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7 Ways to Be Ready Next Time News Breaks in Latin

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When Pope Benedict announced his resignation yesterday, the first reporter to break the story was Giovanna Chirri. The Pope gave his statement in Latin, and while Chirri's French colleagues knew something was up when they saw the sad look on Benedict's face and caught a few words like "incapability," Chirri got the scoop because she understood Latin.

Classics majors everywhere swelled with pride and emailed the story to their parents. "See, Mom? It is useful!" While the opportunities to prove your mettle on the world stage through Latin might be few and far between, Latin is not just a fossilized church language. It is alive in the modern world, doing lively modern things. Here are VII ways to keep up your Latin, and be ready when the next chance to be a Latin superstar presents itself.

1. Read children's books in Latin

Non mi placent, O Pincerna,
Virent ova! Viret perna!

They do not please me, O waiter,
Eggs that are green! Ham that is green!

You can find the Doctore Seuss classics Virent ova! Viret perna! (Green Eggs and Ham), or Cattus Pettasatus (The Cat in the Hat), or even Quomodo Invidiosulus nomine Grinchus Christi Natalem Abrogaverit (How the Grinch Stole Christmas). There's also Winnie Ille Pu, Harry Potter et Philosophi Lapis, Hobbitus Ille, and many others. Get your kids started early!

2. Learn your Latin computer terms

spreadsheet -- tabula computativa

joystick -- manipulus

download -- extrahere

RAM -- memoria volatilis

the program has crashed the system -- systema a programmate dirutum est

World Wide Web --  Tela Totius Terrae

Konrad Kokoszkiewicz put together a list of all the terms you need.

3. Rock out to Black Sabbath in Latin

"War Pigs (Verres Militares)"

The Estonian musical group Rondellus did a cover album of Black Sabbath songs sung in Latin, 14th century style.

4. Do your social networking in Latin

You could join the social networking site Schola, where all the fun takes place in Latin. Or, if you're not quite ready for that, switch your Facebook language to Latin. Instead of the rather casual and insouciant "How's it going?" it will ask you, with great dignity, "Quid cogitas?" or "What are your thoughts?"

5. Listen to the radio in Latin

Radio Bremen in Germany does a weekly roundup of the news in Latin, as does Radio YLE in Finland.

6. Learn something from Latin Wikipedia

Sure, the Latin Wikipedia, or Vikipædia, has lots of articles on church history and ancient battles, but it also has articles on baseball (basipila), The Simpsons, and Doctor Who.

7. Read a Latin newspaper

Since 2004, Ephemeris has been bringing the news of the world to the Latin reading public. Yesterday's headline? "Benedictus XVI a munere se abdicat." The article ends:

"Joanna Chirri, diurnaria agenturae Italicae ANSA, prima inter collegas praesentes intellexit verba Benedicti XVI Latine pronuntiata, quibus ipse a munere discessit."

"Joanna Chirri, journalist with the Italian agency ANSA, was the first of the colleagues present to understand Pope Benedict's Latin announcement, with which he left office."

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iStock // Ekaterina Minaeva
Man Buys Two Metric Tons of LEGO Bricks; Sorts Them Via Machine Learning
May 21, 2017
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iStock // Ekaterina Minaeva

Jacques Mattheij made a small, but awesome, mistake. He went on eBay one evening and bid on a bunch of bulk LEGO brick auctions, then went to sleep. Upon waking, he discovered that he was the high bidder on many, and was now the proud owner of two tons of LEGO bricks. (This is about 4400 pounds.) He wrote, "[L]esson 1: if you win almost all bids you are bidding too high."

Mattheij had noticed that bulk, unsorted bricks sell for something like €10/kilogram, whereas sets are roughly €40/kg and rare parts go for up to €100/kg. Much of the value of the bricks is in their sorting. If he could reduce the entropy of these bins of unsorted bricks, he could make a tidy profit. While many people do this work by hand, the problem is enormous—just the kind of challenge for a computer. Mattheij writes:

There are 38000+ shapes and there are 100+ possible shades of color (you can roughly tell how old someone is by asking them what lego colors they remember from their youth).

In the following months, Mattheij built a proof-of-concept sorting system using, of course, LEGO. He broke the problem down into a series of sub-problems (including "feeding LEGO reliably from a hopper is surprisingly hard," one of those facts of nature that will stymie even the best system design). After tinkering with the prototype at length, he expanded the system to a surprisingly complex system of conveyer belts (powered by a home treadmill), various pieces of cabinetry, and "copious quantities of crazy glue."

Here's a video showing the current system running at low speed:

The key part of the system was running the bricks past a camera paired with a computer running a neural net-based image classifier. That allows the computer (when sufficiently trained on brick images) to recognize bricks and thus categorize them by color, shape, or other parameters. Remember that as bricks pass by, they can be in any orientation, can be dirty, can even be stuck to other pieces. So having a flexible software system is key to recognizing—in a fraction of a second—what a given brick is, in order to sort it out. When a match is found, a jet of compressed air pops the piece off the conveyer belt and into a waiting bin.

After much experimentation, Mattheij rewrote the software (several times in fact) to accomplish a variety of basic tasks. At its core, the system takes images from a webcam and feeds them to a neural network to do the classification. Of course, the neural net needs to be "trained" by showing it lots of images, and telling it what those images represent. Mattheij's breakthrough was allowing the machine to effectively train itself, with guidance: Running pieces through allows the system to take its own photos, make a guess, and build on that guess. As long as Mattheij corrects the incorrect guesses, he ends up with a decent (and self-reinforcing) corpus of training data. As the machine continues running, it can rack up more training, allowing it to recognize a broad variety of pieces on the fly.

Here's another video, focusing on how the pieces move on conveyer belts (running at slow speed so puny humans can follow). You can also see the air jets in action:

In an email interview, Mattheij told Mental Floss that the system currently sorts LEGO bricks into more than 50 categories. It can also be run in a color-sorting mode to bin the parts across 12 color groups. (Thus at present you'd likely do a two-pass sort on the bricks: once for shape, then a separate pass for color.) He continues to refine the system, with a focus on making its recognition abilities faster. At some point down the line, he plans to make the software portion open source. You're on your own as far as building conveyer belts, bins, and so forth.

Check out Mattheij's writeup in two parts for more information. It starts with an overview of the story, followed up with a deep dive on the software. He's also tweeting about the project (among other things). And if you look around a bit, you'll find bulk LEGO brick auctions online—it's definitely a thing!

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Nick Briggs/Comic Relief
What Happened to Jamie and Aurelia From Love Actually?
May 26, 2017
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Nick Briggs/Comic Relief

Fans of the romantic-comedy Love Actually recently got a bonus reunion in the form of Red Nose Day Actually, a short charity special that gave audiences a peek at where their favorite characters ended up almost 15 years later.

One of the most improbable pairings from the original film was between Jamie (Colin Firth) and Aurelia (Lúcia Moniz), who fell in love despite almost no shared vocabulary. Jamie is English, and Aurelia is Portuguese, and they know just enough of each other’s native tongues for Jamie to propose and Aurelia to accept.

A decade and a half on, they have both improved their knowledge of each other’s languages—if not perfectly, in Jamie’s case. But apparently, their love is much stronger than his grasp on Portuguese grammar, because they’ve got three bilingual kids and another on the way. (And still enjoy having important romantic moments in the car.)

In 2015, Love Actually script editor Emma Freud revealed via Twitter what happened between Karen and Harry (Emma Thompson and Alan Rickman, who passed away last year). Most of the other couples get happy endings in the short—even if Hugh Grant's character hasn't gotten any better at dancing.

[h/t TV Guide]