Unwinnable Video Game Challenges You to Keep a Shopping Mall in Business

"American Mall," Bloomberg
"American Mall," Bloomberg

Shopping malls, once the cultural hub of every suburb in America, have become a punchline in the e-commerce era. There are plenty of malls around today, but they tend to be money pits, considering the hundreds of "dead malls" haunting the landscape. Just how hard is it to keep a mall afloat in the current economy? American Mall, a new video game from Bloomberg, attempts to give an answer.

After choosing which tycoon character you want as your stand-in, you're thrown into a mall—rendered in 1980s-style graphics—already struggling to stay in business. The building is filled with rats and garbage you have to clean up if you want to keep shoppers happy. Every few seconds you're contacted by another store owner begging you to lower their rent, and you must either take the loss or risk them packing up for good. When stores are vacated, it's your job to fill them, but it turns out there aren't too many businesses interested in setting up shop in a dying mall.

You can try gimmicks like food trucks and indoor playgrounds to keep customers interested, but in the end your mall will bleed too much money to support itself. You can try playing the bleak game for yourself here—maybe it will put some of the retail casualties of the last decade into perspective.

[h/t Co.Design]

Glow-in-the-Dark Star Wars Undies Have Arrived

MeUndies
MeUndies

Star Wars geekery has been taken to the next level. Underwear brand MeUndies just unveiled a new pattern that bears the likenesses of several of the space opera's most iconic characters and glows like a lightsaber when it gets dark outside.

The original pattern was hand-drawn by the MeUndies team, and it features Chewbacca, Yoda, R2-D2, C-3PO, Darth Vader, and a Stormtrooper. According to the company, it’s the first time a Star Wars print has featured characters from both the Dark Side and the Rebel Alliance together.

And naturally, the stars and Star Wars logos glow in the dark. The underwear is made from a fiber called Lenzing MicroModal, which is derived from beechwood trees and is said to be three times softer than cotton.

Star Wars boxers for men
MeUndies

Star Wars panties for women
MeUndies

Men’s undies, priced at $24, come in four styles: trunks, boxers, briefs, and boxer briefs. Women’s options include a cheeky brief, bikini, or boyshort, all of which cost $18 apiece. However, if you sign up for a MeUndies membership, $4 to $8 will be taken off each pair, and you’ll also gain access to exclusive prints and lower member prices. MeUndies carries sizes ranging from XS to 3XL and ships to the U.S. and Canada, as well as some other international locations.

Head on over to the MeUndies website to pick up a pair for yourself or for the Star Wars fanatic in your life, and remember: When you wear these undies, the Force will be with you, always.

The Super Mario Bros. Theme Song Has Lyrics You've Probably Never Heard

iStock
iStock

Anyone who owned a Nintendo Entertainment System as a kid likely has the Super Mario Bros. theme song committed to memory—or at least part of it, anyway. In 1985, Nintendo confirmed that the iconic, 8-bit tune has official lyrics that most fans of the video game have never heard.

According to Nerdist, the Mario song didn't have lyrics originally. Super Mario Bros. debuted to the world in 1985, and everything about the game's hero, including his poppy theme music composed by Koji Kondo, became a sensation. Shortly after its release, a Japanese radio station called on fans to submit lyrics to go with the catchy score. Nintendo saw one of the submissions and was so impressed that it decided to record the lyrics to music and release the song on vinyl.

In English, the song opens “Today, full of energy, Mario is still running, running / Go save Princess Peach! Go!" Characters and creatures from the Mario universe, like Goomba, Lakitu, and Cheep Cheep, are all name-dropped.

After reading the full lyrics, you can listen to the recorded version above, which sounds a lot catchier in the original Japanese.

Today, full of energy, Mario is still running, running
Go save Princess Peach! Go!
Today, full of energy, Mario runs
Today, full of energy, jumping!
Today, full of energy, searching for coins
Today, keep going, Mario!
Get a mushroom—it’s Super Mario!
Get a flower—it’s Fire Mario!
Goomba! Troopa! Buzzy Beetle! Beat them all!
Mario is always full of energy and strong!

Today, full of energy, Mario is still running, running
Go and beat the Koopa tribe, go!
Today, full of energy, Mario runs
Today, full of energy, jumping!
Today, full of energy, searching for coins
Today, keep going, Mario!
Get a star—become invincible!
Quickly, go save Princess Peach!
Lakitu! Blooper! Cheep Cheep! Beat them all!
Mario is always full of energy and strong!

Today, full of energy, Mario is still running, running
He’s made it to the castle and gets fireworks!
Lightly sidestepping the Hammer Bros.
Show the last of your power, Mario!
It’s been a long journey but it’s nearly at an end
You’ve done it, you’ve done it! You’ve defeated Bowser!
Princess Peach says “thank you”
Mario’s got a great big heart!
Mario’s adventure is over for now, but
Mario’s dream lives forever ...

[h/t Nerdist]

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