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Why Do Beans Make You Fart?

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Baked beans image via Shutterstock

Beans, beans, the musical fruit. The more you eat, the more you toot. But don't blame your flatulence on the poor legumes directly. The blame lies instead with the loads of little critters teeming in your gut.

Once you mash a bowl of barbecue baked beans into a fine mush in your mouth and stomach, it moves along to the small intestine. This organ is basically a molecular chop shop, where digestive enzymes strip your meal down for whatever bits and pieces your body can use and break them into smaller components that are more easily absorbed. Proteins get broken down into peptides and amino acids, fats into fatty acids and glycerol, and some carbohydrates into simple sugars. These are then absorbed through the intestinal wall to become fuel for your body.

This process isn’t so smooth with beans.

Their natural sweetness comes from a group of sugars called oligosaccharides (some of the more common ones in beans are raffinose and stachyose, which sound like rejected Musketeers). These sugars are hulking, awkward molecules. They’re far too big to slip though the intestinal wall on their own, and our guts’ enzymatic tool kit doesn’t have the right stuff to break the big things apart into more manageable pieces. So the sugars get a free ride though the small intestine. No one messes with them, and they move on into the large intestine intact.

Here their journey comes to a halt when they’re greeted by some of your closest friends, the 700+ species of bacteria that call your lower gut home. Fully capable of handling the big meal and never ashamed to have at your leftovers, the bacteria dig into the sugars. As they eat, their metabolic activity produces gases, hydrogen and methane among them. All that gas accumulates and eventually escapes your body as a fart, which may or may not be blamed on the dog.

Not all organisms have this problem with oligosaccharides, and some fungus species possess the right enzymes to break them down. These enzymes are easy enough to extract, and are often turned into gas-relieving supplements. Beano, the most well-known example, is made with the enzyme alpha galactosidase, derived from the fungus Aspergillus niger. Pop a tablet in your mouth before dinner, and the enzyme will snap those big sugars apart into handy little sugars like sucrose, glucose and fructose, giving you things your body can use and keeping you from giving a performance attributable to the musical fruit.

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Words
Why Is 'Colonel' Spelled That Way?
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English spelling is bizarre. We know that. From the moment we learn about silent “e” in school, our innocent expectations that sound and spelling should neatly match up begin to fade away, and soon we accept that “eight” rhymes with “ate,” “of” rhymes with “love,” and “to” sounds like “too” sounds like “two.” If we do sometimes briefly pause to wonder at these eccentricities, we quickly resign ourselves to the fact that there must be reasons—stuff about history and etymology and sound changing over time. Whatever. English. LOL. Right? It is what it is.

But sometimes English takes it a step too far, does something so brazen and shameless we can’t just let it slide. That’s when we have to throw our shoulders back, put our hands on our hips and ask, point blank, what is the deal with the word “colonel”?

“Colonel” is pronounced just like “kernel.” How did this happen? From borrowing the same word from two different places. In the 1500s, English borrowed a bunch of military vocabulary from French, words like cavalerie, infanterie, citadelle, canon, and also, coronel. The French had borrowed them from the Italians, then the reigning experts in the art of war, but in doing so, had changed colonello to coronel.

Why did they do that? A common process called dissimilation—when two instances of the same sound occur close to each other in a word, people tend to change one of the instances to something else. Here, the first “l” was changed to “r.” The opposite process happened with the Latin word peregrinus (pilgrim), when the first “r” was changed to an “l” (now it’s peregrino in Spanish and Pellegrino in Italian. English inherited the “l” version in pilgrim.)

After the dissimilated French coronel made its way into English, late 16th century scholars started producing English translations of Italian military treatises. Under the influence of the originals, people started spelling it “colonel.” By the middle of the 17th century, the spelling had standardized to the “l” version, but the “r” pronunciation was still popular (it later lost a syllable, turning kor-o-nel to ker-nel). Both pronunciations were in play for a while, and adding to the confusion was the mistaken idea that “coronel” was etymologically related to “crown”—a colonel was sometimes translated as “crowner” in English. In fact, the root is colonna, Italian for column.

Meanwhile, French switched back to “colonel,” in both spelling and pronunciation. English throws its shoulders back, puts its hands on its hips and asks, how boring is that?

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Big Questions
Why Do Cats Love Scratching Furniture?
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Allergy suffering aside, cat ownership has proven health benefits. A feline friend can aid in the grieving process, reduce anxiety, and offer companionship.

The con in the cat column? They have no reservations about turning your furniture into shredded pleather. No matter how expensive your living room set, these furry troublemakers will treat it with the respect accorded to a college futon. Do cats do this out of some kind of spite? Are they conspiring with Raymour & Flanigan to get you to keep updating home decor?

Neither. According to cat behaviorists, cats gravitate toward scratching furniture mostly because that love seat is in a really conspicuous area [PDF]. As a result, cats want to send a message to any other animal that may happen by: namely, that this plush seating belongs to the cat who marked it. Scratching provides both visual evidence (claw marks) as well as a scent marker. Cat paws have scent glands that can leave smells that are detectable to other cats and animals.

But it’s not just territorial: Cats also scratch to remove sloughed-off nail tips, allowing fresh nail growth to occur. And they can work out their knotted back muscles—cramped from sleeping 16 hours a day, no doubt—by kneading the soft foam of a sectional.

If you want to dissuade your cat from such behavior, purchasing a scratching post is a good start. Make sure it’s non-carpeted—their nails can get caught on the fibers—and tall enough to allow for a good stretch. Most importantly, put it near furniture so cats can mark their hangout in high-traffic areas. A good post might be a little more expensive, but will likely result in fewer trips to Ethan Allen.

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