16 Very Strange Christmas Ornaments You Can Buy


Shiny baubles, stars, Santa, snowmen, and tinsel: If you’re tired of the same old Christmas ornaments, and want something that speaks to you or your loved ones personally, look no further.

1. Fuzzy Sultry Santa on the Rocks

Buy it: eBay

For: Anyone who is fabulous

“Santa Baby, slip yourself under the tree, for me.”

2. Krampus ... Or Satan

Buy it: eBay

For: the Yuletide Whipping Enthusiast

I think that this isn’t actually the Devil, but Krampus, the Christmas demon popular in Alpine regions. Krampus comes on Christmas and whips children before dragging them to hell in baskets. Or it may be the Devil. Either way, it’ll pose an interesting counterpoint to all those Christmas angels and jolly Santas on your tree.

3. Santa who suddenly understands the futility of it all

Buy it: eBay

For: Your cousin who just read Atlas Shrugged

Santa is John Galt.

4. Happy Christmas mouse being lured to his death with the promise of festive joy

Buy it: eBay

For: Someone with a sick sense of humor

Think hard about this one. The last thing you need this Christmas is the insurgency of the super-intelligent mice in your house triggered by the cruel death of their cutest comrade.

5. Barechested Golden Sphinx

Buy it: eBay

For: History buffs and nephews

You’re going to be amazed at your nephew’s sudden interest in Egyptian history this Christmas.

6. Terrified Watermelon, descending

Buy it: eBay

For: Gardeners who also might enjoy skydiving

There is nothing worse than when an inanimate object becomes self-aware and must endure the rest of eternity locked in an expression of existential terror.

7. Roller skating Santa crushing the life out of reindeer

Buy it: eBay

For: The family black sheep who you affectionately call your “Drunkle.”

Hard times have reduced Santa down to a single reindeer, roller skates, and malt liquor.

8. Burt Reynolds Cosmo layout ornament.

Buy it: eBay

For: Grandmas who still love Burt Reynolds

This was a considered an aphrodisiac fertility symbol to our ancestors.

9. Three faced baby with knob head

Buy it: eBay

For: Whichever family member best expresses themself through angry dolls

Normally, you’d only encounter this little soul-eater in your nightmares. But hang it from a tree and hey! Merry Christmas.

10. Hercules, selling tiny Herculeses

Buy it: eBay

For: Anyone not too hung up on historical accuracy—even mythical historical accuracy.

Greek gods might have conflicted feelings about hanging on a Christmas tree. Also, they wouldn’t know what a Christmas was. But neither would an anthropomorphic watermelon, so whatever.

12. Virgin Mary-faced Turkey Slaughter Lady

Buy it: eBay

For: Whoever looks at their Christmas tree and says, “Needs more dead things.”

A little reminder that next year, you can leave your Tofurky back at your solar powered mud hut, hippie.

13. Head of Genie Who Mistrusts You

Buy it: eBay

For: Kids going away to college

Dad won’t always be able to keep an eye on you, but Genie can. And Genie thinks you’ve had enough Red Chair IPA.

14. Doll Head with 1000-yard stare

Buy it: eBay

For: Grandpa, who was never the same after the war

Dolly has seen things. Awful, awful things.

15. Japanese Evil Elf-Head Light Covers

Buy it: eBay

For: Whoever in your family thinks the holiday season is lacking in nasty little heads.

Who do you think would show more mercy? The sniggering pointy eared elves, or the dead-eyed blond elves? Trick question. Neither.

16. Naked Angel Baby with Fantastic Hair.

Buy it: eBay

For: The religious scholar

Among the different varieties that represent the heavenly host, there are the Seraphim, the Cherubim, and oft forgotten Cutie-patootie Bare Bumiam.

At time of writing, all ornaments were still available to buy.

Bain News Service - Library of Congress, Public Domain, Wikimedia Commons
10 Pats Born on St. Patrick's Day
A photo from the 1919 wedding of Princess Patricia of Connaught to the Hon. Alexander Ramsay.
A photo from the 1919 wedding of Princess Patricia of Connaught to the Hon. Alexander Ramsay.
Bain News Service - Library of Congress, Public Domain, Wikimedia Commons

Need some St. Patrick's Day conversation fodder that doesn't involve leprechauns or four-leaf clovers? Ask your friends to name a "Pat" born on St. Patrick's Day. If they can't, they owe you a drink—then you can wow them with this list of 10.


Princess Patricia was the granddaughter of Queen Victoria, who gave up all of her royal titles when she married a commoner. She was born at Buckingham Palace on March 17, 1886.


The Dallas star was born on March 17, 1949. And here's a totally random fact about Duffy: His nephew is Barry Zito, former MLB pitcher for the Oakland Athletics and the San Francisco Giants.


Pattie Boyd
Larry Ellis, Express/Getty Images

Pattie Boyd is well-known to lovers of classic rock: She has been married three times, including once to George Harrison and once to Eric Clapton, who both wrote a couple of the most romantic songs in rock history in her honor (including The Beatles's "Something" and Clapton's "Wonderful Tonight"). Boyd was a model when she met Harrison on the set of A Hard Day's Night in 1964; the pair were married two years later. They divorced in 1977 and she married Clapton, Harrison's close friend, in 1979. She also had an affair with Ronnie Wood of the Rolling Stones toward the end of her marriage to The Quiet Beatle.


Belfast-born Pat Rice is a former footballer and coach who spent the bulk of his career with Arsenal F.C. (that's "football club," a.k.a. soccer to us Americans). He joined the Gunners in 1964 as a mere apprentice, turning pro a couple of years later. He became captain in 1977 and left the club for a few years in the early 1980s to go to Watford, but returned after he retired from playing in 1984. In 2012, after nearly 30 years with the organization, he announced his retirement.


Patty Maloney is an actress with dwarfism who stands just three feet, 11 inches tall. She has appeared in many movies and T.V. shows over the years, including operating the Crypt Keeper puppet in Tales from the Crypt. She also played Chewbacca's son Lumpy in The Star Wars Holiday Special.


Michael C. Hall and Mathew St. Patrick in 'Six Feet Under'

Ok, so Mathew St. Patrick is the stage name of the actor, but he was born Patrick Matthews in Philadelphia on March 17, 1968. You probably know him best as David's boyfriend Keith on Six Feet Under.


He may not be a household name, but the recording artists Patrick Adams writes for and helps produce certainly are. Adams has been involved in the careers of Salt-N-Pepa, Sister Sledge, Gladys Knight, Rick James, and Coolio, among others.


It's possible you look at Patrick McDonnell's work every day, depending on which comics your newspaper carries. McDonnell draws a strip called Mutts featuring a dog and a cat named Earl and Mooch, respectively. Charles Schulz called it one of the best comic strips of all time.


 Singer/Guitarist Billy Corgan of Smashing Pumpkins performs onstage during Live Earth New York at Giants Stadium on July 7, 2007 in East Rutherford, New Jersey
Evan Agostini, Getty Images

Yes, you know him better as just plain old Billy Corgan: he's the face of the Smashing Pumpkins, engages in public feuds with Courtney Love, and maybe once dated Jessica Simpson. He made his debut on March 17, 1967.


Patricia Ford is a retired model probably best known for her Playboy photoshoots in the 1990s.

St. Patrick's Day By the Numbers

You know St. Patrick's Day falls on the 17th of March. And you probably know how many green beers is too many green beers for you to consume. But do you know how many boys born in Ireland are named Patrick each year? Or how many people travel to Ireland to celebrate the holiday each March? The folks at RewardExpert, a website dedicated to helping travelers find the best frequent flyer and travel credit card reward programs for their lifestyle, do. And they've gathered it all together in one handy infographic, just in time for the big day.


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