Don’t care about the Super Bowl this year? Guess what—you just discovered the one thing you have in common with Tom Brady. “Truthfully, I could care less about watching the game. That’s pretty much how I feel,” he said last week.
Luckily for Tom—and for you—there’s plenty of other programming to tune in to. Here are a few of our frontrunners.
1. Animal Planet: The Puppy Bowl
The Puppy Bowl has been a staple for Animal Planet for a decade and it’s no wonder they keep bringing it back—the show has pulled in north of 10 million viewers for each of the past two years. This year's show will feature penguin cheerleaders and a halftime spectacular starring Keyboard Cat. If you can't stand the suspense, by the way, you can check out live Puppy Bowl practice right now.
2. The Hallmark Channel: The Kitten Bowl
After standing by and watching Animal Planet rake in the counterprogramming ratings for close to a decade, the Hallmark Channel is finally putting the focus on the Internet’s favorite pet. Here’s hoping for a halftime show featuring Lil’ Bub or Grumpy Cat.
3. Nat Geo Wild: The Fish Bowl
Photo courtesy of National Geographic
OK, now this is getting ridiculous. Or is it getting ridiculously awesome? (Sometimes it’s hard to tell.) For four hours, Nat Geo Wild will turn their programming over to a little gal named Goldie. We’re sure it will go swimmingly ... unless their star goes belly-up live on-air.
4. Style: Ghostbusters
While I’m slightly perplexed by this movie being shown on this particular channel, I fully support the programming decision. If I get to choose between Peter Venkman snark and Richard Sherman snark, I’m going to go with the good doctor every time.
5. CMT: Groundhog Day
See above. In fact, I think that 2015 needs to the year of the first annual Bill Murray Bowl. They can confine him to a small area and give him toys to keep him entertained. It would blow the Puppy Bowl out of the water.
6. DIY: Rev. Run’s Renovation
It’s the perfect home renovation marathon for people looking for tips on how to caulk this way. (sorrynotsorry)
7. H2: The Definitive Guide to Bigfoot
A cryptozoological programming alternative for people who prefer beast mode to Beast Mode, even if you are more likely to have a Marshawn Lynch sighting.
8. Bravo: The Real Housewives of Atlanta
For people who want all of the drama, but none of the sports.
9. WGN: America’s Funniest Home Videos
WGN should expect to lose a large percentage of their viewers, however, when the hardcore Saget fans switch over to Fox to catch the mini Full House reunion, courtesy Oikos yogurt.
10. Travel Channel: Food Paradise
Let's be honest—at least half of the reason people go to Super Bowl gatherings is to eat copious amounts of regrettable food. Thanks to Travel Channel, you can skip the sports and go straight to watching people eat their weight in brisket.
11. TLC: Say Yes to the Dress
If Troy Aikman and Joe Buck aren't bickering enough for your liking, there's sure to be more than enough to go around over on TLC. Fun fact: Members of the losing Super Bowl team will make $42,000 each, which is just enough to buy one of the high-end wedding dresses (about $40k) featured on Say Yes to the Dress.
12. Spike: Cops
13. OWN: Super Soul Sunday
Leave it to Oprah to provide a spiritual substitute. Tune in to OWN for uplifting and inspirational conversations with Starbucks CEO Howard Shultz and a bunch of self-help book authors, former NBA basketball coach Phil Jackson, and extreme swimmer Diana Nyad.
14. Hallmark Movie Channel: Murder, She Wrote
Photo courtesy of Hallmark Movie Channel
Well done, Hallmark Movie Channel. Well done.
15. A&E: Duck Dynasty
A Duck Dynasty marathon on A&E? Well, this must be a special occasion, because a Robertson block of programming is as rare as stumbling across The Shawshank Redemption on cable.
16. AMC: The Walking Dead
It's a tribute to how you'll be feeling on Monday morning.