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11 Lesser-Known 2012 Presidential Candidates

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If you haven't fallen in love with any of this year's candidates, don't worry. Obama, Romney, Paul and company aren't your only options. There are hundreds of people running for president. We've rounded up eleven of them.

1. Vermin Supreme wears a boot on his head, carries a giant toothbrush, and last month glitterbombed Randall Terry at the Lesser Known Candidate Debate. His Democratic campaign promises ponies for everyone, strict toothbrushing laws, and funding for time travel research. On a more serious note, Supreme donated a kidney to his mother four years ago and is a strong advocate for organ donation.

2. Jimmy McMillan: If you ever want to get elected to office, there's worse publicity than being a meme. McMillan, representing the Rent Is Too Damn High party, is a karate expert and Vietnam vet with wicked awesome facial hair who made a splash at the 2010 New York Gubernatorial debate after repeatedly dropping his catchphrase:

Predictably, his platform is primarily about making sure rent is no longer too damn high.

3. Kathyern Lane is a 45-year-old mother from Indiana who says her "childhood resembles the 'Lifetime' movies people see on television."

She cites her work as a "babysitter, waitress, security guard, real estate agent, aircraft electrician, avionic lead, and as a volunteer for Habitat for Humanity, the Red Cross, and as a community organizer" as evidence of her strong managerial skills and "skill set to get America back on track and make her strong again."

4. Roseanne Barr filed her application for candidacy with the FEC back in May 2011. Since declaring her intent to run for president (representing the Green Tea Party) on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno, Barr has been blogging up a storm and running a campaign Facebook page.

5. Robert Burck, a.k.a. The Naked Cowboy, is running as an independent. Here's a video of him singing in Times Square:

And here is his press conference:

6. Zubi Diamond wrote Wizards of Wall Street, a book that, according to the author's website, is "the most important book in the country today that everyone should read." Highlights: "The scam that elected Obama, exposed," and "a solution for a complete and permanent recovery from the crisis." Diamond is officially running as a Republican, though his website states that he is running against all established parties.

7. Brian J. Moran is the only candidate running for the Jedi party this election cycle.

8. Terry Jones: In 2010, President Obama was forced to formally request that Florida Pastor Terry Jones not publicly burn the Quran on the anniversary of 9/11. He did it anyway six months later, sparking riots in Afghanistan. Now Jones is running as an Independent for the highest office in the land. His "Stand Up America Now" campaign is a 7-point order of business that promises to "stop overspending immediately" and "deport all illegals." Jones asks specifically for donations to support his "stand against radical Islam."

9. "Average Joe" Schriner spends his time painting houses, doing light handiwork, and trying to beat his wife at Scrabble when he's not on campaign tour. He has a degree in Journalism from Bowling Green State University and, thanks to his extensive campaigning over four successive bids for the presidency, Schriner says he's learned how to end homelessness, end global warming "for good," balance the national budget, and handle immigration concerns. "Average Joe" is an Independent who advocates homesharing, jobsharing, and not exploring space—a 'Joeism' in reference to NASA funding quotes Schriner as saying, "Maybe the money could be much better spent on, oh I don't know, things like: ENDING WORLD HUNGER!" So there's that.

10. Tiffany Briscoe, formerly a Democrat, is the Boston Tea Party's nominee for the 2012 race. She owns Tiffany of Elegance, a Maryland-based clothing boutique.

11. Craig Tax Freeze Freis: "Tax Freeze" is 67-year-old Craig Freis' legal middle name and, thanks to a court order, he's allowed to list it as such on election ballots. It really just sells itself. According to his campaign site, his "only political victory to date was at the lowest step of the political ladder when he was elected to the Democratic Party Central Committee in his home state of California."

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Animals
25 Benefits of Adopting a Rescue Dog
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According to the ASPCA, 3.3 million dogs enter shelters each year in the United States. Although that number has gone down since 2011 (from 3.9 million) there are still millions of dogs waiting in shelters for a forever home. October is Adopt a Shelter Dog Month; here are 25 benefits of adopting a shelter dog.

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fun
How Urban Legends Like 'The Licked Hand' Are Born
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If you compare the scary stories you heard as a kid with those of your friends—even those who grew up across the country from you—you’ll probably hear some familiar tales. Maybe you tried to summon Bloody Mary by chanting her name in front of the mirror three times in a dark bathroom. Maybe you learned never to wonder what’s under a woman’s neck ribbon. Maybe you heard the one about the girl who feels her dog lick her hand in the middle of the night, only to wake up to find him hanging dead from the shower nozzle, the words “humans can lick too” written on the wall in the dog’s blood.

These ubiquitous, spooky folk tales exist everywhere, and a lot of them take surprisingly similar forms. How does a single story like the one often called “Humans Can Lick Too” or "The Licked Hand" make its way into every slumber party in America? Thrillist recently investigated the question with a few experts, finding that most of these stories have very deep roots.

In the case of The Licked Hand, its origins go back more than a century. In the 1990s, Snopes found that a similar motif dates back to an Englishman’s diary entry from 1871. In it, the diary keeper, Dearman Birchall, retold a story he heard at a party of a man whose wife woke him up in the middle of the night, urging him to go investigate what sounded like burglars in their home. He told his wife that it was only the dog, reaching out his hand. He felt the dog lick his hand … but in the morning, all his valuables were gone: He had clearly been robbed.

A similar theme shows up in the short story “The Diary of Mr. Poynter,” published in 1919 by M.R. James. In it, a character dozes off in an armchair, and thinks that he is petting his dog. It turns out, it’s some kind of hairy human figure that he flees from. The story seems to have evolved from there into its presently popular form, picking up steam in the 1960s. As with any folk tale, its exact form changes depending on the teller: sometimes the main character is an old lady, other times it’s a young girl.

You’ll probably hear these stories in the context of happening to a “friend of a friend,” making you more likely to believe the tale. It practically happened to someone you know! Kind of! The setting, too, is probably somewhere nearby. It might be in your neighborhood, or down by the local railroad tracks.

Thrillist spoke to Dr. Joseph Stubbersfield, a researcher in the UK who studies urban legends, who says the kind of stories that spread widely contain both social information and emotional resonance. Meaning they contain a message—you never know who’s lurking in your house—and are evocative.

If something is super scary or gross, you want to share it. Stories tend to warn against something: A study of English-language urban legends circulating online found that most warned listeners about the hazards of life (poisonous plants, dangerous animals, dangerous humans) rather than any kind of opportunities. We like to warn each other of the dangers that could be lurking around every corner, which makes sense considering our proven propensity to focus on and learn from negative information. And yes, that means telling each other to watch out for who’s licking our hands in the middle of the night.

Just something to keep in mind as you eagerly await Jezebel’s annual scary story contest.

[h/t Thrillist]

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