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13 Vintage Internet Ads Begging You to Get Online

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BambooTrading.com

These days, the internet is an integral part of our lives—but it wasn’t long ago that most people had never even heard of the net, let alone used it. Here are a few fun vintage ads from a time when ISPs actually had to sell people on the idea of using the World Wide Web.

Special thanks to Wired Reread, which features scans of old ads from Wired magazine back issues.

1. You Know What She Doesn’t Like

Loni here is a bad girl with no time for knitting discussions. Don’t you want to meet her? Prodigy put this sexy gal at the front and center of this ad from 1995.

2. One Free Call Gets It All

Sex sells, and so does the WWF (the previous name of the WWE). If you thought all the largely unregulated porn sites were over the top in the '90s, you obviously never saw AOL’s WWF portal that was apparently “The Hottest Place In Cyberspace.”

3. Working to Put Service First

Ah the good old days, when two business colleagues could bond by filing their tax returns together from this 1999 ad.

4. Get Flat

It seems that getting your face run over by a steamroller was an attractive option when Pipeline USA released this ad in 1995. At the time, offering a flat rate internet service was a huge deal, since most providers were charging hourly rates—so even something this hideous still seemed like an attractive offer to many customers.

5. That’s Why We Make Modems

These days, we tend to take connectivity for granted. But remember how, before the internet, you had to install the software for anything you wanted to do on your computer's hard drive? This Motorola ad might not have foreseen the popularity of social networks, but otherwise they pretty much nailed how most workers use their days on the computer.

6. Get the Most Out of It

Oh Herbie, you aren’t exactly the poster child for “the cool kids,” are you? That’s OK—as long as you can travel to a galaxy far away while your mom and dad prepare to take a real vacation. What is impressive about this 1983 CompuServe ad is that it names three things we still use the net for: travel booking, financial planning, and gaming.

7. Welcome to Someday

On the other hand, 1982 CompuServe ad writers seemed to believe that white was the only color available for home and clothing design, so they certainly weren’t able to predict everything that would happen in the future (but then again, maybe someday just isn’t yet today).

8. Some Breakthroughs Require Longer Explanations

To explain the Internet today, you’d just have to say “all the cat videos and porn you can imagine." But customers in 1986 needed a little more detailed explanation—especially since cat videos weren’t widely available online at that point.

9. People Like Us

The beauty of this ad is that it really looks like a Geocities page—random, loud, and all over the place. It’s just missing a few dozen pop up ads and some dancing hamster animations. Many of us who started using the net when this ad came out in 1997 still have a touch of nostalgia when it comes to the train wrecks that were Geocities sites.

10. There Is No Wider Door

The concept of Video On Line was pretty revolutionary in 1995, and it would be years before most internet users actually had the technology to handle video streaming in any real capacity. Even so, something about a man chewing a mouse just doesn’t scream “watch videos online” to me. But I guess I wasn’t their target demographic back then.

11. What Excites You?

This ad focused on things that excited Bill Clinton in 1998.

12. A Long, Long Time Ago

If you remember the '90s at all, you remember the constant bombardment of AOL floppy discs and CDs. Amazingly, this ad was from 1993, a year before they decided to introduce their massive distribution of over 300 million pieces of software-turned-coasters.

13. Crank It Up!

This one's not a straight ad, but it tells readers to “get real” ... if you downloaded RealAudio that is. By downloading RealAudio, you would not only be able to listen to radio broadcasts from around the globe and live sports coverage, but even the Oscar Meyer wiener song. How could anyone pass that up?
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When did you get online? Do you remember what ISP you used? Did you have a Geocities page? And what was your search engine of choice?

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iStock // Ekaterina Minaeva
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Man Buys Two Metric Tons of LEGO Bricks; Sorts Them Via Machine Learning
May 21, 2017
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iStock // Ekaterina Minaeva

Jacques Mattheij made a small, but awesome, mistake. He went on eBay one evening and bid on a bunch of bulk LEGO brick auctions, then went to sleep. Upon waking, he discovered that he was the high bidder on many, and was now the proud owner of two tons of LEGO bricks. (This is about 4400 pounds.) He wrote, "[L]esson 1: if you win almost all bids you are bidding too high."

Mattheij had noticed that bulk, unsorted bricks sell for something like €10/kilogram, whereas sets are roughly €40/kg and rare parts go for up to €100/kg. Much of the value of the bricks is in their sorting. If he could reduce the entropy of these bins of unsorted bricks, he could make a tidy profit. While many people do this work by hand, the problem is enormous—just the kind of challenge for a computer. Mattheij writes:

There are 38000+ shapes and there are 100+ possible shades of color (you can roughly tell how old someone is by asking them what lego colors they remember from their youth).

In the following months, Mattheij built a proof-of-concept sorting system using, of course, LEGO. He broke the problem down into a series of sub-problems (including "feeding LEGO reliably from a hopper is surprisingly hard," one of those facts of nature that will stymie even the best system design). After tinkering with the prototype at length, he expanded the system to a surprisingly complex system of conveyer belts (powered by a home treadmill), various pieces of cabinetry, and "copious quantities of crazy glue."

Here's a video showing the current system running at low speed:

The key part of the system was running the bricks past a camera paired with a computer running a neural net-based image classifier. That allows the computer (when sufficiently trained on brick images) to recognize bricks and thus categorize them by color, shape, or other parameters. Remember that as bricks pass by, they can be in any orientation, can be dirty, can even be stuck to other pieces. So having a flexible software system is key to recognizing—in a fraction of a second—what a given brick is, in order to sort it out. When a match is found, a jet of compressed air pops the piece off the conveyer belt and into a waiting bin.

After much experimentation, Mattheij rewrote the software (several times in fact) to accomplish a variety of basic tasks. At its core, the system takes images from a webcam and feeds them to a neural network to do the classification. Of course, the neural net needs to be "trained" by showing it lots of images, and telling it what those images represent. Mattheij's breakthrough was allowing the machine to effectively train itself, with guidance: Running pieces through allows the system to take its own photos, make a guess, and build on that guess. As long as Mattheij corrects the incorrect guesses, he ends up with a decent (and self-reinforcing) corpus of training data. As the machine continues running, it can rack up more training, allowing it to recognize a broad variety of pieces on the fly.

Here's another video, focusing on how the pieces move on conveyer belts (running at slow speed so puny humans can follow). You can also see the air jets in action:

In an email interview, Mattheij told Mental Floss that the system currently sorts LEGO bricks into more than 50 categories. It can also be run in a color-sorting mode to bin the parts across 12 color groups. (Thus at present you'd likely do a two-pass sort on the bricks: once for shape, then a separate pass for color.) He continues to refine the system, with a focus on making its recognition abilities faster. At some point down the line, he plans to make the software portion open source. You're on your own as far as building conveyer belts, bins, and so forth.

Check out Mattheij's writeup in two parts for more information. It starts with an overview of the story, followed up with a deep dive on the software. He's also tweeting about the project (among other things). And if you look around a bit, you'll find bulk LEGO brick auctions online—it's definitely a thing!

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8 Common Dog Behaviors, Decoded
May 25, 2017
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Dogs are a lot more complicated than we give them credit for. As a result, sometimes things get lost in translation. We’ve yet to invent a dog-to-English translator, but there are certain behaviors you can learn to read in order to better understand what your dog is trying to tell you. The more tuned-in you are to your dog’s emotions, the better you’ll be able to respond—whether that means giving her some space or welcoming a wet, slobbery kiss. 

1. What you’ll see: Your dog is standing with his legs and body relaxed and tail low. His ears are up, but not pointed forward. His mouth is slightly open, he’s panting lightly, and his tongue is loose. His eyes? Soft or maybe slightly squinty from getting his smile on.

What it means: “Hey there, friend!” Your pup is in a calm, relaxed state. He’s open to mingling, which means you can feel comfortable letting friends say hi.

2. What you’ll see: Your dog is standing with her body leaning forward. Her ears are erect and angled forward—or have at least perked up if they’re floppy—and her mouth is closed. Her tail might be sticking out horizontally or sticking straight up and wagging slightly.

What it means: “Hark! Who goes there?!” Something caught your pup’s attention and now she’s on high alert, trying to discern whether or not the person, animal, or situation is a threat. She’ll likely stay on guard until she feels safe or becomes distracted.

3. What you’ll see: Your dog is standing, leaning slightly forward. His body and legs are tense, and his hackles—those hairs along his back and neck—are raised. His tail is stiff and twitching, not swooping playfully. His mouth is open, teeth are exposed, and he may be snarling, snapping, or barking excessively.

What it means: “Don’t mess with me!” This dog is asserting his social dominance and letting others know that he might attack if they don’t defer accordingly. A dog in this stance could be either offensively aggressive or defensively aggressive. If you encounter a dog in this state, play it safe and back away slowly without making eye contact.

4. What you’ll see: As another dog approaches, your dog lies down on his back with his tail tucked in between his legs. His paws are tucked in too, his ears are flat, and he isn’t making direct eye contact with the other dog standing over him.

What it means: “I come in peace!” Your pooch is displaying signs of submission to a more dominant dog, conveying total surrender to avoid physical confrontation. Other, less obvious, signs of submission include ears that are flattened back against the head, an avoidance of eye contact, a tongue flick, and bared teeth. Yup—a dog might bare his teeth while still being submissive, but they’ll likely be clenched together, the lips opened horizontally rather than curled up to show the front canines. A submissive dog will also slink backward or inward rather than forward, which would indicate more aggressive behavior.

5. What you’ll see: Your dog is crouching with her back hunched, tail tucked, and the corner of her mouth pulled back with lips slightly curled. Her shoulders, or hackles, are raised and her ears are flattened. She’s avoiding eye contact.

What it means: “I’m scared, but will fight you if I have to.” This dog’s fight or flight instincts have been activated. It’s best to keep your distance from a dog in this emotional state because she could attack if she feels cornered.

6. What you’ll see: You’re staring at your dog, holding eye contact. Your dog looks away from you, tentatively looks back, then looks away again. After some time, he licks his chops and yawns.

What it means: “I don’t know what’s going on and it’s weirding me out.” Your dog doesn’t know what to make of the situation, but rather than nipping or barking, he’ll stick to behaviors he knows are OK, like yawning, licking his chops, or shaking as if he’s wet. You’ll want to intervene by removing whatever it is causing him discomfort—such as an overly grabby child—and giving him some space to relax.

7. What you’ll see: Your dog has her front paws bent and lowered onto the ground with her rear in the air. Her body is relaxed, loose, and wiggly, and her tail is up and wagging from side to side. She might also let out a high-pitched or impatient bark.

What it means: “What’s the hold up? Let’s play!” This classic stance, known to dog trainers and behaviorists as “the play bow,” is a sign she’s ready to let the good times roll. Get ready for a round of fetch or tug of war, or for a good long outing at the dog park.

8. What you’ll see: You’ve just gotten home from work and your dog rushes over. He can’t stop wiggling his backside, and he may even lower himself into a giant stretch, like he’s doing yoga.

What it means: “OhmygoshImsohappytoseeyou I love you so much you’re my best friend foreverandeverandever!!!!” This one’s easy: Your pup is overjoyed his BFF is back. That big stretch is something dogs don’t pull out for just anyone; they save that for the people they truly love. Show him you feel the same way with a good belly rub and a handful of his favorite treats.

The best way to say “I love you” in dog? A monthly subscription to BarkBox. Your favorite pup will get a package filled with treats, toys, and other good stuff (and in return, you’ll probably get lots of sloppy kisses). Visit BarkBox to learn more.

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