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The Late Movies: Mystery Science Theater 3000 Turkey Day Marathon Favorites

During the first half of the 1990s, fans of really bad movies were able to enjoy their pumpkin pie with a heapin’ helping of cheese, thanks to the annual Mystery Science Theater 3000 Thanksgiving Turkey Day Marathon. In case you’re planning to recreate your own MST view-feast this year, here are some of the worst of the worst of their episodes that popped up during previous marathons. Add to these suggestions the recommendations we expect our readers to chime in with below and soon you’ll be channeling your very own inner Turkey Volume Guessing Man!

The Sidehackers

“Hard Riders! Mounted on Burning Steel! …with only their leathers between THEM and HELL!” proclaimed the original lobby card for this 1969 action film about the unsung sport of sidehacking. For the uninitiated, this is a type of motorcycle racing where a metal cage is mounted on the rear, and a competitor hangs on to the metal bars in a squat position with his tushy grazing the ground as the driver squeals around the track. This particular film resulted in a procedural change for the MST writers; previously, they’d never watched a film in its entirety before choosing it, but when the writers sat down to watch Sidehackers and begin writing their riffs, they were horrified to discover that there was a graphic and brutal rape/murder scene involving the hero’s fiancée about halfway through the picture. Of course they cut that scene from the episode, and after the edit Crow simply commented, “For those of you playing along at home, Rita is dead,” to explain the female lead’s sudden disappearance.

Manos: The Hands of Fate

This ersatz horror film was written by and starred Texas fertilizer salesman Harold P. Warren in 1966 using a spring-loaded camera that only shot 30 seconds of film at a time and the same four actors to dub all the voices. Despite a limited budget and an inexperienced crew, Warren overcame all these obstacles and produced a film that surpassed….. okay, I couldn’t even type that with a straight face. Manos is an exercise in sadomasochism; it’s not just that it’s bad, but that it’s mostly long stretches of nothing strung together. Contrary to Hollywood El Paso legend, John “Torgo” Reynolds did not wear his prosthetic goat-legs backwards during filming (causing painful skeletal damage and an addiction to painkillers). According to a co-star, Reynolds was already regularly enjoying the recreational drugs typical of the era prior to ever donning his costume, so his 1966 suicide might not have been strictly Manos-related.

The Skydivers

This 1963 Coleman Francis delight has the dubious honor of once being the lowest-rated film on the Internet Movie Database. Set in a dreary unnamed desert town, Beth and her husband Harry manage a small airport where they also offer skydiving lessons. All seems well for a while until Frankie, Suzy, and Joe show up and a barely intelligible love pentagon forms. Beth and Harry distract themselves from all the sabotage, murder, and adultery surrounding them by throwing the world’s wackiest airport party, featuring the music of famed session guitarist Jimmy Bryant. Who couldn’t have fun on a dance tarmac filled with beefy bathing beauties, farmers, mini-skirted skaters and a random Scotsman all twistin’ the night away?

The Starfighters

It’s the age-old conundrum: the brash young Air Force lieutenant loves fighter planes, but his Congressman (and war hero) father is pressuring him to fly heavy bombers. Add to this endless scenes of mid-air refueling and a demonstration of the poopie suit, and you’ve got a 78-minute Cold War public service advertisement for the military.

Master Ninja

This “movie” was actually two episodes of a short-lived 1980s TV series called The Master cobbled together. Lee Van Cleef portrays John Peter McAllister, the world’s only Occidental Ninja Master, who is criss-crossing the U.S. in a van owned by Max Keller (Timothy van Patten) in search of his long-lost daughter. Along the way, the duo assist many people in various types of distress using ninja skills and a vast array of martial arts weaponry. Part of the fun of watching this episode is spotting the upper-middle aged Van Cleef’s obvious body double during the ninjutsu fighting scenes. Or you could distract yourself by forming a funk/fusion band and writing your own Master Ninja Theme Song. Here’s how it might sound.

Space Mutiny

The plot of this 1988 colonizing-a-new-world-in-outer-space film is secondary to the unintentionally memorable moments throughout the film. For example, the character who is killed on camera only to show up alive and well at her desk in the next scene, or the futuristic space scooters that are obviously industrial floor polishers covered in spray-painted cardboard. Then there is the litany of macho nicknames that Mike and the ‘bots give to the hunky hero Dave Ryder. Your tummy ache after watching this will definitely be from laughter rather than too much turkey and stuffing. By the way, the two lead characters in this film were married in real life and just celebrated their 33rd wedding anniversary this year. Eagle-eyed viewers may recognize Cisse Cameron (the spandex-clad female lead) as “Miss False Eyelashes” from Billy Jack, her first film role.

Girls Town

I’m sure that Mamie Van Doren’s excellent posture has something to do with why this particular episode is on “repeat” on my husband’s MST playlist. Van Doren, 28 at the time, is charged with a crime she didn’t commit—but a sympathetic judge sends her to Girls Town rather than reform school. Mel Torme, pushing 40, is the leader of the n’er-do-well teen gang that got Van Doren in trouble in the first place. Paul Anka plays teen heartthrob Jimmy Parlow and sings his future number one hit “Lonely Boy,” but it’s his rendition of “Ave Maria” that makes Mamie rethink her life and decide to walk that righteous path of the straight and narrow.

The best way to watch a riffed movie is with a theater full of like-minded fans, so we heartily recommend seeing members of the show's cast performing with both Cinematic Titanic (live shows) and Rifftrax (live theater simulcasts) when they’re playing. Both also offer DVDs. Now’s your chance to recommend your personal MST Turkey Day favorites, be they films or shorts. Are you a sword-and-sandal type of guy, or are you the one who can’t get enough of Gamera? Put down your Industrial Arts tools long enough to let us know!

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5 Subtle Cues That Can Tell You About Your Date's Financial Personality
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Being financially compatible with your partner is important, especially as a relationship grows. Fortunately, there are ways you can learn about your partner’s financial personality in a relationship’s early stages without seeing their bank statement or sitting them down for “the money talk.”

Are they a spender or a saver? Are they cautious with money? These habits can be learned through basic observations or casual questions that don’t feel intrusive. Here are some subtle things that can tell you about your date’s financial personality.

1. HOW THEY ANSWER BASIC MONEY QUESTIONS.

Casual conversations about finance-related topics can be very revealing. Does your date know if their employer matches their 401(k) plan contributions? Do you find their answers to any financial questions a bit vague—even the straightforward ones like “What are the rewards like on your credit card?” This could mean that your partner is a little fuzzy on some of the details of their financial situation.

As your connection grows, money talks are only natural. If your date expresses uncertainty about their monthly budget, it may be an indicator that they are still working on the best way to manage their finances or don’t keep close tabs on their spending habits.

2. WHAT THEY’RE WATCHING AND READING.

If you notice your partner is always watching business news channels, thumbing through newspapers, or checking share prices on their phone, they are clearly keeping abreast of what’s going on in the financial world. Ideally, this would lead to a well-informed financial personality that gives way to smart investments and overall monetary responsibility.

If you see that your date has an interest in national and global finances, ask them questions about what they’ve learned. The answers will tell you what type of financial mindset to expect from you partner moving forward. You might also learn something new about the world of finance and business!

3. WHERE THEY GET THEIR FOOD.

You may be able to learn a lot about someone’s financial personality just by asking what they usually do for dinner. If your date dines out a lot, it could be an indication that they are willing to spend money on experiences. On the other hand, if they’re eating most of their meals at home or prepping meals for the entire week to cut their food budget, they might be more of a saver.

4. WHETHER THEY’RE VOICING MONEY CONCERNS.

Money is a source of stress for most people, so it’s important to observe if financial anxiety plays a prominent role in your date’s day-to-day life. There are a number of common financial worries we all share—rising insurance rates, unexpected car repairs, rent increases—but there are also more specific and individualized concerns. Listen to how your date talks about money and pick up on whether their stress is grounded in worries we all have or if they have a more specific reason for concern.

In both instances, it’s important to be supportive and helpful where you can. If your partner is feeling nervous about money, they’ll likely be much more cautious about what they’re spending, which can be a good thing. But it can also stop them from making necessary purchases or looking into investments that might actually benefit them in the future. As a partner, you can help out by minimizing their expenses for things like nights out and gifts in favor of less expensive outings or homemade gifts to leave more of their budget available for necessities.

5. HOW THEY HANDLE THE BILL.

Does your date actually look at how much they’re spending before handing their credit card to the waiter or bartender at the end of the night? It’s a subtle sign, but someone who looks over a bill is likely much more observant about what they spend than someone who just blindly hands cards or cash over once they get the tab.

Knowing what you spend every month—even on smaller purchases like drinks or dinner—is key when you’re staying on a budget. It’s that awareness that allows people to adjust their monthly budget and calculate what their new balance will be once the waiter hands over the check. Someone who knows exactly what they’re spending on the small purchases is probably keeping a close eye on the bigger picture as well.

REMEMBER THERE’S NO SUBSTITUTE FOR TALKING.

While these subtle cues can be helpful signposts when you’re trying to get an idea of your date’s financial personality, none are perfect indicators that will be accurate every time. Our financial personalities are rarely cut and dry—most of us probably display some behaviors that would paint us as savers while also showing habits that exclaim “spender!” By relying too heavily on any one indicator, we might not get an accurate impression of our date.

Instead, as you get to know a new partner, the best way to learn about their financial personality is by having a straightforward and honest talk with them. You’ll learn more by listening and asking questions than you ever could by observing small behaviors.

Whatever your financial personality is, it pays to keep an eye on your credit score. Discover offers a Free Credit Scorecard, and checking it won't impact your score. It's totally free, even if you aren't a Discover customer. Check yours in seconds. Terms apply. Visit Discover to learn more.

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Animals
Where Do Birds Get Their Songs?
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Birds display some of the most impressive vocal abilities in the animal kingdom. They can be heard across great distances, mimic human speech, and even sing using distinct dialects and syntax. The most complex songs take some practice to learn, but as TED-Ed explains, the urge to sing is woven into songbirds' DNA.

Like humans, baby birds learn to communicate from their parents. Adult zebra finches will even speak in the equivalent of "baby talk" when teaching chicks their songs. After hearing the same expressions repeated so many times and trying them out firsthand, the offspring are able to use the same songs as adults.

But nurture isn't the only factor driving this behavior. Even when they grow up without any parents teaching them how to vocalize, birds will start singing on their own. These innate songs are less refined than the ones that are taught, but when they're passed down through multiple generations and shaped over time, they start to sound similar to the learned songs sung by other members of their species.

This suggests that the drive to sing as well as the specific structures of the songs themselves have been ingrained in the animals' genetic code by evolution. You can watch the full story from TED-Ed below, then head over here for a sample of the diverse songs produced by birds.

[h/t TED-Ed]

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