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15 Dissertation Titles Translated Into Clickbait Headlines

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We’ve all become savvy to the tropes and tricks of clickbait headlines, but that doesn’t stop us from clicking on them. As it turns out, the conventions of clickbait can be applied to even the most highbrow topics. Over on Tumblr, ClickBaitPHD converts otherwise mundane dissertation topics into eye-catching headlines you can share with your Facebook friends. Here are some examples, with links to the actual dissertations where available.

1. H-Bomb designer told us to look for signals from distant galaxies. Why we can’t see them is out of this world.

Actual title: The population of submillimeter galaxies and its impact on the detection of the Sunyaev-Zel’dovich Effect

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2. These squirrels were forced to migrate south because of the Ice Age. What happened next WILL SHOCK YOU.

Actual title: Genetic structure and phylogeography of the fox squirrel, Sciurus niger, as inferred from a mitochondrial gene.

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3. What happens when you put farmers on the internet? Justice.

Actual title: The global justice movement and struggles over knowledge (link)

Book title: Global Justice and the Politics of Information: The struggle over knowledge

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4. "I got aggregate structural sample!" Take this quiz to find out YOUR sample-based hip-hop type!

Actual title: A Typology of Sampling in Hip-Hop (link)

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5. Think college students are spending too much time on facebook? At p. 57 you’ll ‘like’ what’s going on, by p. 128 you’ll LOVE it.

Actual title: First Year Students in a Foreign Fabric:  A Triangulation Study on Facebook as a Method of Coping/Adjustment

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6. Would Your Diet Help Conquer Europe? These 100-year-old secrets to healthy eating will turn your stomach!

Actual title: The Politics of the Table: Nutrition and the Telescopic Body in Saxon Germany, 1890-1935

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7. You won’t believe what is contributing to the spread of HIV! The shocking truth that politicians don’t want YOU to know!

Actual Title: A Political Epidemiology of HIV/AIDS in Sub-Saharan Africa.

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8. Think You Know How Armies Work? Listen to This Guy. At p. 57 He’ll Make You Think. At p. 279 He’ll Blow Your Mind.

Actual title: Desertion, Control and Collective Action in Civil Wars

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9. These women needed to get their message across. How they did amazed me. (Hint: It may have involved quilts).

Actual title: Female Fabrications: An Examination of the Public and Private Aspects of Nüshu

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10. You NEED to See This Hot Model (NSFW) of Ethnic Politics and Foreign Policy.

Actual title: Supporting secession or maintaining boundaries: The international consequences of ethnic politics. (link)

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11. All of your brain cells have the same DNA, right? Here are 10 reasons why you’re so wrong.

Actual title: Chromosomal aneuploidy in the developing mammalian cortex 

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12. Robyn may be dancing on her own, but the rest of Sweden? Think again.

Actual title: The Musical Landscape: Music, Place and the Regionalization of Cultural Policy

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13. Ever wonder when to start burning stuff down to get what you want? These 11 Indonesian farmers’ tactics will totally blow your mind!

Actual title: Did I Say This Land Is Your Land? Patterns of Contention in Indonesian Environmental Disputes

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14. They were just taking a test, but how these students were assessed may have really f*cked them up (p < 0.1)

Actual title: Performance Goal Practices: Characteristics of Teacher Usage and Implications for Social Relationships in Elementary School Classrooms (link)

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15. Meet the Bad-ass Bards who Changed the Way You Experience the Written Word.

Actual title: Anthologizing Modernism: New Verse Anthologies, 1913-53 (link)

See more at ClickBaitPHD.

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Including Smiley Emojis in Your Work Emails Could Make You Look Incompetent
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If you’re looking to give your dry work emails some personality, sprinkling in emojis may not be the smartest strategy. As Mashable reports, smiley emojis in professional correspondences rarely convey the sentiments of warmth that were intended. But they do make the sender come across as incompetent, according to new research.

For their paper titled "The Dark Side of a Smiley," researchers at Ben-Gurion University of the Negev in Israel looked at 549 subjects from 29 countries. After reading emails related to professional matters, participants were asked to judge the "competence and warmth" of the anonymous sender.

Emails that featured a smiley face were found to have a "negative effect on the perception of competence." That anti-emoji bias led readers to view the actual content of those emails as less focused and less detailed than the messages that didn’t include emojis.

Previous research has shown that sending emojis to people you’re not 100 percent comfortable with is always a gamble. That’s because unlike words or facial expressions, which are usually clear in their meanings, the pictographs we shoot back and forth with our phones tend to be ambiguous. One study published last year shows that the same emoji can be interpreted as either positive or negative, depending on the smartphone platform on which it appears.

Fortunately, there are plenty of ways to communicate effectively without leaning on emojis to make you look human. Here are some etiquette tips for making your work emails sound clear and competent.

[h/t Mashable]

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Words
9 Sweet Old Words for Bitter Tastes and Taunts
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Whether you’re enjoying the sharp taste of an IPA or disliking some nasty words from a colleague, it’s hard not to talk about bitterness. But we could all use a few new—or old—terms for this all-too-common concept. So let’s dig into the history of English to find a few words fit to describe barbs and rhubarbs.

1. STOMACHOUS

Have you ever spoken with bile and gall? If so, you’ll understand why stomachous is also a word describing bitterness, especially bitter words and feelings. This is an angry word to describe spiteful outbursts that come when you’ve had a bellyful of something. In The Faerie Queen, Edmond Spencer used the term, describing those who, “With sterne lookes, and stomachous disdaine, Gaue signes of grudge and discontentment vaine." You can also say someone is “stomachously angry,” a level of anger requiring a handful of antacids.

2. WORMWOOD

Artemisia absinthium (wormwood) is the patron plant of bitterness, which has made wormwood synonymous with the concept. Since at least the 1500s, that has included wormwood being used as an adjective. Shakespeare used the term in this way: “Thy secret pleasure turnes to open shame ... Thy sugred tongue to bitter wormwood tast.” George Parsons Lathrop reinforced this meaning in 1895 via the bitterness of regret, describing “the wormwood memories of wrongs in the past.” Unsurprisingly, some beers are brewed with wormwood to add bitterness, like Storm Wormwood IPA.

3. BRINISH

The earliest uses of brinish are waterlogged, referring to saltiness of the sea. The term then shifted to tears and then more general bitterness. Samuel Hieron used it in his 1620 book Works: “These brinish inuectiues are vnsauory” [sic]. Nothing can ruin your day quite like brinish invective.

4. CRABBED

Crabby is a popular word for moods that are, shall we say, not reminiscent of puppies and rainbows. Crabbed has likewise been used to describe people in ways that aren’t flattering to the crab community. The Oxford English Dictionary’s etymological note is amusing: “The primary reference was to the crooked or wayward gait of the crustacean, and the contradictory, perverse, and fractious disposition which this expressed.” This led to a variety of meanings running the gamut from perverse to combative to irritable—so bitter fits right in. Since the 1400s, crabbed has sometimes referred to tastes and other things that are closer to a triple IPA than a chocolate cookie. OED examples of “crabbed supper” and “crabbed entertainment” both sound displeasing to the stomach.

5. ABSINTHIAN

This word, found in English since the 1600s, is mainly a literary term suggesting wormwood in its early uses; later, it started applying to the green alcohol that is bitter and often illegal. A 1635 couplet from poet Thomas Randolph sounds like sound dietary advice: “Best Physique then, when gall with sugar meets, Tempring Absinthian bitternesse with sweets.” A later use, from 1882 by poet Egbert Martin, makes a more spiritual recommendation: “Prayer can empty life's absinthian gall, Rest and peace and quiet wait its call.”

6. RODENT

Now here’s a bizarre, and rare, twist on a common word. Though we’re most familiar with rodents as the nasty rats digging through your garbage and the adorable hamsters spinning in a wheel, this term has occasionally been an adjective. Though later uses apply to corrosiveness and literal rodents, the earliest known example refers to bitterness. A medical example from 1633, referring to the bodily humors, shows how this odd term was used: “They offend in quality, being too hot, or too cold, or too sharp, and rodent.”

7. NIPPIT

The first uses of nippit, found in the 1500s, refer to scarcity, which may be because this is a variation of nipped. In the 1800s, the term spread to miserliness and narrow-mindedness, and from there to more general bitterness. OED examples describe “nippit words” and people who are “mean or nippit.”

8. SNELL

This marvelous word first referred to physical and mental quickness. A “snell remark” showed a quick wit. But that keenness spread to a different sort of sharpness: the severity or crispness of bitter weather. An 1822 use from Blackwood’s Edinburgh Magazine uses this sense: “The wintry air is snell and keen.”

9. TETRICAL

The Latinate term for bitterness and harshness of various sorts appears in José Francisco de Isla's 1772 book The History of the Famous Preacher Friar Gerund de Campazas, describing some non-sweet folks: "Some so tetrical, so cross-grained, and of so corrupt a taste." A similar meaning is shared by the also-rare terms tetric, tetricity, tetricious, and tetritude. Thankfully, there is no relation to the sweet game of Tetris.

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