If you forgot to buy your four-legged pal an extra-special stocking stuffer on Black Friday, fear not—one of these nifty dog presents might fit the bill (provided you don’t mind drawing odd looks from the neighbors).
1. Bowser Beer
“Is your dog drinking responsibly?” asks the official Bowser Beer website. You can even have your pet’s face printed on the label when you order a six-pack of this non-alcoholic brew. Be advised, however, that the drinks come with beef and chicken flavoring, so human consumption might not end well.
2. Sexy Beast Perfume
The first of many doggy beautification products on this list, “Sexy Beast” is a unisex aroma designed to spruce up your dog without confounding his or her refined sense of smell.
3. Purebreed Political Propaganda
Fun Fact: Dogs have been quietly taking over the world for decades. If you welcome our new canine overlords, here’s a great way to show your support. Thanks to the folks at obeythepurebreed.com, one can purchase revolutionary dog portraits complete with Marxist headgear and Soviet backgrounds. “Chairman Meow” décor is also available for cat-fanciers.
4. Humunga Lips Dog Toy
Rover will look like a furry Angelina Jolie thanks to this unique little toy. Giant red lips are attached to a “chewy, durable ball” which allegedly “makes for some laugh-out-loud games of ‘fetch.’” Of course, this is assuming that you actually want your dog to retrieve this thing after throwing it away.
5. Pawlish Nail Polish
If you’re a dog owner with a keen sense of fashion and superhuman patience, why not paint her claws? With colors like “poodle pink” and “fire hydrant red,” what glitzy dog could resist? Though the website no longer works, a few bottles are available on eBay.
6. Songs to Make Dogs Happy
After observing the reactions of “over 200 canine participants” to an assortment of musical genres, the good folks at Laurel Canyon Animal Company released a CD filled with original songs designed to encourage tail-wagging in doggy listeners. Don’t believe me? Check out their head-scratching single “Squeaky-Deaky,” above.
7. People Crackers For Dogs
Nowadays, your pooch can have the satisfaction of eating a people-shaped snack food without developing a taste for human flesh. It’s a win-win!
8. Treat Launcher
Lethargic dog-lovers, your prayers have been answered! This gun-like accessory fires pieces of kibble up to ten feet away, turning feeding time into a high-intensity spectacle. May the odds be ever in your favor, Fido!
9. Puppy Tweets
Funny, I used to think “doggy Twitter” meant piddling on fire hydrants. But thanks this state-of-the-art tag, whenever your dog moves or barks, a Tweet is sent to her customized Twitter feed. That’s right, now you can monitor every single thing she does twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.
10. Rear Gear Butt Cover
From the official website: “Rear Gear is a fun and enchanting way of covering your pet’s rear while boosting [its] confidence!” So what is it? A colorful sticker that dangles over its buttocks (“No more Mr. Brown eye!” boasts the slogan).
11. The Poop Tent
Now Max can have peace of mind when he defecates. If the weather outside is frightful, set up one of these waterproof tents so he can relieve himself in bliss. Plus, it’s shaped like a grinning puppy for good measure.