Jazz Icon Charles Mingus Wrote a Manual for Toilet Training Your Cat

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iStock

Imagine it's the 1950s and you're in a basement jazz club in New York City. A haze of smoke lingers in a dusky room, glasses clink as waiters drop off martinis and Manhattans, and people bop their heads to the sounds of Charles Mingus, the hottest jazz bassist around. After the performance, Mingus pulls up to the bar and cradles a stiff drink. You approach him, but before you can say anything, the musician turns to you and asks an important question: Hey, man. Where does your cat poop?

This isn't as far-fetched as it sounds. Besides being one of the most revolutionary jazz artists of his day, Mingus was also a passionate advocate for teaching people how to toilet train their cats. So passionate, in fact, that he wrote instructions for a cat toilet training program (he called it the "CAT-alog"), which he routinely tried to sell at his gigs. He even placed print ads so that interested clients could buy his pamphlets via mail order.

The CAT-alog is a reflection of the man as a musician: blunt, concise, and demanding in its details. (You can read the instructions in their entirety here.) He swore by the program's effectiveness, claiming it took three or four weeks for his cat, Nightlife, to transition from the litter box to the porcelain throne.

Here's a breakdown of Mingus's process:

First, teach your cat to use a homemade cardboard litter box. ("Be sure to use torn up newspaper, not kitty litter. Stop using kitty litter. [When the time comes you cannot put sand in a toilet.]") Gradually, begin inching the box toward the bathroom. ("He has to learn how to follow it.") Once you've reached the bathroom, place the box on the toilet. ("Don't bug the cat now, don't rush him, because you might throw him off.") Then cut a small hole in the bottom of the cardboard ("Less than an apple—about the size of a plum."), and gradually cut down the sides of the box until it becomes a flat sheet. ("Put the flat cardboard, which is left, under the lid of the toilet seat, and pray.") Then, one day, remove the cardboard entirely.

Mingus insisted that, with patience, his methods would work. In fact, he advised: "Don't be surprised if you hear the toilet flush in the middle of the night. A cat can learn how to do it, spurred on by his instinct to cover up." In 2014, however, Studio 360 at WNYC put Mingus's instructions to the test … and failed.

Some cats, Mingus admits, just aren't "as smart as Nightlife was." But he'd likely agree that cats, like jazz musicians, really aren't the types to be bossed around.

For more, please listen to actor Reg E. Cathey read a silky smooth excerpt of Mingus's CAT-alog here. Trust us: You'll be glad you did.

Watch Freddie Mercury Sing 'Time Waits for No One' In a Previously Unreleased Video

Steve Wood, Express/Getty Images
Steve Wood, Express/Getty Images

There are a lot of things you probably don't know about Freddie Mercury, the Queen frontman whose life was as colorful as his stage persona. Offstage, the singer was famously enigmatic—a person bandmate Roger Taylor once described as "... shy, gentle, and kind.” Now, fans can catch a never-before-seen glimpse of the singer.

As Variety reports, a previously unreleased video of Mercury singing "Time Waits for No One” was recently dropped by Universal Music. Locked within the company’s vault since the time of its recording more than 30 years ago, in April 1986, the track was produced at Abbey Road Studios as part of Time, a concept album by Dave Clark (of the Dave Clark Five), based on a musical Clark created. Some will note how this version of the song is vastly different from the officially released track, which was an intentional choice.

"Dave Clark had always remembered that performance of Freddie Mercury at Abbey Road Studios from 1986,” Universal Music said in a statement. "The feeling [Clark] had during the original rehearsal, experiencing ‘goosebumps,’ hadn’t dissipated over the decades, and he wanted to hear this original recording—just Freddie on vocals and Mike Moran on piano.”

In an interview with Rolling Stone, Clark recounted the first time he ever saw Mercury perform: "I stood on the wings of the stage, and I was taken aback because this guy came out in a black leotard and I thought, ‘Wow, what’s this? Liza Minnelli?’ And then he opened his mouth and sang. It was unbelievable."

It was several years after witnessing that performance that Clark approached Mercury about joining the production for Time. Upon listening to a tape of "Time Waits for No One” and taking to it, Mercury agreed.

According to Universal Music’s announcement, Clark never lost those goosebumps he felt during that initial listen, and finally found the original footage in the spring of 2018. Now the video is available for listeners everywhere to share in the euphoric experience.

"The nice thing about the film is it’s Freddie on his own without anybody else, and it shows the emotion of the song,” Clark said. "We all know he’s a great singer, but I don’t think he’s been seen on his own with just a piano like this. It makes you realize how good somebody is.”

[h/t Variety]

The Bittersweet Detail You Might Have Missed in Game of Thrones's Final Episode

Gwendoline Christie in "The Iron Throne," Game of Thrones's series finale
Gwendoline Christie in "The Iron Throne," Game of Thrones's series finale
Helen Sloan, HBO

While the final episode of Game of Thrones was no doubt divisive, many of us can agree that Brienne of Tarth deserved better. One of her last scenes in the episode, "The Iron Throne," showed the newly-appointed knight putting aside any anger she might’ve had toward Jaime Lannister to finish his page in the White Book. The part was bittersweet after watching Jaime leave Brienne to be with his sister, Cersei—making us wish things could’ve turned out differently for our favorite knight.

There is one bittersweet detail in that scene that you might’ve missed, however, which makes it all the more sad. According to NME, one Twitter user voiced that they thought they heard the song “I Am Hers, She is Mine” playing in the background, which Game of Thrones composer Ramin Djawadi considers to be the show’s wedding theme. Fans will remember the melody played when Robb Stark married Talisa back in season 2.

Djawadi has since confirmed it is the song, explaining to INSIDER why he included it:

"It's just a hint of what their relationship—if they had stayed together, if he was still alive—what it could have been. What they could have become. That's why I put that in there. I was amazed some people picked up on it. I was hoping people would go, 'Wait a minute, that's from season two.' And that was exactly my intent. I thought it would be very appropriate."

Though it’s only natural to imagine what could’ve happened if Jaime had stayed at Winterfell, let’s not forget that his honor (and character arc) went out the window when he headed back to King’s Landing.

[h/t NME]

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