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15 Damn Fine Twin Peaks Products

Feliz Navidad
Feliz Navidad

With the revival of Twin Peaks, we can all go back to the small town where a yellow light still means slow down, not speed up. Here are some products to enjoy alongside the premiere of the new season of everyone's favorite cult drama.

1. THE SECRET HISTORY OF TWIN PEAKS: A NOVEL; $20

The Novel

As a companion to the third season, co-creator Mark Frost wrote a multimedia novel that covers the larger history and culture of Twin Peaks. The story is told through an FBI dossier, with a timeline that starts with journals of Lewis and Clark and ends with the beginning of season three. The book has illustrations, maps, and newspaper clippings to make it feel more convincing.

Find it: Amazon

2. CHERRY PIE FILLING; $16

Cherry pie filling

We'll never get to try the damn good coffee and pie served at the Double R diner, but we can still imagine it. This jar of cherry pie filling from the Salish Lodge & Spa, which was used to film the exteriors of the Great Northern Hotel, will get you one step closer to the real deal.

Find it: Salish Lodge

3. ACTION FIGURES; $27

Action figures

Create your own mystery with these Funko action figures of Agent Dale Cooper, Laura Palmer, Bob, and the Log Lady. The 3-3/4-inch-tall figures are great for displaying in your rustic, wood-paneled home.

Find it: Amazon

4. PIN-UPS

Pin ups

Emma Munger reimagines the characters of Twin Peaks as sexy pin-up models. You can check out her whole series, which includes Dale Cooper, Audrey Horne, Annie Blackburn, and plenty of characters from other non-Twin Peaks '90s classics.

Find it: Society6

5. OWL CAVE MAP SHIRT; $18

Owl cave shirt

Get the intriguing Native American petroglyph on a shirt and always know the right way to Glastonbury Grove.

Find it: Amazon

6. FISH IN THE PERCOLATOR PIN; $8

Fish pin

Don't drink that coffee! This enamel pin features a minor but memorable joke in the first episode of Twin Peaks .

Find it: Etsy

7. LOG PILLOW; $15

Log pillow

Cuddle up with your log without getting any splinters. This log pillow from Kikkerland is perfect for Log Lady costumes or just snuggling up on your couch.

Find it: Amazon

8. PERFUME; $88

Perfume

You can't smell a television show, but it's easy to imagine what the world of Twin Peaks might smell like. This trio of scents, created by a perfumer who lives in the forests of the Pacific Northwest, uses scents of evergreen, cedar, and more mysterious ingredients in a line aptly called the “Wonderful & Strange Liquid Music Trio.”

Find it: Matriarch

9. THE SOUNDTRACK ON VINYL; $36

Vinyl

The amazing soundtrack of Twin Peaks has been reissued for your enjoyment. It's pressed on 180-gram brown vinyl that's meant to look like coffee. The record comes with a lyric sheet and liner notes, all housed in a sleeve with artwork by Sam Smith.

Find it: Amazon

10. FIRE WALK WITH ME NECKLACE; $20

Necklace

Get a necklace dedicated to the prequel movie Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me. The piece of jewelry is shaped like one of the Best Friends necklaces in the movie (which also play a role in the show).

Find it: Etsy

11. TWIN PEAKS TAPESTRY; $37

Tapestry

Get the natural beauty of Washington State right on your wall with this tapestry. It comes in three sizes: 60, 80, or 104 inches long.

Find it: Society6

12. SADDLE SHOES; $40

Saddle shoes

Do your best Audrey Horne impression with these saddle shoes. Now all you need is a retro sweater and fierce eyebrows.

Find it: ModCloth

13. SWEATER; $90

Sweater

Speaking of sweaters, this jumper from Feliz Navidad is just begging to enter your wardrobe. The sweater is knitted and sewn in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Although pricey, the company offers a payment plan without interest.

Find it: Feliz Navidad

14. RECIPE BOOK; $18

Recipe book

The best way to enjoy the premiere of the third season is with the right food. This unofficial cookbook will help you make pie and other meals based off the show.

Find it: Amazon

15. KEY CHAIN; $9

Keychain

Get a retro hotel keychain for the Great Northern Hotel, where Agent Cooper stayed and many of the show's pivotal scenes took place.

Find it: Amazon

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The Criterion Collection
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14 Deep Facts About Valley of the Dolls
The Criterion Collection
The Criterion Collection

Based on Jacqueline Susann's best-selling 1966 novel (which sold more than 30 million copies), Valley of the Dolls was a critically maligned film that somehow managed to gross $50 million when it was released 50 years ago, on December 15, 1967. Both the film and the novel focus on three young women—Neely O’Hara (Patty Duke), Jennifer North (Sharon Tate), and Anne Welles (Barbara Parkins)—who navigate the entertainment industry in both New York City and L.A., but end up getting addicted to barbiturates, a.k.a. “dolls.”

Years after its original release, the film became a so-bad-it’s-good classic about the perils of fame. John Williams received his first of 50 Oscar nominations for composing the score. Mark Robson directed it, and he notoriously fired the booze- and drug-addled Judy Garland, who was cast to play aging actress Helen Lawson (Susan Hayward took over), who was supposedly based on Garland. (Garland died on June 22, 1969 from a barbituate overdose.) Two months after Garland’s sudden demise, the Manson Family murdered the very pregnant Tate in August 1969.

Despite all of the glamour depicted in the movie and novel, Susann said, “Valley of the Dolls showed that a woman in a ranch house with three kids had a better life than what happened up there at the top.” A loose sequel, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls—which was written by Roger Ebert—was released in 1970, but it had little to do with the original. In 1981, a TV movie updated the Dolls. Here are 14 deep facts about the iconic guilty pleasure.

1. JACQUELINE SUSANN DIDN'T LIKE THE MOVIE.

To promote the film, the studio hosted a month-long premiere party on a luxury liner. At a screening in Venice, Susann said the film “appalled” her, according to Parkins. She also thought Hollywood “had ruined her book,” and Susann asked to be taken off the boat. At one point she reportedly told Robson directly that she thought the film was “a piece of sh*t.”

2. BARBARA PARKINS WAS “NERVOUS” TO WORK WITH JUDY GARLAND.

Barbara Parkins had only been working with Judy Garland for two days when the legendary actress was fired for not coming out of her dressing room (and possibly being drunk). “I called up Jackie Susann, who I had become close to—I didn’t call up the director strangely enough—and I said, ‘What do I do? I’m nervous about going on the set with Judy Garland and I might get lost in this scene because she knows how to chew up the screen,’” Parkins told Windy City Times. “She said, ‘Honey, just go in there and enjoy her.’ So I went onto the set and Judy came up to me and wrapped her arms around me and said, ‘Oh, baby, let’s just do this scene,’ and she was wonderful.”

3. WILLIAM TRAVILLA BASED THE FILM'S COSTUMES ON THE WOMEN’S LIKES.

Costume designer William Travilla had to assemble 134 outfits for the four leading actresses. “I didn't have a script so I read the book and then the script once I got one,” he explained of his approach to the film. “I met with the director and producer and asked how they felt about each character and then I met with the girls and asked them what they liked and didn’t like and how they were feeling. Then I sat down with my feelings and captured their feelings, too.”

4. SUSANN THOUGHT GARLAND “GOT RATTLED.”

In an interview with Roger Ebert, Susann offered her thoughts on why Garland was let go. “Everybody keeps asking me why she was fired from the movie, as if it was my fault or something,” she said. “You know what I think went wrong? Here she was, raised in the great tradition of the studio stars, where they make 30 takes of every scene to get it right, and the other girls in the picture were all raised as television actresses. So they’re used to doing it right the first time. Judy just got rattled, that’s all.”

5. PATTY DUKE PARTIALLY BLAMES THE DIRECTOR’S BEHAVIOR FOR GARLAND’S EXIT.

During an event at the Castro Theatre, Duke discussed working with Garland. “The director, who was the meanest son of a bitch I ever met in my life ... the director, he kept this icon, this sparrow, waiting and waiting,” Duke said. “She had to come in at 6:30 in the morning and he wouldn’t even plan to get to her until four in the afternoon. She was very down to earth, so she didn’t mind waiting. The director decided that some guy from some delicatessen on 33rd Street should talk to her, and she crumbled. And she was fired. She shouldn’t have been hired in the first place, in my opinion.”

6. DUKE DIDN’T SING NEELY’S SONGS.

All of Neely’s songs in the movie were dubbed, which disappointed Duke. “I knew I couldn’t sing like a trained singer,” she said. “But I thought it was important for Neely maybe to be pretty good in the beginning but the deterioration should be that raw, nerve-ending kind of the thing. And I couldn’t convince the director. They wanted to do a blanket dubbing. It just doesn’t have the passion I wanted it to have.”

7. GARLAND STOLE ONE OF THE MOVIE'S COSTUMES.

Garland got revenge in “taking” the beaded pantsuit she was supposed to wear in the movie, and she was unabashed about it. “Well, about six months later, Judy’s going to open at the Palace,” Duke said. “I went to opening night at the Palace and out she came in her suit from Valley of the Dolls.”

8. A SNEAK PREVIEW OF THE FILM HID THE TITLE.

Fox held a preview screening of the film at San Francisco’s Orpheum Theatre, but the marquee only read “The Biggest Book of the Year.” “And the film was so campy, everyone roared with laughter,” producer David Brown told Vanity Fair. “One patron was so irate he poured his Coke all over Fox president Dick Zanuck in the lobby. And we knew we had a hit. Why? Because of the size of the audience—the book would bring them in.”

9. IT MARKED RICHARD DREYFUSS'S FILM DEBUT.


Twentieth Century Fox

Richard Dreyfuss made his big-screen debut near the end of Valley of the Dolls, playing an assistant stage manager who knocks on Neely’s door to find her intoxicated. After appearing on several TV shows, this was his first role in a movie, but it was uncredited. That same year, he also had a small role in The Graduate. Dreyfuss told The A.V. Club he was in the best film of 1967 (The Graduate) and the worst (Valley of the Dolls). “But then one day I realized that I had never actually seen Valley of the Dolls all the way through, so I finally did it,” he said. “And I realized that I was in the last 45 seconds of the worst film ever made. And I watched from the beginning with a growing sense of horror. And then I finally heard my line. And I thought, ‘I’ll never work again.’ But I used to make money by betting people about being in the best and worst films of 1967: No one would ever come up with the answer, so I’d make 20 bucks!”

10. THE DIRECTOR DIDN’T DIG TOO DEEP.

In the 2006 documentary Gotta Get Off This Merry Go Round: Sex, Dolls & Showtunes, Barbara Parkins scolded the director for keeping the film’s pill addiction on the surface. “The director never took us aside and said, look this is the effect,” she said. “We didn’t go into depth about it. Now, if you would’ve had a Martin Scorsese come in and direct this film, he would’ve sat you down, he would’ve put you through the whole emotional, physical, mental feeling of what that drug was doing to you. This would’ve been a whole different film. He took us to one, maybe two levels of what it’s like to take pills. The whole thing was to show the bottle and to show the jelly beans kinda going back. That was the important thing for him, not the emotional part.”

11. A STAGE ADAPTATION MADE IT TO OFF-BROADWAY.

In 1995, Los Angeles theater troupe Theatre-A-Go-Go! adapted the movie into a stage play. Kate Flannery, who’d go on to play Meredith Palmer on The Office, portrayed Neely. “Best thing about Valley of the Dolls to make fun of it is to actually just do it,” Flannery said in the Dolls doc. “You don’t need to change anything.” Parkins came to a production and approved of it. Eventually, the play headed to New York in an Off-Broadway version, with Illeana Douglas playing the Jackie Susann reporter role.

12. JACKIE SUSANN BARELY ESCAPED THE MANSON FAMILY.


By 20th Century-Fox - eBayfrontback, Public Domain, Wikimedia Commons

The night the Manson Family murdered Tate, the actress had invited Susann to her home for a dinner party. According to Vanity Fair, Rex Reed came by The Beverly Hills Hotel, where Susann was staying, and they decided to stay in instead of going to Tate’s. The next day Susann heard about the murder, and cried by the pool. A few years later, when Susann was diagnosed with cancer for the second time, she joked her death would’ve been quicker if she had gone to Tate’s that night.

13. PATTY DUKE LEARNED TO EMBRACE THE FILM.

Of all of the characters in the movie, Duke’s Neely is the most over-the-top. “I used to be embarrassed by it," Duke said in a 2003 interview. "I used to say very unkind things about it, and through the years there are so many people who have come to me, or written me, or emailed who love it so, that I figured they all can’t be wrong." She eventually appreciated the camp factor. “I can have fun with that,” she said. “And sometimes when I’m on location, there will be a few people who bring it up, and then we order pizza and rent a VCR and have a Valley night, and it is fabulous.”

14. LEE GRANT DOESN’T THINK IT’S THE WORST MOVIE EVER MADE.

In 2000, Grant, Duke, and Parkins reunited on The View. “It’s the best, funniest, worst movie ever made,” Grant stated. She then mentioned how she and Duke made a movie about killer bees called The Swarm. “Valley of the Dolls was like genius compared to it,” Grant said.

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Star Wars © & TM 2015 Lucasfilm Ltd. All Rights Reserved.
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How to Perform the Star Wars Theme—On Calculators
Star Wars © & TM 2015 Lucasfilm Ltd. All Rights Reserved.
Star Wars © & TM 2015 Lucasfilm Ltd. All Rights Reserved.

The iconic Star Wars theme has been recreated with glass harps, theremins, and even cat meows. Now, Laughing Squid reports that the team over at YouTube channel It’s a small world have created a version that can be played on calculators.

The channel’s math-related music videos feature covers of popular songs like Luis Fonsi’s "Despacito," Ed Sheeran’s "Shape of You," and the Pirates of the Caribbean theme, all of which are performed on two or more calculators. The Star Wars theme, though, is played across five devices, positioned together into a makeshift keyboard of sorts.

The video begins with a math-musician who transcribes number combinations into notes. Then, they break into an elaborate practice chord sequence on two, and then four, calculators. Once they’re all warmed up, they begin playing the epic opening song we all know and love, which you can hear for yourself in all its electronic glory below.

[h/t Laughing Squid]

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