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11 Things That Have No Business Being Lip Balms

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Sure, everyone’s tried cherry or mint lip balms, but why settle for bland when you can go for bizarre? Here are 11 of the weirdest lip gloss flavors ever. Some of them might seem tasty, but still, the idea is just plain weird.

1. Peeps

If you just can’t get enough Peeps, you can always go ahead and enjoy vanilla marshmallow Peeps lip gloss all year round.

2. Corndogs

Corn dogs are delicious, but without the delightful accentuation of ketchup and mustard, would you really want to bother with this battery balm?

3. Paula Deen

If you think that everything tastes better with butter, you’ll probably enjoy the flavor on your lips as well. Well, Paula Deen, the world’s most famous butter aficionado, is here for you with her own butter-flavored lip balm.

4. Cheetos

If you’ve always yearned for a way to enjoy the cheesy deliciousness of Cheetos without ending up with all of that bright orange residue all over your fingers, maybe this balm is just what you’ve been dreaming of all these years.

5. Bacon That's Safe for Vegetarians

Everyone loves bacon, right? So why not rub the sweet taste of America’s favorite smoked pork product over your mouth? And because this is made by the same guys responsible for Bacon Salt and Baconnaise, it’s both vegetarian and kosher.

6. Buttered Popcorn

It might be against the rules to smuggle your own food into the movie theater, but no one can stop you from carrying in your own Pop Secret Buttered Popcorn Lip Balm. No word on how this compares to Ms. Deen’s buttery lip gloss.

7. French Fries

If you love french fries but want to bypass all those empty calories, this lip gloss might be the next best thing.

8. Nachos

Or maybe it's nacho residue that your lips have been missing.

9. Cheez-It

Has anyone ever actually thought to themselves, “I wish I could just rub Cheez-It’s all over my lips every day?” Well, even if they have, they might be disappointed with the actual flavor of this one, which is described as being sweet like cereal with a touch of butter and a very subtle cheesy flavor in the background.

10. Absinthe

Any real absinthe drinker knows the flavor of the liquor is only secondary to the effects. That’s why this absinthe lip balm seems a bit silly.

11. Dill Pickles

Sometimes you just want to grab a handful of dill pickles and rub them all over your lips.

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There are plenty more weird lip gloss flavors out there, some that sound tasty, like the Girl Scout ones, and many that sound gross, like those above. What was the weirdest you’ve ever come across? Did you actually try it?

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crime
German Police Tried to Fine Someone $1000 for Farting at Them
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Thomas Lohnes/Getty Images for IMG

In Berlin, passing gas can cost you. Quite a lot, actually, in the case of a man accused of disrespecting police officers by releasing a pair of noxious farts while being detained by the police. As CityLab reports, Berlin’s police force has recently been rocked by a scandal hinging on the two farts of one man who was asked to show his ID to police officers while partying on an evening in February 2016.

The man in question was accused of disrespecting the officers involved by aiming his flatulence at a policewoman, and was eventually slapped with a fine of 900 euros ($1066) in what local media called the "Irrer-Pups Prozess," or "Crazy Toot Trial." The errant farter was compelled to show up for court in September after refusing to pay the fine. A judge dismissed the case in less than 10 minutes.

But the smelly situation sparked a political scandal over the police resources wasted over the non-crime. It involved 18 months, 23 public officials, and 17 hours of official time—on the taxpayers’ dime. Officials estimate that those two minor toots cost taxpayers more than $100, which is chump change in terms of city budgets, but could have been used to deal with more pressing criminal issues.

[h/t CityLab]

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In 1909, a Door-to-Door Catnip Salesman Incited a Riot in New York
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In 1909, New York City businessman G. Herman Gottlieb was looking for a way to make a quick buck. He found it in a wooded section of Northern Manhattan, where wild catnip grew. After harvesting two baskets full of the plant, Gottlieb headed downtown to Harlem, intending to sell the product to residents with pampered felines.

As the history blog The Hatching Cat recounts, what Gottlieb didn’t know was that the neighborhood was also home to plenty of feral cats with voracious appetites. As Gottlieb made his way around the neighborhood, a handful of stray cats seized upon some leaves that had fallen out of his basket and began writhing and rolling around on the ground. Soon, even more kitties joined in, and “jumped up at his baskets, rubbed themselves against his legs, mewing, purring, and saying complimentary things about him,” according to an August 19, 1909 article in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch.

Gottlieb tried to frighten the cats away, according to The Washington Times’s account of the event, but the persistent animals wouldn’t budge. “All of them, rich and poor, aristocrats from the sofa cushions near the front windows and thin plebians from the areaways struggled mightily to get into the two baskets of catnip,” the Times wrote. Soon, Gottlieb found himself surrounded by somewhere between 30 and 40 cats, each one of them clamoring for his goods.

When he eventually spotted a policeman, Gottlieb thought he’d found an ally against the cats. Instead, Sergeant John F. Higgins promptly arrested Gottlieb for inciting a crowd. (“Why don’t you arrest the catnip?” Gottlieb asked him, according to the Times. “That is collecting the crowd. Not I.”)

Trailed by several cats, Higgins and Gottlieb made their way to a police station on East 104th Street. But when they arrived, authorities couldn’t decide whether or not the salesman had actually broken any laws.

“We can’t hold this man,” Lieutenant Lasky, the officer who received the arrest report, said. “The law says a man must not cause a crowd of people to collect. The law doesn’t say anything about cats.”

“The law doesn’t say anything about people,” Higgins replied. “It says ‘a crowd.’ A crowd of cats is certainly a crowd.” Amid this debate, a station cat named Pete began fighting with the invading felines, and, with the help of some policemen, eventually drove the catnip-hungry kitties out of the building.

Gottlieb was eventually released, and even driven home in a patrol wagon—all while being chased by a few lingering cats, still hot on the trail of his now regrettable merchandise.

[h/t The Hatching Cat]

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