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16 Practical Uses for Really Creepy Dolls

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Dolls aren’t just for playing house, you know. Mired as they are, deep in The Uncanny Valley between human and object, a doll can serve people in ways no other thing can. Below, we offer some horrifying ways your creepy doll can help you cope with the pitfalls of life.

1. Offering Childbirth Instruction

Midwife Mannequins were used in ancient Japan to aid with childbirth. Now they can also be used to fuel your nightmares.

2. Litmus Testing for Terror

The middle one is isn’t creepy enough—the big one is too creepy. Ah…the little one. My nightmares are going to be perfect!

3. As a Date That Can’t Ignore Your Calls

It’s all cuteness and light until little Johnny grows up and can only form a meaningful relationship with a Japanese body pillow.

4. Helping You Spoil Everything Good and Pure About Walnut Grove

Oh Nellie Oleson…you horrid girl. You have so much! Just leave poor Laura Ingalls alone.

5. A Drinking Buddy.

For a while, anyway. Dolly can’t handle her gin.

6. Tiny Henchmen

“If you were to ask me about how I’m amassing a silent army of damned souls to do my bidding, I would have no idea what you were talking about.”

7. For Mocking Your Baby

“You think this is cute? You think I’m OK with this? I AM NOT A THING, Mother.”

8. A Cathartic Representation of the Suffocating Mores of Polite Society

Dolly understands how sick you are of smiling and signing office birthday cards for people you don’t know.

9. To Give Advice (not always good).

“Oh no Mr. Winkles, we mustn’t. Who would clean up the mess?”

10. To Learn About How Suffering Can Be Fun!

“Marybel, the Doll That Gets Well.” Because what little girl doesn’t want their dolly to have a shattered femur and be covered in sores?

11. For Messing With Mom’s Head

“What doll? No one else sees a doll. You must be crazy.”

12. For Classic Black Magic

With each passing year, the meanest girl in the grade went missing, and Judy’s doll collection grew.

13. To Allow You to Express Love in Ways That Might Otherwise be Inappropriate

Sometimes you love something so much you just have to smash it.

14. Learning to cope with the ever-present Ginger.

Not even ginger dolls have souls. That’s why they must eat yours.

15. To Make Any Ensemble a Little More Awful

Until she got her dolly, Dorothy had serious concerns that her she wasn’t actualizing her potential as devil-spawn.

16. As an Accomplice in Unspeakable Things, Because They Never Tattle

“Hellllppp…meeee.”

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Live Smarter
Why the Best Time to Book Your Thanksgiving Travel Is Right Now
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You're never going to get a true steal on holiday plane tickets, but if you want to avoid spending your whole salary flying to visit your relatives over Thanksgiving, the time is nigh to start picking seats. That's according to the experts at Condé Nast Traveler, who cite data from Expedia and Skyscanner.

The latter found that it was cheapest to secure Thanksgiving tickets 11 weeks before the holiday. That means that you should have bought your ticket around September 4, but it's not too late; you can still save if you book now. Expedia's data shows that the cheapest time to buy is 61 to 90 days before you leave, so you still have until September 23 to snag a seat on a major airline without paying an obscene premium. (Relatively speaking, of course.)

When major travel holidays aren't involved, data shows that the best time to book a plane ticket is on a Sunday, at least 21 days ahead of your travel. But given that millions of other Americans also want to fly on the exact same days during Thanksgiving and Christmas, the calculus of booking is a bit more high stakes. If you sleep on tickets this month, you could be missing out on hundreds of dollars in savings. In the recent study cited by Condé Nast Traveler, Expedia found that people booking during the 61- to 90-day window saved up to 10 percent off the average ticket price, while last-minute bookers who bought tickets six days or less from their travel day paid up to 20 percent more.

Once you secure those Turkey Day tickets, you've got a new project: Your Christmas flights. By Hopper's estimates, those flights rise in price by $1.50 every day between the end of October and December 15 (after which they get even more expensive). However, playing the waiting game can be beneficial, too. Expedia found that the cheapest time to book Christmas flights was just 14 to 20 days out.

Before you buy, we also recommend checking CheapAir.com, which tracks 11,000 different airfares for flights around the holidays to analyze price trends. Because as miserable as holiday travel can be, you don't want to pay any more than you have to.

[h/t Condé Nast Traveler]

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Big Questions
Why Can’t You Wear White After Labor Day?
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Wearing white in the summer makes sense. Desert peoples have known for thousands of years that white clothing seems to keep you a little bit cooler than other colors. But wearing white only during the summer? While no one is completely sure exactly when or why this fashion rule came into effect, our best guess is that it had to do with snobbery in the late 1800s and early 1900s.

The wives of the super-rich ruled high society with an iron fist after the Civil War. As more and more people became millionaires, though, it was difficult to tell the difference between respectable old money families and those who only had vulgar new money. By the 1880s, in order to tell who was acceptable and who wasn’t, the women who were already “in” felt it necessary to create dozens of fashion rules that everyone in the know had to follow. That way, if a woman showed up at the opera in a dress that cost more than most Americans made in a year, but it had the wrong sleeve length, other women would know not to give her the time of day.

Not wearing white outside the summer months was another one of these silly rules. White was for weddings and resort wear, not dinner parties in the fall. Of course it could get extremely hot in September, and wearing white might make the most sense, but if you wanted to be appropriately attired you just did not do it. Labor Day became a federal holiday in 1894, and society eventually adopted it as the natural endpoint for summer fashion.

Not everyone followed this rule. Even some socialites continued to buck the trend, most famously Coco Chanel, who wore white year-round. But even though the rule was originally enforced by only a few hundred women, over the decades it trickled down to everyone else. By the 1950s, women’s magazines made it clear to middle class America: White clothing came out on Memorial Day and went away on Labor Day.

These days the fashion world is much more relaxed about what colors to wear and when, but every year you will still hear people say that white after Labor Day is unacceptable, all thanks to some snobby millionaires who decided that was a fashion no-no more than 100 years ago.

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