Who You Gonna Call? Butterball.
It’s 8 a.m. on Thanksgiving Day and you just realized you forgot to thaw your turkey. What do you do, punk? What do you do?
Don’t panic. You just need to call 1-800-BUTTERBALL. Yes, it’s real, and yes, they really do have poultry experts standing by to help you with your last-minute snafus, flubs and foul-ups.
When the hotline first opened up to panicked chefs in the early ‘80s, a mere six “home economists” responded to 11,000 phone calls during November and December. These days, their staff has expanded to more than 50 and they answer more than 100,000 calls.
Those 50 staff members have heard it all. They get the typical questions you’d expect turkey experts to get, of course: how long will it take to thaw the turkey; how do I stuff a turkey; are there any allergens in Butterball products?
But there’s also the, um, unexpected: “Can I brine my turkey in the washing machine?” and “The family dog is inside the turkey and can’t get out.” It was a chihuahua, in case you’re wondering, and the Butterball expert did manage to help the owners get the dog out safely. Another inexperienced caller worried that her turkey wouldn’t come out of the oven because she figured it was going to rise like bread does. One Butterball employee actually stayed on the line while her caller walked through a grocery store and painstakingly picked out ingredients for his Thanksgiving dinner.
Don’t feel bad if you have to call the Butterball hotline for assistance, though - even President Jed Bartlet knows when to call in the experts:
By the way, there’s also an option for those of you who prefer assistance in the form of written word: firstname.lastname@example.org.