7 Highly Questionable Toy Commercials from the 1970s

iStock
iStock

The 1970s was a seminal decade for the advertising industry. Televisions were in 69 million homes in the United States, with some viewers watching for up to six hours a day. Even better: Research showed that kids under eight years of age were believed to be unable to distinguish between a TV commercial and a regular program. That meant commercials appealing to young consumers—and their cash-wielding parents—held high potential to make a real impact on toy sales.

As toy companies looked for that one big hit that could help subsidize all of the misses, they tried shilling everything from dolls that grew breasts to plastic cows that could be “milked.” Take a look at some of the more puzzling ads to run on TV tubes in the '70s.

1. THE MANIACAL LAUGHING DOLL (1971)

It’s hard to imagine that the director of this spot for Baby Laugh a Lot had any intention beyond scaring the souls out of children. As the Remco-produced doll sits and rocks on a chair, her ceaseless laughter demanding psychiatric evaluation, quick cuts reveal her giggles are becoming contagious—first in her human play pals, then in the voiceover narrator.

2. MILKY THE MARVELOUS MILKING COW (1977)

A jointly-produced oddity by Kenner and General Foods, Milky offered a replica cow-milking experience. After “drinking” some water, Milky’s rubber udders could be squeezed to produce a cloudy-looking liquid. (Kids dumped a discoloring tablet into Milky before operating.) As vile as the secretion looked, Kenner still blared warnings for kids “not to drink the pretend milk you get from Milky.” A look at their 1978 catalog reveals Milky was intended to be part of an entire line of barnyard toys, including Gobbles the Goat. He came with pieces of garbage.

3. THE DOLL THAT SIMULATES PUBERTY (1975)

Picking up Mattel’s Barbie spin-off doll Skipper at a toy store and examining her packaging didn’t really sell girls on her most distinctive feature. By tugging on her arm, kids could cause Skipper to grow in height and seemingly develop protruding breasts—an action that was easily demonstrated in TV spots. While ads avoided using the word “breasts”—Skipper instead became “curvy”—public reaction was negative to this sudden-onset simulation of puberty: When Skipper returned to shelves in 1979, her upper torso was fixed in place.

4. A DISTURBINGLY INTIMATE CARD GAME (1978)

Hoping to replicate the success of Twister, Hasbro introduced a game titled Great Moves in 1978. One player would wear a small whiteboard while someone else used a pen strapped to different parts of their body: The two would then attempt to draw a picture. Depending on where each wound up, the results could be something you’d see late at night on Cinemax.

5. ICE BIRD, THE TOY THAT DEMANDED CHILD LABOR (1974)

Many people have fond memories of the Snoopy Sno-Cone Machine, a plastic device that shaved up ice cubes so kids could make frozen treats. Kenner’s Ice Bird followed the same premise, except it required a giant block of ice that users would have to laboriously scrape in order to get their precious shavings.

6. BALL BUSTER: THE HOME GAME (1975)

It’s hard to say whether or not the minds behind this Mego tabletop game knew of the idiom they were referencing or if it pre-dated the popular term for annoying someone. The former seems unlikely, as FCC regulations for networks in the '70s were far too stringent for such innuendo to get on air. Either way, the commercial spares no opportunity to explain how players can “bust each other’s balls.” Be sure to watch until the end.

7. THE ALIEN ACTION FIGURE (1979)

The parasitic, murderous alien designed by psychosexual artist H.R. Giger for 1979's R-rated film Alien would be a curious choice for a toymaker—unless that toymaker is Kenner, masterminds behind Milky the Marvelous Milking Cow. Kids could stalk other kids with the giant-sized figure, which mimicked a face-chomping motion when users squeezed the back of his phallic head. Despite these missteps, Kenner still had a very profitable decade: They were the licensee for Lucasfilm's Star Wars franchise.

5 Game of Thrones Characters Who Need to Survive the Final Season

Helen Sloan, HBO
Helen Sloan, HBO

"When you play the Game of Thrones, you either win or you die."

These words have haunted Game of Thrones ever since Ned Stark, the assumed protagonist of the show, was killed off in the first season of HBO's fantasy epic. You either win or you die. Even if you're a main character, even if you're a likable character, even if you're a sympathetic character. Nobody is safe. With the eighth and final season on its way, the question everyone is asking is: Who will survive to see the end of the series?

While leaks, intentional and otherwise, have confirmed that Jorah Mormont will likely live, it can be safely assumed that someone as evil as Cersei Lannister will probably (hopefully) be killed off. Here are the people who will most likely tell the Many Faced God "Not today."

1. TYRION LANNISTER

Peter Dinklage in 'Game of Thrones'
HBO

Fans have literally threatened to riot if ​Tyrion Lannister dies. Undoubtedly the most popular character the show has presented, Tyrion's transformation wouldn't be complete if he were killed off. And at this point, watching him triumph against all odds and conquer his family's legacy is half the reason to watch the show. If anyone can win the Game of Thrones, he can—even if he has teased otherwise.

2. LORD VARYS

Conleth Hill as Lord Varys in 'Game of Thrones'
Helen Sloan, HBO

While even purely political players in the Game of Thrones can be killed off, Lord Varys has always kept a healthy distance between himself and anything even resembling action. He always plays on his own terms and makes sure he has an exit strategy at all times. If anything manages to kill him, it better be some huge, shocking event, because he's not going to die from just anything.

3. SAMWELL TARLY

John Bradley as Samwell Tarly in 'Game of Thrones'
Helen Sloan, HBO

​Many people have noticed how the loyal Samwell Tarly is more or less a self-insert character ​meant to represent author George R.R. Martin. While it's entirely possible Samwell might get a hero's death by sacrificing himself to save Gilly and Baby Sam, Martin still has huge sway over the show, and it's unlikely he'd let them kill "him" off.

4. JON SNOW

Kit Harington in 'Game of Thrones'
HBO

Not only has Jon Snow already died and come back from the dead, but he's been the de facto protagonist of the series since his not-daddy Ned Stark was killed off all the way back in season one. And while the series clearly has no qualms about killing off main characters, the huge reveal of his actual parentage is too big for the show to just kill him off right afterwards.

5. SANSA STARK

Sophie Turner in 'Game of Thrones'
HBO

Of the three remaining Stark siblings, Sansa seems to be the most likely to get out of the show alive. Apart from actress Sophie Turner inadvertently giving away her character's fate with a tattoo, her survival is all but guaranteed because her special skill, a political instinct she learned from Littlefinger, is perfectly suited to allow her to maneuver herself into a secure position.

5 Dog Breeds That Get Along With Cats

iStock/chendongshan
iStock/chendongshan

Dogs and cats may be seen as common enemies, but it does not have to be that way. If you're a strategic pet parent, you can add a cat into your dog family, or vice versa, seamlessly. here are plenty of dogs out there that would make a wonderful—and friendly—companion for your cat. Here are five of the best breeds for that.

1. JAPANESE CHINS

Japanese Chin against a burgundy background
iStock/Dixi_

​Japanese Chins are the perfect dogs for your pet. The breed has even been described as a ​"cat in a dog suit" because of their acrobatic abilities and cat-like agility. ​Animal Planet describes these dogs as even-tempered and adaptable to new members in the family. They're also playful, mischievous, smart, determined, and affectionate.

2. GOLDEN RETRIEVERS

Friendly Golden Retriever looks at the camera
iStock/KalebKroetsch

These ​furry friends are as playful as it gets, but more importantly they're a versatile breed, so they know how to adapt to different friends they meet, including cats of all sizes and ages. Golden retrievers are very unlikely to be rough with your cat, even when playing, and will just consider the cat a part of its family. There's no jealousy on the part o these dogs.

3. PAPILLONS

Papillon and a cat snuggle under a blanket
iStock/yykkaa

​Papillons are the dog versions of your friend who invites you to every social gathering. They have a ​"more the merrier" attitude, meaning they welcome any and all friends. These social butterflies are quick to befriend any and all creatures, cats included.

4. LABRADOR RETRIEVERS

Black Labrador Retriever and a cat share a couch
iStock/Willowpix

A Labrador retriever grows to be pretty huge, there's no denying that, but that does not spell disaster for a cat-dog relationship. Labrador retrievers are very outgoing, but at the same time very gentle, and get along well with cats.

5. BEAGLES

A Beagle and a cat cuddle together
iStock/kobkik

Beagles are an easy choice to add to the family. According to the American Kennel Club, beagles are very friendly around all animals, and have an easygoing demeanor. Despite the fact you may see a beagle chase a cat outside from time to time, indoors, they won't keep that same energy. Inside, they play well with others, and will live peacefully—and possibly even snuggle—with cats.

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