Pine vs. PVC: How Real and Fake Christmas Trees Compare

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iStock

Making the trek to a Christmas tree farm and picking out the perfect pine to brighten up your home is a cherished holiday tradition. Unless, of course, you belong to a family of artificial tree loyalists, in which case you may ring in the season by unloading plastic branches from the attic.

The fake-versus-real tree debate has only gotten more heated in recent years. According to the National Christmas Tree Association, the number of artificial trees purchased in the U.S. rose from 11.7 million in 2009 to 18.6 million in 2016. Real trees still outnumber fake ones, but they’re gradually becoming less popular: Only 27.4 million real Christmas trees were brought home in 2016 compared to 28.2 million in 2009.

If you’re not committed to one tree over the other, choosing a camp to side with may feel overwhelming. But it doesn’t have to be that way: Here are some factors to consider when selecting the best tree to deck your halls.

COST

Cost is a top priority to many families picking out a Christmas tree. Both varieties of tree vary in price based on size, quality, and vendor. But while most real Christmas trees fall in the $25 to $100 range, fake trees can get much more expensive. “There are literally hundreds of styles, brands, shapes, and sizes,” Jamie Warner, executive director of the American Christmas Tree Association (not to be confused with the National Christmas Tree Association), tells Mental Floss. “The price can be anywhere from $25 into the thousands.”

But even if you find a handsome real tree that’s cheaper than a fake one of similar size and quality, it’s not necessarily the better deal. One artificial tree can last you several seasons, making it cheaper than yearly trips to the tree farm in the long run.

ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACT

This may be the most controversial point in the great Christmas tree debate. Artificial trees, one side argues, are the more environmentally-friendly option because they can be used year after year. But according to real tree advocates, the carbon dioxide emitted during the production of one fake tree still outweighs the impact of several authentic ones. So what’s the smarter choice for tree-buyers who want to stay green?

If you’re on Team Artificial Tree, about seven years is the length of time you need to own one before you can claim it was an earth-conscious purchase. Even then, some would argue that eventually dumping it in a landfill cancels that out. Real trees, on the other had, are easily recycled. Many towns process the discarded trees that are collected at the end of the holiday season and use the chips as mulch for public gardens, cushion for hiking trails, and even as fuel to supplement the energy grid. When trees aren’t mulched, they can be re-used whole as underwater habitats, flood barriers, and stimulation for zoo animals.

There's also the issue of transportation. If the nearest Christmas tree farm is 40 minutes away while the closest department store is down the street, that adds to your carbon footprint. But according to Warner, there are better ways to be kind to the environment during the holiday season than stopping yourself from buying the tree you want. “If you really want to have an impact on your carbon footprint, try not driving for one day during the holidays,” he says.

SCENT

Sorry, fake Christmas tree fans: Nothing beats the smell of a fresh pine tree during the holidays. Of course, it is possible to replicate that festive aroma with scented artificial sprigs and Christmas tree spray, but if smell is really that important to you, why not go with nature’s best air freshener?

Of course, a house that reeks of authentic pine isn’t a plus for everyone. Some people may hate the scent, while others may have an allergic reaction to it. If that’s the case, an unscented plastic tree is the obvious choice.

SAFETY

It may look pretty, but electric lights wrapped around 7 feet of kindling isn’t the safest combination to have in the house. The National Fire Protection Association reports that U.S. fire departments respond to about 200 home fires that start with Christmas trees per year. Of course, that number looks small compared to the millions of households with real trees that make it through each season accident-free. To ensure you belong to the latter group, don’t forget this golden holiday rule: There must be water in your tree’s base at all times. Healthy, watered trees are less susceptible to flames, while dry trees are dangerously flammable.

Synthetic trees are less likely to burn your house down because most are made with a fire-resistant material called polyvinyl chloride (PVC). But while rare, fake tree fires have been known to happen, often due to malfunctions in old, built-in electrical wiring.

EFFORT

Cutting down, transporting, and decorating a tree may be an essential part of the holidays for some families, but for others it’s a hassle. If families have a tree waiting for them in storage, they may be less likely to wait until the last minute to put it up. The easiest artificial trees to set out open up umbrella-style and come with the lights built in. Other models require some assembly before they’re ready to decorate, but once you own one you can prepare it without ever leaving home.

Artificial trees continue to be low-maintenance throughout the holiday season, while real trees need to have the water in their stands refreshed once a day. Even after all that effort, owners are usually left with a mess of brown, dry needles by New Year's. Some municipalities will collect your old tree from the curb in late December/early January, but there are places where you may be required to go out of your way to make sure the tree is disposed of properly. With fake trees, clean-up is as easy as wrapping it in a bag and storing it in a dry place.

AESTHETIC APPEAL

There’s no reason to hold Christmas trees to a single set of beauty standards. The trees, whether real or fake, come in different forms to satisfy different tastes. Over-achievers may choose the biggest fir on the farm, while Charlie Brown fans may find something scrawnier endearing. On the artificial side, shoppers have even more options: There are upside down trees, fiber-optic trees, and even aluminum trees left over from their heyday in the 1960s. Christmas trees are meant to be decorative, so pick whatever suits your unique style best.

What’s the final word in the fake-tree-versus-real-tree saga? That whatever option you choose is between you and your family. So go ahead and buy the gaudiest, messiest, most high-maintenance tree you can find. If your feelings change, there’s always next year.

The Legend of Cry Baby Lane: The Lost Nickelodeon Movie That Was Too Scary for TV

Nickelodeon, Viacom
Nickelodeon, Viacom

Several years ago, rumors about a lost Nickelodeon movie branded too disturbing for children’s television began popping up around the internet. They all referenced the same plot: A father of conjoined twins was so ashamed of his sons that he hid them away throughout their childhood. (This being a made-for-TV horror movie, naturally one of the twins was evil.)

After one twin got sick the other soon followed, with both boys eventually succumbing to the illness. To keep the town from discovering his secret, the father separated their bodies with a rusty saw and buried the good one at the local cemetery and the evil one at the end of a desolate dirt road called Cry Baby Lane, which also happened to be the title of the rumored film. According to the local undertaker, anyone who ventured down Cry Baby Lane after dark could hear the evil brother crying from beyond the grave.

Cry Baby Lane then jumps to present day (well, present day in 2000), where a group of teens sneaks into the local graveyard in an effort to contact the spirit of the good twin. After holding a seance, they learn that the boys' father had made a mistake and mixed up the bodies of his children—burying the good son at the end of Cry Baby Lane and the evil one in the cemetery. Meaning those ghostly wails were actually the good twin crying out for help. But the teens realized the error too late: The evil twin had already been summoned and quickly began possessing the local townspeople.

MOVIE OR MYTH?

Parents were appalled that such dark content ever made it onto the family-friendly network, or so the story goes, and after airing the film once the Saturday before Halloween in 2000, Nickelodeon promptly scrubbed it from existence. But with no video evidence of it online for years, some people questioned whether Cry Baby Lane had ever really existed in the first place.

“Okay, so this story sounds completely fake, Nick would NEVER air this on TV,” one Kongregate forum poster said in September 2011. “And why would this be made knowing it’s for kids? This story just sounds too fake …”

While the folklore surrounding the film may not be 100 percent factual, Nickelodeon quickly confirmed that the “lost” Halloween movie was very real, and that it did indeed contained all the rumored twisted elements that have made it into a legend.

Before Cry Baby Lane was a blip in Nick’s primetime schedule, it was nearly a $100 million theatrical release. Peter Lauer, who had previously directed episodes of the Nick shows The Secret World of Alex Mack and The Adventures of Pete & Pete, co-wrote the screenplay with KaBlam! co-creator Robert Mittenthal. Cry Baby Lane, which would eventually spawn urban legends of its own, was inspired by a local ghost story Lauer heard growing up in Ohio. “There was a haunted farmhouse, and if you went up there at midnight, you could hear a baby crying and it’d make your high school girlfriend scared,” he told The Daily.

BIG SCARES ON A SMALL BUDGET

Despite Nickelodeon’s well-meaning intentions, parent company Paramount wasn’t keen on the idea of turning the screenplay into a feature film. The script was forgotten for about a year, until Nick got in touch with Lauer about producing Cry Baby Lane—only this time as a $800,000 made-for-TV movie. The director gladly signed on.

Even with the now-meager budget, Cry Baby Lane maintained many of the same elements of a much larger picture. In a bid to generate more publicity around the project, Nickelodeon cast Oscar nominee Frank Langella as the local undertaker (a role Lauer had originally wanted Tom Waits to play). All the biggest set pieces from the screenplay were kept intact, and as a result, the crew had no money left to do any extra filming.

Only two scenes from the movie ended up getting cut—one that alluded to skinny dipping and another that depicted an old man’s head fused onto the body of a baby in a cemetery. The story of a father performing amateur surgery on the corpses of his sons, however, made it into the final film.

The truth of what happened after Cry Baby Lane premiered on October 28, 2000 has been muddied over the years. In most retellings, Nickelodeon received an "unprecedented number" of complaints about the film and responded by sealing it away in its vault and acting like the whole thing never happened. But if that version of events is true, Nick has never acknowledged it.

Even Lauer wasn’t aware of any backlash from parents concerned about the potentially scarring effects of the film until The Daily made him aware of the rumors years later. “All I know is that they aired it once,” he told the paper. “I just assumed they didn’t show it again because they didn’t like it! I did it, I thought it failed, and I moved on.”

But the idea that the movie was pulled from airwaves for being too scary for kids isn’t so far-fetched. Though Cry Baby Lane never shows the conjoined twins being sawed apart on screen, it does pair the already-unsettling story with creepy images of writhing worms, broken glass, and animal skulls. This opening sequence, combined with the spooky, empty-eyed victims of possession that appear later, and multiple scenes where a child gets swallowed by a grave, may have made the film slightly more intense than the average episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark?

IMPERFECT TIMING

Cry Baby Lane premiered at a strange time in internet history: Too early for pirated copies to immediately spring up online yet late enough for it to grow into a web-fueled folktale. The fervor surrounding the film peaked in 2011, when a viral Reddit thread about Cry Baby Lane caught the attention of one user claiming to have the so-called “lost” film recorded on VHS. He later uploaded the tape for the world to view and suddenly the lost movie was lost no longer.

News of the unearthed movie made waves across the web, and instead of staying quiet and waiting for the story to die down, Nickelodeon decided to get in on the hype. That Halloween, Nick aired Cry Baby Lane for the first time in over a decade. Regardless of whether the movie had previously been banned or merely forgotten, the network used the mystery surrounding its origins to their PR advantage.

“We tried to freak people out with it,” a Nick employee who worked at The 90s Are All That (now The Splat), the programming block that resurrected Cry Baby Lane (and who wished to remain anonymous) said of the promotional campaign for the event. “They were creepy and a little glitchy. We were like, ‘This never aired because it was too scary and we’re going to air it now.’”

Cry Baby Lane now makes regular appearances on Nickelodeon’s '90s block around Halloween, which likely means Nick hasn’t received enough complaints to warrant locking it back in the vault. And during less spooky times of the year, nostalgic horror fans can find the full movie on YouTube.

The mystery surrounding Cry Baby Lane’s existence may have been solved, but the urban legend of the movie that was “too scary for kids’ TV” persists—even at the network that produced it.

“People who were definitely working at Nickelodeon in 2000, but didn’t necessarily work on [Cry Baby Lane] were like, ‘Yeah I heard about it, I remember it being a thing,'" the Nick employee says. “It’s sort of like its own legend within the company.”

Find the Best Wine to Pair With Your Favorite Halloween Candy

iStock/vadimguzhva
iStock/vadimguzhva

When you're a kid, Halloween is all about the candy. Unfortunately, the more sophisticated palate that often comes with adulthood can dampen the former thrill of a holiday that’s largely about cheap scares and even cheaper candy.

Thankfully, the folks at Vivino, a popular wine app, have found a way to help elevate the Halloween candy game (and with it, your joy). Their “Halloween Candy and Wine Matchmaker” pairs popular candies, from Skittles to Swedish Fish, with wine selections, to make sure your many treats complement one another.

As Vivino founder Heini Zachariassen told The Huffington Post, "Our candy and wine matchmaker is a fun way for our users to learn and talk about wine in a way that feels relatable and fun. Besides, Halloween is scary enough, we don't think picking a wine needs to be."

The best news of all? Many of the wines and candies have multiple pairing options—which means you can try out different flavor combos faster than you can say “trick or treat.”

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