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Albert Tanquero
Albert Tanquero

10 Creepy Santas Whose Laps We Want Nothing To Do With

Albert Tanquero
Albert Tanquero

Legions of Santas are currently perched in malls all over the country, waiting for your children to climb atop their laps and whisper to them their most secret desires. The Mall Santa thing has to be one of the creepiest traditions we have, and yet it seems like it will never die -- and as a result, a lot of people out there in internetland have embarrassing pictures of themselves as kids posed with Santa, and sites like sketchysantas are there to redistribute the most humiliating of those memories for the rest of us to enjoy.

This first creepy Santa is a vintage found photograph owned by collector Albert Tanquero, who has an amazing array of vernacular/found photos on his Flickr page. It's easily the scariest picture of Santa I've ever seen, if not one of the creepiest photos I've ever come across, right down to the taxidermied donkey.

The following Santas were found in the voluminous archives of sketchysantas:

Santa should at least try and look like he's having fun, right?
Chris_santa

Santa's about to have a complete mental breakdown. He's got the crazy-eye, as they say.
Brian

How can she be so calm with this leering maniac's arm around her?
Flannery_santa

Note to Santas everywhere: masks are scary. If you look so unlike Santa Claus that you must make use of a mask to sustain the illusion, you might consider another line of work.
Pam

heywood_santa

Santa looks like death warmed over.
kristi_santa

I think Santa and his lap-dweller might be the same age. So much gone horribly awry here ...
sketchy1

Santa's got a Percodan addiction.
tommy

80s glasses look weird on Santa. Also, Santa looks a little like Mark Borchardt from American Movie (then again, maybe it's just the 80s glasses).
Rachel

Merry Christmas, people!

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For those of you aspiring to be the worst dressed person at your family's holiday dinner, UglyChristmasSweater.com sells—you guessed it—ugly Christmas sweaters to seasonal revelers possessing a sense of irony. But the Michigan-based online retailer has elevated kitsch to new heights by offering a create-your-own-sweater tool on its website.

Simply visit the site's homepage, and click on the Sweater Customizer link. There, you'll be provided with a basic sweater template, which you can decorate with festive snowflakes, reindeer, and other designs in five different colors. If you're feeling really creative, you can even upload photos, logos, hand-drawn pictures, and/or text. After you approve and purchase a mock-up of the final design, you can purchase the final result (prices start at under $70). But you'd better act quickly: due to high demand, orders will take about two weeks plus shipping time to arrive.

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How to Say Merry Christmas in 26 Different Languages
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“Merry Christmas” is a special greeting in English, since it’s the only occasion we say “merry” instead of “happy.” How do other languages spread yuletide cheer? Ampersand Travel asked people all over the world to send in videos of themselves wishing people a “Merry Christmas” in their own language, and while the audio quality is not first-rate, it’s a fun holiday-themed language lesson.

Feel free to surprise your friends and family this year with your new repertoire of foreign-language greetings.

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