Bees do it, and birds definitely do it—in all kinds of crazy ways. Here are nine birds and their mating rituals.
Male frigatebirds have red kidney-shaped pouches on their chests that they inflate like balloons to attract girls. During mating season, the male sits on a nest and gyrates his puffed-up chest at the females flying overhead. When a female sees a male she likes, she lands beside him. However, copulation is often interrupted when other jealous males jump on the chosen partner and try to puncture his red balloon.
When choosing a mate, flamingos dance in a big group. They stretch their necks and flip their heads back and forth while taking tiny, mincing steps. Then they break off in pairs to breed. It’s pretty much the greatest thing ever.
Ducks have a reputation for being monogamous, but the reality is more gruesome, as the females are often gang raped by the males. This behavior is so ingrained in ducks that the female's oviduct (vagina) has sacs and dead ends that can hold and expel unwanted sperm. Scientists theorize that she can unblock her oviduct if so inclined, meaning that she usually ends up with the desired drake's ducklings.
Incidentally, the Argentine Lake Duck has the longest bird penis, which is corkscrew shaped and 17 inches long.
4. Emperor Penguin
This mating ritual of the Emperor Penguin starts miles apart. The males and females walk 30 to 70 miles to inland Antarctica and meet at a breeding site. Then they stand in a crowd and the males “bugle” for the females, who recognize their mates’ voices. They take a waddle around the group, bow deeply to one another, nuzzle, and make loving noises before mating.
5. White-Fronted Parrot
White-Fronted Parrots kiss by putting their beaks together and touching each other’s tongues. Then the male vomits into the female’s mouth. To the female, this is a tasty treat that gets her in the mood.
6. Hedge Sparrow
The Hedge Sparrow is monogamous—mostly. The female will sometimes keep a second male on hand, who lurks in the bushes waiting for her mate to turn his back. When he does, she lets him copulate with her, a process that’s more like a bumping of genitals. Then things get weird: When the first mate comes back, she displays herself to him and he pokes at her genitals until the other male’s sperm spurts out. Then the two birds have sex, ensuring that it’s (probably) her mate’s egg in the nest. Why do this? Both the mate and the misinformed adulterer will help the female feed the chicks.
Albatrosses start out with mutual grooming, each tenderly preening the other bird's feathers. Then they launch into a mating dance where they alternate between tapping their beaks, opening their mouths, and looking at the ground. To a casual observer, it looks like the birds are jousting, their beaks rattling together like castanets.
8. Blue Manakin
Not all males compete against each other for mates. In the case of the Blue Manakin, an alpha male forms a team of birds to help him attract females. When an interested female appears, the team begins flying around her, flapping their wings and making a buzzing noise while she looks on in awe. The alpha bird stops the acrobatics with a commanding call and, if the female liked the show, she’ll mate with him. The other males don’t get much out of this arrangement, except to compete for the alpha’s place if something happens to him.
Grebes, a kind of water bird, perform a bird version of ballet before mating. They start out mimicking each other’s movements and then rise out of the water and run along its surface, flapping their short wings and tripping along in perfect unison. At the end, they dive under the water and come up with grass from the bottom as if to say, "Here is what we will use to make our nest."