Lyndon Johnson's Rules of Life
This morning, in a piece on House majority leader Eric Cantor's foreign policy ideas, Conor Friedersdorf of The Atlantic mentioned LBJ's "Rules of Life," which previously appeared in a 1987 issue of People. They are something:
1. "Never trust a man whose eyes are too close to his nose."
2. "Always be sure to have 25 percent cotton in your undershirts; otherwise your titties will itch."
3. "Remember the CIA is made up of boys whose families sent them to Princeton but wouldn't let them into the family brokerage business."
4. "The fact that a man is a newspaper reporter is evidence of some flaw of character."
5. "When you are handshaking on the campaign trail, never let the other fellow grab your hand first—grab his hand and elbow and throw him past."
6. "Before getting into a motorcade, always go to the bathroom and pee." [Note: This is the same guy who allegedly relieved himself on a Secret Serviceman who was shielding him from public view.]
7. "Don't tell a man to go to Hell unless you can send him there."
8. "When things haven't gone well for you, call in a secretary or a staff man and chew him out. You will sleep better and they will appreciate the attention."
Now throw on a cotton-blend undershirt and go conquer the world!