The Queen Needs Someone to Write Letters for Her

Brian Lawless, WPA Pool/Getty Images
Brian Lawless, WPA Pool/Getty Images

Between hosting world leaders, supporting charities, and adding to her colorful hat collection, Queen Elizabeth II is a busy woman. She receives thousands of letters each year—about 200 to 300 a day, according to some estimates—and could use a little help answering all of them.

That’s where the royal letter writer comes in. Buckingham Palace is looking for a “correspondence officer” who will be tasked with “drafting a letter that someone will never forget,” according to the job listing. The officer would be responsible for answering each and every letter and answering the public’s queries, whether they be political or social in nature, or something altogether “unique.”

This individual would work out of the Private Secretary’s Office, which also handles the Queen’s speeches, receives official presents, and arranges domestic and overseas programs. The salary is £24,000 (about $32,100), making it an ideal job for someone early in their career. Applicants must have some administrative experience, excellent writing skills, and must be a British citizen or have the right to work legally in the UK.

Although the Queen’s Ladies-in-Waiting respond to most letters from the public, the Queen occasionally answers some personally. In 2012, she wrote a letter to Andrew Simes, the grandson of a man who had sent her a Christmas card every year from 1952 up until his death in 2011. She wrote, "When I received a letter from a different Simes this Christmas, I instructed my office to research your grandfather's whereabouts. Therefore it is with much sadness, I have learned of his passing and extend my condolences to you and your family."

If penning letters on behalf of the Queen sounds like your dream job, you’d better act fast—the deadline for submissions is June 13. Online applications can be submitted here, and other openings (including pastry chef, housekeeping assistant, and administrator of “royal bindery,” or bookbinding operations at Windsor Castle) can be viewed here.

Get Paid to Write Dirty Jokes for Cards Against Humanity

tom_bullock, Wikimedia Commons // CC BY 2.0

If you've exhausted every possible joke combination in Cards Against Humanity, the makers of the game have a new outlet for your wit. Apply to be a contributing writer and you could get paid to write the gross, bizarre, and occasionally offensive cards that go into new editions of the game.

For the uninitiated, here's how Cards Against Humanity works: A player draws a black card, which has a sentence with a section missing from it, and puts it down for the group to see. The rest of the players then put down white cards with words or phrases that could potentially fill in the blank. The player who comes up with the best joke wins the round.

In order for the jokes to be funny, the cards themselves need to be well written. That's where the contributing writers come in. As the job posting explains, the new writers will make $40 an hour "writing poop jokes as needed." The position is remote and part-time.

To see if you're a good fit for the gig, Cards Against Humanity is asking that you submit ideas for 15 white cards and five black cards that best exhibit your humor and writing skills. They've even included a handy primer on "how to write cards that don't blow" for applicants who are unsure of where to start. "A good black card allows players to subvert an expected tone or logic," the guidelines explain, while white cards should have "distinct voice, perspective, or syntax." The page also includes general guidelines on structure and the Cards Against Humanity style.

To apply, submit your ideas through the website before August 31. And if you're looking for some offbeat inspiration, this 19th-century version of the game should kickstart your creativity.

Animal Sanctuary on the Greek Island of Syros Wants to Pay You to Take Care of 55 Cats

iStock
iStock

Before you can fully commit to becoming a cat person, you need the space and the money to support your feline family. Thankfully, a cat sanctuary in Greece is willing to offer you all of the above. As TIME reports, God's Little People Cat Rescue wants to pay you to move to the island of Syros and look after all 55 of its cats.

According to the listing posted to the shelter's Facebook page, the job comes with an undisclosed salary; a small, semidetached house with fully covered utilities; and a private garden with views of the Aegean Sea. You will be responsible for feeding the cats, giving them their medicine, and handling all the general duties that come with running a cat sanctuary. The ideal candidate has some veterinary training, is 45 or older, and can drive the cats to the vet in a manual-transmission car if necessary. The job also requires you to handle feral and/or non-sociable cats at times, so it's best if you have some "cat-whispering skills."

The posting reads, "We are located in a secluded nature preserved area which is very tranquil and quiet in winter time but busy during the summer. You’ll no doubt thrive best if you are the type of person who appreciates nature and likes tranquility—and rest[s] comfortably in your own company. That said, you’ll never feel lonely in the company of the cats and you’ll be expected to live with a small handful of cats in your house."

After a volunteer period of a few weeks, you will be working about four hours a day for a minimum of six months beginning November 1, 2018. To apply, send your photo and resume to joanbowell@yahoo.com. There are plenty of cat photos from the sanctuary to peruse online as you wait for a response.

[h/t TIME]

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