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8 Useful Tattoos for Practical Ink Enthusiasts

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Tattoos have their fair share of downsides: the pain, the cost, and the disapproving glares from elderly family members. But if you select the right design, there can also be sweet functional benefits to getting inked. Here are some ingenious uses for tattoos that may even cause staunch opponents to soften their stance.

1. Give Baldness the Boot

Image credit: Good Look Ink

Move over, Rogaine - there’s been a revolutionary breakthrough in the science of baldness prevention. It’s a cutting edge procedure known as “cosmetic transdermal hair replication,” which is really just an official-sounding word for tattooed-on toupees. At a few specialty salons scattered across the globe, balding clients can get inked with tiny, irregular marks designed to look like natural hair follicles. The point is to make these men seem like they’ve got a full head of hair, but have simply opted to buzz it off.

2. Watch Cartoons 24/7

A Parisian tattoo artist named Karl Marc broke ground (and skin) last summer when he tattooed a scannable QR code onto his friend’s chest.

When scanned by a simple cell phone, the red flower tattoo came to life, revealing a mustached, animated character performing opera. And the coolest part? New animations can be added over time. Considering the growing number of cell phones capable of reading QR codes, it won’t be long before all of us are running around with a smorgasbord of Saturday morning cartoons inked on our chests.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3qv2dSXQXk

3. Save on Make-Up (and Remover!)

A modern cosmetic procedure known as permanent makeup – popularized in the 1990s – can shave seconds off your morning routine! By tattooing on eyeliner, eye shadow, lipstick, and even perfectly tweezed eyebrows, you’ll never have to worry about being caught without your face on again. The procedure is pricey – between $400 and $800 - but it’s well worth the time you’ll save browsing drugstore aisles for the perfect lip color.

4. Relieve Pain (with More Pain)

Who knew that being repeatedly poked with a rudimentary needle would squelch pain? But in the good old days, tattoos were commonly used for therapeutic purposes, much like acupuncture. Perhaps the most famous recipient of this unique treatment was Otzi the Iceman, a mummy discovered on the Italian-Austrian border estimated to have lived around 3300 B.C. Otzi’s body reportedly contained 57 carbon soot tattoos, arranged along his spine, knees, and ankles. Forensic analysis revealed joint degeneration in these areas, suggesting that the tattoos were probably an attempt at pain management. Too bad Otzi was unavailable to confirm.

5. Free Tacos for Life


In 1999, Casa Sanchez launched a corny but super successful marketing campaign. The San Francisco taquería promised free tacos for life to anyone who got a tattoo of the restaurant’s logo: a sombrero-clad boy riding an ear of corn. A number of regular customers took advantage of the offer. The tattoo itself cost about $100 – meaning that it paid for itself after about 15 meals.

6. Crack Down on Crime

For centuries, tattoos were the ultimate form of punishment in Japan. They had two major downsides: the pain, and the shame they conferred. Criminals were branded on the arm or the forehead with tats denoting their crimes and oftentimes the location where they took place. In one region, a pictograph for “dog” was inked onto the foreheads of serious criminals. This worked as a crime-prevention strategy for about 1000 years (hey – that’s a pretty good run!). But around the 17th century, criminals began covering up penal tattoos with ornamental ones. Pretty soon, tattoos became associated with gang membership and were outlawed by the Japanese government. Tattoos went full circle - from punishment for a serious offense to seriously punishable offense.

7. Craft a Portable Resume

During World War II, sailors didn’t bother to carry around CVs. They simply used tattoos to record their accomplishments directly on their bodies. A sailor earned a swallow for every 5,000 miles he sailed and a King Neptune for crossing the equator. An anchor meant that he had served in the Merchant Marines or that he’d crossed the Atlantic. A full rigged ship indicated that he’d sailed around Cape Horn.

8. Memorialize Fido

In the procedure known as known as “commemorative” or “ritual” tattooing, cremated ashes called cremains are incorporated into memorial tattoos. In the unique procedure, small amounts of ashes are sterilized in an autoclave and mixed with ink before being injected into the body. While the practice started with human ashes, it wasn’t long before clients started asking to use pet remains instead. At many parlors today, the majority of “commemorative” tattoo requests are actually tributes to pets.

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Food
Let Alexa Help You Brine a Turkey This Thanksgiving
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There’s a reason most of us only cook turkey once a year: The bird is notoriously easy to overcook. You could rely on gravy and cranberry sauce to salvage your dried-out turkey this Thanksgiving, or you could follow cooking advice from the experts.

Brining a turkey is the best way to guarantee it retains its moisture after hours in the oven. The process is also time-consuming, so do yourself a favor this year and let Alexa be your sous chef.

“Morton Brine Time” is a new skill from the cloud-based home assistant. If you own an Amazon Echo you can download it for free by going online or by asking Alexa to enable it. Once it’s set up, start asking Alexa for brining tips and step-by-step recipes customized to the size of your turkey. Two recipes were developed by Richard Blais, the celebrity chef and restaurateur best known for his Top Chef win and Food Network appearances.

Whether you go for a wet brine (soaking your turkey in water, salt, sugar, and spices) or a dry one (just salt and spices), the process isn’t as intimidating as it sounds. And the knowledge that your bird will come out succulent and juicy will definitely take some stress out of the holiday.

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Big Questions
Why Do the Lions and Cowboys Always Play on Thanksgiving?
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Because it's tradition! But how did this tradition begin?

Every year since 1934, the Detroit Lions have taken the field for a Thanksgiving game, no matter how bad their record has been. It all goes back to when the Lions were still a fairly young franchise. The team started in 1929 in Portsmouth, Ohio, as the Spartans. Portsmouth, while surely a lovely town, wasn't quite big enough to support a pro team in the young NFL. Detroit radio station owner George A. Richards bought the Spartans and moved the team to Detroit in 1934.

Although Richards's new squad was a solid team, they were playing second fiddle in Detroit to the Hank Greenberg-led Tigers, who had gone 101-53 to win the 1934 American League Pennant. In the early weeks of the 1934 season, the biggest crowd the Lions could draw for a game was a relatively paltry 15,000. Desperate for a marketing trick to get Detroit excited about its fledgling football franchise, Richards hit on the idea of playing a game on Thanksgiving. Since Richards's WJR was one of the bigger radio stations in the country, he had considerable clout with his network and convinced NBC to broadcast a Thanksgiving game on 94 stations nationwide.

The move worked brilliantly. The undefeated Chicago Bears rolled into town as defending NFL champions, and since the Lions had only one loss, the winner of the first Thanksgiving game would take the NFL's Western Division. The Lions not only sold out their 26,000-seat stadium, they also had to turn fans away at the gate. Even though the juggernaut Bears won that game, the tradition took hold, and the Lions have been playing on Thanksgiving ever since.

This year, the Lions host the Minnesota Vikings.

HOW 'BOUT THEM COWBOYS?


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The Cowboys, too, jumped on the opportunity to play on Thanksgiving as an extra little bump for their popularity. When the chance to take the field on Thanksgiving arose in 1966, it might not have been a huge benefit for the Cowboys. Sure, the Lions had filled their stadium for their Thanksgiving games, but that was no assurance that Texans would warm to holiday football so quickly.

Cowboys general manager Tex Schramm, though, was something of a marketing genius; among his other achievements was the creation of the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders.

Schramm saw the Thanksgiving Day game as a great way to get the team some national publicity even as it struggled under young head coach Tom Landry. Schramm signed the Cowboys up for the game even though the NFL was worried that the fans might just not show up—the league guaranteed the team a certain gate revenue in case nobody bought tickets. But the fans showed up in droves, and the team broke its attendance record as 80,259 crammed into the Cotton Bowl. The Cowboys beat the Cleveland Browns 26-14 that day, and a second Thanksgiving pigskin tradition caught hold. Since 1966, the Cowboys have missed having Thanksgiving games only twice.

Dallas will take on the Los Angeles Chargers on Thursday.

WHAT'S WITH THE NIGHT GAME?


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In 2006, because 6-plus hours of holiday football was not sufficient, the NFL added a third game to the Thanksgiving lineup. This game is not assigned to a specific franchise—this year, the Washington Redskins will welcome the New York Giants.

Re-running this 2008 article a few days before the games is our Thanksgiving tradition.

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