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The You-Wouldn't-Even-Believe-How-Close-to-Being-Named-They-Are Afternoon Links

All right, this whole Afternoon-Links-naming rigamarole has run its course. I promise we'll settle on something this weekend. In the meantime, let me know how you think the first few days have gone.
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Profiling Starts with the Pants
As this humorous piece illustrates, all the hysteria that swirls around the airport screening process could really be put to rest if we’d just focus on the slacks.
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And Speaking of Overly Invasive Security Measures, I Guess I'll Just Let Big Brother Monitor My Every Waking Moment After All
Because I'm not walking around looking like this.
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These Illustrations Put the “Holy-Lord-These-Are-Terrifying” in Poe
Check out these illustrations that accompanied an early Edgar Allan Poe book - and then get comfortable with the fact that you're having nightmares tonight.
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On Star Wars Day, We Should Recognize This One Other Truly Evil Empire that is Ruining the Universe
This map meticulously displays tons of the important moments that have gone down in the House That Ruth Built.

Speaking of the Sultan of Swat, this audio of him saying goodbye to the game is heartbreaking.
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Would a Perfect Strangers Video Game Be Stupid? Well Of Course Not, Don’t Be Ree-Deek-You-Loss
Be all the Balki you can be.
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The Most Free a Human Being Can Ever Be is The Time When They're Naming a Horse
This weekend’s race has a crop of good horse names which demand analysis. But none of them are as good as “Whykickamoocow” or any of the others on this list of the best racehorse names of all time.
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These Children’s Playgrounds Are Slightly Unbalanced
In more ways than one. But they are cool.
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Attn: Miserly, Cheapskate, Scrounging, Tightfisted, Stingy Pennypinchers
Welcome home. (Via The Billfold)

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I have now used the word “Slacks” and the word “Billfold” in the same post. I am officially my Grandma Green.

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Little Baby's Ice Cream
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Food
Pizza and Cricket Cake Are Just Some of the Odd Flavors You'll Find at This Philadelphia Ice Cream Shop
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Little Baby's Ice Cream

Ice cream flavors can get pretty out-there, thanks to the growing number of creative scoop shops willing to take risks and broaden their customers’ horizons beyond chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry. Intrepid foodies can cool off with frozen treats that taste like horseradish, foie gras, and avocado, while Philadelphia's Little Baby’s Ice Cream is pushing the boundaries of taste with chilly offerings like everything bagel, Maryland BBQ, ranch, and cricket cake.

Cricket-flavored ice cream, created by Philadelphia-based Little Baby's Ice Cream
Little Baby's Ice Cream

Everything Bagel-flavored ice cream, created by Philadelphia-based Little Baby's Ice Cream
Little Baby's Ice Cream

As Lonely Planet News reports, Little Baby’s Ice Cream launched its first signature “oddball” ice cream—Earl Grey sriracha—in 2011. Since then, its rotating menu has only gotten quirkier. In addition to the aforementioned flavors, customers who swing by Little Baby’s this summer can even try pizza ice cream.

The store created the savory flavor in 2011, to celebrate neighborhood eatery Pizza Brain’s inclusion into Guinness World Records for its vast collection of pizza memorabilia. The savory, Italian-esque snack is made from ingredients like tomato, basil, oregano, salt, and garlic—and yes, it actually tastes like pizza, Little Baby’s co-owner Pete Angevine told Lonely Planet News.

Pizza-flavored ice cream, made by Philadelphia-based Little Baby's Ice Cream
Little Baby's Ice Cream

“Frequently, folks will see it on the menu and be incredulous, then be convinced to taste it, giggle, talk about how surprised they are that it really tastes just like pizza … and then order something else,” Angevine said. “That’s just fine. Just as often though, they’ll end up getting a pizza milkshake!”

Little Baby’s flagship location is in Philadelphia's East Kensington neighborhood, but customers can also sample their unconventional goods at additional outposts in West Philadelphia, Baltimore, and a pop-up stand in Washington, D.C.’s Union Market. Just make sure to bring along a sense of adventure, and to leave your preconceived notions of what ice cream should taste like at home.

[h/t Lonely Planet]

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Warby Parker
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Space
Warby Parker Is Giving Away Free Eclipse Glasses in August
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Warby Parker

When this year’s rare “all-American” total solar eclipse comes around on August 21, you’ll want to be prepared. Whether you’re chasing the eclipse to Kentucky or viewing it from your backyard, you’ll need a way to watch it safely. That means an eclipse filter over your telescope, or specially designed eclipse glasses.

For the latter, you can just show up at your nearest Warby Parker, and their eye experts will hand over a pair of eclipse glasses. The stores are giving out the free eye protectors throughout August. The company’s Nashville store is also having an eclipse party to view the celestial event on the day-of.

Get your glasses early, because you don’t want to miss out on this eclipse, which will cross the continental U.S. from Oregon to South Carolina. There are only so many total solar eclipses you’ll get to see in your lifetime, after all.

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