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Yelp Reviews For Places You Can't (or shouldn't) Go

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With its user-generated reviews and recommendations, Yelp can be great for trying to find a fun spot for dinner. But there are plenty of profiles that aren't so helpful, and not just because of the quality of the reviews. Pages have sprung up for fake restaurants, jokes from Onion articles and even websites. Check out these strange Yelp reviews and be sure to chime in in the comments with your most bizarre Yelp sighting.

"Great sea urchin ceviche"

Dorsia, in New York's Flatiron district, is one of the hottest and most exclusive restaurants. Judging by the reviews, it's almost impossible to get a reservation and even if you do, it's still a pricey meal (four dollar signs). That said, the sea urchin ceviche is great and New York Matinee hailed the peanut butter soup with smoked duck and mashed squash as a "playful, but mysterious little dish."

Fans of American Psycho will of course recognize Dorsia as the ultra-exclusive haunt of Patrick Bateman. And while some of the locations visited in the movie are real (check out this blog's slightly NSFW tour of Patrick Bateman's New York), Dorsia is not. The entire Yelp page (which lists Dorsia as closed) is full of references to the movie and inside jokes about how difficult it is to get a reservation. Some of the lower-rated reviews even touch on the fact that "nobody goes here anymore" and recommend Texarkana, another fake restaurant from the movie with a very real Yelp profile.

"The line for the Lazy River was crazy packed"

An Onion article about an "Abortionplex" in Kansas created an Internet sensation when the blog Literally Unbelievable collected Facebook comments from readers who thought the article was real. Then Yelp took the joke a step further by creating a (largely inappropriate) profile for the Topeka Abortionplex, complete with more than 200 comments. Based on the reviews, the center sounds pretty great: there's a lazy river tube ride, a puppet show, a selection of vegan cookies, a full bar and even an IHOP. However, a lot of visitors seem upset that their Groupons or Scoutmob deals weren't accepted.

The Yelp page, like a great Onion article, works as a pitch-perfect parody of both Yelp reviews and the Planned Parenthood debate -- there's even a reference to Sen. Jon Kyl.

"Ah! New York's little 'vacation' spot!"

Several of New York's jails have garnered rather positive reviews on Yelp. Rikers Island has 3.5 stars, Sing Sing gets a perfect 5 stars (granted, with only one review), but Manhattan Central Booking only gets 2. In a glowing Rikers Island review, one commenter praises the food as "fusion, with various flavors of American, French but mostly Jamaican food." Another calls it a "'holiday' spot."

Unlike other jokey Yelp pages, these reviews are actually real, albeit less than serious. One reviewer of Central Booking told the New York Post that she wrote the review after spending a night for a bar fight. "It was spontaneous and it gave me a laugh at the time," said Davisha Badone, who criticized the facility as "unfun" because "junkies in withdrawal do not make great conversation."

The trend has started to spread to jails in Austin, San Francisco and Indiana. San Quentin has even crossed over to FourSquare.

"The commercials are creepy"

Yelp may be great for restaurants and other physical places, but a number of reviewers have decided to use it for the digital world as well. For example, the dating website eHarmony.com only gets 1.5 stars, with many reviewers commenting on the overall troubles of online dating or the site's TV commercials. Meanwhile, the profile for Google Headquarters has become a sounding board for any Google product ("Free email is nice, but you get what you pay for."). Likewise with Amazon.com.

And, in the predictably meta twist, even Yelp has a profile on Yelp. The verdict? 3 stars, and not good for kids.

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The 14th Factory
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Art
Woman Attempts to Take a Selfie, Damages $200,000 Worth of Art Instead
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The 14th Factory

From the woman who fell off a bridge while posing to the photos on a stolen iPad that led to the thief’s arrest, we’ve all heard stories of selfies gone horribly wrong. Rarely, though, do these failed photo ops result in $200,000 worth of damaged property, and a cringe-worthy viral video to boot.

The clip below—shared by Select All—captures the exact moment a woman knocked over an entire row of sculptures two weeks ago while attempting a selfie at artist Simon Birch’s 14th Factory pop-up exhibition space in Los Angeles.

Called "Hypercaine," the installation is a collaborative effort between Birch and contemporaries including Gabriel Chan, Jacob Blitzer, and Gloria Yu. It features rows of crown-like sculptures perched on pedestals—but as the woman in question crouched down low to fit both her face and the artworks into the camera's frame, she leaned back too far and knocked down the pillar behind her. This set off a domino-like effect—and lo and behold, the entire row of pricey works of art toppled over.

"Three sculptures were permanently damaged and others to varying degrees," Yu told Hyperallergic. "The approximate cost of damage is $200,000."

Over-the-top art installations seem to be tailor-made for Instagram portraits—but seeing as how another selfie-seeker recently fell and broke a glass pumpkin sculpture at Yayoi Kusama’s traveling Infinity Mirrors exhibit, consider leaving your phone in your pocket the next time you check out an exhibition. (But if the temptation is too great, perhaps ask a fellow art-admirer to snap the shot for you.)

[h/t Select All]

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This Just In
Typewriter Sold at Flea Market Turns Out to Be Rare World War II Enigma Machine

An antique typewriter sold at a Romanian flea market for $114 turned out to be a rare piece of wartime history: a German Wehrmacht Enigma I machine worth tens of thousands of dollars, Reuters reports.

To the uninitiated, the rare electromechanical cipher machine—which was first developed in Germany in the 1920s, and was used to encode and decode Nazi military messages during World War II—resembles a writing machine. But when a cryptography professor spotted it, he knew the device’s true worth. He purchased the relic and later put it up for auction at the Bucharest auction house Artmark.

Artmark employee Vlad Georgescu told CNN that the machine was made in Germany in 1941. It was in near-perfect condition thanks to its owner, who cleaned and repaired it, and “took great care of it,” Georgescu said.

The Enigma I’s starting price was $10,300. On Tuesday, July 11, an online bidder purchased it for more than $51,000. "These machines are very rare, especially entirely functional ones," Georgescu said. Historians, however, say that Romania may still be home to more unidentified Engima I machines, as the country was once allied with Nazi Germany before joining forces with the Allies in 1944.

During World War II, Alan Turing and his colleagues at Bletchley Park, Britain's central codebreaking site, built a giant computer called the Bombe to calculate solutions that solved the Enigma’s supposedly unbreakable code. Some military historians believe that their efforts shortened the war by at least two years.

[h/t BBC News]

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