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Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell: The Birth of an Idiom

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The policy on gays in the military that the Department of Defense instituted in 1993 had four directives: Don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t pursue, and don’t harass. In the very beginning it was occasionally referred to as the “don’t ask, don’t tell, don’t pursue” policy, but the name quickly settled into the pithy two part, four word expression that we are all familiar with.

“Don’t ask, don’t tell” fit perfectly into a common English idiom structure, one where two parallel clauses are reduced to their essence in order to make some kind of larger, meaningful statement about the way of the world. Some examples include:

no pain, no gain
first come, first served
like father, like son
here today, gone tomorrow
monkey see, monkey do
easy come, easy go
waste not, want not
so far, so good
been there, done that
another day, another dollar
mo’ money, mo’ problems

In fact, this is a common idiom structure in other languages as well. Chinese chengyu, for example, are four character expressions like “one day, thousand autumns” (meaning everything is changing so fast, that one day is like a 1,000 years).

The structure has a very satisfying balance to it. It lets you hold two ideas up for inspection in a compact linguistic thought space. When they are reconciled in that tiny space, a bigger, more complicated idea comes through. "Don’t ask, don’t tell" became a useful way to say “we will agree to not ask about it and will look the other way, if you agree not to tell us about it, making it inconveniently impossible for us to pretend we don’t know.” It has been two years since “don’t ask, don’t tell” was repealed as a military policy, but it seems to have taken up residence in our storehouse of ready-made expressions for good, which is not surprising, considering how succinctly it captures a particular common set of circumstances.

Here are eight situations where the idiomatic meaning of the phrase has proved useful.

1. Someone is intentionally looking the other way so as not to be implicated.

As in this article, titled “Dominique Strauss-Kahn has a Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Policy Re: Whether a Woman is a Hooker or Not.”

Or in this article, asking Whole Foods to end its “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy about food potentially grown in sewage sludge.

2. Two actors are complicit in getting away with something because neither one is talking about it.

As in this article, claiming President Obama is not talking about jobs because the press is not asking him about jobs.

3. If you know, you’re not going to like it, so don’t ask.

This recipe for “Don’t ask, don’t tell” cookies includes sauerkraut as an ingredient. Shhh!

From a post about eating in China: “The other custom in China that many of us have trouble ‘stomaching’ is eating every part of an animal, or eating insects, or unusual creatures. This includes intestines, feet, eyes etc. If we are true to our ‘don’t ask, don’t tell philosophy’ of adventurous eating, we often find that we enjoy the flavor and go for seconds."

4. There is information you have a right to know, but it won’t be disclosed unless you ask for it.

As in this article about “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Bank Fees.”

Or this gaming message board comment: “If I am correct, the gamestop warranty is pretty much a dont ask dont tell thing. Cause i know its that way on xboxs they will replace then for you as long as its within the year”

5. If you can’t deal with answers, don’t ask the questions.

From an advice column in Men’s Fitness:

Q: I want to become exclusive with the girl I'm dating, but there is one problem: She's slept with way more people than I have! It's driving me crazy. What should I do?

A: This sounds like a classic case of stage fright. You knew all along about her sexual history, and now you are holding back based on something you can't change: her past. If you can't let it go, then let her go. Next time, you might want to take the military's approach to your lady's past sexual exploits: Don't ask! Don't tell!

6. There is a question of whether to disclose information that could be held against you.

Used as a title of articles about telling your employer about dyslexia or depression.

7. There is information you might want to know, but no one has to tell you, even if you ask.

The phrase is used a lot in articles about food labeling where it has been decided that labeling is not required, such as, “FDA: Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell on Cloned Meat” and “GM Food: Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell?”

8. General catchall for “looking the other way.”

As seen in various random message boards:

“Yeah, legality is a dont ask dont tell thing around where I live. There are no emission laws thank the car god”

“everyone else has cats and theres even a few dogs, the landlady kinda told her it was more of a dont ask dont tell thing”

“I dont believe anyone received permission from the landowners, ever. It is run as a ‘dont ask dont tell’ thing that benefits everyone all around. the climbers have safe anchors and the landowners still have nothing to do with the climbers(no liability).”

...and apparently common in families:

“Husband works out of town we have an open relationship we know we both have needs its kind of a dont ask dont tell thing”

“me and my parents are kind of on a dont ask dont tell thing when it comes to smoking”

“I know my children know - but we do a ‘dont ask dont tell’ thing”

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iStock // Ekaterina Minaeva
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Man Buys Two Metric Tons of LEGO Bricks; Sorts Them Via Machine Learning
May 21, 2017
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iStock // Ekaterina Minaeva

Jacques Mattheij made a small, but awesome, mistake. He went on eBay one evening and bid on a bunch of bulk LEGO brick auctions, then went to sleep. Upon waking, he discovered that he was the high bidder on many, and was now the proud owner of two tons of LEGO bricks. (This is about 4400 pounds.) He wrote, "[L]esson 1: if you win almost all bids you are bidding too high."

Mattheij had noticed that bulk, unsorted bricks sell for something like €10/kilogram, whereas sets are roughly €40/kg and rare parts go for up to €100/kg. Much of the value of the bricks is in their sorting. If he could reduce the entropy of these bins of unsorted bricks, he could make a tidy profit. While many people do this work by hand, the problem is enormous—just the kind of challenge for a computer. Mattheij writes:

There are 38000+ shapes and there are 100+ possible shades of color (you can roughly tell how old someone is by asking them what lego colors they remember from their youth).

In the following months, Mattheij built a proof-of-concept sorting system using, of course, LEGO. He broke the problem down into a series of sub-problems (including "feeding LEGO reliably from a hopper is surprisingly hard," one of those facts of nature that will stymie even the best system design). After tinkering with the prototype at length, he expanded the system to a surprisingly complex system of conveyer belts (powered by a home treadmill), various pieces of cabinetry, and "copious quantities of crazy glue."

Here's a video showing the current system running at low speed:

The key part of the system was running the bricks past a camera paired with a computer running a neural net-based image classifier. That allows the computer (when sufficiently trained on brick images) to recognize bricks and thus categorize them by color, shape, or other parameters. Remember that as bricks pass by, they can be in any orientation, can be dirty, can even be stuck to other pieces. So having a flexible software system is key to recognizing—in a fraction of a second—what a given brick is, in order to sort it out. When a match is found, a jet of compressed air pops the piece off the conveyer belt and into a waiting bin.

After much experimentation, Mattheij rewrote the software (several times in fact) to accomplish a variety of basic tasks. At its core, the system takes images from a webcam and feeds them to a neural network to do the classification. Of course, the neural net needs to be "trained" by showing it lots of images, and telling it what those images represent. Mattheij's breakthrough was allowing the machine to effectively train itself, with guidance: Running pieces through allows the system to take its own photos, make a guess, and build on that guess. As long as Mattheij corrects the incorrect guesses, he ends up with a decent (and self-reinforcing) corpus of training data. As the machine continues running, it can rack up more training, allowing it to recognize a broad variety of pieces on the fly.

Here's another video, focusing on how the pieces move on conveyer belts (running at slow speed so puny humans can follow). You can also see the air jets in action:

In an email interview, Mattheij told Mental Floss that the system currently sorts LEGO bricks into more than 50 categories. It can also be run in a color-sorting mode to bin the parts across 12 color groups. (Thus at present you'd likely do a two-pass sort on the bricks: once for shape, then a separate pass for color.) He continues to refine the system, with a focus on making its recognition abilities faster. At some point down the line, he plans to make the software portion open source. You're on your own as far as building conveyer belts, bins, and so forth.

Check out Mattheij's writeup in two parts for more information. It starts with an overview of the story, followed up with a deep dive on the software. He's also tweeting about the project (among other things). And if you look around a bit, you'll find bulk LEGO brick auctions online—it's definitely a thing!

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Nick Briggs/Comic Relief
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What Happened to Jamie and Aurelia From Love Actually?
May 26, 2017
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Nick Briggs/Comic Relief

Fans of the romantic-comedy Love Actually recently got a bonus reunion in the form of Red Nose Day Actually, a short charity special that gave audiences a peek at where their favorite characters ended up almost 15 years later.

One of the most improbable pairings from the original film was between Jamie (Colin Firth) and Aurelia (Lúcia Moniz), who fell in love despite almost no shared vocabulary. Jamie is English, and Aurelia is Portuguese, and they know just enough of each other’s native tongues for Jamie to propose and Aurelia to accept.

A decade and a half on, they have both improved their knowledge of each other’s languages—if not perfectly, in Jamie’s case. But apparently, their love is much stronger than his grasp on Portuguese grammar, because they’ve got three bilingual kids and another on the way. (And still enjoy having important romantic moments in the car.)

In 2015, Love Actually script editor Emma Freud revealed via Twitter what happened between Karen and Harry (Emma Thompson and Alan Rickman, who passed away last year). Most of the other couples get happy endings in the short—even if Hugh Grant's character hasn't gotten any better at dancing.

[h/t TV Guide]

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