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How to Quit Your Job in Klingon … The Right Way

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ThinkStock/Erin McCarthy

David Waddell, a city councilman in Indian Trail, North Carolina, decided to end the year with dramatic flair by quitting his job and submitting his resignation in Klingon. The story went viral, and while the mayor, Michael Alvarez, was none too pleased with Waddell’s stunt, saying it was “an embarrassment for Indian Trail, and it’s an embarrassment for North Carolina,” most of the reaction from commenters on social media was some variation on “Ha! Awesome!” The combination of take-this-job-and-shove-it irreverence, only-in-America local politics, and hardcore geek pop culture was a hit.

But like Indian Trail's mayor, Klingon speakers weren’t exactly thrilled. You see, Waddell’s letter wasn’t even written in Klingon. Not good Klingon anyway. Sure, it was written in pIqaD—the pointy, angular Klingon script—and it strung some Klingon words together, but there was no regard for grammar! No true translation!

Take the first sentence, which he translates as “Teach (the) city (the) constitution.” What it actually says is “city teacher ‘chonshtitution’.” There’s no verb! No attempt to translate “constitution”! It’s as if he translated “Give the doctor the scalpel” into Spanish as “Benefactor doctor scalpelo.” Such is the danger of pure dictionary translation, or in this case, relying solely on the Bing.com automatic Klingon translation tool. You still gotta know what you’re doing. Apparently, Waddell doesn’t. If he wants to ride this stunt into the senate (his plan is to pursue a write-in bid for Kay Hagan’s seat), he’s going to have to do more to prove himself to his Klingon-speaking constituency. Granted, it’s a small constituency, but they care a lot about honor. And they’re prone to violence.

If you want to quit your job in Klingon, here are a few suggestions for going about it the proper and honorable way:

1. You could submit the valid re-translation of Waddell’s letter provided by James William McCleary, a commenter on the original Charlotte Observer article, which begins “vengvaD paQDI'norgh tay yIghojmoH!” (Teach civilized teachings to the city!)

2. You could hurl insults like “Hab SoSlI' Quch (Your mother has a smooth forehead!) or “petaQ!” (a strong epithet of uncertain meaning.)

3. You could propose Hay'chu'—duel to the death—with your boss.

Whatever you do, do it grammatically correctly, and with honor. And choose your next job wisely. Remember: bIQongtaHvIS nItlhejchugh targhmey bIvemDI' nItlhej ghIlab ghewmey—If you sleep with targs, you'll wake up with glob flies.

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A Simple Way to Charge Your iPhone in 5 Minutes
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Spotting the “low battery” notification on your phone is usually followed by a frantic search for an outlet and further stress over the fact that you may not have time for a full charge. On iPhones, plugging your device into the wall for five minutes might result in only a modest increase of about three percent or so. But this tip from Business Insider Tech may allow you to squeeze out a little more juice.

The trick? Before charging, put your phone in Airplane Mode so that you reduce the number of energy-sucking tasks (signal searching, fielding incoming communications) your device will try and perform.

Next, take the cover off if you have one (the phone might be generating extra heat as a result). Finally, try to use an iPad adapter, which has demonstrated a faster rate of charging than the adapter that comes with your iPhone.

Do that and you’ll likely double your battery boost, from about three to six percent. It may not sound like much, but that little bit of extra juice might keep you connected until you’re able to plug it in for a full charge.

[h/t Business Insider Tech]

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Trying to Save Money? Avoid Shopping on a Smartphone
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Today, Americans do most of their shopping online—but as anyone who’s indulged in late-night retail therapy likely knows, this convenience often can come with an added cost. Trying to curb expenses, but don't want to swear off the convenience of ordering groceries in your PJs? New research shows that shopping on a desktop computer instead of a mobile phone may help you avoid making foolish purchases, according to Co. Design. Ying Zhu, a marketing professor at the University of British Columbia-Okanagan, recently led a study to measure how touchscreen technology affects consumer behavior. Published in the Journal of Retailing and Consumer Services, her research found that people are more likely to make more frivolous, impulsive purchases if they’re shopping on their phones than if they’re facing a computer monitor. Zhu, along with study co-author Jeffrey Meyer of Bowling Green State University, ran a series of lab experiments on student participants to observe how different electronic devices affected shoppers’ thinking styles and intentions. Their aim was to see if subjects' purchasing goals changed when it came to buying frivolous things, like chocolate or massages, or more practical things, like food or office supplies. In one experiment, participants were randomly assigned to use a desktop or a touchscreen. Then, they were presented with an offer to purchase either a frivolous item (a $50 restaurant certificate for $30) or a useful one (a $50 grocery certificate for $30). These subjects used a three-point scale to gauge how likely they were to purchase the offer, and they also evaluated how practical or frivolous each item was. (Participants rated the restaurant certificate to be more indulgent than the grocery certificate.) Sure enough, the researchers found that participants had "significantly higher" purchase intentions for hedonic (i.e. pleasurable) products when buying on touchscreens than on desktops, according to the study. On the flip side, participants had significantly higher purchase intentions for utilitarian (i.e. practical) products while using desktops instead of touchscreens. "The playful and fun nature of the touchscreen enhances consumers' favor of hedonic products; while the logical and functional nature of a desktop endorses the consumers' preference for utilitarian products," Zhu explains in a press release. The study also found that participants using touchscreen technology scored significantly higher on "experiential thinking" than subjects using desktop computers, whereas those with desktop computers demonstrated higher scores for rational thinking. “When you’re in an experiential thinking mode, [you crave] excitement, a different experience,” Zhu explained to Co. Design. “When you’re on the desktop, with all the work emails, that interface puts you into a rational thinking style. While you’re in a rational thinking style, when you assess a product, you’ll look for something with functionality and specific uses.” Zhu’s advice for consumers looking to conserve cash? Stow away the smartphone when you’re itching to splurge on a guilty pleasure. [h/t Fast Company]

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