Tales from the Butterball Hotline

Getty Images
Getty Images

It’s 8 a.m. on Thanksgiving Day and you just realized you forgot to thaw your turkey. What do you do?

Don’t panic. You just need to call 1-800-BUTTERBALL. Yes, the Turkey Talk-Line is real. And yes, they really do have poultry experts standing by to help you with your last-minute snafus, flubs, and foul-ups. If you wake up in a cold sweat at 2 a.m. thinking about salmonella or whether you can bathe your turkey with your toddler (see below), never fear—Butterball is there for you. And it's not just about Thanksgiving. The line is open in December, too, to help you with those holiday feasts as well.

When the hotline first opened up to panicked chefs in the early 1980s, a mere six “home economists” responded to 11,000 phone calls during November and December. These days, their staff has expanded to more than 50 and they answer more than 100,000 questions. 

Those staff members have heard it all, too. They get the typical questions you’d expect turkey experts to get, of course: How long will it take to thaw the turkey? How do I stuff a turkey? Are there any allergens in Butterball products? But there’s also the, um, unexpected.

Among the more questionable calls the turkey experts have received: “Can I brine my turkey in the washing machine?” and “The family dog is inside the turkey and can’t get out.” (It was a Chihuahua, in case you’re wondering, and the Butterball expert did manage to help the owners get the dog out safely.)

Another inexperienced caller worried that her turkey wouldn’t come out of the oven because she figured it was going to rise like bread does.

One Butterball employee actually stayed on the line while her caller walked through a grocery store and painstakingly picked out ingredients for his Thanksgiving dinner.

More recently, a hotline employee was surprised to hear from a wife who came home to find the turkey floating in the tub while her husband gave the kids a bath. Believe it or not, because the turkey hadn't been removed from the package, it was salvaged—though the kids complained about the chilly water.

Don’t feel bad if you have to call the Butterball hotline for assistance, though. Even President Bartlet knows when to call in the experts:

By the way, there’s also an option for those of you who prefer assistance in the form of written word: you can text your questions to 1-844-877-3456 through December 24. The company is also answering questions via its social media channels, including Facebook and Twitter. And they've recently added Spanish-speaking experts plus their first male turkey-talker.

This post originally appeared in 2011.

Nearly $100,000 in Instant Ramen Was Stolen in Georgia Noodle Heist

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iStock

It's not easy to steal a small fortune when your target is instant ramen, but a team of thieves in Georgia managed to do just that a few weeks back. As The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reports, the criminals made off with a trailer containing nearly $100,000 worth of noodles, and the local police force is still working to track down the perpetrators.

The heist occurred outside a Chevron gas station in Fayetteville, Georgia some time between July 25 and August 1, 2018. The 53-foot trailer parked in the area contained a large shipment of ramen, which the truck's driver estimates was worth about $98,000. Depending on the brand, that means the convenience food bandits stole anywhere between 200,000 and 500,000 noodle packs.

Some outlets have connected the truck-jacking to a recent string of vehicle-related robberies, but the Fayette County Sheriff's Office told the AJC such reports are inaccurate. Any potential suspects in the case have yet to be revealed.

The outlaws join the list of thieves who have stolen food items in bulk. Some of the most ambitious food heists in the past have centered on 11,000 pounds of Nutella, $75,000 worth of soup, and 6000 cheesecakes.

[h/t The Atlanta Journal-Constitution]

Are Millennials Really Killing Mayo? An Investigation

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iStock

If the headlines are to be believed, then Millennials have killed chain restaurants, beer, bars of soap, cereal, diamonds, marriage, marmalade—and now mayonnaise.

Philadelphia Magazine ran a story earlier this week under the headline "How Millennials Killed Mayonnaise," and judging by the reactions, people have some pretty strong opinions about their preferred condiments, and whether or not said condiments are "literally dead," as a Millennial might say.

As evidence of the eggy mixture's untimely demise, the article's author, Sandy Hingston, cited BuzzFeed headlines outlining why mayonnaise is the "devil's condiment" and pointed to her personal experience of having to bring home potato salad and deviled eggs that went untouched at a family cookout.

Hingston went on to write that 20-somethings "would sooner get their news from an actual paper newspaper than ingest mayonnaise."

But does the data support this claim? Business Insider did some digging and discovered that mayonnaise sales are, in fact, down. In the U.S., sales fell 6.7 percent between 2012 and 2018, according to Euromonitor. To sell their products, Hellmann's and Kraft have been forced to lower mayonnaise prices, which fell 0.6 percent from the beginning of 2017 to 2018. And, Millennials tend to get blamed when sales numbers tank in particular industries because, as of 2018, they are the largest generation alive and also account for the most spending power.

According to Hingston, Millennials' distaste for mayo could be because it jiggles, it looks like a gross bodily fluid, and it seems like "a boring white food," as opposed to something more exotic, like aioli (mayonnaise with garlic). Also worth noting, though, is the rising popularity of healthy, vegan diets, as well as the availability of egg-free "mayonnaise" products.

So, while Millennials may have "deeply wounded mayonnaise," according to Business Insider, it probably won't disappear from store shelves anytime soon. Instead, companies are getting creative and releasing new mayonnaise products, like Heinz's new Mayochup (mayonnaise and ketchup) and Real Mayonnaise, made from cage-free eggs, lemon juice, oil, and vinegar. Many supermarkets also sell garlic, herb, hot and spicy, and lime variations.

As to whether Millennials will continue on their killing spree, Jason Dorsey, who researches Millennials at the Center for Generational Kinetics, tells the BBC, "The real issue is not that Millennials are not killing industries or businesses, but businesses aren't adapting." Jeff Fromm, the president of consulting firm FutureCast, agrees: "Millennials are the canary in the coal mine regarding trends. Innovation is going to be required."

[h/t Business Insider]

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