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Andy Rooney, Re-Edited

As we've all heard, Andy Rooney has retired. But his body of work is vast, including 1,097 of his iconic 60 Minutes commentaries. I have a love-hate relationship with those commentary pieces -- I've actually watched 60 Minutes for many years, and while I'm tempted to turn it off when Rooney comes on (because it generally strikes me as "a few minutes" of crotchetiness), I generally stick around to see what cranky weirdness he's on about. Part of what makes Rooney's commentaries appealing is that they're really short -- it's easy as a figure to figure, yeah, I'll stick around for literally two or three minutes to see what this is about. Imagine my surprise when I heard about The Andy Rooney Game, a YouTube gag created by comedian Joe Mande. The formula is simple: take the first and last sentences from Rooney's segment and splice them together. This cuts Rooney's commentaries down to just a few seconds, and often conveys the gist of his message (or some unexpected juxtaposition of messages) in a tiny soundbite. Usually it's just dumb, but oftentimes it's brilliantly dumb. BEHOLD:

Junk Mail

"So keep the stuff coming."

Negativity

"And you say I'm negative about everything?"

Old Clothes

"...Where they belong."

Sleep

Way to cut to the chase.

Internet Shopping

"Andy's been out shopping."

Poor and Jobless

"We've got enough to worry about."

Surprise Party

Oh.

Fireworks

Um.

2008 Election

Decontextualization allows you to fill in whoever you think the S.O.B. is here.

The World These Days

Actually kind of touching. Happy retirement, Andy.

There are over a hundred of these on YouTube. See also: Quiz: Did Andy Rooney Really Say That? and Stuff Andy Rooney Really Did Say.

(Via Back to Work.)

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Animals
Watch a Rogue Pet Dog Interrupt a Russian News Anchor on Air
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Last week, a Russian news broadcast briefly went to the dogs after its host was startled by a surprise co-anchor: a friendly black canine that wandered on set, announced its presence with a loud bark, and climbed onto her desk.

 

As TODAY reports, Mir24 TV anchor Ilona Linarte went off script for a few minutes, telling viewers "I've got a dog here. What is this dog doing in the studio?" After the initial shock wore off, she gave her furry guest a tepid welcome, patting its head as she gently pushed it off the desk. ("I actually prefer cats,'' Linarte remarked. "I'm a cat lady.")

Linarte’s query was answered when the TV station announced that the dog had accompanied another show’s guest on set, and somehow got loose. That said, rogue animals have a proud tradition of crashing live news broadcasts around the world, so we’re assuming this won’t be the last time a news anchor is upstaged by an adorable guest star (some of which have better hair than them).

[h/t TODAY]

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Falcon Heavy and Dragon. Image credit: SpaceX via Wikimedia Commons // CC0 1.0
SpaceX Is Sending Two Private Citizens Around the Moon
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Falcon Heavy and Dragon. Image credit: SpaceX via Wikimedia Commons // CC0 1.0

Two members of the public are set to take an historic trip around the Moon, according to an announcement from SpaceX CEO Elon Musk. As The Verge reports, the anonymous private citizens have already placed substantial deposits on the commercial space flight.

The private spacecraft company SpaceX revealed on Monday that the Falcon Heavy rocket will be launching with its Crew Dragon spacecraft in late 2018. The mission will consist of a circumnavigation of the Moon, passing over the body’s surface before traveling farther into space and returning to Earth. In total, the trip will cover 300,000 to 400,000 miles and take a week to complete.

A noteworthy part of the plan is the human cargo that will be on board. Instead of professional astronauts, the craft will carry two paying customers into space. The passengers, who’ve yet to be named, will both need to pass several fitness tests before they're permitted to make the journey. According to The Verge, Musk said the customers are “very serious” and that the cost of the trip is “comparable” to that of a crewed mission to the International Space Station. The goal for SpaceX is to eventually send one or two commercial flights into space each year, which could account for 10 to 20 percent of the company’s earnings.

[h/t The Verge]

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