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Extraterrestrials and Cows

For quite some time now, we've known that UFOs tend to whisk away people and return them to Earth with amazing stories. But there are plenty of stories of aliens abducting cows. While the thought of alien abduction of humans can be frightening, we seem to have embraced the idea of UFOs carrying off our cows. Maybe it's a case of reassuring ourselves that there are alternate victims.

Aliens from outer space were blamed for a spate of cow mutilations in the 1970s. Since then, it seems that extraterrestrials are more careful not to leave evidence of cow abductions. Maybe they've learned how tasty beef is. But in 2009, rancher Mike Duran in Colorado saw strange lights in the sky before finding one of his cows dead. Duran said it was a repeat of an incident from 1995. Derek Bridges reported seeing a buffalo being beamed up into a spacecraft in 2009 in Basingstoke, Hampshire, England. A nearby farm has imported bison, but the farmer said no livestock was missing. However, Bridges recorded video of the incident, in which you can see lights, but not much else. Farmers elsewhere say that cows aren't the only livestock bothered by aliens. They'll take sheep if no cows are available. Image by Flickr user Theron LaBounty.

This video has been around for quite some time, but its provenance is shrouded in mystery.

See more videos of cow abductions at YouTube.

space cow

So it has become common knowledge that visitors from other planets really, really want our cows. Some theorize that cows themselves originated from somewhere outside the planet Earth. Image by Flickr user electricnerve.

Others posit that cows are space travelers and have a distinct affinity for our moon. Cosmocows holds that traveling space cows are the only logical explanation for our moon being made of cheese, and that cows have longed for their lunar home so much that they call out for it ...but have a problem pronouncing it correctly. This theory also explains the nursery rhyme about the cow jumping over the moon.

The ultimate source for information about this phenomenon is Cow Abductions, from the fine folks at the California Milk Processing Board. They interviewed farmers about the alien problem.

I rejoiced to find a blog named Flying Cow Observatory Blog, then was disappointed to NOT find any flying cows in it! This is a blog dedicated to astronomy and astrophotography, but the name is a clear homage to the many cow abduction stories. There are video games about cow abduction as well.

Alien cow abduction has so ingrained itself in our pop culture consciousness, we are liable to see it referenced anywhere. This British channel identification was produced by animator Cyriak Harris, who once said,

Cows are always getting themselves abducted by UFOs, thats just the plain truth. Some of them even look forward to it, filthy beasts that they are.

Cyriak made a longer animation about cows abducted by aliens, called Moo! that may be a bit disturbing for sensitive viewers, hilarious for others.

It has become a common art subject as well. This image is from DeviantART member AtelierLambert.

This alien abduction lamp designed by Lasse Klein comes with its own remoovable cow.

The Alien Abduction Shop at Etsy has earrings that illustrate the alien's obsession with cows.

Or how about a wall sticker to decorate your home?

abduction cake

Cake decorator and Flickr user megpi made this awesome cake that tells a story of abduction in the icing! Take a look at the other side of it.

Abduction: Failed

Flickr user crises_crs built an abduction a vignette with Lego bricks and a Duplo cow.

But the real question is: WHY are extraterrestrials so obsessed with cattle? No matter how many movies we've seen, we still can't assume that aliens think the way we do. But I have a theory. It makes sense that intelligent alien life forms would look for the most successful species on another planet. We know that insects and microbes are more "successful" than humans by numbers alone, but they are too small to see, at least from a spacecraft. But an observable species that flourished in large numbers would certainly draw interest. Below is a map of the U.S. showing human population distribution, from Population Labs.

As you can see, there are a lot of people, but the large numbers tend to clump in small areas, mainly along the east and west coasts. Compare that to the 2002 distribution map of cattle in the U.S. from the USDA.

Cattle are spread all over vast expanses of the country! Yeah, sure, there are only 100 million head of cattle in the country, and over 300 million people, but on any given day, most of those people are inside and out of view. Is it any wonder that alien explorers would assume that they are the alpha species on earth? It makes perfect sense.

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Food
8 Surprising Uses for Peeps
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You can eat marshmallow Peeps, and you can put them in someone's Easter basket. But that's just the beginning of what you can do with those small blobs of sugary goodness. Branch out and use your Peeps in new ways this year.

1. S'MORES

Peeps are marshmallows, and can be toasted over a campfire just like their plain, non-sugar-coated brothers—which means you can make classic S'mores out of them. Best of all: You don't even need a campfire to do it. Serious Eats has a recipe for them that they call S'meeps, which only requires that you pop them in the oven for a short time. If you're a Peeps purist, forget the graham crackers and chocolate and enjoy the unique taste of campfire-toasted Peeps all by themselves.

2. WREATHS

Vanessa Brady at Tried & True has made several Peeps wreaths that are sure to inspire you to do the same. (She even has a tutorial to get you started.)

3. PEEPS-KABOBS

If you want to trick a kid into eating a fruit salad, just serve it up on a stick—with a marshmallow Peep in the middle. Blogger Melodramatic Mom made these for an irresistible after-school snack for her kids.

4. ART SUPPLIES

With their consistent shape and size, and variety of bright colors, Peeps can be used as pixels for larger artworks. Ang Taylor made this Mario jumping a Piranha Plant out of marshmallow chicks and bunnies. To be honest, there are many ways Peeps can be used as an art medium, as we've seen many times before (like in this collection of Peeps dioramas).

5. CAKE TOPPERS

Peeps chicks and bunnies are ready-made decorations that will easily stick to cake frosting and make for desserts that are both seasonal and colorful. If you need a recipe, check out this one for a Marbled Cake with Peeps and M&Ms. See some more cake decorating tips here.

6. PEEPS POPS

There's no danger of misshapen cake pops or drippy lollipops when you start with a Peep on a stick. Michelle from Sugar Swings made these candy pops out of marshmallow Peeps, and using Peeps left her plenty of time to decorate them as Star Wars characters. Michelle has plenty of other Peeps pops ideas you can try out, too.

7. PEEPS KRISPIES TREATS

We've seen that Peeps can be substituted for marshmallows in recipes, but remember that Peeps come in a variety of colors and can be bought in small batches. That makes them really useful for coloring separate portions of your Rice Krispies treat recipe. Kristen at Yellowblissroad has a recipe for Layered Peeps Crispy Treats, and a video of the process at Facebook.

8. DIORAMAS

Using Peeps as characters in a diorama, where you can let your imagination run wild, has become somewhat of an Easter tradition. Kate Ramsayer, Helen Fields, and Joanna Church put their heads together to recreate the Broadway musical Hamilton in marshmallow with a diorama that featured the lyrics to the show's opening number.

While The Washington Post has suspended its annual Peeps Diorama Contest after 10 years, other newspapers—including the Twin Cities Pioneer Press and the Washington City Paper—plus local libraries across the country are carrying on the tradition and holding Peeps diorama contests. But you don't have to enter a contest to have fun making a scene with your family.

This piece originally ran in 2017.

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The Bloody Benders, America's First Serial Killer Family
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In 1870, a group of new families moved to the wind-ravaged plains near what would become Cherryvale, Kansas. They were Spiritualists, a religion that was foreign to the homesteaders already in the new state, but locals tended to accept newcomers without asking too many questions. Two of the families moved away within a year, discouraged by the difficult conditions, and the others kept to themselves. But the Benders were different.

At first, they appeared be a normal family. John Bender, Sr., and his troupe settled near the Great Osage Trail (later known as the Santa Fe Trail) over which innumerable travelers passed on their way to the West. The older Bender, called "Pa," made a claim for 160 acres in what is now Labette County. His son John (sometimes called Thomas) claimed a smaller parcel that adjoined Pa's land, but never lived on or worked it. The Benders also included "Ma" and a daughter named Kate, who advertised herself as Spiritualist medium and healer. Ma and Pa reportedly mostly spoke German, although the younger Benders spoke fluent English.

The group soon built a one-room home equipped with a canvas curtain that divided the space into two areas. The front was a public inn and store, and the family quarters were in the back. Travelers on the trail were welcome to refresh themselves with a meal and resupply their wagons with liquor, tobacco, horse feed, gunpowder, and food. Kate, who was reportedly attractive and outgoing, also drew customers to the inn with her supposed psychic and healing abilities. These men, who usually traveled alone, often spent the night.

The trail was a dangerous place, and there were many reasons for travelers to go missing on their way out West—bandits, accidents, conflicts with Native Americans, disease. But over the course of several years, more and more people went missing around the time they passed through Labette County. It usually took time for such disappearances to draw attention—mail and news traveled slowly—but that all changed in March 1873 after a well-known physician from Independence, Kansas, named Dr. William York seemingly disappeared after getting off the train at Cherryvale. Dr. York had two powerful brothers who were determined to find out what happened to him: Colonel Edward York and Kansas Senator Alexander York.

Colonel York led an investigation in Labette County. When questioned, the Benders denied all knowledge of York's disappearance, although Ma Bender "flew into a violent passion," in the words of The Weekly Kansas Chief, when asked about a report of a woman who had been threatened with pistols and knives at their inn. Ma defended herself by claiming that the visitor had been a witch, a "bad and wicked woman, whom she would kill if ever she came near them again.”

Around the same time, the township held a meeting at the Harmony Grove schoolhouse; both male Benders were in attendance. The townsfolk decided to search every homestead for evidence of the missing—but the weather turned bad, and it was several days before a search could begin.

Eventually, a neighbor noticed starving farm animals wandering the Bender property. When he investigated the inn, he found it empty: The Benders had fled. The volunteers who later arrived for the search noted that the Benders' wagon was gone; little else had been taken from the home besides food and clothing.

Though the house was empty, all else seemed normal—until someone opened a trap door in the floor. What they found beneath it was chilling.

The trap door, located behind the curtain in the Benders' private quarters, led to a foul-smelling cellar, which was drenched with blood. Horrified, the group lifted up the cabin from its foundations and dug into the ground, yet found nothing. The investigation then turned to the garden, which was freshly plowed; neighbors recalled that the garden always seemed freshly plowed.

Working through the night, the volunteers first unearthed York's body. The back of his head had been smashed, and his throat slit. Soon, they found more bodies with similar injuries. Accounts differ about the number of bodies excavated from the site, but totals hover around a dozen. In all, the Benders may have committed as many as 21 murders. Their terrible work garnered the family only a few thousand dollars and some livestock.

Investigators later pieced together the group's modus operandi. It's believed that guests at the inn were urged to sit against the separating curtain, and while dining, would be hit on the head with a hammer from behind the curtain. Their body was then dropped into the trap door to the cellar, where one of the Benders slit their unfortunate victim's throat before stripping the body of its valuables.

One man, a Mr. Wetzell, heard this theory and remembered a time when he had been at the inn and declined to sit in the designated spot near the curtain. His decision had caused Ma Bender to become angry and abusive toward him, and when he saw the male Benders emerge from behind the cloth, he and his companion decided to leave. A traveler named William Pickering told an almost identical story.

The crimes created a sensation in the newspapers, drawing journalists and curiosity-seekers from all over the country. "Altogether the murders are without a parallel," read an account reprinted in The Chicago Tribune. The Minneapolis Star-Tribune reported over 3000 people at the crime scene, with more trains arriving. A book published in Philadelphia soon after the murders were discovered, The Five Fiends, or, The Bender Hotel Horror in Kansas, described how "large numbers of people arrived upon the scene, who had heard of the ... diabolical acts of bloody murder and rapacious robbery. Hardened men were moved to tears." The house in which the murders took place was disassembled and carried away piece by piece by souvenir seekers.

1873 stereographic photo of the excavated grave of a victim of the Bender murders
An 1873 photo of the excavated grave of a victim of the Bender murders

Senator York offered a $1000 reward for the Benders, and the governor chipped in another $2000, but the reward was never claimed. In the years following the sensational crimes, several women were arrested as Ma or Kate, but none were positively identified. A number of vigilante groups claimed to have found the Benders and murdered them, but none brought back proof. The older Benders were allegedly seen on their way to St. Louis by way of Kansas City, and the younger Benders were supposedly seen heading to an outlaw colony on the border of Texas and New Mexico, but no one knows what ultimately became of them.

Investigators were likely hampered by the group’s deceit: None of the Benders were actually named Bender, and the only members who were likely related were Ma and her daughter Kate. "Pa" was reportedly born John Flickinger in the early 1800s in either Germany or the Netherlands. "Ma" is said to have been born Almira Meik, and her first husband named Griffith, with whom she had 12 children. Ma was married several times before marrying Pa, but each husband before him reportedly died of head wounds. Her daughter Kate was born Eliza Griffith. John Bender, Jr.'s real name was John Gebhardt, and many who knew them in Kansas said he was Kate's husband, not her brother.

Today, nothing remains to indicate the exact location where the Bender house stood, although there is a historical marker at a nearby rest area. Though rumors still surround the case—some say Ma murdered Pa over stolen property soon after they fled, others that Pa committed suicide in Lake Michigan in 1884—after 140 years, we will probably never know what really happened to the Bloody Benders.

A version of this story originally ran in 2013.

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