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14 Secrets of College Counselors

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Applying to college can be an overwhelming experience. College counselors guide students and families through the entire process, whether it’s studying for standardized tests, writing application essays, asking teachers for letters of recommendation, or researching financial aid options. Unlike admissions counselors, who typically work for a college, college counselors work for high schools or as independent consultants. We spoke to a few to find out what they really think about helicopter parents, why perfect SAT scores aren’t always perfect, and how they help students deal with rejection letters.

1. THEIR FAVORITE STUDENTS DON’T HAVE STRAIGHT As.

While excellent grades are a boon to any college application, college counselors often enjoy working with students who don’t have straight As even more. “Contrary to what you might assume, it’s not the straight-A student who is most fun; it's truly the 2.5 to 2.9 [GPA] who struggles but itches to succeed,” Mae Greenwald, a college counselor at a private high school in Southern California, says. When this type of student is able to figure out what areas of study make them tick, a college counselor can help them choose a college that’s an ideal match for their passions, and that’s a more satisfying process than helping a student who is already well on their way. “Watching maturity set in and being able to set a mediocre student on a path to educational and career success is more satisfying than winning the lottery,” Greenwald explains.

2. THEY’RE WARY OF PERFECT SAT SCORES.

Perfect SAT scores are less helpful than you might think (unless you have the grades to match), according to Houston-based college essay consultant Katerina Manoff. “For an admissions officer, that’s a red flag that a student got a lot of coaching,” she explains in a Reddit AMA. “If you have the intellectual horsepower to do well on the SAT, what were you doing for the last 3.5 years of high school?” Manoff advises students, especially those with less-than-stellar grades, to focus on extracurricular achievements and passions such as visual art, drama, and sports rather than solely studying for the SAT.

3. THEY DEAL WITH VERY EMOTIONAL STUDENTS AND PARENTS.

Stressed student talks to counselor.

Because the end of high school marks an important rite of passage from childhood to early adulthood, students and parents often feel a rollercoaster of emotions during this time. Like a therapist or life coach, college counselors have to show empathy and navigate complex emotions. Dr. Steven Mercer, founder of Mercer Educational Consulting, tells Mental Floss that a big part of being a college counselor is knowing how to guide students and families through an emotional process: “As a counselor you have to listen more than you talk, you have to be able to quickly pivot when working with a student or family, and sometimes be forced to guess what they are truly needing because students and parents cannot always tell you outright.”

4. HELICOPTER PARENTS ARE DIFFICULT …

According to independent educational consultant Deborah Shames, who counsels students and families in northern New Jersey, helicopter parents are a very real thing. “I have had many, many helicopter parents who I suspect (or know) are doing the work for their kids, whether it’s the research, filling out the applications, creating the resume, or even writing the essays,” Shames says. “I have called out parents on this, explaining that this is only hurting their kid. Sometimes that’s effective; other times, not so much.”

5. … BUT APATHETIC PARENTS ARE A BIGGER PROBLEM.

While helicopter parents can be problematic, Greenwald explains that apathetic parents are actually more difficult to deal with than overinvolved ones. “Students are frequently embarrassed by their overeager parents, but they aren’t really a college counselor's problem,” she says. “Less involved parents are far more bewildering.” When parents are unwilling to participate in the college choice process or are unenthusiastic about their child’s future, students suffer and become less engaged in the process. “It strips the joy from exploring the future and students feel that in every ugly way,” Greenwald says. Parental involvement is also necessary when students fill out college financial aid forms, as they require information such as parents’ income and taxes. Failure to get this information from parents can become a big obstacle to students who might miss out on scholarship or financial aid funds.

6. ACCEPTANCES FROM BRAND-NAME SCHOOLS AREN’T THEIR HOLY GRAIL.

Hispanic family celebrating college graduation.

Although some college counselors focus on getting their students into brand-name colleges, good college counselors scour the more than 3000 four-year colleges and universities in the U.S. to identify the best fit for each student, academically and socially. “There’s just nothing wrong with going to a lesser-named college for an undergraduate degree and planning on a graduate degree later,” Greenwald says. Depending on what areas students want to study, college counselors may recommend applying to lesser-known schools that would be a better match for the student’s intellect, interests, and long-term goals. “College is a time to learn, collaborate and grow up, not run to keep up,” Greenwald explains. “It’s more than a fancy college that lands the job—leadership experience, executive skills, organization and time management skills, a sense of humor, and that develops in college.”

7. THEY MAY HAVE TO INTERACT WITH A STUDENT’S ENTOURAGE.

Besides working with a student and his or her parents, some college counselors also work with an entourage of assistants, coaches, stepparents, and tutors. Although Mercer says he enjoys all the families he works with, he admits that some families act in ways that make his job more challenging. Mercer once worked with a family that had two personal assistants, two academic tutors, an SAT coach, and a therapist. “In addition to [them], both parents, the student and myself [were] involved in every phone call, online meeting, e-mail thread, or in-person meeting. As a result, I never knew who was going to show up at which meeting,” he says. “I never absolutely knew who was writing the essays or filling out the applications. Making decisions about which colleges to apply to or where the student would attend in the fall took a long time!”

8. UNFORTUNATELY, MONEY MATTERS.

Money and mortarboard hat.

Whether they send their children to a public or private school, parents with more disposable income are more able to hire an independent college counselor who is unaffiliated with their child’s high school. Counselors at public schools may oversee hundreds of students, making it nearly impossible to give each student enough time and attention. “In reality, I oversee 700-plus students. Some will make it to college, some won’t. I don’t have time to even talk to them all … Of course I think parents should hire a private consultant if they can afford it,” says one counselor at a public school in Atlanta.

9. THEY ADMIT THAT ADMISSIONS CAN BE A CRAPSHOOT.

No matter how accomplished their students are, college counselors acknowledge that getting admitted or rejected can sometimes come down to luck. “When you are dealing with schools that accept fewer than 25% of their applicants, it’s a crapshoot; you have to hope you have whatever they are looking for on a given day. I always tell families there’s a whole lot of random at the tippy top,” Shames says. Because elite schools have a limited number of spots, there are more perfectly qualified students who apply than get in. As Shames explains, amazing grades, high test scores, and impressive extracurricular accomplishments aren’t enough to guarantee admission. “These accomplishments simply put you in the ballpark; they don’t guarantee a home run.”

10. INEFFECTUAL PARENTS AND UNHEALTHY FAMILY DYNAMICS BAFFLE THEM.

College counselors see plenty of families with dysfunctional dynamics up-close. Whether parents are too involved or not involved enough in their children’s college application process, some parents don’t command respect from their children. “Parents often confuse rights and privileges. When I suggest phones go away when a struggling student studies, some parents look at me in disbelief. Respecting parents and their decisions should be non-negotiable,” Greenwald explains. “The scariest scenarios then and now are children in charge, the ones who hold their parents ransom with emotional and physical threats and parents so accustomed to handing over expensive toys, they forget their children can live without them if a child's behavior isn't up to par.”

11. REJECTIONS ARE HARD ON THEM, TOO.

As college admissions expert Lacy Crawford tells The Atlantic, some students and parents can take out their disappointment and anger on their college counselor. “I once had a father scream at me,” she reveals. “He had sent his daughter to private schools, he had done everything he thought he needed to do, and she didn’t get into Georgetown early.”

Similarly, Mercer explains that the most frustrating part of his job is dealing with students and parents who think that he’s responsible for the outcome. “Often this happens when a student and parent are overly focused on getting admitted into an uber-selective college,” he says. “I empathize with them, getting denied is disappointing. But what I find frustrating is when students and parents turn around and blame me for the outcome.”

Parents' and students’ unrealistic expectations may be par for the course, but it doesn’t make it any easier for college counselors. “I hate having to be the ‘dream crusher,’” Shames says.

12. THEY NUDGE STUDENTS TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR OWN DESTINY.

Young woman looking toward her future.

Although many students approach the transition from childhood to young adulthood with maturity, others expect their parents and college counselors to do the heavy lifting for them. “Some students act as though the difficulty of this rite of passage should be taken away from them. They expect me to do things that they should be doing,” Mercer says. “So many students don't realize that this is a journey, sometimes harder and sometimes easier, exciting or even thrilling. But, I cannot take away the hard parts, I can only lead them through the difficult stages.”

Shames echoes that view, explaining that she can teach students and give them support, but they need to own their journey. “I see myself as the GPS and the kids as the drivers,” she explains.

13. THEY’RE WELL-VERSED IN YOUTH CULTURE.

Because they spend so much time with teenagers, college counselors are often hip to the latest memes, music, and movies. “I feel honored and privileged to hang out with 17 to 18 year olds and learn from them—music, trends, and how to respond to a quickly changing world,” Greenwald says. Unlike teachers, who usually only see their students in a classroom setting, college counselors often get a bigger picture view of who a student is by talking with their parents, learning their likes and dislikes, and hearing their hopes and dreams for the future. Many students also feel more comfortable around their college counselor than their teachers because their counselor isn’t grading them.

14. THEY LOVE OPENING UP A WORLD OF POSSIBILITIES TO TEENAGERS.

Where a student goes to college can impact what jobs they get, who their lifelong friends are, and who they marry. College counselors enjoy setting students on a path for future success, but they also relish in expanding young minds. “My favorite part of being a private college counselor is talking to a high school student about one or two distinctive colleges that I think are great places for the student to consider, often colleges that are unique or less well-known,” Mercer explains. “I love the moment when the student’s eyes light up, and they say, ‘I didn't realize there was a college like that!’”

All photos via iStock.

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13 Secrets of Halloween Costume Designers
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For consumers, Halloween may be all about scares, but for businesses, it’s all about profits. According to the National Retail Federation, consumers will spend $9.1 billion this year on spooky goods, including a record $3.4 billion on costumes. “It’s an opportunity to be something you’re not the other 364 days of the year,” Jonathan Weeks, CEO of Costumeish.com, tells Mental Floss. “It feels like anything goes.”

To get a better sense of what goes into those lurid, funny, and occasionally outrageous disguises, we spoke to a number of designers who are constantly trying to react to an evolving seasonal market. Here’s what we learned about what sells, what doesn’t, and why adding a “sexy” adjective to a costume doesn’t always work.

1. SOME COSTUMES ARE JUST TOO OUTRAGEOUS FOR RETAIL

A woman models a scary nun costume for Halloween
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For kids, Halloween is a time to look adorable in exchange for candy. For adults, it’s a time to push the envelope. Sometimes that means provocative, revealing costumes; other times, it means going for shock value. “You get looks at a party dressed as an Ebola worker,” Weeks says. “We have pregnant nun costumes, baby cigarette costumes.” The catch: You won’t be finding these at Walmart. “They’re meant for online, not Spencer’s or Party City.”

2. … BUT THERE ARE SOME LINES THEY WON’T CROSS.

Homeowners are scared by trick-or-treaters on Halloween
iStock

Although Halloween is the one day of the year people can deploy a dark sense of humor without inviting personal or professional disaster, some costume makers draw their own line when it comes to how far to exceed the boundaries of good taste. “We’ve never done a child pimp costume, but someone else has,” says Robert Berman, co-founder of Rasta Imposta, a business that broke into the industry on the strength of their fake dreadlock wig in 1992. Weeks says some questionable ideas that have been brought to the discussion table have stayed there. “There’s no toddler KKK costume or baby Nazi costume,” he says. “There is a line.”

3. THEY CAN DESIGN AND PRODUCE A COSTUME IN A MATTER OF DAYS.

A man models a costume in front of a mirror
Rob Stothard/Getty Images

A lot of costume interest comes from what’s been making headlines in the fall: Costumers have to be ready to meet that demand. “We’re pretty good at being able to react quickly,” says Pilar Quintana, vice-president of merchandising for Yandy.com. “Something happening in April may not be strong enough to stick around for Halloween.”

Because the mail-order site has in-house models and isn’t beholden to approval from big box vendors, Quintana can design and photograph a costume so it’s available within 72 hours. If it's more elaborate, it can take a little longer: Both Yandy and Weeks had costumes inspired by the Cecil the Lion story that broke in July 2015 (in which a trophy hunter from Minnesota killed an African lion) on their sites in a matter of weeks.

4. BEYONCE CAN HELP MOVE STALE INVENTORY.

A screen shot from Formation, a music video featuring Beyonce
beyonceVEVO, YouTube

Extravagant custom tailoring jobs aside, Halloween costumes are a business of instant demand and instant gratification—inventory needs to be plentiful in order to fill the deluge of orders that come in a short frame of time. If a business miscalculates the popularity of a given theme, they might be stuck with overstock until they can find a better idea to hang on it. “Last year, we had 400 or 500 Zorro costumes that we couldn’t sell for $10,” Weeks says. “It had a big black hat that came with it, and I thought, ‘That looks familiar.’ It turned out it looked a lot like the one Beyonce wore in her ‘Lemonade’ video.” Remarketed as a "Formation" hat for Beyonce cosplayers, Weeks moved his stock.

5. WOMEN DON’T USUALLY WEAR MASKS.

A man tries on a Joker mask at a retail store
Rhona Wise/Getty Images

Curiously, there’s a large gender gap when it comes to the sculpted latex monster masks offered by Halloween vendors: They’re sold almost exclusively to men. “There just aren’t a lot of masks with female characters,” Weeks says. “I don’t know why that is. Maybe it’s because men in general like gory, scary costumes.” One exception: Hillary Clinton masks, which were all the rage last year.

6. FOOD COSTUMES ARE ALWAYS A HIT.

A dog wears a hot dog costume for Halloween
iStock

At Rasta Imposta, Berman says political and pop culture trends can shift their plans, but one theme is a constant: People love to dress up as food. “We’ve had big success with food items. Bananas, pickles. We did an avocado.” Demand for these faux-edible costumes can occasionally get ugly: Rasta is currently suing Sears and Kmart for selling a banana costume that they allege infringes on Rasta’s copyrighted version, which has blackened ends and a vertical stripe.

7. ADDING ”SEXY” TO EVERYTHING DOESN’T ALWAYS WORK.

A packaged Halloween costume hangs on a store rack
Saul Loeb/Getty Images

It’s a recurring joke that some costume makers only need to add a “sexy” adjective to a design concept in order to make it marketable. While there’s some truth to that—Quintana references Yandy’s “sexy poop emoji” costume—it’s no guarantee of success. “We had a concept for ‘sexy cheese’ that was a no-go,” she says. “'Sexy corn’ didn’t really work at all. ‘Sexy anti-fascist’ didn’t make the cut this year.”

8. PEOPLE ASK FOR SOME WEIRD STUFF.

A person appears in a skull costume with glowing eyes for Halloween
Drew Angerer/Getty Images

In addition to monitoring social media for memes and trends, designers can get an idea of what consumers are looking for by shadowing their online searches. Costumeish.com monitors what people are typing into their search bar to see if they’re missing out on a potential hit. “People search for odd things sometimes,” Weeks says. “People want to be a cactus, a palm tree, they’re looking for a priest and a boy costume. People can be weird.”

9. THEY HAVE WORKAROUNDS FOR BIG PROPERTIES.

Go out to a party this year and you’re almost guaranteed to run into the Queen of the North. But not every costume maker has the official license for Game of Thrones. What are other companies to do? Come up with a design that sparks recognition without sparking a lawsuit. “Our biggest seller right now is Sexy Northern Queen,” Quintana says. “It’s inspired by a TV show.” But she won’t say which one.

10. PEOPLE LOVE SHARKS.

Singer Katy Perry appears on stage with two dancing sharks
Andy Lyons/Getty Images

From the clunky Ben Cooper plastic costume from 1975’s Jaws to today, people can’t seem to get enough of shark-themed outfits. “We do a lot of sharks,” Berman says. “Maybe it’s because of Shark Week in the summertime, but sharks always tend to trend. People just like the idea of sharks.”

11. DEAD CELEBRITIES MEAN SALES.

A portrait of Hugh Hefner hangs in the Playboy Mansion
Hector Mata/Getty Images

It may be morbid, but it’s a reality: The high-profile passing of celebrities, especially close to Halloween, can trigger a surge in sales. “Before Robin Williams died, I couldn’t sell a Mork costume for a dollar,” Weeks says. “After he died, I couldn’t not sell it for less than $100.” This year, designers expect Hugh Hefner to fuel costume ideas—unless something else pops up suddenly to grab their attention. “Last year, when Prince died, that was almost trumped by [presidential debate audience member] Ken Bone,” Berman says. “He became almost more popular than Prince.”

12. THEY PROFIT FROM PEOPLE SHOPPING AT THE LAST MINUTE.

A man shops for Halloween costumes in a retail store
Frederic J. Brown/Getty Images

Ever wonder why food and other novelty costumes tend to outsell traditional garb like pirates and witches? Because costume shopping for adults is usually done frantically and they don’t have time to compare 25 different Redbeards. “People tend to do it at the very last minute, so we want something that pops out at them,” Berman says. “Like, ‘Oh, I want to be a crab.’”

Weeks agrees that procrastination is profitable. “We make a lot of money on shipping,” he says. “Some people get party invites on the 25th and so they’re paying for next-day air.”

13. IT’S NOT ACTUALLY A SEASONAL BUSINESS.

A woman shops for costumes in a retail store
Rhona Wise/Getty Images

Everyone we spoke to agreed that the most surprising thing about the Halloween business is that it’s not really seasonal on their end. Costumes are designed year-round, and planning can take between 12 and 18 months. “It’s 365 days a year,” Quintana says. “We’ll start thinking about next Halloween in December.” Weeks says he'll begin planning in May 2018—for Halloween 2019.

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17 Behind-the-Scenes Secrets of Funeral Directors
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Despite the fact that almost everyone will need the services of the "dismal trade" at some point in their lives, the specific job duties of funeral directors often remain shrouded in mystery. Mental Floss talked to several to learn some little-known facts about the profession, from what happens behind the doors of the embalming room to the real reason you might want to think twice about that “protective” casket.

1. THEY DRIVE MINIVANS.

“The reason you don't see the dead being picked up in your daily life is because we're stealth like that,” Jeff Jorgenson of Elemental Cremation & Burial in Seattle tells Mental Floss. “We are soccer moms and we are legion! Actually, we just use soccer-mom vehicles: Minivans are the transportation of the dead. We rarely drive hearses—those are ceremonial vehicles only.”

2. THAT SWEET LOOK ON THE DECEASED’S FACE TOOK SOME WORK.

Funeral directors say that the most important part of preparing a body for a viewing is the “setting of the features”—creating a peaceful facial expression with a pleasant smile. But while it might look nice at the end, the work creating that appearance can be grisly. Morticians stuff the throat and nose with cotton and then suture the mouth shut, either using a curved needle and thread to stitch between the jawbone and nasal cavity or using a needle injector machine to accomplish a similar job more quickly. Small spiked cups are also inserted under the eyelids to keep the lids closed and the eyes from caving in.

Of course, some bodies take more restoration than others. One mortician says that to prepare a decapitated corpse for an open-casket viewing, he uses a wooden dowel to rejoin the head and body, then sutures the neck back together.

3. THEY MIGHT MAKE A TRIP TO THE DRUGSTORE. 

In her best-selling book Smoke Gets In Your Eyes, mortician Caitlin Doughty says: “If the usual methods of setting the features aren’t sufficient to keep the eyes closed or the mouth shut, superglue is a secret weapon.” In Grave Matters, author Mark Harris points out that superglue can also be used to close up any puncture marks from needles on a corpse. Brooklyn funeral director Amy Cunningham of Fitting Tribute Funeral Services tells Mental Floss: “If you need to keep a deceased person’s hands folded neatly at their abdomen, but their arms keep falling down into the sides of the casket, you can gently bind their thumbs with a ponytail tie.”

4. COMPARISON SHOPPING IS KEY.

Sixth-generation funeral director Caleb Wilde, known for his popular blog Confessions of a Funeral Director, shares this story with us: “About a year ago, a husband and wife died about four months apart. The wife knew us, so we buried her, and the husband knew the funeral home in a neighboring town, so they buried him. They both had the same funeral, same casket, vault, etc. The family called us to let us know that the other funeral home charged $3000 more. Same value, different cost. Call around to different funeral homes. Shop. Ask for the GPL [General Price List]. Remember, cost doesn’t always equal value.”

5. YOU MIGHT WANT TO THINK TWICE ABOUT “PROTECTIVE” CASKETS.

Some caskets that have vacuum-seal rubber gaskets are marketed as “protective” or resistant to the “entry of outside elements.” As Harris details in Grave Matters, this creates conditions that encourage the growth of anaerobic bacteria, which break the body down by putrefying it, “turning soft body parts to mush and bloating the corpse with foul-smelling gas … Inside the sealed casket, the result is a funereal version of the decay that’s found in swamp bottoms and the bowels of unturned compost piles.”

6. SOMETIMES CASKETS EXPLODE.

In fact, the aforementioned buildup of methane gas can cause what people in the industry call “exploding casket syndrome,” where the gas will literally blow the lids off of caskets and doors off of crypts. Some casket makers have added Tupperware-style “burping” features to their sealer models to release the accumulated gases. Harris spoke with a former cemetery owner who told him that those “protective” sealer caskets are “routinely unsealed after the family leaves … to relieve the inevitable buildup of gases within the casket.” Staff may also just leave the caskets unlocked, not engaging the seal to begin with, in an attempt to avoid those “fetid conditions inside the casket.”

7. SOMETIMES PACEMAKERS EXPLODE, TOO.

If a pacemaker is left in a body when cremated, “it can explode and can cause upward of $10,000 of damage to the retort [cremation machine],” Wilde says. “So, pacemakers need to be removed before cremation. And don’t worry, the funeral directors/cremationists will do the removal for you.”

8. SOME FUNERAL DIRECTORS RARELY SEE THE DEAD.

Jorgenson says, “The bulk of what funeral directors do is paper-pushing—filing death certificates, getting permits, editing obituaries, and sending them to the paper. [Some] will only see a dead person when they are delivered for a service. In the case of some funeral homes, a [corporate] funeral director could literally go years without seeing a dead person.”

9. THEY SEE THINGS THROUGH ROSE-COLORED LIGHT BULBS.

While the formaldehyde embalmers use does contain a rosy dye to restore color to graying, lifeless flesh, it’s not always sufficient. According to Cunningham, “mortuary schools teach color theory and stage lighting—how to use colored gels over the ceiling lights.” Doughty also mentions that bodies are often set out for visitation displayed under rose-colored light bulbs.

10. IT ALL GOES RIGHT DOWN THE DRAIN.

You’d think all the chemicals and body fluids involved in embalming would be disposed of like biohazard, but it’s industry practice to just wash it all off the table, right into the drain. Harris points out that just one embalming can generate 120 gallons of “funeral waste”—blood, fecal matter, and the former contents of internal organs, in addition to any chemicals in the preservation fluid itself—and it all ends up in the public sewer system, to be eventually released into waterways. Although, as Wilde points out, “Blood isn’t any worse than the other things that go down the loo.”

11. FORMALDEHYDE MIGHT BE DYING A SLOW DEATH.

In addition to causing relatively minor problems, such as sinus issues and rashes (including one called “embalmer’s eczema”), formaldehyde is a carcinogen. The U.S. National Toxicology Program, among other groups, has said that people with high levels of exposure—such as embalmers—are at a higher risk for nasopharyngeal cancer, myeloid leukemia, and other forms of cancer.

Usually, criticism comes from outside the death-care industry, but that’s starting to change. In the May 2016 issue of The Director, the official publication of the National Funeral Directors Association, Carol Lynn Green, the NFDA’s environmental-compliance counsel, writes, “there is no dispute that formaldehyde poses a health risk.” She says that the Occupational Safety and Health Administration is gearing up to make their workplace regulations stricter, and recommends that funeral homes start to transition to preservation products that don’t use the dangerous gas.

12. YOU CAN’T REALLY BE BURIED UNDER A TREE.

Some consumers who dislike the idea of embalming, or have environmental concerns, choose a “green” burial. Alongside that often comes a romantic idea about being buried beneath a favorite tree—perhaps a stately oak, for example. Sarah Wambold, an Austin funeral director and green burial expert, tells Mental Floss: “A body must be buried at least four feet from a tree to protect its root system. It’s a bit of an adjustment for people who are committed to the image of being buried under a tree, but that’s not always the most green option for the tree. Wouldn't they rather allow the tree to continue to live?” You can, however, plant new trees or shrubs atop a grave after a burial, and the roots will grow down over the body.

13. AT LEAST ONE FUNERAL DIRECTOR WANTS TO TEACH YOU TO PREPARE DEAD BODIES YOURSELF.

Caitlin Doughty

Doughty, who runs a funeral home called Undertaking LA, told WIRED“I’m a licensed mortician, but I want to teach people that they don’t need me.” She advocates people learning to take care of their own dead at home, and says she wants the public to become comfortable with the way death looks naturally: “A chemically preserved body looks like a wax replica of a person. Bodies are supposed to be drooping and turning very pale and sinking in while decomposing. Within a day or so after they’ve died, you should be able to see that this person has very much left the building. That’s the point. I think dead bodies should look dead. It helps with the grieving process.”

Doughty encourages the idea of home funerals, which are legal in all 50 states (although 10 states require the involvement of a funeral director). For more information, check out the Home Funeral Alliance.

14. IT’S HARD TO BE THEIR FRIEND.

Any friend might disappoint you once in a while, but funeral directors will probably do it more often, according to Wilde. “We might miss your birthday party; we might have to leave in the middle of dinner. Death has this way of keeping an untimely schedule, and as death’s minions, we’re tied to that schedule. Whether it be in the middle of the night, or in the middle of your wedding, when death calls, we have to respond.”

15. NO ONE WANTS TO PROFIT FROM THE DEATHS OF CHILDREN.

“It is a tradition in the funeral industry to provide funerals to the families of stillborn babies and very young infants at cost,” Cunningham says. “Funeral directors do not care to make a profit on the deaths of children, and in fact, the death of a young child saddens the whole firm more than almost anything else.”

The funeral industry also includes a number of charitable projects devoted to helping parents after a child’s death. A volunteer group called Little Angel Gowns makes burial garments for babies out of donated wedding dresses, and provides them at no cost to hospitals and funeral homes. The Tears Foundation assists grieving parents in paying for burial or cremation expenses after losing a baby. Eloise Woods, a natural burial ground in Texas, will bury infants at no charge.

16. YOUR GRANDFATHER’S HIP JOINT MIGHT BECOME A NEW ROAD SIGN.

According to Doughty, families can ask for replacement medical parts back after a cremation, but most do not. Hip and knee implants are often melted down and recycled for road signs and car parts, among other things. Unfortunately, she says, breast implants usually melt all over the cremation machine.

17. SOME FUNERAL HOMES EMPLOY THERAPY DOGS.

A large part of a funeral director’s job is comforting the bereaved. Some use grief-therapy dogs to give the families a furry shoulder to cry on. For one example, check out Lulu the golden doodle.

All photos courtesy iStock unless otherwise noted.

This story originally ran in 2016.

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