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Which Country Has the Best-Looking People? Let's Ask a 19th-Century Doctor

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We’ve all heard of Emily Post, but how about Robert Tomes? Tomes was a 19th century American physician, diplomat and etiquette writer, who was known for his articles on manners appearing in Harper’s Bazar (before the spelling was Harper’s Bazaar).

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In 1870, he published a book called The Bazar Book of Decorum. The Care of the Person, Manners, Etiquette, and Ceremonials. In it, he gauges the best-looking people of different groups—including the working class and the elderly—in various countries.

The results aren’t pretty. In fact, they’re xenophobic in most instances and condescending all around. Sweeping generalizations about other races seems the opposite of good etiquette.

Here’s what he declares.

1. Americans are better looking than nearly everyone else.

If you’re American, you have been blessed with the ultimate in looks. Everyone thinks so, even non-Americans.

It is common for foreigners to praise our people for their good looks, and the American face is certainly remarkable for its regularity. It seldom presents those extraordinary deviations from the classical ideal so frequently observed in foreigners.

2. If you are German or Irish, you are likely deformed. What a pity.

While Americans’ looks are “remarkable for their regularity,” Germans and the Irish aren’t so lucky.

Those monstrous developments of the features, which are not seldom found in the German or Irish countenance, and approximate it to the various types of the lower animals, are rare among native-born Americans.

Did I mention his wife was from Germany? And that they and their three children lived in Germany for a time? 

3. Even Americans are ugly sometimes!

Americans are a diverse bunch. So, naturally, some of us will be ugly.

As people of all nations come hither, we have, of course, every kind of face. There are, accordingly, all varieties of disproportion and degrees of ugliness to be occasionally seen.

He goes on to talk about ears like “gigantic oysters” and noses like elephant trunks and really stops making sense altogether.

I’d like to reiterate: This guy is a doctor. When a patient came in with a growth, did he simply say: “I’m afraid you have a case of the uglies!”

4. Americans can be ugly in less overt ways as well.

Let’s set aside the outliers and address the more common ways Americans are ugly.

The chief faults of the American person are excessive paleness or yellowness of complexion and thinness of structure.

That’s it? That’s not so bad.

5. Every group thinks they have the best nose.

This may be the one characteristic he doesn’t have a strong opinion on.

There seems to be no absolute standard of nasal beauty.

He mentions Grecians, Ethiopians, Romans, Israelites, and the wife of Genghis Khan (really), and says they all believe they have the best nose, and this is how it should be. It is a rare moment of sanity in the book.

6. English children are more attractive than American children.

Thanks to the unfortunate American climate—and those God-given rosy English complexions!

The American complexion is surpassed in freshness and clearness by the English in youth. Our dry atmosphere is unfavorable both to the color and transparency of the skin.

What’s all this doing in an etiquette book again?

7. Americans become way hotter than the English in old age.

The English become acne-ridden when they’re elderly. (Um, OK.) On the other hand, Americans’ skin changes to perfectly complement our gray hair. Naturally.

In advanced age, however, we have decidedly the advantage. While the English complexion is apt to become pimpled and blowsy, and seems to indicate grossness and overfeeding, the American, with the progress of time ripens to a mellow ruddiness, which harmonizes well with gray hairs, and the veneration which is due to them.

It’s so sad when skin becomes blowsy.

8. The American working class is better looking than the European working class.

This seems to have something to do with the fact that we’re thinner? (Can you imagine this guy’s reaction if he saw us now?)

Compare the peasant face of Europe with that of the working people of this country. The former appears like a mass of dough rolled into a uniform surface; the latter is full of lines, distinct and expressive as those of a steel engraving.

Elsewhere he says thinness and wrinkles are unattractive, so I’m not sure how all this adds up.

9. English women are prettier than American women.

Thinness isn’t as attractive on women in general as it is on the working class at large. (But what about working class women?)

Our dames, although we do not advise them to go to bed nightly on a supper of Stilton cheese and London stout like their English sisters, would, we believe, improve their looks if they lived better. By living better we mean feeding at regular intervals upon well-cooked, nutritious food, instead of wasting their appetites upon cakes, sweets, and other indigestible articles, which fill the stomach, but starve the body.

So American women should eat more, but they should avoid cheese, beer, and sweets? All right, so the latter may be true to some extent, but it sounds like no fun at all.

10. Ancient Greek women dressed the best.

He thinks very highly of ancient Greek women in general.

The Greek woman, with a genuine contour of swelling bosom and rounded limb, was content to cover herself with a simple cloth, which, confident in her graceful proportions, she left to assume the natural lines of her figure.

He praises ancient Greeks later as well for not participating in “ear-boring”—that’s ear-piercing to us—and he can’t stop talking about how beautiful the Venus de Milo is, which makes me wonder: Does he like simple clothing or next-to-no clothing?

11. The women of the Carpathian valleys—or thereabouts—having amazing skin. But don’t be fooled—this has nothing to do with consuming arsenic!

There was a rumor in the 19th century that women of the Carpathian valley, which is an area in Eastern and Central Europe, were exceptionally good-looking. This was credited to the consumption of arsenic.

Ever since a traveler imprudently revealed the fact that some women, of the Carpathian valleys, we believe, secured for themselves beautiful complexions by feeding on arsenic, this practice, it is said, has been more or less generally adopted, not only in Europe, but in this country.

The good doctor suddenly feels compelled to do some extreme hedging, it appears more or less.

Physicians have, moreover, for a long time been in the habit of prescribing, in diseases of the skin, a preparation called “Fowler’s Solution,” the principal constituent of which is arsenic.This remedy is considered an effective one, but its danger is so great that it is given only in the smallest doses.

Fowler’s Solution, which contains one percent arsenic, was once used on everything from eczema to cancer. Dr. Tomes goes on to say, roughly: Don’t use arsenic (even though it will make your skin look great)!

By the by, Bram Stoker’s Count Dracula resides in the Carpathian Mountains, so maybe the youthful looks of the ladies in those valleys had less to do with arsenic and more to do with immortality?

And that gets us to Chapter 3 in this book. If we were to continue, you would encounter such information as:

● Why the ear becomes unattractive. It’s mostly “owing to its neglect in childhood and youth,” which Tomes details in the subsection “The ear—How to make it beautiful.”
● The “cure for fatness!” It involves the sensible suggestion to exercise and avoid “fat-producing” foods, and the not-so-sensible advice of “frequent rubbing of the body with a rough towel or brush, an occasional laxative, alkaline, sea, and vapor baths, with shampooing or kneading of the flesh” to to help you lose weight.
● And sprawling gets its own subsection! Tomes’ take: “It is not customary to sit upon more than one chair at a time.”

So congrats to ancient Greek women and the ladies of the Carpathian valley—you’re the only ones who came out of this unscathed, assuming the latter survived dosing themselves with arsenic.

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10 Colorful Facts About Teletubbies
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Ian Gavan, Getty Images

It was the show that every baby loved and every parent found annoying, but somehow Teletubbies took over the world in the late 1990s, much the same way The Beatles did in the 1960s. Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, Laa-Laa, and Po—the four colorful characters with televisions in their stomachs—demanded hugs, loved to repeat themselves, and became icons of educational television, though many still question just what was to be learned from their antics. On the 20th anniversary of the series' American premiere, we're looking behind the scenes of the weird show that somehow just worked.

1. THEY WERE RACIALLY DIVERSE, INSIDE AND OUT.

When the Teletubbies sat down with Today to reveal their true identities, fans learned that the actors inside the costumes were as diverse as the characters themselves, and each one added a bit of his or her own culture to the character they portrayed. John Simmit blended reggae into Dipsy’s babytalk, while Pui Fan Lee incorporated Cantonese into Po’s gibberish. In a short film called Understanding Teletubbies, Tina Wagner from Ragdoll Productions and educational consultant Faith Rogow revealed that body color and height are not the only differences between the four characters. “They also have different skin tones in their faces,” Rogow said. “All of that is very purposeful.”

2. THEY LOOK LIKE ALIENS BUT WERE INSPIRED BY ASTRONAUTS.

Teletubbies co-creator Andrew Davenport told The Guardian that when writing the show, he was inspired by the moon landings and the physical appearance of the astronauts. “It struck me as funny that, at this pinnacle of human achievement, the figures that emerged in bulky spacesuits from landing capsules are like toddlers, with oversized heads and foreshortened legs,” he said, “and they respond to the excitement of their new world by bouncing about. So I devised characters based on spacemen, with limited language just like the emergent speech of young children.”

3. THEY’RE A LOT TALLER THAN THEY LOOK.

Because the Teletubbies only appear on the show in their fake world, there is nothing to compare them to besides each other. Wagner revealed in the short film that in costume, Tinky-Winky is almost nine feet tall.

4. THE RABBITS IN TELETUBBYLAND WERE ALSO MASSIVE.

Teletubbies co-creator Anne Wood revealed in an interview with The Guardian that those cute and fluffy rabbits that appear in the show are not your average pet bunnies. “They needed to be big to fit in with the scale,” Wood said. There was also a problem with their health. “The only suitable ones we could find had been bred on the continent to be eaten,” Wood revealed. “We gave them perfect conditions, running free over the Teletubby grasslands, but their breeding had given them enlarged hearts, and almost weekly the animal trainer would greet me in distress and tell me another had died.”

5. IT WAS THE BBC’S BIGGEST BRAND.

The world famous Teletubbies (L-R) Po, Laa-Laa, Dipsy and Tinky-Winky cross 7th Avenue in Times Square in New York 27 March 2007 as they arrive on American soil in person for the first time ever.
TIMOTHY A. CLARY, AFP/Getty Images

According to the BBC'S annual report for 1998/1999, Teletubbies was its leading brand with over $46 million in revenue. At the time, they were seen by children in 120 countries and territories and aired in 20 languages.

6. THEY SUED WAL-MART.

Because the Teletubbies brand was so big, it had to be protected. In 1999, they sued Wal-Mart Stores Inc. for selling blatant knockoffs called Bubbly Chubbies. “It's not flattery. It's just illegal," Kenn Viselman, the chief executive of the company that marketed the Teletubbies in the United States, told the Los Angeles Times. A spokesperson said that Wal-Mart would “never knowingly infringe on copyright or trademark law,” but the company later agreed to stop selling the toys and destroyed the rest of the inventory.

7. SOME PEDIATRICIANS PROTESTED.

In 1999, the German Association of Pediatricians argued that Teletubbies was bad for children because it (and other shows like it) caused “uncontrollable television consumption in later years.” The doctors also questioned the educational value of the show.

8. TAYLOR SWIFT WAS A FAN.

This past Halloween, Taylor Swift Instagrammed a throwback photo of a Teletubbies costume she wore as a child. The photo is black-and-white, but Swift said that she was Laa-Laa and none of the other kids got it. “When you dress as the yellow teletubby for Halloween, but it's before Teletubbies got huge so all the kids at school ask you why you're dressed as a yellow pregnant alien,” she captioned the photo.

9. THERE WERE A LOT OF EPISODES.

According to IMDb, there were 365 episodes of Teletubbies produced. They aired in the UK on BBC2 between March 31, 1997 and February 16, 2001, and on PBS in the U.S. And there will be more episodes: In 2015, a Teletubbies reboot was announced. The series has also been kept alive in pop culture thanks to numerous references in everything from Family Guy to Doctor Who to Major League Baseball.

10. THEY ARE PLATINUM RECORDING ARTISTS.

On December 1, 1997, the Fab Four dropped a single called “Teletubbies Say ‘Eh-Oh'.” In the week before Christmas, the song had already reached number one on the Billboard UK Singles Chart, selling 1.2 million copies and earning a double platinum certification. It remained in the top 75 for 29 weeks.

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When Michael Flatley Was 'Lord of the Dance'
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Jo Hale, Getty Images

In 1989, while speaking with the Chicago Tribune, a 30-year-old dancer named Michael Flatley outlined some significant plans he had for the future. Chief among them: franchising a plumbing business called Dynasewer, which he hoped would one day replace Roto-Rooter as the go-to company for desperate people with impenetrably clogged toilets.

Few people outside of the Chicago area have ever heard of Dynasewer, which tells you everything you need to know about Flatley’s grand plans. Instead of running a sewage empire, he embraced dancing, something he had loved and practiced since the age of 11. A little over six years later, he was selling millions of videos and made a fortune touring as the Irish-stepping star of Lord of the Dance.

 
 

The contrast between Flatley’s plumbing aspirations and his theatrical gifts isn’t as jarring as it might seem. Born in Chicago on July 16, 1958 to Irish immigrants, Flatley took cues from both his parents. His mother was an accomplished Irish step-dancer, which usually emphasizes a rigid torso and vertically-held arms along with rhythmic lower body choreography; his grandmother was a contest champion in their native Ireland. His father was a construction laborer and plumber who eventually owned his own contracting business. There was no reason Flatley couldn’t be inspired by both of their talents.

Dancing was an informal hobby for the young Flatley, and one he didn’t begin to take seriously until age 11—a significantly late start for step-dancers. To make up for lost time, Flatley practiced for hours every day in his family’s garage. The work paid off: At 17, he won the All-World Championships in Ireland, becoming the first American ever to do so.

While it was a commendable accomplishment, and one that surely thrilled the step-obsessed Flatleys, Irish stepping was not considered a viable option toward financial independence. For the next several years, Flatley assisted his father in construction work, digging ditches and contemplating a career in professional boxing, another physically demanding passion he had developed.

Then The Chieftains came calling. The Irish folk band was successful touring Ireland with an act that mixed traditional Celtic music with high-energy step routines, and Flatley acquitted himself well as a supporting player. He accompanied the group for four years, at the same time developing the Dynasewer brand as a financial cushion to fall back on, as he assumed his dancing career would be a short-lived endeavor. Even a Guinness World Record—which Flatley earned for tapping his feet 28 times in one second in 1989—was hard to monetize. (In 1998, he broke his own record when he reached an impressive 35 taps per second.)

Flatley’s fortunes changed in 1994, thanks to the Eurovision Song Contest. Looking to broadcast the distinctive art of Irish stepping, Flatley joined a new troupe and co-created Riverdance, a seven-minute number that broadened the appeal of his art by adding flashy costumes, a stage-filling number of backup performers, and a degree of sensuality.

Riverdance was a phenomenal ratings success, becoming the talk of that year’s Eurovision field in much the same way Michael Jackson had walked off with a televised Motown special in 1981 by debuting the Moonwalk. Almost immediately, Flatley and producers began assembling a full-length Riverdance stage show that was even more bombastic. Flatley, his exposed torso reminiscent of a flamenco dancer, led a wildly successful international tour and became one of the very few dancers recognizable to the general public—attention usually only afforded to actor-performers like Gregory Hines or Mikhail Baryshnikov.

For six months, Flatley was on top of the world. Then, the night before Riverdance was scheduled to open in London, he was fired.

 
 

According to Flatley, the acrimonious split from Riverdance was a result of the show’s unprecedented success. As the key creative force behind the scenes, the performer wanted to retain control of his choreography, a concession that the show’s producers were unwilling to make. In a show of force, they ousted their star from the stage.

Flatley’s legal response to that situation wouldn’t be resolved until 1999, when the two parties came to an undisclosed settlement. But it didn't take that long for the parties to realize that it was Flatley, and not the Riverdance banner, that audiences were flocking to see. Less than six months after his Riverdance dismissal, Flatley and new partner John Reid conceived Lord of the Dance, a brand-new stage attraction that featured a loose narrative—Flatley is a warrior up against sinister forces—and even more bombastic theatrics. (Reid and Flatley would part ways, rather acrimoniously, a couple of years later.) Flatley exuded so much energy that he claimed he lost 8 to 10 pounds during each performance (then ate “everything in sight to keep my weight up").

'Lord of the Dance' star Michael Flatley poses during a public appearance
Alaxandra Beier, Getty Images

Lord of the Dance was a staggering success, making $60 million in just two years of touring and selling 12 million copies on video. Flatley continued performing through 1998, before announcing his retirement from the show. He was nearing 40, and his back, feet, and joints had taken a significant amount of impact. He felt it was time to step away.

In 2005, the urge to perform returned, and Flatley debuted Celtic Tiger. He continued dancing through 2016, at which point, he told reporters, being the Lord of the Dance had led to diminished physical abilities. “My groin is gone,” he said. And his left foot sometimes fractures spontaneously.

Wealthy from touring, Flatley could sit idle and nurse his aching frame. Instead, he recently shot a film, Blackbird, which he directed and stars in alongside Eric Roberts. He also paints, albeit in an unconventional way: Flatley produces abstract works by dipping his feet into paint and moving them across the canvas.

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