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On Redheaded Quarterbacks and Whether Linemen Can Swim

Quarterback in the NFL is the position that drives the franchise, sometimes into a sinkhole that swallows reasonable chances of success for years on end.

No wonder teams spend so much pre-draft time prodding, probing and analyzing quarterbacks. The decision is so costly and important that the term "pre-draft" as it pertains to the evaluation and measuring of QB prospects has been expanded to include college career, choice of high school prom date, kindergarten teamwork skills and, this year, conception.

An NFL coach doing his homework (and more) in advance of tonight's prime-time NFL draft hinted in last week's Sports Illustrated at a concern about whether TCU quarterback Andy Dalton can lead a team, seeing as how he's got red hair and not many great red-headed quarterbacks came instantly to the coach's overtaxed mind.

"Has there ever been a red-headed quarterback in the NFL who's really done well?" the coach asked. "It sounds idiotic, but is there any way that could be a factor? We've wondered."

True enough.

It does sound ridiculous.

The Brady 6

Quarterbacks are almost always the story of every draft, even when they aren't the story of the draft. Just wait a few years and they will be.

ESPN just aired a documentary on "The Brady 6," the six (mostly) failed quarterbacks who were chosen ahead of future Hall of Famer Tom Brady in the 2000 draft. Chad Pennington was the only first-rounder of the group, and he did manage to make a name for himself with the New York Jets. Marc Bulger acquitted himself well enough, too.

Pennington, Bulger, Tee Martin, Chris Redman, Giovanni Carmazzi and Spergon Wynn came off the board before the New England Patriots made Brady the 199th player chosen.

That would seem to add to the genius reputation of New England head coach Bill Belichick...once he explains why he took Adrian Klemm, J.R. Redmon, Greg Robinson-Randall, Dave Stachelski, Jeff Marriott and Antawn Harris before he got around to Brady.

The moral is quarterbacks are the greatest risk-reward position in the draft. And Andy Dalton's chromosomes aren't the only thing under the microscope this year.

Cam Newton's Fake Smile

A Pro Football Weekly evaluation of Auburn quarterback Cam Newton was hardly kind.

"Very disingenuous," writer Nolan Nawrocki wrote of Newton. "Has a fake smile, comes off as very scripted and has a selfish, me-first makeup. Always knows where the cameras are and plays to them."

"Has an enormous ego with a sense of entitlement that continually invites trouble and makes him believe he is above the law - does not command respect from teammates and will always struggle to win a locker room..."

"Lacks accountability, focus and trustworthiness - is not punctual, seeks shortcuts and sets a bad example. Immature and has had issues with authority. Not dependable."

Auburn quarterbacks coach Fred Whitfield ripped Nawrocki when he found out about the assessment.

"Nawrocki spent 10 (minutes) with Cam? Drunks can say that."

The critique of Newton could be called "damning" if the Carolina Panthers weren't expected to take Newton with the first overall pick tonight. It's difficult to go higher than first.

One NFL team threw Newton a curveball in the NFL Scouting combine interview period. Newton was asked why he changed a play from the sideline during Auburn's national championship win. The play worked. Newton supposedly got defensive about the question.

Teams test players that way. In fact, they test players so many ways they get away with inane questions because players figure there must be a deeper meaning, even when there isn't.

Questionable Questions

Washington quarterback Jake Locker told a Seattle radio show about the strangest question he was asked during the process leading to Thursday's draft.

"I was asked if I had a 16-year-old daughter whether I'd let her be on birth control or not," Locker related. "That one kind of threw me for a loop. It caught me off guard. I didn't know what to say at first."

Locker said he wouldn't.

Teams apparently give it their all when trying to come up with questions for quarterbacks. They don't waste just any questions on the men who will direct their teams for seasons to come.

It's standard to ask players if they'd rather go to five Pro Bowls or win one Super Bowl in an attempt to find out how me-oriented they are. Most players see that one coming a football field away.

Ohio State offensive lineman LeCharles Bentley, who would go on to Pro Bowl status in New Orleans, was asked if he could swim for some reason. Other players have been asked if they can sing.

Some years ago, one team official asked Ohio State offensive lineman Kirk Barton if he'd rather be a dog or a cat.

"You wonder if it's a house cat or a tiger," Barton said at the time. "If it's a tiger, then you're solid. But a dog can beat a regular cat. I always pick the dog."

And -- coincidentally -- more than one team will pick a dog in the 2011 Quarterback Class.

The Obligatory Ryan Leaf Mention

For every Hall of Famer like Peyton Manning, there's a bust like Ryan Leaf.

The Indianapolis Colts picked Manning No. 1 in the 1998 draft. The San Diego Chargers picked Leaf No. 2.

"You can go five to ten years without getting a chance to draft a quarterback like this," former San Diego GM Bobby Beathard said of Leaf that day.

As it turned out, only if you're lucky.

The Quarterback Ghosts of Past Drafts Gone Bad

As NFL teams ponder Newton at No. 1, Missouri's Blaine Gabbert in the Top 10 and other possible first-and second-rounders like Dalton, Locker, Ryan Mallett and Christian Ponder -- other names must be rattling around in the heads of personnel men along with all that information about size, mechanics, leadership and hair color.

Consider this list:

Chuck Long, Detroit (No. 12, 1986), Rick Mirer, Seattle (No. 2, 1993), Heath Shuler, Washington (No. 3, 1994), Tim Couch, Cleveland, (No. 1, 1999), Cade McNown, Chicago, (No. 12, 1999), Akili Smith, Cincinnati (No. 3, 1999), David Klingler, Cincinnati (No. 6, 1992), Andre Ware, Detroit (No. 7, 1990), Kelly Stouffer, St. Louis (No. 6, 1987), Joey Harrington, Detroit (No. 3, 2002), David Carr, Houston (No. 1, 2002), Jack Thompson, Cincinnati, No. 3, 1979, Todd Blackledge, Kansas City, No. 7, 1983 and Art Schlichter, Baltimore (No. 4, 1982).

Oh, and Todd Marinovich, Raiders (No. 24, 1991)

Come to think of it, didn't Marinovich did have red hair?

[Cam Newton image: © Gene Lower/ZUMA Press/Corbis]

Bud Shaw is a columnist for the Cleveland Plain Dealer who has also written for the Philadelphia Daily News, San Diego Union-Tribune, Atlanta Journal-Constitution and The National. You can read his Plain Dealer columns at Cleveland.com, and read all his mental_floss articles here.

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What Pop Culture Gets Wrong About Dissociative Identity Disorder
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From the characters in Fight Club to Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, popular culture is filled with "split" personalities. These dramatic figures might be entertaining, but they're rarely (if ever) scientifically accurate, SciShow Psych's Hank Green explains in the channel's latest video. Most representations contribute to a collective misunderstanding of dissociative identity disorder, or DID, which was once known as multiple personality disorder.

Experts often disagree about DID's diagnostic criteria, what causes it, and in some cases, whether it exists at all. Many, however, agree that people with DID don't have multiple figures living inside their heads, all clamoring to take over their body at a moment's notice. Those with DID do have fragmented personalities, which can cause lapses of memory, psychological distress, and impaired daily function, among other side effects.

Learn more about DID (and what the media gets wrong about mental illness) by watching the video below.

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25 Dapper Outfit Choices for Fashionable Pets
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Lavishing your furry friends with adorable attire is a benefit of pet ownership that they don't mention on the adoption forms. Whether you prefer practical clothing like sweaters and jackets or statement pieces like bow ties and tutus, these dapper duds are perfect for a howl-iday or "gotcha day" gift, or simply for saying, "Who's the cutest little pupper in pajamas? You are!"

1. CASHMERE DOG SWEATER; FROM $165

dog in sweater
Canine Styles

This classic cable-knit cashmere sweater is a sophisticated look for Fido or Finn. Get it from Canine Styles, a luxury dog emporium in New York City that has plenty of posh and preppy outfits.

Find It: Canine Styles

2. TOGGLE DOG COAT; $85

dog in coat
Canine Styles

This toggle coat (available in orange, navy, and tan) is as fashionable as it is warm. Made of Melton wool, it has Velcro closures to make getting dressed easy. It's great for long walks in the country.

Find It: Canine Styles

3. DOG TUXEDO; FROM $90

Dog in tuxedo
Etsy

This satin tuxedo is perfect for the canine members of your wedding party, though it will brighten up any other occasion as well. The custom, handmade outfit comes complete with a snappy bow tie.

Find It: Etsy

4. DOG BELLE DRESS; FROM $45

Dog Belle Dress
Etsy

The queen of your castle can feel like a Disney princess in her very own version of Belle's iconic yellow dress from Beauty and the Beast. This ball gown is made from yellow crepe satin with chiffon overlay on the bodice and features hand-painted gold detailing on the skirt. Enchanted rose not included.

Find It: Etsy

5. POODLE SKIRT OUTFIT FOR DOGS; $26

Rubies Pink Fifties Girl Pet Costume
Amazon

What if you could buy a 1950s poodle skirt for your poodle? This retro dress is comprised of a pink poodle skirt, striped bodice, and sequined belt, and comes with a bow headband.

Find It: Amazon

6. RIBBED CROCHET BUNNY SWEATER; $25

bunny in a sweater
Etsy

Your snuggle-bunny will look like a little fancy-pants in this ribbed crochet sweater. Choose from seven colors, including this dashing deep red.

Find It: Etsy

7. BESPOKE MONOGRAM DOG SWEATER; FROM $155

Dog in sweater
Ruby Rufus

Bespoke clothing isn't just for humans: British luxury dog clothing brand Ruby Rufus will make your pooch a custom monogram sweater made with 100 percent Italian cashmere. You can even order it in your dog's favorite color.

Find It: Ruby Rufus

8. HOT PINK DOG TUTU; $17

Dog in hot pink tutu
Etsy

Tutus look absolutely adorable on tiny humans and animals alike. If your pooch wants to get in touch with its inner ballerina, then grab this hot pink number from Etsy. Rave reviews are a sure thing.

Find It: Etsy

9. PINK DOG POLO SHIRT; $35

Dog Pink Polo Shirt
Canine Styles

This pink polo shirt is perfect for your preppy fur baby. It features not one but a veritable multitude of crocodiles. They'll be the most dapper dog at the country club.

Find It: Canine Styles

10. DOG BARN COAT WITH BROWN CORDUROY COLLAR; $85

Dog in barn coat
Canine Styles

When it's time for a walk, your dog will look effortlessly chic in this fancy barn coat. It comes in navy, cranberry, orange, hot pink, and loden and features convenient pockets for anyone with opposable thumbs.

Find It: Canine Styles

11. WHITE PET NECK RUFF; $26

Pet Neck Ruff
Etsy

Your canine or kitty will look like their painting belongs in London's National Portrait Gallery with this Elizabethan neck ruff.

Find It: Etsy

12. CHICKEN SWEATER; $25

chicken wearing sweater
Etsy

Chickens can get cold when they're strutting around outside. A sweater (well, more like sweater vest) for your bird can also help prevent feather picking during molting season. Or, it can simply keep them warm while they stare pensively across a snowy landscape.

Find It: Etsy

13. PET CIRCLE SCARF; $15

dog in scarf
Etsy

An infinity scarf is a perfect burst of color on a dreary early morning walk. The proprietor of Mitten Made on Etsy originally designed this wool snood for her miniature Dachshund to help keep her warm during the long, cold winters in Michigan.

Find It: Etsy

14. FAB DOG TRAVEL RAINCOAT; FROM $18

Fab Dog Travel Raincoat
Chewy

This timeless yellow rain slicker will look great on any puppy when it's raining cats and dogs. It's made of 100 percent waterproof nylon shell that keeps fur dry. Bonus: It's perfect for an It Halloween costume.

Find It: Chewy

15. LACE CAT OR DOG COLLAR; FROM $10

cat in lace collar
Etsy

This handmade, white lace collar is a must-have for fancy felines. It's also embellished with a large rhinestone.

Find It: Etsy

16. FITWARM PENGUIN PAJAMAS FOR DOGS; FROM $10

Fitwarm Cute Penguin Xmas Dog Pajamas
Amazon

Keep your pupper warm on cold winter nights with these penguin PJs. They're great for doggie sleepovers or lazy weekends on the couch watching Netflix.

Find It: Amazon

17. PLAID CASHMERE DOG COAT; FROM $225

dog in plaid coat
Canine Styles

Your dog will look like a proper gentleman in this smart plaid peacoat. This fine garment is made of cashmere with a faux fur lining and leather buttons, and is a perfect shield against chill and fog.

Find It: Canine Styles

18. SATIN PET BOW TIE; FROM $8

Satin Bow Tie for Dog
Etsy

This satin doggie bow tie is perfect for any occasion. It comes in several colors and features a Velcro fastener that makes it easy to attach to a collar. Plus, 10 percent of every sale goes to charity: specifically to SPCA (Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) and Feeding Pets of the Homeless.

Find It: Etsy

19. RED DOG DRESS; FROM $34

dog in dress
Etsy

Your good boy or girl will look red carpet-ready in this elegant gown. The voluminous tulle skirt is to die for, and each bow is embellished with beads. Custom orders are also available.

Find It: Etsy

20. DOG TIE; FROM $13

Dog tie
Etsy

Your pooch will be ready to stun at any black tie event. This tie is designed like a collar, making it easy to dress your four-legged friend. This Etsy store gives back: 10 perfect of all sales are donated to an animal protection association.

Find It: Etsy

21. NAUTICAL DOG DRESS WITH MATCHING LEASH; $20

Dog sailor dress
BaxterBoo

Perfect for a day on the town or setting sail in a schooner, this is the sailor outfit you never knew your best furry friend needed. This vintage throwback also comes with a matching leash.

Find It: BaxterBoo

22. TARTAN FLANNEL PET BOW TIE; $5.50

tartan pet bow tie
Etsy

Your dog or cat will turn heads in this flannel tartan bow tie. It has a convenient elastic loop that slides over your pup's collar.

Find It: Etsy

23. PUCCI DOG SHIRT; $23

dog in Pucci dog shirt
Etsy

Only the fanciest dogs wear, err, Pucci. Grab this punny "designer" t-shirt for your pup. This high-quality cotton statement piece is perfect for small breeds.

Find It: Etsy

24. PINK POLKA DOT AND LACE DOG HARNESS DRESS; $20

Pink Polka Dot and Lace Designer Dog Harness Dress
BaxterBoo

This feminine pink polka dot dress is simply adorable. It features a convenient built-in harness and comes with a matching leash.

Find It: BaxterBoo

25. PET SWEATER VEST; $6

pet sweater vest
Amazon

Your dog or cat will look like an erudite Oxford professor in this sweater vest. Note that the button on the pocket is shaped like a bone.

Find It: Amazon

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