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21 Creative TV Edits of Naughty Movie Lines

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French Toast Sunday/Bryan Dugan

There's a lot of language in movies that you can't show on TV. We're so used to the standard ways of dubbing over words for TV that we hardly notice them. Freakin', effing, flippin', heck, shoot, shucks, and "stuff you!" are favorites, but sometimes the dubs or alternate versions do something so unusual that they stand out. Here are 21 creative versions of naughty movie lines from TV edits.

1. Smokey and the Bandit

"Scum bum."

When this 1977 movie aired on TV, one character's signature phrase, "son of a bitch" (which he pronounced "sumbitch") was changed everywhere to "scum bum." For a while, it became a popular insult among kids. Hot Wheels later made a car with the phrase on the back.

2. Saturday Night Fever

"You fakers!"

In one scene, Tony and his buddies pretend to fall off a bridge. A panicked Annette looks over the railing to find them laughing and yells this at them. She did not call them fakers in the original, but the meaning of the word fits the situation well, and the sound of it almost matches the word it's covering up.

3. The Breakfast Club

“Did you slip her the hot wild affection?”

The movie contains the line “Did you slip her the hot beef injection?” which is itself already a euphemism for something else. But TV censors decided it wasn't euphemism enough and changed it. I guess it preserves some of the original meaning?

4. Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle

“Forget White Castle, let's go get some privates!”

Ah yes, the "p" word. Let's just say if it referred to cats, they would leave it as is. The substitution of "privates" in this line also preserves the meaning of the original, in perhaps too literal a way. In fact, I think it makes it sound even worse.

5. Mallrats

"All it took was a phat karate punch."

This line also covers up something that already contains a euphemism—"all it took was a fat chronic blunt"—but does not leave the meaning intact. I think. Who knows what the kids call it these days.

6. Ferris Bueller's Day Off

"Pardon my French, but you're an AARDVARK!"

It starts with the same sound as the word it's replacing, and it has the right number of syllables, and as it turns out, it does feel pretty good to yell this at someone when you're angry.

7. Bridget Jones's Diary

"I'd rather have a job washing Saddam Hussein's cars."

Think "wiping" instead of "washing." Can you guess the rest?

8. Total Recall

"Come back here you steroid."

This one is harder to guess. Sometimes these dubs have nothing in common with their originals in terms of sound or meaning. Actually, that's not true here. The original also has a "ck" and a "you." The "steroid"? That's just another way of saying aardvark.

9. Scarface

"This town's just a great big chicken waiting to get plucked!"

Well, it is pretty hot in Miami. Too hot for feathers anyway.

10. Lethal Weapon

"This is a real badge, I'm a real cop, and this is a real firing gun!"

You firing better believe it. Fire yeah!

11. The Big Lebowski

"This is what happens, Larry! This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps!"

This brilliant substitution is famous among Lebowski buffs. The linguistic structural parallels are sound—it preserves the "F a stranger in the A" pattern as well as the truncated trochaic tetrameter stress pattern. That stress pattern in also preserved when the phrase shows up again as “do you see what happens when you fix a stranger scrambled eggs?"

12. Jackie Brown

"Freeze, moldy fingers!"

Sometimes you gotta wonder why they want to try to make a TV version at all. The MF word is used so often in this movie, the editors must have gotten bored with the usual substitutions, which is why there is such a fantastic variety of MF faux profanity on display. In addition to moldy fingers, the TV audience gets to hear melon farmers, melon feelers, motor scooters, mothers and fathers, and "my mutual funded money."

13. Casino

“Forget me? Forget you, you mother forgetter!”

Again, there are some movies that it may not be worth adapting for TV.

14. Robocop

"You're gonna be one bad mothercruncher."

Someone should steal this one for a cereal ad.

15. Pulp Fiction

“That better be one charming mightyfriendly pig!”

You're mightyfriendly right about that.

16. Die Hard 2

“Yippee-ki-yay, Mr. Falcon!”

In order for this important, explosion-introducing line to make sense, the TV version made sure to change an earlier scene so that one of the bad guys is heard being called Mr. Falcon.

17. The Usual Suspects

"Hand me the keys, you fairy godmother."

It might have been closer, soundwise, to use "effing clock shucker," but they decided to go cute.  All five guys in the police lineup have to say this sentence. One after the other.

18. The Exorcist

"Your mother sews socks that smell!"

Another one about, um, shucking clocks. This line is commonly attributed to the TV edit of The Exorcist, but it really came from a Saturday Night Live skit. The actual TV edit was the less ridiculous "your mother still rots in Hell." "Sews socks" is so much better. Let's just pretend it happened.

19. Silence of the Lambs

"Would you marry me? I'd marry me, I'd marry me so hard."

Somehow, this comes off so much creepier than the original.

20. Return of the Living Dead

"Television Version."

In this zombie flick, one of the characters wears a jacket with an impertinent profanity written on the back. In scenes re-filmed for the TV edit, the jacket simply says "Television Version." Much better than "stuff you" and refreshingly honest.

21. Snakes on a Plane

"I have had it with these monkey-fighting snakes on this Monday to Friday plane!"

Haven't we all.

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5 Things We Know About Stranger Things Season 2
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Netflix

Stranger Things seemed to come out of nowhere to become one of television's standout new series in 2016. Netflix's sometimes scary, sometimes funny, and always exciting homage to '80s pop culture was a binge-worthy phenomenon when it debuted in July 2016. Of course, the streaming giant wasn't going to wait long to bring more Stranger Things to audiences, and a second season was announced a little over a month after its debut—and Netflix just announced that we'll be getting it a few days earlier than expected. Here are five key things we know about the show's sophomore season, which kicks off on October 27.

1. WE'LL BE GETTING EVEN MORE EPISODES.

The first season of Stranger Things consisted of eight hour-long episodes, which proved to be a solid length for the story Matt and Ross Duffer wanted to tell. While season two won't increase in length dramatically, we will be getting at least one extra hour when the show returns in 2017 with nine episodes. Not much is known about any of these episodes, but we do know the titles:

"Madmax"
"The Boy Who Came Back To Life"
"The Pumpkin Patch"
"The Palace"
"The Storm"
"The Pollywog"
"The Secret Cabin"
"The Brain"
"The Lost Brother"

There's a lot of speculation about what each title means and, as usual with Stranger Things, there's probably a reason for each one.

2. THE KIDS ARE RETURNING (INCLUDING ELEVEN).

Stranger Things fans should gear up for plenty of new developments in season two, but that doesn't mean your favorite characters aren't returning. A November 4 photo sent out by the show's Twitter account revealed most of the kids from the first season will be back in 2017, including the enigmatic Eleven, played by Millie Bobby Brown (the #elevenisback hashtag used by series regular Finn Wolfhard should really drive the point home):

3. THE SHOW'S 1984 SETTING WILL LEAD TO A DARKER TONE.

A year will have passed between the first and second seasons of the show, allowing the Duffer brothers to catch up with a familiar cast of characters that has matured since we last saw them. With the story taking place in 1984, the brothers are looking at the pop culture zeitgeist at the time for inspiration—most notably the darker tone of blockbusters like Gremlins and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.

"I actually really love Temple of Doom, I love that it gets a little darker and weirder from Raiders, I like that it feels very different than Raiders did," Matt Duffer told IGN. "Even though it was probably slammed at the time—obviously now people look back on it fondly, but it messed up a lot of kids, and I love that about that film—that it really traumatized some children. Not saying that we want to traumatize children, just that we want to get a little darker and weirder."

4. IT'S NOT SO MUCH A CONTINUATION AS IT IS A SEQUEL.

When you watch something like The Americans season two, it's almost impossible to catch on unless you've seen the previous episodes. Stranger Things season two will differ from the modern TV approach by being more of a sequel than a continuation of the first year. That means a more self-contained plot that doesn't leave viewers hanging at the end of nine episodes.

"There are lingering questions, but the idea with Season 2 is there's a new tension and the goal is can the characters resolve that tension by the end," Ross Duffer told IGN. "So it's going to be its own sort of complete little movie, very much in the way that Season 1 is."

Don't worry about the two seasons of Stranger Things being too similar or too different from the original, though, because when speaking with Entertainment Weekly about the influences on the show, Matt Duffer said, "I guess a lot of this is James Cameron. But he’s brilliant. And I think one of the reasons his sequels are as successful as they are is he makes them feel very different without losing what we loved about the original. So I think we kinda looked to him and what he does and tried to capture a little bit of the magic of his work.”

5. THE PREMIERE WILL TRAVEL OUTSIDE OF HAWKINS.

Everything about the new Stranger Things episodes will be kept secret until they finally debut later this year, but we do know one thing about the premiere: It won't take place entirely in the familiar town of Hawkins, Indiana. “We will venture a little bit outside of Hawkins,” Matt Duffer told Entertainment Weekly. “I will say the opening scene [of the premiere] does not take place in Hawkins.”

So, should we take "a little bit outside" as literally as it sounds? You certainly can, but in that same interview, the brothers also said they're both eager to explore the Upside Down, the alternate dimension from the first season. Whether the season kicks off just a few miles away, or a few worlds away, you'll get your answer when Stranger Things's second season debuts next month.

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Everything That’s Leaving Netflix in October
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NBC - © 2012 NBCUniversal Media, LLC

Netflix subscribers are already counting down the days until the premiere of the new season of Stranger Things. But, as always, in order to make room for the near-90 new titles making their way to the streaming site, some of your favorite titles—including all of 30 Rock, The Wonder Years, and Malcolm in the Middle—must go. Here’s everything that’s leaving Netflix in October ... binge ‘em while you can!

October 1

30 Rock (Seasons 1-7)

A Love in Times of Selfies

Across the Universe

Barton Fink

Bella

Big Daddy

Carousel

Cradle 2 the Grave

Crafting a Nation

Curious George: A Halloween Boo Fest

Daddy’s Little Girls

Dark Was the Night

David Attenborough’s Rise of the Animals: Triumph of the Vertebrates (Season 1)

Day of the Kamikaze

Death Beach

Dowry Law

Dr. Dolittle: Tail to the Chief

Friday Night Lights (Seasons 1-5)

Happy Feet

Heaven Knows, Mr. Allison

Hellboy

Kagemusha

Laura

Love Actually

Malcolm in the Middle (Seasons 1-7)

Max Dugan Returns

Millennium 

Million Dollar Baby

Mortal Combat

Mr. 3000

Mulholland Dr.

My Father the Hero

My Name Is Earl (Seasons 1-4)

One Tree Hill (Seasons 1-9)

Patton

Picture This

Prison Break (Seasons 1-4)

The Bernie Mac Show (Seasons 1-5)

The Shining

The Wonder Years (Seasons 1-6)

Titanic

October 19

The Cleveland Show (Seasons 1-4)

October 21

Bones (Seasons 5-11)

October 27

Lie to Me (Seasons 2-3)

Louie (Seasons 1-5)

Hot Transylvania 2

October 29

Family Guy (Seasons 9-14)

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