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17 Overly Optimistic Book Titles

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Amazon.com

There have always been how-to and inspirational guides, but it wasn't until about 100 years ago that they began to use the "you can do it" trope right in their titles. The first one I could find, from 1913, was titled simply, You Can (subtitle: "A collection of brief talks on the most important topic in the world—your success"). Since then, more and more books every year have told us what we "can" do. Most of the claims are reasonable, even if they do make it all seem a bit too easy. But these particular titles badly overestimate our abilities.

1. You Can Make A Stradivarius Violin. Joseph V. Reid, 1967.

Amazon

Well, get to it then. This will save you a lot of money!

2. You Can Master Life. James Gordon Gilkey, 1938.

Ebay

Honestly, some people don't know how to show their life who's boss.

3.You Can Change the World!: The Christopher approach. James Keller, 1948.

Amazon

I guess this didn't work the last time I tried it because I was using the Robert approach.

4. You Can be Happy with Dental Plates. Max M. Schwartz, 1945.

Biblio.com

Nope. I don't believe this for a second.

5. You Can Train Your Cat. Jo and Paul Loeb, 1977.

Biblio.com

Don't believe this one either. Just look how that cat is staring you down.

6. You Can Find Uranium. Joseph Weiss, 1948.

Ebay

And you'd better do it before the other guy finds it first.

7. You Can Stop Worrying. Samuel W. Gutwirth, 1957.

Ebay

Yeah, right. Not with all those idiots out there hunting uranium I can't.

8. You Can Survive the Bomb. Col. Mel Mawrence, 1961.

ToddAlcott.com

Oh, then I guess I won't worry after all.

9. You Can Be Physically Perfect, Powerfully Strong. Vic Boff, 1975.

Amazon

I will throw that bomb right back in their faces.

10. You Can Speak For God. George W. Schroeder, 1958.

Open Library

It's about time someone started doing this! Our problems are solved.

11. You Can Find A Fortune. Jeanne Horn, 1966.

History Bound

Great. I was getting tired of trying to make one myself.

12. You Can Teach Your Dog to Eliminate on Command. M.L. Smith, 1985.

Amazon

This makes for an awesome party trick.

13. You Can Do Anything with Crepes. Virginia Pasley and Jane Green, 1970.

Ebay

It's true. I used crepes to teach my dog to eliminate on command.

14. You Can Know the Future. Wilbur Moorehead Smith, 1971.

Amazon

But that doesn't mean you should. Oh…nothing. Never mind.

15. You Can Have It All. Arnold M. Patent, 1991.

Open Library

But you'll have to give it back when the 90s are over. I know. I've seen the future.

16. You Can Do Anything! James Mangan, 1934.

Lenny's Rare Books

Eh, all I really want to do is play golf.

17. You Can Play Golf Forever. Louis Hexter, 1979.

Library Thing

Yay!

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Pop Culture
Neil deGrasse Tyson Recruits George R.R. Martin to Work on His New Video Game
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George R.R. Martin has been keeping busy with the latest installment of his Song of Ice and Fire series, but that doesn’t mean he has no time for side projects. As The Daily Beast reports, the fantasy author is taking a departure from novel-writing to work on a video game helmed by Neil deGrasse Tyson.

DeGrasse Tyson’s game, titled Space Odyssey, is currently seeking funding on Kickstarter. He envisions an interactive, desktop experience that will allow players to create and explore their own planets while learning about physics at the same time. To do this correctly, he and his team are working with some of the brightest minds in science like Bill Nye, former NASA astronaut Mike Massimino, and astrophysicist Charles Liu. The list of collaborators also includes a few unexpected names—like Martin, the man who gave us Game of Thrones.

Though Martin has more experience writing about dragons in Westeros than robots in outer space, deGrasse Tyson believes his world-building skills will be essential to the project. “For me [with] Game of Thrones ... I like that they’re creating a world that needs to be self-consistent,” deGrasse Tyson told The Daily Beast. “Create any world you want, just make it self-consistent, and base it on something accessible. I’m a big fan of Mark Twain’s quote: ‘First get your facts straight. Then distort them at your leisure.’”

Other giants from the worlds of science fiction and fantasy, including Neil Gaiman and Len Wein (co-creator of Marvel's Wolverine character), have signed on to help with that same part of the process. The campaign for Space Odyssey has until Saturday, July 29 to reach its $314,159 funding goal—of which it has already raised more than $278,000. If the video game gets completed, you can expect it to be the nerdiest Neil deGrasse Tyson project since his audiobook with LeVar Burton.

[h/t The Daily Beast]

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Ernest Hemingway’s Guide to Life, In 20 Quotes
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Though he made his living as a writer, Ernest Hemingway was just as famous for his lust for adventure. Whether he was running with the bulls in Pamplona, fishing for marlin in Bimini, throwing back rum cocktails in Havana, or hanging out with his six-toed cats in Key West, the Nobel and Pulitzer Prize-winning author never did anything halfway. And he used his adventures as fodder for the unparalleled collection of novels, short stories, and nonfiction books he left behind, The Sun Also Rises, A Farewell to Arms, Death in the Afternoon, For Whom the Bell Tolls, and The Old Man and the Sea among them.

On what would be his 118th birthday—he was born in Oak Park, Illinois on July 21, 1899—here are 20 memorable quotes that offer a keen perspective into Hemingway’s way of life.

ON THE IMPORTANCE OF LISTENING

"I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen."

ON TRUST

"The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them."

ON DECIDING WHAT TO WRITE ABOUT

"I never had to choose a subject—my subject rather chose me."

ON TRAVEL

"Never go on trips with anyone you do not love."

Ernest Hemingway Photograph Collection, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum, Boston. [1], Public Domain, Wikimedia Commons

ON THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN INTELLIGENCE AND HAPPINESS

"Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know."

ON TRUTH

"There's no one thing that is true. They're all true."

ON THE DOWNSIDE OF PEOPLE

"The only thing that could spoil a day was people. People were always the limiters of happiness, except for the very few that were as good as spring itself."

ON SUFFERING FOR YOUR ART

"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed."

ON TAKING ACTION

"Never mistake motion for action."

ON GETTING WORDS OUT

"I wake up in the morning and my mind starts making sentences, and I have to get rid of them fast—talk them or write them down."

Photograph by Mary Hemingway, in the Ernest Hemingway Photograph Collection, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum, Boston., Public Domain, Wikimedia Commons

ON THE BENEFITS OF SLEEP

"I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?"

ON FINDING STRENGTH 

"The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places."

ON THE TRUE NATURE OF WICKEDNESS

"All things truly wicked start from innocence."

ON WRITING WHAT YOU KNOW

"If a writer knows enough about what he is writing about, he may omit things that he knows. The dignity of movement of an iceberg is due to only one ninth of it being above water."

ON THE DEFINITION OF COURAGE

"Courage is grace under pressure."

ON THE PAINFULNESS OF BEING FUNNY

"A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book."

By Ernest Hemingway Photograph Collection, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum, Boston. - JFK Library, Public Domain, Wikimedia Commons

ON KEEPING PROMISES

"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."

ON GOOD VS. EVIL

"About morals, I know only that what is moral is what you feel good after and what is immoral is what you feel bad after."

ON REACHING FOR THE UNATTAINABLE

"For a true writer, each book should be a new beginning where he tries again for something that is beyond attainment. He should always try for something that has never been done or that others have tried and failed. Then sometimes, with great luck, he will succeed."

ON HAPPY ENDINGS

"There is no lonelier man in death, except the suicide, than that man who has lived many years with a good wife and then outlived her. If two people love each other there can be no happy end to it."

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