'The 179 Days of Christmas' Is a 9-Hour-Long Holiday Song That's Designed to Be Hated

Joren Cull, YouTube
Joren Cull, YouTube

Officially, the longest song ever released is "The Rise and Fall of Bassanova," a 13-plus-hour electronic epic that came out in 2016. Yet somehow, a new song released for Christmas 2018 feels so much longer that that. "The 179 Days of Christmas," introduced to us by The A.V. Club, is almost nine hours of nonstop, terrible lyrics bopping along to a cartoony woodblock beat.

We can't recommend the song, per se, but we certainly appreciate its dedication to the concept. Created by illustrator Joren Cull and musician AJ Ing, it's a play on "The Twelve Days of Christmas" that considers what else someone could receive for the holidays—with a sense of humor straight out of South Park.

Accompanied by cute animations from Cull, the lyrics are a hodgepodge of odd, random, and occasionally super-dark concepts to dwell on. The list begins with things that conceivably could be OK to receive as gifts—say "14 singing Furbies"—and then it gets weirder. Suddenly, you're up to "35 dreams that crumbled," "66 dancing earthworms," "70 unpaid interns," and "94 allergic reactions." To get a sense of the writers' sensibilities, you need only know that the entry for the number 69 is simply a cackle of laughter.

Last year, the Port of Vancouver—as in, the transportation authority for Canada's largest port—hired a choir to sing a three-and-a-half-hour-long song about the 6000-odd items that passed through its control in 2017, labeling it the world's longest holiday song. This video takes the concept to a whole other level.

All of this is to say that if you really want to play a prank on your family this holiday season, stick this tune on your Christmas party playlist. We bet—really, hope—you won't be able to sit through the whole thing. Listen below if you dare.

[h/t The A.V. Club]

Mardi Gras King Cake Ice Cream Is Coming to a Grocery Store Near You

iStock.com/fstop123
iStock.com/fstop123

Each year, Blue Bell Creamery celebrates Mardi Gras with a limited-edition ice cream that captures the spirit of the festival. Now, for the first time, the once-regional flavor will be available wherever Blue Bell ice cream is sold, KXXV reports.

Blue Bell debuted Mardi Gras King Cake in 2012, and for years it could only be found in places like Louisiana and Alabama. Exclusively available in the months leading up to Mardi Gras, or Shrove Tuesday, the ice cream has become a seasonal favorite in that part of the country. Blue Bell recently announced it's expanding the flavor in response to nationwide interest to cover its entire distribution area in the southern U.S.

Mardi Gras King Cake combines two old Blue Bell flavors: Mardi Gras, which came out in 2004, and King Cake, which launched in 2006. It features pastry pieces, cream cheese swirls, and colorful sprinkles in cinnamon cake-flavored ice cream. (The traditional plastic baby is missing from this version).

Half-gallons of Blue Bell's Mardi Gras King Cake ice cream can be found in stores starting the first week of 2019.

Carton of Blue Bell Mardi Gras King Cake ice cream.
Courtesy of Blue Bell

[h/t KXXV]

7 Hangover Cures Backed By Science

iStock
iStock

Science has a lot to say about bogus hangover cures (coffee, hair of the dog, and saunas aren't doing you any favors), but not as much about which treatments are legitimate. That's not for a lack of trying: The quest to banish the headaches, nausea, and dizziness that follow a bout of heavy drinking has been going on for centuries. We still don't know how to prevent hangovers or how exactly they happen, but if you're feeling miserable after last night, there are a handful of science-based remedies that might ease your pain.

1. Asian Pear Juice

Have some extra Asian pears at home? Run them through your juicer before your next night out. According to researchers at Australia's Commonwealth Scientific and Industrial Research Organisation, just 7.4 ounces of Asian pear juice is enough to soften the blow of a hangover. The scientists say that the juice interacts with enzymes that break down alcohol, speeding up your metabolism and leaving less surplus alcohol for your body to absorb. There's just one catch: The juice must be consumed before you drink anything else in order to be effective. Apologies to anyone currently reading this through heavy-duty sunglasses.

2. Music

Anyone who's ever suffered through a massive hangover knows that sound is the enemy. But while your roommate's 9 a.m. tap dancing practice might exacerbate your symptoms, music may have the opposite effect. Research has shown that listening to music can provide relief to migraines, which are similar to hangover headaches. As long as the music is pleasant and suits your taste, it should help to drown out the chorus of pain playing in your mind. Head sensitivity isn't the only symptom music helps with: According to researchers at the University of Edinburgh, listening to your favorite music also eases pain. There hasn't been research specifically on hangovers, but at the very least it should hide your pained cries.

3. Sprite

If you're looking for something to nurse your hangover, skip the Bloody Mary. A team of Chinese researchers found that Xue bi, the Chinese version of Sprite, is actually the best beverage to combat the lingering side-effects of alcohol. Of the 57 drinks tested, Sprite was the best at helping enzymes break down acetaldehyde, the metabolized version of ethanol that's blamed for some of the nastiest hangover symptoms. The scientists also identified which concoctions you should avoid: A drink containing herbs and hemp seeds was the worst offender, as it actually prolongs acetaldehyde metabolism instead of speeding it up. (We should also caution that this test was done in a lab and might not be applicable to actual drinking scenarios.)

4. Pedialyte

Although not the primary cause of your hangover, one of the many ways alcohol can leave you feeling worse for wear the morning after is dehydration. Alcohol is a diuretic—it makes you pee a lot more than you would otherwise. If your fluids are depleted when you go to bed, you can expect to wake up feeling groggy, achy, and all-around not your best. Water is the simplest fix for dehydration, but for more extreme cases, there's Pedialyte. The drink was originally developed to rehydrate kids sick from vomiting and diarrhea, but it's marketed as a hangover treatment for adults as well. It contains nutrients, sodium, and other electrolytes—all things that can nurture your body when it's dehydrated. It won't cure the hangover, but it might help alleviate the worst of it.

5. Anti-inflammatory drugs

If your first move when you're hungover is to reach for a bottle of aspirin, you have the right idea. Anti-inflammatory drugs may not do much to stop the underlying causes of your condition, but they can suppress your symptoms long enough for you to get out of bed without feeling like your head's been replaced with an anvil. On top of easing headaches and muscle pain, there's another reason these pills are good for hangovers: They may directly combat alcohol's inflammatory effects. But there's one over-the-counter painkiller you should never take while or after consuming alcohol, and that's Tylenol. Any drug that uses acetaminophen will only further abuse your recovering liver.

6. Eggs

The best way to tackle a hangover with food is to eat while you drink. Chowing down after the damage has already been done may distract you from your turmoil for a short while, but it won't soothe your physical symptoms. There are a few exceptions: Eggs, for example, have hangover-fighting potential thanks to a special ingredient. The food is packed with cysteine, an amino acid that breaks down the drinking byproduct acetaldehyde. So whether you prefer to enjoy brunch out or at home, make sure your meal includes eggs in some form.

7. Honey on toast

While you're at it, put some honey on toast next to your omelet. According to Britain's Royal Society of Chemistry, while it won't cure a hangover, the breakfast can help alleviate the symptoms: "The best breakfast is toast and honey (or golden syrup) which provides the body with the sodium, potassium, and fructose which it now needs." The BBC talked to a junior doctor about this hangover remedy and he recommended adding banana. While he cautions it's an acquired taste, the doctor explained, "Bananas are a high source of potassium—an electrolyte that gets depleted when you go out on the binge. The honey will give you that spike of sugar in your bloodstream and that energy rush to help you get back on your feet."

Bonus: Drink less

While this is definitely the least helpful of all suggestions, in 2005 an article in the BMJ looked at 15 studies of hangover cures, noting that "the paucity of randomized controlled trials is in stark contrast to the plethora of ‘hangover cures' marketed on the internet." Their conclusion? "No compelling evidence exists to suggest that any conventional or complementary intervention is effective for preventing or treating alcohol hangover. The most effective way to avoid the symptoms of alcohol induced hangover is to practice abstinence or moderation."

SECTIONS

arrow
LIVE SMARTER