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10 Horrible Things We Do to Teddy Bears

I would like to draw your attention to a horrible epidemic of toy abuse. Teddy bears are being treated like objects in that we find ways to hurt, maim, and destroy them in the name of recycling, art, politics, or even entertainment. It's not that Ursus teddius domesticus is an endangered species (quite the contrary), but do we have to treat them so badly? Let's check out a few awful things that humans have done to teddies.

1. Drop Them From Planes

A Swedish plane flew over the town of Ivyanets, Belarus, last July and dropped teddy bears. Thousands of bears rained down on the town, "bearing" messages such as “Belarus freedom” and “We support the Belarus struggle for free speech.” The storm of bears was traced to Studio Total, a Swedish ad agency, which performed the stunt free for the political group Charter 97. Belarus president Alexander Lukashenko, who Charter 97 refers to as a dictator, tried to keep the bear drop out of the news -to no avail, thanks to Twitter and other social media.

2. Use Them in Experiments

The winning entry in the Mad Science Fair at ConDor 2010 was Dr. Allison von Lonsdale of the Institute for Dangerous Research for her experiment called "Teratogenic Effects of Pure Evil in Ursus Teddius Domesticus." In the experiment, distilled Pure Evil was given to pregnant teddy bears to measure its effects on their offspring. The offspring, both miscarried and term, were "euthanized and mounted for display." The experiment is explained in full here.

3. Bottle Them

Canadian conceptual artist Iain Baxter&'s art installation called Animal Preserve(s) puts teddy bears and other beloved plush toys on display in specimen jars. Or are they just canned for later consumption? This installation was created in 1999, and has been copied by teenagers and other subversives ever since.

4. Make a Coat of Them

Artist Sebastian Errazuriz made a coat out of teddy bears in 2009. No doubt it was warm.

The Care Bears Coat by Instructables member scoochmaroo doesn't cover as much skin, but is more colorful. It consists of 45 Care Bears.

5. Turn Them into a Rug

Argentine artist Augustina Woodgate makes rugs from the recycled "skins" of donated plush animal toys. The effect is beautiful, combining the abstract feel of a crazy quilt with the thoughtful combination of colors that go into any work of art.

6. Toss Them

Throwing teddy bears can be cathartic, and it's for a good cause. The teddy bear toss is a tradition at hockey games in some areas of Canada and the United States, particularly around Christmas time. Spectators are encouraged to buy a teddy bear and bring it to a hockey game to toss on the ice. The bears are gathered up and given to hospitals and charity toy drives. Shown is the teddy toss at a Calgary Hitmen game in 2005.

7. Dip Them in Tar

Italian artist Mattia Biagi moved to Los Angeles and became fascinated with the La Brea Tar Pits. That led to sculptures made by dipping objects in tar. Teddy bears aren't his only objects covered with tar, but there are several of them.

8. Knock Them Down

Teddies stack themselves up and you knock them down. The game is simple, but your destructive nature causes mayhem for the poor toys!

9. Turn Them Inside-out

Zurich design studio Atelier Volvox created a collection of plush animals using old donated toys. They removed the skins, reversed them, and re-attached them inside out! The results, called Outsiders, are recognizable but somewhat creepy.

10. Disembowel Them

The Circus of Disemboweled Plush Toys includes, but is not limited to, teddy bears. They are displayed in the manner of a carnival sideshow, as if they were freaks of nature. View the entire collection at your own risk. The horror!

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fun
New LEGO Set Recreates Jurassic Park's Iconic Velociraptor Chase Scenes
LEGO
LEGO

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, the fifth installment in the Jurassic Park franchise, is skulking into theaters on June 22. That makes now the perfect time to revisit the original film in LEGO form.

This LEGO set, spotted by Nerdist, depicts some of the most suspenseful scenes from the 1993 movie. There's the main computer room where Ariana Richards's Lex shows off her hacker skills while Alan Grant (Sam Neill) and Ellie Sattler (Laura Dern) struggle to keep a hungry dinosaur from barging in. Just like in the film, the door features a deadbolt lock that's velociraptor-proof (though, unfortunately for the characters, the detachable window is not). Other Easter eggs hidden in this part include a map of Isla Nublar and a screener saver of LEGO Dennis Nedry (Wayne Knight).

In the neighboring room, you'll find the cold storage unit where the dinosaur embryos are kept, along with the fake shaving cream can Nedry uses to steal them. The final section is the kitchen, where Tim (Joseph Mazzello) and Lex are stalked by the velociraptor. There's less room for them to hide in the LEGO version compared to the movie set, but there is at least one functioning cabinet for Lex to tuck herself into. Closer inspection reveals even more details from the film, like the lime-green Jello Lex is eating when the raptors first arrive and the step ladder the gang uses to escape into the air ducts during the final chase.

LEGO Jurassic Park set.

LEGO Jurassic Park set.

LEGO Jurassic Park set.

The Jurassic Park Velociraptor Chase set is currently available from the LEGO shop for $40.

[h/t Nerdist]

All images courtesy of LEGO.

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Pop Culture
The Sandlot Funko POPs! Are Coming

In 1993, a 1960s-set family film about a group of baseball-loving kids charmed youngsters and adults alike, and turned The Sandlot into a bona fide hit. Now, 25 years later, Scotty Smalls and the rest of the gang are getting the ultimate pop culture recognition as toy giant Funko has announced a line of POP! toys in the cast’s likeness. A black-eyed Smalls, Benny the Jet, Squints, and Ham (pointing to the fences) will all get their own vinyl figures—which you can also buy as a set—but that won’t be the end of The Sandlot fun.

GameStop shoppers will have exclusive access to The Beast, the baseball-chowing neighborhood hound, while Target will have a special two-pack featuring Squints and Wendy Peffercorn.

While the film’s official 25th anniversary is this month, you’ll have to wait until June to get your hands on these toys. But once you've got them, where, when, and how often you repeat the phrase “You’re killing me, Smalls” is completely up to you.

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