collect them,” Bob says. “I personally hate trying to dig through the toys looking for one specific one. We usually only have one to three toys on hand. It's especially a pain in the butt during big toys events such as the Avengers one we just had. There was like 26 different toys, and some customers get really mad when you don't have the one that they want.”

And no, employees don’t usually take home leftover toys. They’ve saved for future use as a substitute in case a location runs out of toys for their current promotion.

13. McDonald's employees can’t mess with Monopoly.

The McDonald’s Monopoly promotion has been a perennial success for the chain, with game pieces affixed to drink cups and fry containers. But if you think employees spend their spare time peeling the pieces off cups looking for prizes, think again. Following a widely-publicized scandal in 2000 that saw an employee of the company that printed the pieces intercepting them for his own gain, the chain has pretty strict rules about the promotion. “Monopoly pieces and things like them get sent back to corporate,” Bob says. “We aren't allowed to touch them, open them, or redeem them as employees.”

14. One McDonald's worker admits there have been sign mishaps.

A McDonald's sign is pictured
Tim Boyle, Getty Images

Many McDonald’s locations sport signs under the arches advertising specials or promotions. Some are analog, with letters that need to be mounted and replaced. Others have LED screens. Either way, there can be mistakes. “I've never seen anyone mess around with the letters,” Andy says. “But I do remember one time we were serving the Angus Burgers and the ‘G’ fell off of the word ‘Angus.’ Good times.”

14 Secrets of Cruise Ship Workers

iStock/Remus Kotsell
iStock/Remus Kotsell

From an outsider’s perspective, working on a cruise ship might seem like a dream job. What could be more glamorous than getting paid to travel the world by sea, without having to pay for housing or food? But as with many “dream” jobs, there are a few significant downsides to consider before you fill out an application. We spoke to a few cruise ship employees about what it’s like to live and work on a floating hotel.

1. Americans are the worst cruise workers.

On most large cruise liners, the majority of staff and crew are not American. “On any given contract, you’re working with about 64 nationalities,” says Kat, who spent three years working for a major cruise line. There are a number of possible drivers behind this statistic, but one is that cruise ship employees work really long hours and almost never get a day off, which isn’t particularly appealing to Americans used to a 40-hour workweek and relaxing on weekends. “On my worst contract, I was working close to 300 hours a month,” Kat says. “Yeah, you might be in beautiful places, but you’re so tired sometimes you don’t even want to go out and explore. A lot of times they won’t even hire Americans because the rate of people quitting is so high.”

Americans are also more expensive to employ, even if they do the same work as their counterparts from developing countries. Sam, who worked on Princess Cruises for two years, says her monthly salary of $1100 was higher than that of her Filipino boss. According to Sam, the official reason the ship gave was that the dollar is worth more to people from developing countries than it is to Americans.

2. Cruise ship workers are trained for pirate attacks.

It’s rare for pirates to take on a massive cruise ship, but it can happen, and if it does, the crew is prepared. Nolan, who worked for both Princess Cruises and Oceania Cruises, says he was trained to get all guests away from windows and spray the intruders with giant water cannons.

“Our ship can totally outrun their little dinghies,” he says. “We could spray them with water and they’d be helpless.” Other ships may be equipped with Long Range Acoustic Devices that emit loud, painful noises to deter attacks. That’s how a luxury cruise liner escaped a pirate attack off the coast of Africa in 2005.

3. Want to lose weight? Work on a cruise liner.

While passengers are feasting on steak and scrumptious seafood, the staff and crew aren’t so lucky. “Imagine eating at your high-school cafeteria three meals a day, seven days a week for a year,” writes one former cruise ship worker on Reddit. Kat recalls strange offerings like goat foot stew. The unappetizing food, combined with the many hours spent running the length of the ship, often mean crew members lose a significant amount of weight during their time at sea. “I would lose about 10 to 12 pounds per contract,” Kat says.

Gavin, who worked as a waiter for a major cruise line, said the crew would occasionally get treated to whatever leftovers remained from the passenger buffet, but “it would disappear so fast.”

4. Crew members sometimes mess with passengers.

Life at sea can get a bit monotonous. “It got mundane really fast,” writes one former worker on Reddit. “It was basically the same comedy of errors each day of the week, with a different ‘cast’ of passengers each week.”

Some crew members shake things up by getting a rise out of passengers in the form of good old practical jokes. According to another former crew member, “a favorite was while in a passenger area say to another crew member, loud enough to be heard by passengers, ‘Meet you in the bowling alley tonight!’” Of course, there wasn’t actually a bowling alley on board. “Then we'd wait for the comment cards to come in: ‘Why do crew get a bowling alley when we don't?’”

5. … and chance are the workers might be drunk.

When they’re not working, employees are probably drinking and partying. “We partied our asses off,” Gavin says. “We joked about how it makes a frat house look like a monastery.” The staff get their own designated watering holes on board, referred to as the crew bars, where the drinks are dirt cheap. “At the passenger bars they were charging like $15 for a drink and we’d go down into the crew bar and you could get a beer or mixed drinks for $1.25,” Sam says.

And what happens when you give copious amounts of cheap alcohol to people who are cooped up together for months at a time? “It seems like a cliche, but everyone was hooking up with each other,” Sam says. “In a lot of the crew areas there were these huge posters about STD prevention.”

The crew is regularly threatened with the possibility of random breathalyzer tests (and drug testing), but even this isn’t always enforced. “There was a strict limit on our ship of no more than .04 blood alcohol content at any time,” Gavin says, “but as long as you didn’t make a fool of yourself, you wouldn’t get randomly breathalyzed, so people would break that rule all the time.”

6. For the crew, hooking up with guests on the cruise is strictly forbidden.

So you spotted a cute crew member on your ship and are thinking of chatting them up? Good luck with that. Having sexual relations with a guest is one of the fastest ways for a crew member to get fired. This is mainly to protect the cruise line from reputation-damaging accusations of abuse. Ship security keeps a close eye on crew members day and night. That doesn’t mean hookups never happen, but if a crew member is caught in the act with a guest, they’re kicked off the ship at the next port.

7. Crew passengers are almost always being watched.

“It is safe to assume if you are outside of your cabin you are probably on camera,” Gavin says. “In the event of any kind of emergency, they could pull security footage at any time.”

8. Passengers have a lot of power over how much the crew gets paid.

At the end of a journey, you might be asked to rate your experience and share any praise or complaints on a comment card. These reviews are taken very seriously and often translate directly into salaries and bonuses for workers. “For most people, their salaries are quite low and they rely on those bonuses,” Kat says. So if you leave a bad review and mention someone by name, you can be sure they’ll feel the impact on their paycheck.

“The very best thing you can do for a crew member is to write a glowing review, mentioning them specifically on your comment card,” says a former cruise worker on Reddit. “Their superior’s superiors take note of that.”

9. Some cruise workers have double lives.

“You get a lot of married people that have their own separate lives on the cruise ship,” Kat says. “I’ve worked with couples that have wives at home and a whole different relationship while they’re on the cruise ship. It’s kind of like a don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy.”

Gavin says one of his fellow employees lived as an out-of-the-closet gay man while on board, but was still closeted on land.

10. They have no idea what’s going on in the world.

“You stop following news and sports and pop culture,” Gavin says. “You’re really kind of isolated out there.” It can be difficult (and expensive) to find an internet connection while at sea, so many ship workers completely lose track of current events while on contract.

11. They speak in code.

Crew members have shorthand codes for everything from fires to medical emergencies, which they can announce over the loudspeaker without alarming passengers.

Code Adam: a child is missing
Code Alpha: there’s a medical emergency
Code Oscar: man overboard
Code Bravo: fire on the ship

12. The cruise ship has many mafias.

But not the kind that will make you an offer you can’t refuse. According to Sam, the crew members on her ship were split into “mafias” based on their country of origin, and each mafia dealt in specific goods. For example, the Indian mafia was in charge of getting good food for the crew parties, she says. Because Sam worked in the youth center, she was tasked with providing art supplies for crew costume parties. “That’s just one of the economies of the ship,” Sam says. “Everyone is always trying to figure out what they can get from another person.”

One former cruise ship worker says the Filipino mafia was known for getting good booze at all hours. “If you wanted anything after hours, they would get it for you! The crew bar would close around 1 or 2. If you wanted to keep drinking, but were out of booze, you would just go to the Filipino mafia and get what you needed. You paid a huge markup obviously, but it was still pretty cool!”

13. There’s a morgue on board.

Roughly 200 people die on cruise ships every year, and cruise lines need some place to store the bodies safely until they get back to shore. As a result, many ships have small morgues on board that can hold five or six bodies. “We definitely had a morgue on board,” one former ship employee told me. “Because the line was for older demographics, we had people die on the ship pretty regularly.”

14. They will leave you behind.

If you leave the ship for an on-land excursion, make sure you get back before departure time. Cruise lines pay massive fines if they overstay their port time, so chances are high the ship will leave without you if you’re running behind. “You’re on your own,” Kat says. “They won’t wait.”

This list first ran in 2016 and was republished in 2019.

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